Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Song of the Day: "Lost Youth"

Song: "Lost Youth"
Artist: Stornoway

It took an hour before Channing Tatum removed his shirt...

"I'm Magic. Magic Mike"
Ever since Magic Mike XXL's trailers first hit the interwebz people have been asking me if I taught Channing Tatum how to dance or to look super sexy. I did not. There is some overlap in our dancing styles, but I'm not really a fan of Ginuine (had the Style Council or EBTG been playing it would have been me). 
Apparently Channing got that way all by himself. And good for him, being the only person with this much going for himself has been exhausting. I'm happy to have the company.

The original Magic Mike was a traditional Rom Com: Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer meet and fall in love with each other's glistening torsos while Matthew McConaughey earns more than both of them combined. Hilarity ensues. Also pelvic thrusts.

Magic Mike XXL has something more. It has black people, for one. And it has like 80x the number of speaking roles for females. It even has a black female. And this movie passes the Bechtel test (I mean, it's arguable that the entire scene with Andie MacDowell contained nothing but dialog about men and the Elizabeth Banks/Jada Pinkett Smith scene was also about male strippers, basically, but shut up you nitpickers.)

The movie is a celebration of the well known awesome annual event known as the Myrtle Beach Strippers Convention. This event is not at all confusing for straight men and also MYRTLE BEACH, SPRING BREAK, WOOHOO! Except not Spring Break, the 4th of July.

The movie is also a cautionary tale about road trip planning. 

For example, if you want to drive from Miami FL to Myrtle Beach SC (SPRING BREAK WOOHOO!) you do not need to go through Tampa. Or Houston. Or St. Louis.

Also do not take Molly on a road trip when you are driving a taco truck. If you don't know Molly this advice isn't for you.

And regardless of the bad behavior exhibited in this movie, do not, I repeat, do NOT throw your friend's phone out the window of the taco truck you are riding in on your road trip to Myrtle Beach (SPRING BREAK, WOOHOO!). 

That shit is grounds for violence.

You've been warned. 

Now it's entirely possible Matt Bomer and Joe Mangiarilla could have made it okay somehow had it been my phone, but that's not important now. You can read about that in my Magic Mike FanFic.

Other than that the movie is exactly the movie you think it is only with Amber Heard instead of, um, what's her name, you know, the actress in the first Magic Mike... the one with that one vocal inflection. The one who makes Andie MacDowell seem lifetime achievement award-worthy. Fun fact: her father was the President of the studio that distributed Magic Mike!!! What a coincidence.

As with Ted 2, Magic Mike XXL lacks some of the first film's awseomeness but contains PLENTY of things to love. I'm just still perplexed at how that convention doesn't bring in tons of straight men who then become angry and threaten the women there to strip some tippers. It's just weird.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Ted 2: Electric Boogaloo

First, the movie isn't as accomplished or inspired as the first Ted.

Second, the movie is still funny as shit.

Third, Amanda ("I'm 26") Seyfried continues to have the best agent in Hollywood. Seriously, how does she get cast in so many movies? She brings nearly nothing to them. In Ted 2, honestly, it's the Golem joke. 

Hey, let's smoke pot in my law firm office in a swanky office building where the air is all recirculated and no one without a nose will ever notice. Shit. At least make the location some older building with windows that still open. Realism people! I expect it in my movies about teddy bears that can curse and cry.

What's great about this movie? 
  • The continued high level of stoner jokes, dick jokes, Bostonians are awful people jokes (oh, no pun on "high" and "stoner") and the glowing balls of Tom Brady. 
  • Also the choreography of the opening credits, by Rob Ashford. If that was an Oscar category, this would be a solid contender for a nomination. 
  • Michael Dorn and Patrick Warburton, introduced solely for the pay-off of them dressed as their characters of Worf and the Tick in the finale.
  • Jessica Barth as Ted's loving wife Tami-Lynn. As casual as Marky Mark is chatting up the bear, Barth has to kiss the bear.

Any Oscar nominations for this movie? Unlikely. I don't think "Mean Old Moon" was an original song but if it is, potentially there.