Second, I was going to put a stylized version of "gig life" (did you read that in the aforementioned voice?) at the top of the post, based on
I confuse myself a lot.
What's my point?
Oh, right. Lately, I've been dabbling in a new gig to keep the drug money coming in: collecting scooters from around the city to charge overnight and release them early the next morning. There were at least 3 different companies involved in a pilot test with the city of Portland to determine whether or not to allow scooters to stay permanently.
I'd heard about how easy it was: an app tells you where the scooter is, just scan it, put it in your car, take it home, plug it in, then take it back out and place it at a designated spot, and earn $5 and up for each scooter. It would be a piece of cake.
A piece of really shitty cake.
Which, after I received 3 charging cords, became shitty cake AND a side of shitty ice cream, which is to say that I received a message that when I charge a scooter, I really should clean up the scooter too. When I had the first 2 scooters charging in my kitchen this didn't seem unreasonable because they were both pretty clean. Later I would become annoyed by both the condition of the scooters I was picking up, and the late in the deal nature of the request.
But it would seem like a small imposition when I was notified that while charging (and cleaning) the scooters, I should also be conducting a 7-point safety inspection on them. The inspection uses 2 different sized Allen wrenches (or hex keys), and at least one other tool that I've already forgotten. They also expected cleaning and charging, and the pay per charge did not increase.
I generally limited my pickup and release to the nearby University Park area. A couple of times I had to take scooters to the east side of I-5. Releases are supposed to happen between 4 a.m. and 7 a.m. If you don't release before 7 a.m. you risk not being paid 100% of the stated amount (recently used scooters that the company had good GPS information on and that held 35% or more of their charge were $5, but the amount went as high as $20 for a scooter that had been offline a while, and was possibly at the bottom of the river).
On my way home one afternoon I found a $5 scooter out on the sidewalk with 100% charge. It was a few blocks off a main road, and it was not in a designated pickup area for someone renting the scooter. I put it in the car and drove it to a release spot. I cleaned it (well, I claimed to have cleaned it) and, since it was at 100%, I released it at 3 in the afternoon (which, you will agree, is before 7 a.m.).
I was paid $0.
Not because the scooter wasn't clean. Not because the scooter wasn't safety checked. Not because the scooter wasn't released before 7 a.m. Not because the scooter wasn't charged to 100%.
I was paid nothing because I only had the scooter for 15 minutes and I couldn't have charged it much during that time. It's like returning a rental car full but having them ding you because, well, I don't know. This analogy isn't holding up well since I'm on the other side of the rental.
The moral of the story: fuck Bird scooters.
Oh, I didn't mention the awkwardness of wandering around residences late at night looking for scooters, often leaning against a house or in a carport, and how being white probably helped me from getting shot or having the police called on me. Nor did I mention how difficult it was to release the scooters because, while I would be at a designated spot, the app would tell me it couldn't be released until I was within 30 feet. Even when I was right fucking there. In the cold predawn morning, just trying to get my $5 per scooter (I had several that were $16, to be honest).
Which brings me to this season of South Park. I began season 22 of South Park, and season 13 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia now that you mention it, really disliking the show.
But the animation in "The Scoots" episode of South Park had a rich Grinch quality to it (which is to say it paid homage to the Grinch and was very rich/high def [but rich seems more apt]). And since Mr. Garrison is rounding up scooters to get them out of the town, this seems sufficiently on topic for me to include some images.
|This is not realistic. They are heavy-ish and awkward to carry |
and always bang your fucking shins. Always.
Mac's interpretive dance in "Mac Finds His Pride."
I'm glad they waited for Mac to be exceedingly ripped before he came out as gay since fat gay men are, cough, totally unrealistic.