Tuesday, December 10, 2013

That Thing I Was Saying About How Willie Nelson Mandela Is A Terrorist...

Is true.

According to someone mentioned here
The US devoted more resources to finding Mandela to hand over to the apartheid forces than the apartheid forces themselves. It was the CIA that actually located Mandela, and he was driving dressed up as a chauffeur when he was stopped, and he was arrested and ultimately serves 27 years in prison.
That's all the information you need to know because the history of the CIA is one of honor and people always doing the right thing.

And stopping bad guys.

Or at least locking them away for 27 years so they stop terrorizing.

Song of the Day: "Where You Come In"

Apparently I overlooked an album from Shout Out Louds earlier this year.

My bad.

Song: "Where You Come In"
Artist: Shout Out Louds

Monday, December 9, 2013

Song of the Day: "Lost Kitten"

Metric just sent me an email about this new video for another track from Synthetica. I thought it was sweet of them to let me know since I hadn't posted or enthused about them much recently. They're not as prominent on my radar as a few years ago.


According to the email, the video features "a mysterious pilgrimage through Mexico City and into the canal maze of Xochimilco on a flat-bottomed trajinera in search of his house mother, an 'angel' in his memories. Upon reaching his destination, Sheldon delivers an epic vogueing performance (!) to celebrate his spiritual reunion with the maternal" which, I'm sure you'll agree, it totes obvs.

Son: "Lost Kitten"
Artist: Metric

Sunday, December 8, 2013

R.I.P. Nelson Mandela OR Why Armageddon is a Really Shitty Movie

Matt Damon IS Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela passed away last week. I know you know.

And it's a safe assumption on your part that the reason I haven't posted an obituary is because Nelson Madela doesn't have great beefcake pics. And you'd be wrong. Matt Damon looked awesome portraying him in Invictus.

No, it's because Nelson Mandela was a terrorist. He was.

He was a terrorist according to the US government (so much so that we kept him on a terrorist watch list until someone said something back in 2008 (details here). The money quote in the article is when Winnie Mandela said that American business interests outweighed the government's disdain for apartheid.

Ya think?

American business interests are all we care about. And we are aweSUM as a result.

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison because he was a prisoner and he was a prisoner because he was a criminal and a terrorist. Also he studied Islam. Same thing I'm sure.

27 years. George W. Bush hasn't spent more than a few hours in jail ergo Nelson Mandela is like 59,130 times worse than George W. Bush. At a minimum. (Assumes Bush spent a total of 4 hours in jail.)

Mandela escaped from prison or something and ended up being elected President of the South in Africa. And when he took office he introduced an exhaustive series of reparations* so that black South Africans could get revenge on whitey. I think Michelle Obama wrote her Princeton thesis on these reparations; its title, "Kill Whitey" (to this day she still wants to kill Joe Biden).

Reparations were a perfect example taking advantage of people when they're at their weakest. In this case the poor white minority was being threatened by the non-white majority minority they're marginalized for years and Nelson Mandela was a tyrannical leader exacting payback. It reminded me of this scene from Armageddon. "Never miss an opportunity to rape the weak"--Nelson Mandela

You remember how, on 9/11, all those first responders held people in the World Trade Center hostage by threatening not to step up until they didn't have to pay taxes? Me neither. But that's how good Armageddon is, it gets underneath the fearless behavior of people who think of more than themselves by showing us their deepest motivations. The 30% of the income you make that is paid in taxes is worse than everyone in your life dying from the impact of a giant meteor. I think it was Nelson Mandela who said "never miss an opportunity to rape the weak"... him or Winnie. Or Michelle Obama. They all look alike (those 3).

Howie Mandel spent 27 years in prison and his only concern after his release was unifying his country. The minute Republicans lost to Obama in 2008 they decided to spent the next 4 years doing nothing, dragging every item on Obama's agenda down to a glacier's pace (if that).


I doubt George W. Bush's release after his decades in prison for war crimes and crimes against humanity will show us as similarly magnanimous a side. Sure of it. Hopefully Laura Bush won't kill anyone else during that time.

Oh, and Tyler Perry's Madea was a terrorist. The same people that tell us that also told us that Manuel Noriega was our friend until he was our enemy. And that Osama bin Laden was our friend until he was our enemy (we're still close to the bin Laden family, they were the only ones who got to fly on the evening of 9/11). And Saddam Hussein, he was totes our ally until he wasn't. So Madea = terrorist now and forever. (It's not my fault all the blacks look alike.)

Oh, it's entirely possible that not all the details in this are accurate. And for that I am sorry. By way of reparations please listen to Matt Damon reading "Invictus" from the movie Nelson in 3-D.

Nelson Mandela was a great man who deserves far better than this. Rest in peace dude.

* OMG he didn't. He did nothing of the sort. When I wrote this I assumed everyone knew that part of the greatness of Mandela was to focus on uniting everyone in a post-apartheid South Africa. That was pretty fucking stupid of me.

Song of the Day: "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe"

Friday night was this year's Grammy nominations press conference/new music infomercial, a recent tradition from NARAS (Grammy peeps) and CBS. This year's Best New Artist category leaves us with only one artist for a Rebel Agenda tradition: asking the question "who the fuck is _____?" Welcome to the 2014 Grammy question: who the fuck in Kendrick Lamar?

Spoiler alert: I have actually heard of (but until now never heard) Kendrick Lamar. Listening to this track I am left wondering WTF is going on. I know that sounds like any grumpy old white man listening to hip hop music but hear me out. The dude says fuck a thousand times, there's a cool drum and bass flow going on and I will jump on any modestly catchy urban thing if it makes me seem even remotely cool to my coworkers under 30 (FUN FACT: it's not "pusher tea" it's "push a tea"). And this shit isn't doing it for me.

Oh, quick aside, according to Kenny D's Wikipedia entry: "In early 2013, MTV crowned Lamar the No. 1 Hottest MC in the Game, on their well known annual list."

What fucking list?

You know what, I am a Wikipedia editor, so I am going to do some motherfucking editing. (Uh oh, due to a bunch of motherfuckers doing some motherfucking smack talking, Kenny D's page is limited to non-bitch-ass editors... oh hey, I am non-bitch-ass it seems!) Ladies and gentlemen (as if), I present to you: "In early 2013, MTV crowned Lamar the No. 1 Hottest MC in the Game, on their annual list."

Can you spot the difference?

FUN FACT: MTV has some kind of annual list (maybe you've heard of it).

While this is the only track I've heard from Lamar's good kid, m.A.A.d. city (ugh, stylized capitalization, FUN! [not to be confused with the band fun.]) I was likely to write it off until I saw its Metacritic score  (91). It ranks right up there with Frank Ocean's album that I totally did not understand the praise for. Yeah, I don't think I'll be adding it to my library queue, but who knows, maybe hearing a second song will change my mind.

Song: "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe"
Artist: Kendrick Lamar