Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Notes On: The Last Jedi

Spoiler alert: Rey is Ben's half sister and her mom is Captain Phasma, and Leia is the last Jedi, and Chewbacca is Han's true widow.

Now stop reading (like you needed encouragement).

So I went to see The Last Jedi, which I lovingly call "Hey There's No More Jedi" or "The Last of the Jedi" or "There's a Jedi in my House" on Twitter because someone tweeted that she calls the show Throne Games just to provoke a response and I loved the idea because, among my many roles, I am also a bratty brother.

Why?
Question: Why? Why the fuck do we have a shiny silver (girl) Storm Trooper-er at all? Not the girl part, although kinda the girl part in as much as we have not experienced a (known) girl storm trooper ever before General Fantanas Captain Phasma (really, just a captain and she gets a cape?).

Reading about the character in her Wikipedia entry (not by watching her as portrayed on screen) there's clearly potential (potential that wasn't realized, or if realized didn't appear on screen)--hell, I'm curious about Phasma's #MeToo story... stories. I'm sure you don't get the shiny silver suit without a few stories, and it's even suggested that her personal history dealing with that shit manifests itself in her particular cruelty to others, but you don't really get that from what's on screen.

Everything that happened with the casino planet and with Captain Phasma felt bloated. In Member Berry terms she's our new Boba Fett. Hash tag girl boss I guess. Why wasn't Scott Evil among the troop of Troopers? Side note: Seth Green totally needs a cameo in the next movie.

Totally.

Word.

Question: If an "imaginary" Yoda can lightning up a tree, why can't he lightning up the bridge of a star destroyer? Or a death star (Death Star? probably trademarked)?

Remember when Obi Wan said he'd be more powerful than you could possibly imagine? He really was useless.

Question: Am I the only one who expects Benicio Del Toro to be our new Billy D. Williams and return to redeem himself in 2 years?

Question: How does the wookie manage to fly the smuggler's ship that is large enough to carry the occupants of at least a few transports (or was that literally the last one) through caverns that TIE fighters can't navigate?

Question: Am I the only one who didn't realize, until this movie, that Ben Solo is named after Ben Kenobi?

Question: Is it weird to name your kid after someone that 1) is useless, and B) that only one of you actually met and even then had only known him for like a day? What if that person caused more problems than he solved?

Question: Could a protocol droid drift through the vacuum of space and the infiltrate the airlock of a star destroyer and then make its way to a tracking beam room (which, functionally, seems like it should be more like a secure server room and less like a display at a Coach store, but I guess the unattended tractor beam control set the standard for Empire/First Order technology infrastructure, so it makes sense retroactively) and then deactivate the tracker even if doing so meant sacrificing itself, a 40+ year old piece of hardware (seriously, go get an iPhone 3GS and try using that for a while), so that actual living beings could continue to live?

Question: Could a protocol droid do anything at all?

Question: Did they not realize the Laura Dern option was an option earlier? Because that moment, possibly one of the best in the history of the franchise, seemed like a pretty efficient way to do some damage. Like to a star destroyer or a death star (or a Death Star, probably trademarked) even.

Question: Do you think they wish they'd have switched endings for Dern and Carrie? In making Leia an emotional centerpiece they had her doing and saying things--things fixated on individuals lost or saved--that undermine her as a General. Generals have to focus on the big picture, because you can't have a D Day if you care about the troops as individuals... can you? That sacrifice would have been wonderfully heroic and would have preserved Dern for Episode 9: The Final $ Billion. Seems like 4 transport ships low on fuel could have saved everyone but 4 volunteers.

Question: How are they tracking the Resistance via Finn? I'm sure it's Finn just as I'm frustrated that Rose "saved" him from what would have been a truly redeeming act on his part. Maybe one Laura Dern moment was all they thought people could handle, but the death toll is just too fucking high these days, and I don't think people tally that. Even taking Alderaan out of the tally (which we shouldn't) we must be into tens of thousands of deaths explicitly shown (an exploding star destroyer here and there, those are thousands of deaths). It's exhausting. It's fatiguing. It's war. War is fucking insane and exhausting.

Good god, what is it good for?

Aside from the wealth of the galaxy's 1% on the casino planet.

Question: Could Kylo Ren have been lying about Rey's parents?

Question: Am I out of nits to pick or merely tired? (Hint: it's 12:43 a.m.)


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