Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Trump = teh aweSUM

If this isn't a blatant trolling then that means someone got paid money to make this.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Every Tarantino Movie Alphabetized

Lots of people are ranking every one of Quentin Tarantino's movies. Good for them.

I've taken an easier approach and am alphabetizing them. The order may surprise you (because our education system sucks).
  1. Death Proof
  2. Django Unchained
  3. The Hateful Eight (some would say this belongs at the bottom of the list... those people are idiots)
  4. Inglorious Basterds
  5. Jackie Brown (did you expect this to be the first on the list? then you are dumb)
  6. Kill Bill Volume 1
  7. Kill Bill Volume 2
  8. Pulp Fiction
  9. Reservoir Dogs


Song of the Day: "Magic"

Mystery Skulls with Brandy and Nile Rodgers, from late last year. Since I take all kinds of liberties with my lists, including this is nothing.



Song: "Magic"
Artist: Mystery Skulls/Brandy/Nile Rodgers

Monday, December 28, 2015

Song of the Day: "Til It Happens To You"

Ignore the obvious comparisons with Lana Del Taco. This collaboration between Lady Gaga and Diane Warren is among the 74 original songs eligible for an Oscar nomination this year. The song is from The Hunting Ground, a documentary about campus rape, and is touted by some as a real contender for an Oscar nomination, possibly the win.

It wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe, which is actually a good thing (if you're rooting for the song to win the Oscar). The last 10 to 15 years have seen several Oscar winning songs not even nominated for a Golden Globe. Diane Warren has seven nominations with no wins, but it took Randy Newman 16 nominations to win, and that was also a shitty song.

So the stars may align to get Diane Warren what is possibly an overdue Oscar. But I hope not. This is like an abandoned demo from Lana Del Ray given importance by including it in a documentary about rape.

This category is still "See You Again" from Furious 7's award to lose.



Song: "Til It Happens To You"
Artist: Lady Gaga

Song of the Day: "Broken Arrows"

Avicii (real name "Tim") worked with the Zac Brown Band in 2015. He gets around.



Song: "Broken Arrows"
Artist: Avicii/Zac Brown Band

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Seasonal Selections: A Diva's Christmas Carol

A Diva's Christmas Carol is fucking awesome for many reasons. This post lists many and introduced me to the word "termagant" which would be an AWESOME word if it weren't specifically about women. Seriously, misogynistic much?

Here are a few of the reasons I love it:
  • It is both true to Dickens and late 90s pop culture! The Ghost of Christmas Future is an episode of VH1's Behind the Music about Ebony Scrooge (Vanessa Williams, working her best camp attitude and putting her fantastic voice on display).
  • Bonus: everything musicians like Brian McKnight and Nile Rodgers say about Ebony and her posthumous music career actually came true for Michael Jackson. It's eerily prescient. 
  • In addition to Vanessa Williams, who is a fucking national treasure, it's got Kathy Griffin (back when she was bearable), Duran Duran's John Taylor, Chili from TLC and the dude who played Alex in the homoerotic/tragicomic "A My Name is Alex" episode for Family Ties (Michael J. Fox's first Emmy win).
  • Is the story of a lead singer who leaves bandmates behind to become a mega solo artist about the Supremes? Destiny's Child? The Police? Genesis? We'll never know.
  • It has the original song "Heartquake." Take that It's a Wonderful Life.


And it's loaded with brilliant bitchy dialog. Some of it aimed at Celine Dion... so much fun!



You can watch it on VH1 in the middle of the night around Christmas Eve (check your fucking listings and DVR it). Never mind, just stream it all here.


Song of the Day: "Young"

Her name's not really Frankie Cosmos, it's Greta. Greta Kline.

Daughter of Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates.



Song: "Young"
Artist: Frankie Cosmos

Song of the Day: "Dull Joy"

Reviews of Tenement's Predatory Headlights suggest I will either love it or hate myself for even trying it.



Song: "Dull Joy"
Artist: Tenement

Song of the Day: "Trap Queen"

So few people take the time to cook any more.



Song: "Trap Queen"
Artist: Fetty Wap

Song of the Day: "10 Bands"

Fuck, Drake is just not going to rest until I finally admit he's a talented motherfucker.

I wouldn't either.



Song: "10 Bands"
Artist: Drake


Song of the Day: "Cel U Lar Device"

Tyrone called. He said you win Ms. Badu.



Song: "Cel U Lar Device"
Artist: Erykah Badu

Song of the Day: "Ship to Wreck"

Florence Welch is her generation's Annie Lennox.

Discuss.



Song: "Ship to Wreck"
Artist: Florence + the Machine

Song of the Day: "Dark Bird is Home"

The Tallest Man on Earth makes great music for when you're in a bit of a funk.

Or hosting a dinner party.



Song: "Dark Bird is Home"
Artist: The Tallest Man on Earth

Song of the Day: "Way Too Much"

Gotta love power pop like this from Wavves. It's a throwback to early 80s new wave in my never-humble opinion.



Song: "Way Too Much"
Artist: Wavves

Song of the Day: "Cradle to the Grave"

There is so much I love about Squeeze that they really should be my favorite band.

Maybe they secretly are.



Song: "Cradle to the Grave"
Artist: Squeeze

Monday, December 14, 2015

Song of the Day: "New Americana"

Another track for 2015 singles consideration.



Song: "New Americana"
Artist: Halsey

Seasonal Selections: The Venture Brothers "Hard Candy Christmas"

The Venture Brothers are the perfect overlap between my loves for alternative music, comic books and Saturday morning cartoons.  And, AND, they record Christmas songs.

Seasonal Selections: "The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past"

Aqua Teen Hunger Force represent.

Seasonal Selections: "A Fairy Tale of New York"

We lost Kirsty MacColl too soon (she died trying to push one of her sons out of the way of a speeding powerboat in a "no boats" diving area of Cozumel). The 15 year anniversary of her death is Friday the 18th.

I used to tell people they'd know her as the writer of the Tracey Ullman Show theme, but there just as likely to know her from this.

Rest in peace dude.

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Eighth Night


Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #8: Chaka's first solo single was written by Ashord and Simpson.

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Seventh Night



Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #7: David Foster wrote the melody with Chaka in mind.

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Sixth Night (belated)



Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #6: Prince wrote the song for Patrice Rushen back in 1978 and the song appears on the Prince album in 1979.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Friday, December 11, 2015

Song of the Day: "Who Can You Trust"

Holy shit!

The song from Spectre was a big yawn for me, but this homage to big Bond songs from last summer's Spy is fucking bad ass!

The singer, Ivy Levan, is a singer/actress/model while you can't even hold down one of those jobs. Sheesh.

I have no idea who wrote this bad ass song, but it is bad ass.



Song: "Who Can You Trust"
Artist: Ivy Levan

Song of the Day: "One Kind of Love"

Brian Wilson and Scott Bennett picked up a Golden Globe nomination for "One Kind of Love" from Love & Mercy, the biopic of Brian Wilson. Like most of this year's most acclaimed films, I have not seen it.

The song, which hearkens a bit toward "God Only Knows" with its orchestration (not a bad place to go, mind you), could earn Wilson an Oscar. UPDATE: no it can't; the Academy released a list of the 72 songs eligible for nominations and "One Kind of Love" was ruled ineligible.

I've long felt like it's "See You Again"'s award to lose this year, and still feeling that. A couple years after James Bond films got their first Original Song Oscar, The Fast & the Furious franchise could do the same.

Also it turns out the song from Ted 2 is eligible.



Song: "One Kind of Love"
Artist: Brian Wilson

Seasonal Selections: Married With Children's "You Better Watch Out"

Married With Children deserves a lot more credit than it gets. Rosanne gets credited as groundbreaking.
"Coming at the end of the Reagan era, the Conners were a revelation, a deft subversion of the Ozzy and Harrietstyle family dynamics that sitcoms tended to depict in t.v.’s first three decades. When viewers tuned in to watch Roseanne, Dan, and their family, they saw characters that looked and acted a lot more like a regular folks than any fictional family this side of the Evanses."--JD Holler at Kentucky Sports Radio
Note: because the Evanses were black they could never be perceived as being "like us" because as a nation, we, like Santa, are white. Ask Megyn Kelly.

Rosanne began its groundbreaking view of a real American family on October 18, 1988. Married With Children did the same thing beginning April 5, 1987. 

And I know what you're thinking, but they were white too!

The show was always over-the-top but it brought a refreshingly coarse humor to television. Do you remember Kate & Allie? My Two Dads? Full House! That was the ground MWC broke. And then 18 months later Rosanne showed up and got all the credit.

An important part of my esteem for the show was their second season Christmas episode with an O Henry-esque story. Al's work situation is more miserable than normal because the nearby new mall is taking all his customers. The new mall's Christmas promotion, including Santa skydiving into the mall's atrium with a backpack full of mall gift certificates, makes things worse somehow (it's been a lot of years, the specifics there aren't important). Then Santa's parachute fails to open, landing him in the Bundy's backyard. Rather than crush a group of neighbor kids Al dons the dead Santa's clothes to spread some cheer (it's okay, he's white so no one suspected a thing). Once the representative from the mall realizes he doesn't need to pay a penny to the Bundy's for the inconvenience of their day (which was still actionable in civil court) the Bundy's are left with a ruined Christmas. And a backpack filled with thousands of $10 gift certificates for the new mall.

Season Selections: "Santa Just is White"

The tidings of the season aren't always musical. Case in point: Megyn Kelly dropping some science on the masses.

Santa Claus = white man.

Obviously.

Also white? Jesus Christ.

That is just a known and settled historical fact. And if you don't know that you're probably not even smart enough to read this blog.

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Fifth Night

Fifth night: "Higher Love" w/Steve Winwood
Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #5: Her featured vocals on Steve Winwood's Record of the Year Grammy winner did not earn her a Grammy.

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Fourth Night

Fourth Night: "I'll Be Good to You" w/Ray Charles

Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk with some dude named Ray Charles. It's from Quincy Jones's Grammy-winning Album of the Year Back on the Block (I think that year's Grammys can be officially declared the worst).

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #4: Before she was a member of Rufus (later Rufus & Chaka Khan) she sang in Baby Huey & the Babysitters (later Goliath).

Fashion Trends be Damned

Athleisure: it's a thing that is now a word in the dictionary. There's nothing I can do about today.

But this is a good opportunity to learn a more useful word: portmanteau. A portmanteau fuses 2 (or more?) words together. Spork (spoon and fork) and infomercial (informational commercial) are both good examples. I'm sure you can think of others, but go ahead and keep those to yourself. Athleisure is a fusion of athletic and leisure wear, and is the fanciest way I can think of to say sweats.

Of course not everyone uses that term. 
But Julie Igarashi, the vice president for global designs for Nike women’s training, who is presumably something of an expert in clothing worn for exercise, sees it differently. “We don’t use the terminology ‘athleisure’ at all,” she said. “It’s not in our vocabulary. We talk about ‘How do we layer silhouettes and colors and prints for the most holistic approach?’ But not that.”--NY Times
You may not find athleisure palatable, but it's far superior to "how do we layer silhouettes and colors and prints for the most holistic approach." That's awful.

That's not even the point of this post!!! 

The point of this post has to do with a highlighted analysis by business professionals who have put a lot of time, money and effort into determining that there's nowhere for the athleisure business to go but up! The actual analysis provides justification but you're not going to read it.

The fashion industry is built around a culture of enduring looks that never change, so this makes total sense. Sorry, I'm told that is not correct and that the fashion industry is just a series of trends and knock-offs which is why you don't see a lot of paisley or over-sized hip hop-style jeans like you once did. I'm sure their graphs looked much like this one.


It's Like That...



Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Song of the Day: "Pedestrian at Best"

This week's Grammy nominations prompted the annual question "who the fuck is ______" and Courtney Barnett, nominated for Best New Artist is certainly eligible for that. So is fellow nominee James Bay, fellow nominee Sam Hunt and fellow nominee Tori Kelly. I guess what I'm saying is I'm old and have only heard of Meghan Trainor.

Barnett is Australian so there's part of the puzzle solved.



Song: "Pedestrian at Best"
Artist: Courtney Barnett

Song of the Day: "If Love Was Fair"

My review of others' "best of 2015" albums yields another delight. Ashley Madison Monroe is possibly a protege of Vince Gill, definitely a member of Pistol Annies (with Miranda Lambert and player to be named later) and totally the owner of a lot of mascara and/or eye liner.

Unless that was supplied for the make-up artist for every photo and video I've ever seen her in.

Cause this girl likes her eyes DONE UP.

As one does.



Song: "If Love Was Fair"
Artist: Ashley Monroe

Song of the Day: "Wherever Is Your Heart"

Brandi Carlisle's The Firecrotch Crotchwatcher The Firewatcher's Daughter is making some "best of 2015" lists and this track is a great indication of why. Sadly the album doesn't sustain this level of awesomeness, but it does rock (in a loose, comfortable way).



Song: "Wherever Is Your Heart"
Artist: Brandi Carlisle

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Fourth Night


Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #4: she's won 10 Grammy awards out of her 22 (so far) nominations.

Seasonal Selections: "Feliz Navidad"

Nothing more needs be said.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Song of the Day: "Spent Missing"

Respect to anyone who comes up with the band name Froyo Ma.

More respect when then can put some sweet cool jams together too.



Song: "Spent Missing"
Artist: Froyo Ma

Seasonal Selections: "Sister Winter"

Tracey Thorn covers Sufjan Stevens. It's a recipe that could have gone south quickly (emotionally south) but the outcome captures enough optimism to keep melancholy at bay.

Song of the Day: "The Trip"

Dave Rawlings Machine's Nashville Obsolete contains a mere 7 songs. The average song time is a robust 6:24 and most feature the wonderful Gillian Welch.

I think that's all you need to know.



Song: "The Trip"
Artist: Dave Rawlings Machine

Song of the Day: "Wesley's Theory"

As we approach year's end I figure I'll need to listen to Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp a Butterfly (Lamar is nominated for 11 Grammys including Album of the Year). Consider this my favorite Kendrick Lamar song (so far).

Back during the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation the 2 episodes I watched seemed to feature Wesley Crusher's tractor beam in really clumsy ways (if it's that obvious should it count as foresharowing?)... I'm assuming because of this.

Wesley's theory isn't about tractor beams. It's named for Wesley Snipes serving time for failure to pay taxes. It's about black men making money and then holding on to the money they make.



Song: "Wesley's Theory"
Artist: Kendrick Lamar/George Clinton/Thundercat

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Third Night



Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #3: There is no one named Rufus in Rufus or Rufus & Chaka Khan.

Drunk Dial Awareness Day 2015

I’ve been talking crazy girl
I’m lucky that you picked up
Lucky that you stayed on
I need someone to put this weight on
It was a mere 4 years ago that the world stopped and heard the plaintive cry for help that was Drake's "Marvins Room" (note the lack of an apostrophe which I sometimes include despite how D stylizes that title). What is most awesome about the song is how awesome makes his sad life sound.



Drunk dial lesson: combine self-pity with product placement. If your ex- doesn't bite at the pity maybe he/she will want to talk about your travels or new car purchase.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been up three daysAdderall and RedbullThis call is a mistakeThere’s something strong in this water bottle
JoJoe "remixed" the song with her own lyrical point of view on top of the spare music bed. It's more direct although I'm not sure it's direct enough to shut down future drunk dials.



Drunk dial lesson: the new boy/girlfriend is never off limits.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.Wishing you'd come sweepin' in the way you did before.And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.For me it happens all the time.
Musically this is a bad ass song. But as a drunk dial it's weak. It cedes all the power to the ex-. When things go to shit quickly again (and they will) there will be no getting around it being all your fault.


Drunk dial lesson: was the sex really that good?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, how're you feeling?Are you still the same?Don't you realize the things we did, and we did, were all for real?Not a dream
ELO went a bit existential with this effort, but there's not denying the majesty of it all. Bonus points for turning Buddy Holly's first single, "Blue Days, Black Nights" into vaguely cryptic lyrics here. Not sure if Ron Nyswaner pulled the title of his 2004 memoir from Holly or ELO, but I read the book and wanted to make sure I mentioned that here. That I read a book.


Drunk dial lesson: question the very essence of reality just to keep them on their feet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Operator, well could you help me place this call?Well, I can't read the number that you just gave meThere's something in my eyes, you know it happens every timeI think about a love that I thought would save me
Saving the best for last: Jim Croce's finely crafted story song from 1972. I have a distinct recollection of my mother telling me the song made her think of me. We were living in St. Pete. There was a radio in the bathroom. We were getting ready to go to work and/or school. There's so little I can remember about that time, that house. But I remember us talking about this song. Obviously she knew I'd blog about it 43 years later (a feat all the more remarkable given the fact that I'm only 34).


Drunk dial lesson: ideally you will work through your issues without the call getting through.


Monday, December 7, 2015

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The Second Night



Second night: "Never Miss the Water" w/Meshell Ndegeocello

Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees' famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty!

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk. And here her sidekick Meshell Ndegeocello.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #2: Chaka is the first R&B singer to include a rapper in one of her song ("I Feel for You"). Emphasis there is on R&B singer.

Song of the Day: "All Night Long"

The Mavericks return as Grammy nominees garnering a nod for Best Americana Album. Singer/songwriter Raul Malo picks up a second nomination in Best American Roots Song for writing this.



Song: "All Night Long"
Artist: The Mavericks

Sportsing 2015: Hirst Was First


Keegan Hirst plus one

Earlier this year Keegan Hirst became the first British rugby player to come out as gay.

I don't know if his boyfriend has yet or not.

Sports!

Song of the Day: "Go"

Chemical Brothers picked up a couple of Grammy nominations with their comeback album.

This is nominated for Best Dance Recording.



Song: "Go"
Artist: Chemical Brothers

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Happy Chaka Khan-ukah: The First Night

First night: "Do You Love What You Feel"
Hanukkah is a celebration of the Maccabees famous underestimation of how much oil they had. Somehow thinking you have one night left when you really have over a week is a miracle. There should also be a holiday for the time you found drugs in your coat pocket or when a potentially embarrassing credit card authorization went through!

Realizing there's still pizza and ice cream even though when you checked the fridge earlier you thought it was empty! 

Celebrate your poor attention to details! And the force of nature that is Chaka Khan, the Queen of Funk.

Chaka Khan-ukah fun fact #1: Her real given name at birth was Yvette Marie Stevens. (Her real name is Chaka Khan... there is no more real name than that.)

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Song of the Day: "Let the Good Times Roll"

Are you new to the J.D. McPherson party? Well, welcome.



Song: "Let the Good Times Roll"
Artist: J.D. McPherson

Song of the Day: "I Really Like You"

I'm pretty sure Tom Hanks would win a Presidential election in a fucking landslide.

Then he could rule us with an iron fist and we wouldn't even think twice.

And if Oprah was his VP... shit.



Song: "I Really Like You"
Artist: Carly Rae Jepsen

Song of the Day: "Dear Future Husband"

I'm growing alarmed at how little of 2015's music I've heard thus far.

Perhaps I need to return to streaming a decent radio station (R.I.P. YRock on XPN) and not chaturbate PBS on my personal laptop during work.



Song: "Dear Future Husband"
Artist: Meghan Trainor

Song of the Day: "FourFiveSeconds"

I'm pretty sure Rihanna has appeared on my singles lists for at least the last 5 years. But I'm not gonna bother to check that now.

And neither are you, admit.



Song: "FourFIveSeconds"
Artist: Rihanna/Kanye West/Paul McCartney

Song of the Day: "The Wolf"

When did Mumford & Sons decide they wanted to be Kings of Leon?

And which band would you rather have sex with?

Trick question, you'd have sex with both bands because you're just that slutty friendly.



Song: "The Wolf"
Artist: Mumford & Songs

Seasonal Selections: "Do They Know It's Christmas" 2014 version

Once upon a time there was a man who was inspired to do something for others. That man was Bob Geldof those others were starving Africans. and that thing he was inspired to do was to ensure that Paul Young would annoy Eric until the end of his life. So he gathered a ragtag group of musicians and created the first mega-charity event (if you totally ignore things like the MDA telethon). It launched a million knockoffs, like "We Are the World (if by world you mean the 27 states that all of us are from)" and that other song, the one with all the people. And the one about the well. We sent our love down the well.

All the way down!

Once the Africans stopped dying of starvation they started dying from AIDS. So thanks a lot Bob Geldof, you've given Africans AIDS.

Ho ho ho.

Oh, and then 30 years later someone thought "I want to be famous longer" and decided to remake it. And then Bono arrived. And here we are.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Quote of the Day: Canadian Ted Cruz of Canada Edition

Quote of the day, just not today

Craig Mazin wrote The Hangover movies... the ones that sucked (2 and 3), and some other crappy movies, but I don't hold that against him. He also talks shit about Ted Cruz and it. is. awesome.

Also: “I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States. Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.”

New American hero: Craig Mazin. Keep on keeping on but stop with the Hangover sequels. 

Song of the Day: "Why Don't You Love Me Like You Used to Do?"

I know my cousin Tom was being rhetorical asking the question that serves as the title of this Hank Williams standard, but I will tell him what I tell everyone whose expectations:
I don't do anything like I used to do 
It's called getting old. Or growing up. Technically you will still grow old even if you never actually grow up. That's just science.



Song: "Why Don't You Love Me Like You Used to Do?"
Artist: Tom Jones

Song of the Day: "WTF (Where They From)

Here's a great SAT prep question using analogies.

Missy Elliott : Timbaland as

  1. Queen Latifah : Will Smith
  2. Kanye West : Jay-Z
  3. Pharrell : Justin Timberlake
  4. Sonny : Cher
No looking at your neighbor's test.

I was going to ask if she'd been in hiding for a while but apparently that answer is "no, but home dealing with Graves' disease, which can be harrowing.




Song: "WTF (Where They From)"
Artist: Missy Elliott/Pharrell Williams

Know Your Knowledge: Redundant Clothing Redundancies

And all vests are sleeveless.

Song of the Day: "Sugar"

The other maroons in Maroon 5 are so fucking lame. They make Adam handle all their sexiness and all their singing and they make him drive? Sheesh.

I wonder if Third Eye Blind wonders why M5 became HUGE and not them? Or Vertical Horizons.  Or Sugar Ray. Smash Mouth knows why.



Song: "Sugar"
Artist: Maroon 5

Song of the Day: "I Can't Lose"

Songs of the day through the end of the year are likely to be a melange of singles that I want to ensure I remember for my best of list and stuff that I'm finding now. While this is a few months old, it works for both.

Is Mark Ronson the man?

Fuck yes! Just compare this and this. Case closed.

When Mark Ronson wanted a "young Chaka Khan" to sing on this song (OMG OMG OMG brilliant TV idea #47,708 The Young Chaka Khan Mysterie" [similar to this]) and, when no one came to mind they weren't going to settle for merely asking other people for ideas. "We’re going to drive down to the South, we’re going to call it the Mississippi Mission, and go to the churches," they said which is probably mildly racist or some other microaggression involving stereotyping the young Chaka Khans of the world as living in the south and/or singing in churches. I bet they're in Illinois and Maryland and Arizona as well.

Regardless of whether the effort was needed to find a singer who fit the suit, Ronson totally did with Keystone Lite Keyone Starr. Starr had been a fixture singing on campus at Jackson State University (go tigers!). And somehow Ronson's YCK-dar (it's like gaydar except you can sense the presence of young Chaka Khans [Chakas Khan?]) took him directly to her.
"She just looked so badass. I remember thinking: it would be awesome if this one could sing really great,"--Mark Ronson
Lucky for Starr that she looks badass. It's like Ronson doesn't even understand the point of The Voice: that Adam Levine and Blake Shelton shouldn't have to hide their love that looks don't matter if really hot singers like your voice in blind auditions. It's why the entire show is done without people seeing the contestants... oh, sorry.

Once in your looks will actually be held against you, even if only subconsciously.

So Keystone Lite Keyone Starr would totally have won The Voice. And Mark Ronson should learn to ask others for ideas (it's like he didn't know a good taco place in the city so he decided to drive to Mexico).



Song: "I Can't Lose"
Artist: Mark Ronson/Keyone Starr

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Song of the Day: "United State of Pop 2015 (50 Shades of Pop)"

If there was a Nobel Prize for megamixes I think we'd have this year's winner.



Song: "United State of Pop 2015 (50 Shades of Pop)"
Artist: DJ Earworm (and an array of artists from their respective singles)

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Butt Tight End of the Year

Jake Butt, future ex-boyfriend
Another week, another sport thing happening!

Today in sport facts: Jake Butt of the University of Michigan (go fighting something... wolverines?) was named Tight End of the Year in the Big 10.

Or Big 10 Tight End = Butt.

And yet when I wrote nearly this exact combination of things for a gay porn movie it was rejected as "unrealistic," "too potentially catastrophic" and "we don't accept unsolicited manuscripts, sir, please put your pants back on." Thanks for nothing NW Film Center School of Film.





Song of the Day: "Hello"

At some point I will create my Adele & Taylor Swift comparison infographic that ultimately makes that point that Adele is missing out on a lot of possible dick,

It will make sense when you see the infographic.



Song: "Hello"
Artist: Adele

Song of the Day: "Drag Me Down"

I also don't know much about the music or members of One Direction.

I swear.



Song: "Drag Me Down"
Artist: One Direction

Song of the Day: "Levels"

Sneak attack
You may think that everything to say about levels has already been said.

Once again you've overlooked Joe Jonas.

Nick Jonas.

One of them Duke Jonas boys.



Song: "Levels"
Artist: Nick Jonas

Song of the Day: "Dirty Work"

I make no apologies for the big dopey pop songs that I sometimes feature.

I am not a tween girl but we sometimes share the same interests.

Before today I had never heard of Austin Mahone. Maybe I still haven't...



Song: "Dirty Work"
Artist: Austin Mahone

Song of the Day: "Bitch I'm Madonna"

Two things:

  1. Yes we know
  2. Why is everyone calling me a bitch (I may already know the answer)

If you're wondering why multiple songs are song of the day, it's because the year is winding down and I'm getting a better sense of the year's notable music.



Song: "Bitch I'm Madonna"
Artist: Madonna/Nicki Minaj


Song of the Day: "Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven"

Kid Cudi (not actual size)
Kid Cudi fuckin (sic) loves me. I know because he told me (and everyone else on Twitter)--unless that only applies to Denver where he had a really bad night, prompting him to cancel/postpone his tour to work out some shit.

As one does.

As a lovely parting gift Kudi released the title track from his forthcoming album as a single today. I don't think it's free or anything, just available.

Whether you choose to see that as generous or merely commercial is up to you. Me, I'm blissing out on the beat and all smiles here.



Song: "Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven"
Artist: Kid Cudi

Point/Anti-Point: Syrian Refugees in America

Click to embiggen (you know you want to)
A lot of people are saying a lot of things about Syrian refugees but nobody's paying attention to the facts. And the facts are pretty clear: we must invade Iran now.

Because if not now, then eventually.

Details here.

What He Said


Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Song of the Day: "Darkstar"

Leave it to Saint David Bowie to write the first album paying tribute to what may actually be a swarm of cosmic mega-structures: KIC 8462852. 

Of course that looks like 542-846-2852, or this century's 867-5309, to me. Alas the 542 area code designation is used in Cyprus and I can't grab it via Google Voice. D'oh.

And if you're curious about the astronomical mega-thingy, read more here.



Song: "Blackstar"
Artist: David Bowie

Song of the Day: "Mr. Misunderstood"

Eric Church surprised everyone (including you, admit it) when he released Mr. Misunderstood in November. The album was written in 20 days, recorded in 20 days (presumably a different 20) and released with no advance promotion. I guess you can't leak what you don't know is coming out.

The album seems more about spontaneity than security. It's got a fresh, relaxed quality to it, which seems like a nice change for mainstream music of any type: too many machines to fix whatever annoys you (or to change just because, otherwise why would you have all those machines).



Song: "Mr. Misunderstood"
Artist: Eric Church

Song of the Day: "These City Streets"

Not Weller's greatest work, or even his best 25%, but it uses motifs from a few of his classics and for that, dammit, a SOTD.



Song: "These City Streets"
Artist: Paul Weller

Monday, November 30, 2015

Song of the Day: "You Never Asked Me"

"You Never Asked Me" Patty Griffin
When was the last time you heard a song for the first time and thought "goddamn"?

Patty Griffin did that to me today.




Song: "You Never Asked Me"
Artist: Patty Griffin

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Song of the Day: "Danger Zone"

I was disappointed twice with Ann Wilson's cover of the classic "Danger Zone":

  1. It's not actually a cover of the classic "Danger Zone"
  2. While Wilson has one of the premier voices in rock, she sounds like shit here.

Boo.



Song: "Danger Zone"
Artist: Ann Wilson

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Song of the Day: "Winston Churchill's Boy"

My lackadaisical blogging continues. I couldn't keep up with SOTD even with having the Mercury Prize shortlist as a week+ cheat for songs. In years passed I would feature multiple songs even.

Yet here we are.

The prize has been announced (the winner is today's artist).


The song's title and opening lyrics allude to a speech given by Winston Churchill in 1940, as the UK prepared for a possible German invasion. Churchill first remarked "Never in the history of mankind has so much been owed by so many to so few" after a day watching RAF operations during the Battle of Britain. While rehearsing the speech on the way to deliver it someone asked about Jesus and the disciples.

The first sentence was changed to "Never in the field of human conflict...." and the speech, along with 3 from the Battle of France, is considered his "most stirring rhetoric."

Congrats to Benjamin Clementine whose At Least for Now won the 2015 Mercury Prize.



Song: "Winston Churchill's Boy"
Artist: Benjamin Clementine

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I'm Helping!

I am nothing if not helpful!

Today, Portland's Office of Neighborhood Involvement ("Trying to justify our own existence since 1972") sent out PDFs for posters that are super useful to recent transplants. But I felt like they didn't give enough of the right information.

So I helped!

Forgive my crude graphics skills. Maybe Santa will bring me an MS Paint tutorial for one of the many holidays that seem to cluster around the winter solstice for no apparent reason.

Note: sorry Tri-Met riders, maybe next year.

Original (PBOT & ONI)
Enhanced Version

Monday, November 23, 2015

Song of the Day: "Sound and Color"

Normally songs I hear used in commercials for Apple products I end up despising. Which could easily be the case with this track from Alabama Shakes. It's taken me a couple weeks to actually figure out who it is (I blame lack of quick Shazaming skills and little motivation to track it down).

Also the iPad Pro... it's a Surface.

Microsoft must be feeling pretty good about now.



Song: "Sound and Color"
Artist: Alabama Shakes

Song of the Day: "Nightlight"

I think I'm ready to acknowledge that Silversun Pickups make some awesome ass music, regardless of who I think they sound like.

Listening to the newish album now.



Song: "Nightlight"
Artist: Silversun Pickups

The Jerk Store Called...

So I got this email, like I do many emails, someone giving out my email address not realizing it's just a bit off from theirs.

Re: 2016 Bocce League test msg.

Hi,

Pls. reply to let me know if you receive this msg., just making sure I have your email add. correct.

Thanks,
Roger / Diana Baldwin

Sometimes I write back simple notes, sometimes I write back with amusing notes. More often then not simply letting people know there's an error gets me in trouble. Which is weird since they started it. Here was my reply.

Click to embiggen

Now you've got to admit that shit is funny.

Well not if you're Roger Baldwin. His reply:
Gee, I apparently got incorrect info from someone about your email address, to which I'm truly sorry for bothering you with the prev. msg.! 
You 'apparently' have WAY too much time on your hands & must be some kind of an individual that I'm am thrilled with knowing you aren't / won't be associated with a bunch of people who like to have fun once in a while. A simple "Sorry Roger, but you must have the wrong address for me" would have been much more appealing to receive rather than the B. S. you elected to send below. 
Therefore, Take this msg. & shove it!
Roger Baldwin

Oh, snap. Or something.

My reply (because why would I leave well enough alone?):
Maybe you can find someone with a sense of humor to explain it to you.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Duets That Suck: "We're still siftin' through the rubble after a hundred-fifty years"

Duets: they can be teh aweSUM or they can suck. When the chemistry works (Queen & David Bowie; John Mellencamp & Meshell Ndegeocello; Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield) it is ah-MAY-zing. When the chemistry sucks... well, you get songs like this.

"Accidental Racist" by B. Paisley, LL Cool J, & LT Miller
Brad Paisley had this to say about the provenence of this song: ""I just think art has a responsibility to lead the way, and I don't know the answers, but I feel like asking the question is the first step, and we're asking the question in a big way."

There are a lot of rappers Brad Paisley could have asked a question like this to, or, with; rappers who made social justice part of their message through their careers. LL Cool J is not one of them (Paisley likely considered Tone Loc, Young MC and Will Smith but considered Salt-n-Pepa too political for his taste).

A more cynical blogger might suggest that LL offered Paisley insulation and quasi-credibility without challenging the song's point of view. Paisley said the song wasn't a stunt but, remarkably, he hasn't revisited this topic (but there's still plenty of time).

Stunt or not, the song got Paisley a lot of attention. And inspired at least one fitting knock off.

Neither used up their esteem with me although LL might be on thin ice (it's the Grammy hosting thing, he's just not doing it for me).

Song of the Day: "First Comes the Night"

Stevie Nicks convinced Chris Isaak to record his new album in Nashville (or so the rumor goes). See my slightly cynical take on the recent Don Henley for possibly applicable thoughts on that.



Song: "First Comes the Night"
Artist: Chris Isaak

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Holiday Time, Part 1

I have designed my own holiday "sweater" (t-shirt, whatevs). This way I can get something suitably sized (the company t-shirts stop at XL). I draw inspiration from Portland's iconic sign, illuminated with a red nose on the deer every Christmas season.


And from a movie that's still as relevant today as it was in my youth, Space Trek Episode D, Hopefully New.

And when I tell you I'm a genius, remember that.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Song of the Day: "Ex's and Oh's"

If you're like me, and you wouldn't be if you were properly inoculated, you probably have an editorial point of view on how to create the plural of an acronym and/or just a letter. Good for you.

We won't need to discuss your preference and how, if it varies from mine, it's wrong. Because I'm just conveying the song title as it's actually titled. If you have an opinion take it up with Elle King or her co-writer Dave Bassett.



Song: "Ex's and Oh's"
Artist: Elle King

Friday, October 30, 2015

Time Is A Lot Of Things; Idiot Is Just One Of Them

"Time is an Idiot..." by Grover Schrayer
(used without permission because, sigh, who needs all that hassle)
Grover Schrayer

Time Is An Idiot....
"I remember reading some Stephen J. Gould writings that said that the one thing a thorough understanding of evolution makes you realize is that it isn't a progressive thing moving forward towards a "goal" , it's a lot more complicated than that. I would say that that describes life itself, to be totally honest about it." 
"Yesterday was my 50th birthday, and not a good one. Spent the early morning hours in the emergency room with my dad, watching him having panic attacks from the effects of Alzheimer's."

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Song of the Day: "Hotline Bling"

Is it just me or is this vaguely reggae?

Asking for a friend.



Song: "Hotline Bling"
Artist: Drake

Monday, October 26, 2015

Song of the Day: "Detroit"

"Detroit"
Listening through a couple tracks from Gaz Coombes (dude from Supergrass, no, not them, not them*, them**) I totally dig this one more than the other. The album, Matador, is on the Mercury Prize Shortlist... not that you asked.

* Goddamn what a great fucking song.
** File under "songs about drugs used in commercials without any sense of irony..



Song: "Detroit"
Artist: Gaz Coombes

Flashback Song: "Never Let Me Down"

Who can say what prompted me to play David Bowie's Never Let Me Down (1987) this morning. It accompanied Midnight Oil and Adrian Belew in some late-80s/early 90s reminiscing.

I'm pretty sure I didn't realize how awesome this would be covered by a country artist. Ty Herndon, call me. Or Chris Cagle (I could do worse).

Friday, October 23, 2015

Song of the Day: "XMAS_EVET10 (thanaton3 mix)"

Also among the 2015 Mercury Prize short list is Aphex Twin's Syro, an album released in 2014. It picked up a Grammy early this year for Best Dance/Electronic Album and had a spot on many 2014 "best of" lists (including Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, Q and Uncut) which makes me wonder why it's a 2015 short lister.

Regardless, I'm now super concerned that I've been referring to him as Aphex Twins and not Aphex Twin for the last 15+ years.  Augh!

The music is impressive (spoken as one who doesn't spend a lot of time with EDM).

Your mileage may vary.

Aphex Twin - XMAS EVET10 (Thanaton3 Mix) from Jeremiah S. on Vimeo.

Song: "XMAS_EVET10 (thanaton3 mix)"
Artist: Aphex Twin

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Duets That Suck: "Seeking faith and speakin' words"

Duets: they can be teh aweSUM or they can suck. When the chemistry works (Queen & David Bowie; John Mellencamp & Meshell Ndegeocello; Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield) it is ah-MAY-zing. When the chemistry sucks... well, you get songs like this.

"When You Believe" / S. Schwartz & Babyface
"When You Believe" was written for the film The Prince of Egypt. There was so much drama around the song, its Oscar nomination and the Oscar telecast performance that it's hard to believe the song is so fucking boring.

Painfully boring.

Prior to recording the song together Mariah Carey's Butterfly album spent 21 weeks on the Billboard Top 20 Albums. Whitney Houston's The Preacher's Wife OST sold 6 million copies.

Mariah was still on track to become the best selling female artist of the millennium and had not yet committed the atrocity called Glitter (fun fact: the original title was All That Glitters which is also a title related to our next sucky duet). Whitney was still enjoying the glow of the hugely successful movie/soundtrack grand slam of The Bodyguard and had not yet told Diane Sawyer that "crack is whack."

At the time both women were superstars with unarguably two of the best voices in the history of popular music. It's unlikely either of them went into this project for any reason other than genuine interest.

Whitney, on working with Mariah, in Ebony: "We had never talked and never sang together before. We just had a chance for camaraderie, singer-to-singer, artist-to-artist, that kind of thing. We just laughed and talked and laughed and talked and sang in between that ... It's good to know that two ladies of soul can still be friends. We talked about doing other things together, enterprise-wise, which is cool, because she's got a good, vivid mind, that girl. She's a smart lady. I really like Mariah."

Mariah, on whether there was a rivalry between them, in Vibe: "We never had any issues between us. The media and everybody made it an issue."

Mariah said there was no sense of competition between the two, and Whitney called Mariah smart. Anyone's bullshit detector picking up something? Me neither.

Meanwhile, still in Hollywood, the song was submitted for consideration for the Best Original Song category for the Academy Awards. The Prince of Egypt, it should also be noted, was the first animated feature for Dreamworks SKG, the media company founded by Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg. Katzenberg took a lot of talent, animators and musicians, when he left Disney; those same musicians were the members of the Academy that nominate the Best Original Song category. Despite how impossibly boring the song is, it managed to secure a nomination (from the people who performed on the song) and Disney's animated feature that year, Mulan, did not (unusual for Disney). Drama.

Previous Oscar and Grammy winner Steven Schwartz submitted his name only as songwriter, omitting Babyface. The rationale: there are 2 versions of the song included in the film, a shorter version featuring some lyrics in Hebrew used in the context of the movie and with vocals by Michelle Pfeiffer and Sally Dworsky; a longer version replacing the Hebrew with additional lyrics and sung by Mariah & Whitney that played over the end credits. While both versions were eligible, and including Babyface would have, in no way, diminished Schwartz's recognition, he opted to omit Babyface. 
"I'm in a very unfair situation, and I don't think it just happened this way. I am not eligible because I think someone purposefully made me ineligible."--Babyface, LA Times
The trade publication ads placed by the studio (the primary way of campaigning in those days) listed Babyface as a songwriter. Drama.

Guess which version was performed at the Oscars? (Hint: not the one with Hebrew lyrics)

Mariah and Whitney agreed to perform the song together live on the Academy Awards. Whitney called in "sick" for the first scheduled rehearsal. The phrase "bullshit story" may or may not have been used to describe the excuse. Drama.

A young female singer was recruited to replace Houston and rehearsed the song with Mariah. During the first run through Mariah forgot the lyrics and the young singer diva-ed out on her part of the song. The phrase "inappropriate and unnerving" may or may not have been used to describe situation. Drama.

Another rehearsal was scheduled for both Mariah and Whitney. Both women struggled to remember lyrics and hit their notes. A revised version of the song with new lyrics and bridge was written and arranged by, wait for it, Babyface. That would be the version performed on Oscar night (or would it? [it would]).

The dresses symbolized humbleness
and simplicity... seriously.
For Oscar night two similar, but not identical, white dresses were obtained. Houston's white dress was said to be crumpled in a ball next to the trash can when a producer for the Oscars went to her dressing room to try to convince her not to pull out of the night's show. Drama.

I have no idea if any kind of pharmaceuticals, medicinal or recreational, were used to convince Whitney to get up, get dressed and get her ass on stage, But she did. And the performance didn't suck. But omg drama, amirite?

Despite going on to win the Oscar (and you probably forgot it was an Oscar-winning song if you ever even knew it was), Entertainment Weekly called it sappy as fuck (I'm paraphrasing), insipid and forced; they gave it a C-. The songs that get a D must cause nightmares. Allmusic called it "unexpected -- and unexpectedly dull." Snap.

What could have been the 90s' version of Donna Summer & Barbra Streisand ended up a big bag of suck (and a huge side of drama). 

Song of the Day: "You're a Germ"

"You're a germ!"
Wolf Alice earned a spot on the 2015 Mercury Prize short list with their debut LP My Love is Cool.

I like the coolness of her voice, much like Aimee Mann's, until she gets shouty or shrieky, at which point it is not much like Aimee Mann's.

Among the 3 singles pulled from the album I like this one the most. I like it most because of the coolness so when it gets shrieky it loses me.

Your mileage may vary.



Song: "You're a Germ"
Artist: Wolf Alice

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Song of the Day: "Loud Places"

Among this year's Mercury Prize short list is the first solo album from prior Mercury Prize winner Jamie xx (nee Smith) of The xx (who won in 2010). The song also features fellow The xx-er Romy Madley Croft (or "Romy" to his friends).



Song: "Loud Places"
Artist: Jamie xx/Romy

Duets That Suck: "Ev'ry time I see her face, she put in a state a state of shock"

Duets: they can be teh aweSUM or they can suck. When the chemistry works (Queen & David Bowie; John Mellencamp & Meshell Ndegeocello; Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield) it is ah-MAY-zing. When the chemistry sucks... well, you get songs like this.
"State of Shock" appears on The Jacksons' Victory album. Calling it the biggest single from Victory may be like being elected homecoming queen when you're home schooled (if your home school sold 7 million copies).

It was Michael Jackson's follow-up to Thriller and it probably kept Tito, Jermaine, Wayne, and Maurice out of trouble for a good 7 to 10 months. Or it reinvigorated their sense of importance when they, frankly, were not Michael. I'm not saying Michael is the be-all end-all of the Jacksons (I'm more of a Jermaine fan--"Torture" beats the shit out of this song).

The original singer slated to record this song was Freddie Mercury. They were unable to make this happen due to scheduling conflicts. I cynically assumed that Michael scuttled that when he found out Mercury was gay and/or had HIV (Michael, as a gay man, didn't want to be associated with a gay man, it might tip people off). It might be true about Mercury's homosexuality (although even Brian May claims he didn't know Mercury was gay so who knows--also he would hang out with Liza at Studio 54 so clearly he's wasn't overly concerned). 

The replacement singer was Mick Jagger. This is Jagger's biggest non-Rolling Stones hit. Again, prom queen of your home school.

I'm pretty sure Michael was hoping for another "Under Pressure." What they created was sucky.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Song of the Day: "Why Would I Now?"

Seeing The Decemberists on what was, unofficially, touted as their last show for a long time or possibly forever, was such a huge letdown that I'm not sure I'm completely over it.

The band endured, releasing a full album back in January and another EP just recently. This is the first attention I've given them musically since that drunk ass day in 2011. I suppose I should check out the album from the library before writing them off completely.



Song: "Why Would I Now?"
Artist: The Decemberists

Duets That Suck: "Don't give me one of your lines"

Duets: they can be teh aweSUM or they can suck. When the chemistry works (Queen & David Bowie; John Mellencamp & Meshell Ndegeocello; Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield) it is ah-MAY-zing. When the chemistry sucks... well, you get songs like this.
"Love Song" / Madonna & Price
"Love Song" appears on Madonna's 1989 album Like a Prayer. It followed the soundtrack for Who's That Girl? and a remix album, You Can Dance; her first full album of new material in 3 years and her most critically acclaimed to that point.

That same year Prince released the soundtrack to Tim Burton's Batman. It falls at the mid-point between his critically acclaimed Sign o' the Times and Diamonds and Pearls (although is not adjacent to either).

At this point in their respective careers they could do anything they wanted to. And they probably didn't have to do anything they didn't want to. The end result of 2 of the biggest pop stars of the time (or of ever)--in fact 2 of the most sexualized musicians of the time OR ever--is a song so mind-numbingly boring (and chaste) that I regularly have to remind fans of either that this song exists.

I'm fairly certain neither has ever performed this song live. And if Prince receives any residual money from sales of the Madonna album, they probably confuse his accountant just a bit.  Ever heard it? It's awful...