Friday, May 8, 2015

For Your Consideration: "Girl, You Don't Need No Makeup"

Original Music & Lyrics, Inside Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer is the feminist comic agitator that the mansplaining community needs right now. Season 3 has been bitingly brilliant and this song is just the tip of that iceberg.

"Just the tip"


For Your Consideration: "Negrotown"

Original Music & Lyrics, Key & Peele 
We are currently in the end days for TV shows to submit episodes and their underlying components for Emmy nominations. The eligibility year is up at the end of this month and any episodes airing prior to May 4, 2015 should already have been submitted. I only mention that to justify this post (although I'm sure you knew this was coming)...

OMG, brilliant. Key & Peele are the comic agitators from the black community that the white community needs right now. Along Amy Schumer and Larry Wilmore, they're representing a fine new era of shows for Comedy Central.

"I mean can a nigger finish?"

This loving homage to "Zip a Dee Do Dah" covers all the crap blacks endure on a daily basis and whites pretend no longer happen. Fun!

Oh wait, this won't air until July... never mind. Consider it next year.

Song of the Day: "Get Low"

Hmm, this is starting to seem like a habit. Stornoway rebounded from a sophomore slump with Bronxie, an ornithological-themed album that's receiving really favorable reviews. I haven't heard the whole thing but I like what I have heard.

And I think you will too.

Song: "Get Low"
Artist: Stornoway

Making the 2016 Presidential Campaign Interesting

President Obama spent the night in Portland last night--he was here for a fundraiser and the Secret Service closed the streets surrounding his hotel during his time there (through 9 a.m. this morning), disrupting many of the city's buses (which converge on a central bus corridor for efficiency) and 2 of our light rail lines (green and yellow). If I didn't work from home and still drove downtown I probably wouldn't have noticed since I rarely left the house before 9:30 but there is still a fractional chance I could have been hypothetically inconvenienced and so I am OUTRAGED by this usurper's iron fisting of my city.

First, why in the fuck does Obama need to raise funds? He's not running for re-election and most people who vote probably already know who he is. Perhaps he's raising funds for a library (or in George W. Bush's case, a liberry). [The answer is here.]

This is all very frustrating to me because I think the laws around campaign finance are just developmentally disabled (to put it nicely). If you're not super knowledgeable on those laws (hey, I am not sure what a safety is in the feetsball--it's a person AND a play?) check out this article on the brilliant Stephen Colbert's satire of the system.

Apparently Hillary Clinton is trying to raise $2.5 billion dollars for her 2016 campaign. If you don't know who Hillary Clinton is, she is a former US Senator, former first lady, former Secretary of State, the mastermind behind Waterwater (the nefarious plot to overthrow the US government/failed real estate development in Arkansas) and she killed Vince Foster (so watch your ass).

For context, Nike spent $2.75 billion on advertising in 2013. If you don't know who Nike is (hey, you didn't know who Hillary Clinton was), they make shoes and such. Well, technically children in east Asian sweatshops make the shoes, Nike just sells them.

Anyway, it turns out that if Hillary raises $2.5 billion she will be able to give every voter in America $1,000.  Why pretend you're not trying to buy our vote and actually buy our vote? In the post Citizens United world I don't see how blatant bribery couldn't be construed as a type of political speech. The other benefit (aside from getting cash) is not enduring the morass of campaign ads on TV: the ominous music and black & white video cliches. Ugh.

And since she can't actually confirm whether you voted for her or not (well, she can, but let's pretend she can't), AND since all the other totally viable candidates will also be giving you a cash "marketing piece" there's no limit to how much you can make (except for the cap on stupidity). You might get $765 from Jeb Bush and $230 from Marco Rubio and $5,000 in Confederate money from Ted Cruz (no wait, he might pay you in Canadian currency since he's a Canadian).

Or we could decide that how things work right now gives us the best possible leadership in Washington and stay the course.

America, fuck yeah.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Song of the Day: "The Birds of St. Marks"

It's kinda weird for me to post 2 songs of the day in one week when I haven't posted any in a while.

Well get over yourself with all your expectations. Maybe I can do things.

This track from Jackson Browne caught my ear via Amazon Prime Music (it's redeemed itself after that whole Doobie Brothers fiasco) and I'm sharing it with y'all.

You're welcome.

Song: "The Birds of St. Marks"
Artist: Jackson Browne

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Ouch... or Song of the Day: "What a Fool Believes"

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And other times good things happen to bad people. And still at other times bad things happen as a result of bad people. And not uncoincidentally there's a "new" Doobie Brothers album that shamelessly copies Lionel Richie's Tuscaloosa. It's called Southbound and it features both the return of a very raspy Michael McDonald and a slew of contemporary country artists (although decidedly non-bro-country).

I know I stopped doing songs of the day but this was so, um, remarkable that I thought it deserved some attention. If you don't remember Sara Evans she may or may not have had an affair with Kenny Chesney (NOTE: she did NOT have sex with Kenny Chesney... I may have had sex with Kenny--it's dark in some places--but she definitely did not have sex with him).

Oh god this album is awful. I'm sure it will sell well at truck stops but sheesh, avoid it even if you have Amazon Prime Music.

Song: "What a Fool Believes"
Artist: Doobie Brothers/Sarah Evans