Wednesday, August 5, 2015

An Upcoming Weekend of Tumult

Two Presidential candidates coming to Portland this week. Hillary Clinton is attending a $2,700 per person dinner to raise funds for her campaign. A dinner that has everyone in Portland asking the same question: "where the fuck is Dunthorpe and why is it considered 'exclusive'?" Dunthorpe: Danny Glover and Linus Torvalds live here!

Why $2,700? Because it takes a lot of money to constantly raise money (the Koch brothers didn't invite her to their fellatio contest last weekend) and $2,500 per person was NOT going to cover everything; but $3,000 per person was too much. What would they even do with that extra $300?!

The $2,700 covers the cost of the brie, lobster bisque*, field greens, duck confit, fresh berries & gelato and an assortment of regional wines and micro brews (cash bar). They're not trying to make a profit. And the forced conversations and awkwardly posed photographs are free**!

Also Col. Sanders is coming for one of his hippie communist never-gonna-win rallies that are so popular with the young people today. I think it's sponsored by LiveNation and Red Bull and tickets are like $50 (plus $82 in fees and convenience charges via Ticketbastards) for general admission, $125 for reserved seating and $190 for VIP seating with free Red Bull and the chance to mingle with Fred Armisen, k.d. lang and Tonya Harding (who is bartending in that section, just a coincidence).

These 2 events could very easily disrupt my plans to stay in and avoid humanity.

* All courses gluten-free, vegetarian option available; vegans are requested to stay home and consider what they're doing with their lives.
** Once you've, you know, paid $2,700.

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