Friday, April 19, 2019

For Your Consideration: Stephanie Beatriz

Outstanding Character Voice-Over Performance: Gina, Bojack Horseman

This is an award I want someone else to win, but a nomination to Beatriz is deserved. She's a new character in the Bojack Horseman mythology, his costar on the gritty neo-noir TV series Filbert. The character's cynicism might not be of the same magnitude as Bojack's utter self-loathing, but they're at least in the same area code.

Her role on Brooklyn Nine-Nine limits the amount of inflection she can use (but not as much as other cast members [I really wanted a crossover episode with Trophy Wife's Marcy Gay Harden, but that's a whole other Dr. Phil episode]), but Beatriz doesn't overcompensate by chewing the scenery here. She portrays the world-weary actress with great balance and restraint.
"I don't want you to be the most notable thing that ever happened to me." 

When he discovers the actress listening to show tunes during a break from shooting, Bojack's attempt at flirting end up coming off as hurtful and he makes a mess of things literally and figuratively. The show did a callback to Gina's affinity for musicals with this homage to Cabaret.

So nominate her, ATAS, but give the award to Will Arnet (for fuck's sake).

Monday, April 15, 2019

Song of the Day: "Barcelona"

Max George is a member of The Wanted who are, as you may recall, totally tribal. We like The Wanted and we're giving Max a listen totally on musical merit.


Song: "Barcelona"
Artist: Max George"

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Song of the Day: "This Life"

Vampire Weekend is doing a great job of maximizing their comeback by playing well within their established sound and not insisting a rap break or some shit.

No symphony.

No inexplicable bluegrass.

This will make for a great Honda commercial later this year.

Song: "This Life"
Artist: Vampire Weekend

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Song of the Day: "Room Temperature"

Pitchfork's summary—Get to Know Faye Webster, Who Makes Retro R&B for Homebodies—did a great job of luring me to the site, and convincing me to listen to this track from Webster. I wish the song lived up to the summary.

Song: "Room Temperature"
Artist: Faye Webster

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Song of the Day: "Cool"

Jonas Brothers are back together (did they break up? or just take some time off?). This video is supposed to be 80s, but it just looks like what leads up to Kanye's "Runaway" video.

Song: "Cool"
Artist: Jonas Brothers

Friday, April 5, 2019

Song of the Day: "Gloria"

For a less common name, Gloria does okay musically.

The new Lumineers album won't be released for another 5 months. That seems unnecessarily long.

Song: "Gloria"
Artist: The Lumineers

Friday, March 29, 2019

Song of the Day: "Sweet But Psycho"

One of my coworkers mentioned this as the song that most recently got stuck in his head. I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

Ava Max! Um, nanu nanu?

When the record label markets Ava, how many times do you think they invoke Lady Gaga? Every fucking time, or just 3 out of 4 times?

Song: "Sweet But Psycho"
Artist: Ava Max

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Song of the Day: "Almeda"

Solange, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

Solange caught a lot of folks by surprise with the unexpected release of When I Get Home, her fourth studio album.

But not me.

I had no idea that it was released when it was released (am just finding out now, about a week later). Take that, Solange.

Song: "Almeda"
Artist: Solange

Monday, February 25, 2019

Those Were the Droids You Were Looking For!

I never understood why a protocol droid would need to understand a language specific to moisture vaporators. Or why it wouldn't converse with an R2 unit in what is apparently the only language an R2 unit can converse in.

Unless for a protocol droid to beep and chirp is cultural appropriation or racist or something.

I sold some of the stuff I got for the kitchen of the back unit at the duplex since I was allowed to take it and since I don't have a place to move yet so taking it was an iffy proposition, but money can be used to by drugs or unnecessary technology from China.

A guy drove to buy the sink from me this afternoon, in the afternoon commute. He then tried to bargain with me, finding fault in the sink's legs and wondering if there were any leaks (at this point the sink was in my driveway).

My assessment of the situation was that he was not going to have driven so long (like an hour+) or so far (almost 8 miles) to have to go home empty handed because I wouldn't knock $20 off the price.

So I said "no" and he paid the full asking price (which was $30 less than a brand new one, although it did include a faucet). Long story short: restaurant-grade prep tables and sinks retain some resale value and are much easier to install than regular ugly cabinets.

You're welcome.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Song of the Day: "Get My Shit Together"

D.B. Rouse sings about "a dumpster fire of regret" which is relatable, but he sings it seemingly devoid of any actual experience with these regrets.

Don't bother me with regrets you don't actually regret, I don't have time for that.

I need to literally get my shit together (I'm moving this week, and haven't packed much).

Of course, there's a bit of a disappointing clarity that comes from realizing the shit you get together is actually shit. Sigh.

Song: "Get My Shit Together"
Artist: D.B. Rouse

Sunday, February 17, 2019

David Brooks Obscure Words: Dirigistes

Disappointing David Brooks is easy. Every week, something somewhere disappoints him. It's almost like it's his job to express these disappointments every 2 or 3 days.

These days the disappointment is often with the absence of civility in our political discourse. David Brooks will indulge partisan intransigence, so long as it's done respectfully, and while adhering to the orthodoxy.

In "How the Left Embraced Elitism" David Brooks makes it clear that the Green New Deal aka the New Green Deal aka the New Zoo Revue aka How Green Was My New Deal aka Nuevo Trato Verde aka New Deal 2: Now It's Green Time is not adhering to the orthodoxy.

If this was a Sally Field movie it would be called Not Without My Orthodoxy!!!

The Green New Deal eschews capitalism--which has created 20 million jobs in just the last 10 years--and capitalism is teh aweSUM. I mean, don't expect David Brooks to have sufficient awareness to note that these 20 million new jobs have done nothing but help consolidate wealth among a few ultra-elite.

Eventually, capitalism will be about sharing the wealth and addressing climate change. And health care.

We just have to give it more time.

Just because millions of Americans lack health care and suffer in poverty doesn't mean it's time to get serious. David Brooks is going just fine, so let's not do anything rash.

That would be disappointing.

Today's obscure word is dirigistes which means to direct.  David Brooks uses this obscure (at least obscure to me, I had to look it up) word to talk about liberals will need to send everyone to elite universities to run this new massive centralized government control of everything. Which is weird since you'd think liberals would be all about community colleges and why wouldn't we let the people who are already running the things continue to run them, just removing the profit margins between us and the thing we want to benefit from (the health care, the infrastructure, whatnot).

David Brooks is dismissive of elites because he lacks a mirror, presumably.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Song of the Day: "Beverly"

The band is Loose Wing, from Seattle. They come to my attention via a promotional email list I'm on. The content, which I read about half the time when I get these, promises a sound I'll like: R.E.M. but with PJ Harvey on vocals. The email name drops Neko Case, Teenage Fanclub, Slowdive, Echo & the Bunnymen.

This is not the track to experience with that heightened sense of possibility. It's nice but really tepid.

I mean, I guess it's possible this is the most raucous track from the album, but if that's the case... yikes.

Song: "Beverly"
Artist: Loose Wing

Friday, February 8, 2019

Albums of the Year 2018

The longer this stupidity continues, the more I expect albums like Music for the Long Emergency, What a Time to Be Alive, and Record, music that's not just inspired by the socio-political craziness, but created in an attempt to thwart it. Well, maybe not, that's a bit lofty.

TL;DR: several people don't care for Donald Trump, and some of them made albums.

25 Pistol Annies: Interstate Gospel
24 Brent Cobb: Providence Canyon
23 Brandi Carlisle: By the Way, I Forgive You
22 Lucy Dacus: Historian
21 Melody's Echo Chamber: Bon Voyage

20 Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever: Hope Downs
19 I'm With Her: See You Around
18 POLIÇA & S T A R G A Z E: Music for the Long Emergency
17 Ashley Monroe: Sparrow
16 Chromeo: Head Over Heels

15 Beach House: 7
14 Anna Calvi: Hunter
13 Superchunk: What a Time to be Alive
12 Neko Case: Hell-On
11 CHVRCHES: Love is Dead

10 Soccer Mommy: Clean
9 The 1975: A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships
8 Low: Double Negative
7 Mitski: Be the Cowboy
6 Kacey Musgraves: Golden Hour

5 Mastersystem: Dance Music
4 Tracey Thorn: Record
3 Blood Orange: Negro Swan
2 Pinegrove: Skylight
1 Spiritualized: And Nothing Hurt

Thursday, February 7, 2019

2018 Singles: #10 to #1

I was amazed at how well Childish Gambino pulled a Beyonce (a la "Formation") with "This is America." It's stunningly brutal and oh so deserved by this facile, uncaring, vituperative society.

The loss of a friend named Diane made Cam a close runner-up on the list. The actual Diane wouldn't have given a fuck but might be fleetingly amused that I'm writing about her now (in a Carly Simon kind of way, but the opposite of that). Also, it's a really great single, if you haven't heard it.

10 The Beths: 'Future Me Hates Me'
9 Spiritualized: 'A Perfect Miracle'
8 Young the Giant: 'Superposition'
7 Tracey Thorn: 'Queen'
6 Pinegrove: 'Intrepid'
5 The Honeysticks: 'I Don't Love You Anymore'
4 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: 'First Penis I Saw'
3 Mitski: 'Nobody'
2 Cam: 'Diane'
1 Childish Gambino: 'This is America'

2018 Singles: #20 to #11

I think it's awesome that Carly Rae Jepsen has milked the sessions for 2015's E-MO-TION for a fourth consecutive year on my singles lists. Tracey Thorn's second entry on the singles list is the girl power song you didn't know you needed for your daughter(s) (although technically her album is pretty much all girl power songs). 

That's sexist. It's the non-gendered power song you needed for your non-gendered offspring or non-offspring whom you are helping to rear because of _______(reasons) and whom you want to help get over an early heartbreak... as one does.

20 Jade Bird: 'Lottery'
19 Tracey Thorn: 'Guitar'
18 Carly Rae Jepsen: 'Party For One'
17 Chromeo: 'Don't Sleep'
16 Mastersystem: 'The Enlightenment'
15 Maggie Rogers: 'Fallingwater'
14 Childish Gambino: 'Feels Like Summer'
13 Dua Lupa: 'IDGAF'
12 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: 'Don't Be a Lawyer'
11 Post Malone: 'Better Now'

2018 Singles: #30 to #21

Is it worse that I have Florida Georgia Line or Post Malone on my singles list? Probably Post Malone. Plus he's ranked way higher, so double worse. But as if to undermine my last post, look, it's Kendrick Lamar! And Childish Gambino's first (of 3) appearances.

30 Bebe Rexha/Florida Georgia Line: 'Meant to Be'
29 Kylie Minogue: 'Dancing'
28 Death Cab for Cutie: 'Autumn Love'
27 Phoebe Bridgers: 'Motion Sickness'
26 POLIÇA & S T A R G A Z E: 'Music for the Long Emergency'
25 Hop Along: 'How Simple'
24 I'm With Her: 'Overland'
23 Anderson .Paak/Kendrick Lamar: 'Tints'
22 The Carters: 'Apeshit'
21 Childish Gambino: 'Summertime'

2018 Singles: #40 to #31

You know who continued to not make my list again, despite having one of the most acclaimed albums and singles of 2018? That's right, ________. You can fill that in with Kendrick Lamar or Car Seat Headrest (is that a band? maybe its Head Rest Carseat) or Robyn (in this case it was Robyn I was thinking of).

40 AJR/Rivers Cuomo: 'Sober Up'
39 Varsity: 'The Dogs Only Listen To Him'
38 Florence + the Machine: 'Hunger'
37 Half-Alive: 'Still Feel'
36 Courtney Barnett: 'City Looks Pretty'
35 Unknown Mortal Orchestra: 'Hunnybee'
34 Friendly Fires: 'Heaven Let Me'
33 Passenger: 'Hell or High Water'
32 Brandi Carlile: 'Fulton County Jane Doe'
31 Janelle Monáe: 'Make Me Feel'

2018 Singles: #50 to #41

I'm feeling really good about my singles list with the following observation: it's very white, and that's not because it's super country. Non-mainstream artists about: not even high profile indies, but I don't claim coolness because of this. I'm merely observing how out of sync I am with pop culture these days. I'm not sure the last time I listened to a local radio station that plays music.

Tracey Thorn is well represented on both the singles and albums list. It's not that it's an exceptional album, but it's very of the moment (see also: Superchunk), and the huskiness of her voice is the world-weariness we're all feeling.

50 Tracey Thorn/Corinne Bailey Rae: 'Sister'
49 Kane Strang: 'Not Quite'
48 Peace: 'You Don't Walk Away From Love'
47 MGMT: 'Me and Michael'
46 Melody's Echo Chamber: 'Cross My Heart'
45 Kacey Musgraves: 'Space Cowboy'
44 Celine Dion: 'Ashes'
43 Mastersystem: 'Notes on a Life Not Quite Lived'
42 Lovely the Band: 'These Are My Friends'
41 Superchunk: 'What a Time to be Alive'

Frances Bean Cobain... in a role that will surprise you

Frances Bean Cobain / Patsy Kensit
Coming this summer, to, I don't know, let's say OWN, it's Eighth Wonderful: The Patsy Kensit Story. Patsy Kensit is one of a small number of performers who's managed to be a hot new actress in 3 different decades: from her turn as the Bird's Eye Frozen Peas girl in 1973 to Absolute Beginners in 1986 to Lethal Weapon 2 in 1989; from Angels & Insects in 1995 to Emmerdale in 2004.

Kensit has tackled a variety of roles, playing characters both sexual and slutty.

The movie also tackles the emotional roller coaster of her marriages to members of Big Audio Dynamite (a lesser member), Simple Minds (the most important one), Oasis (the second most important one), and Haysi Fantayzee (the best Haysi!!!).

Do you have any musical talent? Look out, Patsy maybe marrying you next!

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Song of the Day: "Timebomb"

Phi Delta Theta Bomb Squad
from Washington University
Walk the Moon apparently go by WALK THE MOON because I guess they're shouting. This is a new song from them.

I'm a bit surprised I was able to find some gratuitous beefcake to accompany this post (well, not that surprised, it is the internet), and lacking that I might have to learn something about the band. The Hurt Locker-type bomb squad suits aren't aligned well with the principles of shirtlessness.

Was there even a Hurt Locker porn parody? Oh, yes, yes there was. The Squirt Locker... thank you again, internet!

Song: "Timebomb"

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Song of the Day: "Harmony Hall"

These are NOT
by Pringles
If you're in need of a drag name, Harmony Hall would work. Better jump on it, before Vampire Weekend have this song playing during a Honda Accord commercial.

Or a Pringles commercial (no, not Pringles, that's too Toby Keith, more like some air-popped cheese snackfood that is actually made by Pringles but has a product name with no reference to Pringles, whose logo is also completely hidden on the label, something like SNAX 2.0 [which would have been perfect if it was still 2002]).

Or the trailer for the new Diane Lane Blake Lively romcom. Oh, shit, Diane Lane is 54... she can play the sassy grandma in the Blake Lively romcom--not Blake Lively's grandma, mind you, that will be Diane Keaton, it will be a multi-generational romcom with a set decoration budget for kitchens alone that exceeds $40 million.

Or the commercial for a beverage of some kind, probably youth-focused that I'll be self-conscious about drinking the first 2 or 3 times, but will get over after that only to find myself sad when they take the beverage away... like they did Crystal Pepsi, which is my drag name.

Wow, I couldn't have planned this post better if I had actually planned it at all.

Song: "Harmony Hall"
Artist: Vampire Weekend

Friday, January 18, 2019

Song of the Day: "Mournful Eyes"

The band is composed of 2 married public school teachers, and they rock a nice retro, shoe-gaze-y sound (thanks in part to vintage equipment).

You know, I'm gonna be pissed when "vintage equipment" includes my minidisc player.

Song: "Mournful Eyes"
Artist: Fawns of Love

Monday, January 14, 2019

Song of the Day: "Land of the Free"

I'm posting this on spec: it's The Killers with an anti-Trump song in a video directed by Spike Lee.

Meanwhile, WTF?

Song: "Land of the Free"
Artist: The Killers

Sunday, January 13, 2019

A Tribute to the Shortest Story

The shortest story is:

Baby shoes
For sale
Never worn

My tribute is:
Stripper shoes
For sale
Well worn

© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
6207 N Columbia Way
condition: fair 
4 pairs of genuine stripper shoes. These have been used, by a stripper, presumably while stripping.

You don't need to be a stripper to enjoy them.

Maybe you're putting on a production of Mamma Mia! and need something for the finale. These are perfect for that.

Or maybe you want to ____ the _______ while you __________. At this price, who wouldn't.

There are 4 pairs. They are $10 a pair, or get all 4 for $25. Pay with PayPal or Cash app and I'll leave them packaged discreetly for you to pickup and we'll never have to meet. Or we can.

Full disclosure: these weren't mine. Former renter happened to also be a stripper.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

WTF David Brooks LOL

When you are indignant, or woke, you are showing that you have a superior moral awareness. You don’t have to actually do anything. Your indignation is itself a sign of your own goodness, and if you can be indignant quicker than the people around you, that just shows how much more good you are!
With "The Morality of Selfism" David Brooks pushed aside disappointment and went straight for snarky. He took that shit to 11.

Well, 7-3/8.

Brooks mocks nearly all the liberal cliches. Farmers market? Check. Feelings? Double check. A yard sign that says “Hate is not welcome here”? That's totally a thing, so yes, check.

What's missing? Starbucks. Kim Kardashian and/or Lady Gaga and/or Caitlin Jenner (who is not a liberal, but her acceptance means, wait, um, what?), any sense of what he actually believes. It's amusing to contrast his snarkiness here with "The Remoralization of the Market" where he laments the lack of moral priorities since Ronald Reagan made American great that first time.

A deadly combination of right-wing free-market fundamentalism and left-wing moral relativism led to a withering away of moral norms and shared codes of decent conduct. We ripped the market out of its moral and social context and let it operate purely by its own rules.
Note that the left allowed this to happen, which probably makes them he real villains here. And it's the loss of the codes of decent conduct that is the real tragedy for David Brooks.

Also, Apple complies with existing US tax code and manages to save billions of dollars each year by not paying US taxes on its intellectual property, and really that's 100% liberals doing that too.

Monday, January 7, 2019

Disappointing David Brooks 2019: Episode 1

For those of you paying attention enough to wonder why last week wasn't episode 1, it's because last week was episode prime.

In 2019, David Brooks continues exhibiting two of his most consistent characteristics: a wish to return to the old orthodoxy (partisan, but polite); and disappointment that the new paradigm isn't as polite as it could be, and that he even needs to bring that to our attention.

In "Washington’s New Power Structure," David Brooks writes an open letter to Senate Republicans, assuring them that if they just come together, politely, they can find a way to assuage Donald Trump's need for victory on the border wall funding, while providing Nancy Pelosi (her name is shorthand for Democrats in the House) protection for the DACA Dreamers. Trump's need for the wall (be it solid or slats, 20 feet or 30 feet, a metaphor or a not metaphor) is inane. And the only reason Nancy Pelosi isn't giving Trump money for the wall is because walls are immoral.

Really, David Brooks, that's the reason that Democrats are objecting to funding the wall, because it's immoral? Not because it's impractical, ineffective, far more costly than the $5+ billion requested, or possibly because Trump insisted over and over that Mexico would pay for the wall? None of those reasons, just that it's immoral?

But since there's already 654 miles (per David Brooks) of immoral on the southern border (the dang fence), what's a few hundred more? It's only slightly more immoral-er and thus a perfectly reasonable compromise if it will assuage Donald Trump's temperament, which David Brooks seems to treat with a modicum of respect and not the derision that its earned.

David Brooks is trying for a win/win here, and thinks that the Senate Republicans are the key.  They are the fulcrum between inane and inane (equally inane per David Brooks). David Brooks believes this so strongly that he uses the word "fulcrum" twice.

David Brooks is aware that they are concerned about being primaried or not having Trump's magical campaign touch in their 2020 bid. But Senate Republicans should broker a deal that funds $5+ billion for DACA Dreamer protection because Trump will need them when he is possibly/inevitably impeached.  That is their magical shield.

The idea that Susan Collins and Mittens (and possibly other Republican Senators who possibly have constituents harmed by the shut down) might, on principle, vote to end the shutdown, ON PRINCIPLE and thus challenge the strength of the McConnell Senate never occurred to him. And why should it, they're all just partisan hacks. But saying that is impolite. We should just silently judge them on this.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Disappointing David Brooks, A New Chapter

They're like twins! Can you see the wolf's eyeglasses?

Holy shit you guys, is it possible that I went through the entirety of 2018 without writing about a disappointed David Brooks? How is that even possible.

Needless to say, David Brooks remains disappointed. To be honest, I'd be disappointed if he wasn't.

In his year-end column, "2019: The Year of the Wolf," Brooks spoils Willa Cather's 1918 novel My Antonia, and refuses to use common words like sled or sleigh, instead using sledge several times. As I write this, my Grammarly Chome extension has the word sledge flagged and recommends changing it to sled. I know, Grammarly, I know.

David Brooks asserts that when people are surrounded by wolves, they will do things that society might judge harshly just to survive. Then he declares 2019 the year the wolves will surround Donald Trump.

David Brooks continues to be disappointed that reasonable people haven't returned us to the orthodoxy that made David Brooks so comfortable. "Would David Brooks give up the tax cut he got under Trump to return to that orthodoxy?" you might ask yourself hypothetically.

"Shut. Up." David Brooks would exclaim from nowhere in particular.

According to David Brooks, Donald Trump will likely attempt to undermine the credibility of the various officials ("the wolves") investigating him, his family, and his business deals. David Brooks is smart like that; able to intuit that which has been going on for years.

I'm sure David Brooks had an erection reading freshman Senator Mitt Romney's op-ed piece in the Washington Post wherein Mittens makes it clear that he's going to vote for Trump's agenda, but he won't be totally happy doing it. Total maverick.

Song of the Day: "Treasure"

The Best Original Song category of the Academy Awards is a frustrating one. The scoring system is cognitively challenging (it's not even close to being user-friendly), and the Academy is inconsistent with when it applies rules. Today's SotD is from Beautiful Boy, Oscar bait for Timothy Chalomet's performance as a drug addict son of Steve Carrell. Chalomet's acclaimed work in Call Me By Your Name left me unimpressed and a little confused by the movies acclaim. Both this movie and last year's powered into the lead up to awards season riding high, and CMBYN ended up with just 3 nominations (granted, Best Picture, Best Actor, and winning Best Adapted Screenplay isn't nothing).

Still, here we are with a lovely track by Sampha, one of last year's musical discoveries. It seems like one of the songs from a few years ago, lush and lovely—like "Manta Ray" and "Simple Song No. 3"—certain to be forgotten, a random footnote to some careers. Except for the random time a song like that wins, songs like that never win.

Still, I think I'd rather have Sade lost to Lady Gaga...

Song: "Treasure"
Artist: Sampha

Gratitude & Bad-itude 2018: Donald Glover

I didn't take to Atlanta when it debuted. I gave it another chance and binged season one in a single night. Now that Hulu has seasons two, I'm confused about why I go so passionate about it. So I'm granting partial credit to Glover for that. And had he only released 2 fairly laid back mid-tempo songs about summer ("Feels Like Summer" and "Summertime") he would be enjoying a rather large amount of esteem from me these days.

But it's unlikely he'd be called out as someone or something I'm truly grateful for in 2018 if that was all he did. It took the audacious, and cynically brilliant "This is America" and the brutal directness of its video to put him here. Much like Beyoncé's war on police female empowerment song "Formation," it's a video that is thought-provoking and technically stunning; teeming with visual references.

It's really tough to watch, and that it doesn't pull any punches is a big part of its charm.

Quote of the Day: Presidential Style

"It’s hard to pin the president down on the facts."--Nancy Pelosi via "Nancy Pelosi Comes Out Swinging" by Ryan Bort, Rolling Stone

The article lays out the various ways Donald Trump's life becomes more complicated today, with the beginning of a new session of Congress with Democrats holding a majority. The quote itself is from a Today show interview by Savannah Guthrie with Pelosi.

Also from the interview: "When you’re negotiating with someone, you have to know — you stipulate to some fact. It’s hard to do that with the President because he resists science, evidence, data, truth."

I want to call Trump intransigent, but that's not appropriate when for a man whose views are constantly shifting, and never to support a single consistent ideal.

Fractious is more appropriate.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Adventures in Copy Editing, 2015 Edition

You know how sometimes it's hard to follow my thinking in these posts? Me neither.

Presumably, you know me and have a bit of an understanding of my style, and if you don't, well, you have only yourself to blame (unless you're reading this after my untimely [or possibly timely] death, which this morning was almost "choked to death on breakfast cereal" but I'm okay now]). What was the point of this part? Shit. No idea.

Blah blah blah got an email from Atlanta Strippers (no relation) saying they/he/she would be adding my business to their network on some business referral site. Shitty LinkedIn Jr. spam crap, clearly. Or is it? Maybe Atlanta Strippers really valued my work as a copy editor.

You see, my only interaction with Atlanta Strippers, aside from dancing for them for about 6 months in 2004, was that I marked up a slew of suggested changes to a page on their website.

Here is the text of the email that accompanied the edits:

Subject: It's complicated 
But long story short I was at your site a bit this weekend and ended up doing some copy editing on your "porn" page. I don't mean this as any kind of insult. I'm just the kind of weirdo who fixates on a web page and then can't leave well enough alone.  
If you have questions (aside from "what the fuck?") feel to shoot me a note. 

And below, hopefully preserving the edits and commentary, is the mark up of their page:

Atlanta Female & Male Porn Okay, so I know you’re carrying forward your Female & Male taxonomy from the strippers, but largely 2/3 of the porn has both female & male performers and the other 1/3 has one or the other and/or possibly strange hybrids. Since this isn’t specific to Atlanta (which your dancers are)—it’s not the Varsity—I recommend calling this “Straight & Gay Porn” or just “Porn” or just leave out this title altogether.

If you are just looking for some good solid quality porn to keep you company, here are some great porn sites recommend by your friends here at MC Entertainment. for the night then we have the best porn websites in Atlanta here at your finger tips. Click below to see which go the sites that peak pique your carnal interests! most! I feel like “good solid” is too much although I do appreciate that you’re trying to convey some kind of recommendation here. I zapped “for the night” because, let’s be honest, porn is not for after dark hours only. I mean, maybe in your house but not my house friends’ houses. I zapped the part about the sites being the best in Atlanta since the internet is everywhere (except China) and so are these sites. When I first saw this I thought maybe “Atlanta Porn” was a thing at Pornhub and if it is, that isn’t really clear to me. I changed “the best” to “recommended” to avoid the possibility that someone is using this as an objective resource in picking a porn site and having done that feels like that wasn’t sufficiently thorough. A more reasonable example might be something like motor oil. “This is the best motor oil” makes a claim of superiority while “we recommend this motor oil” is easier to defend. I am fairly certain this would never bite you in the ass and yet I’m explaining the change anyway because that’s how bad my brain is. Sorry.

Pornhub is one of the best BEST porn sites today! on the world wide web! They have an array of professional and homemade videos; many in HD. The clearest in HD videos that you can get. Check it out... you won't be dissapointed! I made best lower case and am using bold for emphasis. I dropped “on the world wide web” because it’s not 1998 anymore and where else would websites be? You might point out that I didn’t change sites to websites, and you’d be right. I think the context is clear, especially since this will be on a website, but feel free to make that change if you feel strongly. And I added a hyperlink to the Pornhub name above the description.

And that’s it? Pornhub and you’re out of ideas? I recommend you either delete the 2 boilerplate sections below or you discover more porn out on the web. You might want to stay within the Pornhub network, in which case and have their merits (although the % of quality is debatable with the latter). Sensing I might not know all the best sites I googled “quality porn sites” and The Porn Dude spoke to me as the most credible sounding resource. Here is his/their top 20—I only know 7 of these. Apparently I am out of date as the kids today say (note: I have no idea what kids today say).


Services 2. Click here to edit me

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. It’s easy. Just click “Edit Text” or double click me to add your own content and make changes to the font. Feel free to drag and drop me anywhere you like on your page. I’m a great place for you to tell a story and let your users know a little more about you.
This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. Talk about your team and what services you provide. Tell your visitors the story of how you came up with the idea for your business and what makes you different from your competitors. Make your company stand out and show your visitors who you are. Tip: Add your own image by double clicking the image and clicking Change Image.

Services 3. Click to edit me

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. It’s easy. Just click “Edit Text” or double click me to add your own content and make changes to the font. Feel free to drag and drop me anywhere you like on your page. I’m a great place for you to tell a story and let your users know a little more about you.
This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. Talk about your team and what services you provide. Tell your visitors the story of how you came up with the idea for your business and what makes you different from your competitors. Make your company stand out and show your visitors who you are. Tip: Add your own image by double clicking the image and clicking Change Image.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Song of the Day: "42"

Do you think Mumford & Sons are sounding like a hybrid of Coldplay and Imagine Dragons because this is authentically the sound they want to have right now? Or because some record label is nudging them away from Americana and toward mainstream radio (as though radio is still important these days [it is]).

I definitely liked it better when they were trying to sound like Kings of Leon.

Song: "42"
Artist: Mumford & Sons