Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My use of the word "fuck" bit me in the ass

Anyone who knows me, or has read more than 3 posts here, knows that I throw the word "fuck" around like it's a good 1/3 of my active vocabulary. That plus "dude" are a good 50% of the words I speak in any given day, and they get used in my written correspondence as well. I use these words when speaking to friends, coworkers and random fucking customer service people. I don't intend to offend when I use the word "fuck." Things are different when I call you a cunt.

My Dilbert page-a-day calendar is defective. For a few weeks now, July dates and cartoons have been showing up (these are the same cartoons as in July, so this is just "wrong pages got bound in error." As some background, I am a long-standing Dilbert page-a-day calendar buyer. I try to get one the minute calendars are marked down to 50% off, after New Year's Day--I've missed out getting one in the last decade and that really depressed me. Whatever I got in lieu of it just didn't hold up. So the Dilbert calendar people ought to respect that. I am a long-time customer.

So when I encountered this problem, I wrote the good people unconcerned humans at Andrews McMeel Universal and I said "What the fuck?" Actually what I said was

SUBJECT: My Dilbert calendar is broken

Or is today July 14th?

This is especially bad since the cartoon is the same one as the July 14 in a few months.

So, what the fuck?
 That's what I said. Period.

I didn't call anyone a bad name. I didn't accuse anyone of having his or her head up their own ass. I asked "what the fuck."

I did not get a response. So I took to twitter and was told to send my name and address to calendars@amuniversal.com, and I did.

And here is the response I got:

Defectives happen, much to our dismay, and when we are made aware, we are more than happy to make it right. Had your original request not contained a profanity, ESPECIALLY the f-word, joking or not, I would have been more than happy to send you a replacement calendar. However, when choosing to let us know of a defective calendar being rude, again - joking or not, is not going to get a resolution.

Thank you and have a great day.
ESPECIALLY THE F-WORD.

So it doesn't matter that this person acknowledges that there's a chance I might have been joking. What matters is that use of the word "fuck" has crossed the fucking line.

I wasn't clear what that meant, so I replied to clarify:
Sorry I hurt your feelings. Am I to understand that you will not be replacing this defective product as a result of this unprecedented affront? Please advise so I know whether or not to escalate this with a series of childish rants. Please don't keep your response a secret as you chose to fo last time.

The "fo" is just me replying from my phone.

This was confirmed:
You are correct.

So welcome to the beginning of my series of childish rants.

Are you fucking kidding me.

Maybe, just maybe, if you are sensitive to the word "fuck" then perhaps "customer service" might not be the best job for you to have.

And if you work at Andrews McMeel Universal perhaps you can apply for a job in their quality assurance department since it's clear that they need help there.

Since I've got nothing but a bad FUCKING attitude, a blog, and time, I'm gonna enjoy this. In fact, here's my first review on an Andrews McMeel Universal calendar on Amazon. (Click image to embiggen.) I will populate reviews for a variety of their calendar products.

I forwarded my most recent correspondence to Scott Adams, because I feel like he needs to know how his publisher is treating his fans.

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