Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy Birthday Elizabeth Shue

I hold out hope that she gets 1 more great movie role, but for now, all things considered, she's done pretty well for herself. As a kid star turned actress, she's not quite Jodie Foster, but she's no Dana Plato either.

Adventures in Babysitting is awesome, unabashedly awesome. The cast is solid, including Bradley Whitford and Anthony Rapp, and, AND, the clearly-talented-but-seems-difficult-to-work-with Vincent D'Onofrio plays Thor. I know, right?

Soapdish will make a wonderful Broadway musical (call me Marc Shaiman, soon).

Her Oscar-nominated turn in Leaving Las Vegas could easily have won had she not faced Susan Sarandon on her fifth nomination. Sarandon won Best Actress for Dead Man Walking and Nicolas Cage Best Actor for LLV. Shue and Sean Penn won the consolation of those respective categories at the Independent Spirit Awards the night before the Oscars. It's not a bad runner-up (seems more respectable than a Golden Globe, although no one ever sees your speech). She picked up a handful of critics' awards as well. And she never made Drive Angry. Or Season of the Witch. Or Gone in 60 Seconds. Or Knowing. Jesus, Nic Cage makes some shitty movies.

And finally, her most challenging role to date, playing Elizabeth Shue in Hamlet 2. Aside from the song "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" she's pretty much the best part of the movie (just watch the trailer if you haven't seen it).

Happy birthday dude! Rock on! And when I hear from Marc Shaiman I'll see if we can get you a part in Soapdish: The Musical. Not one of the leads, but maybe Betsy Faye Sharon (the other character in the scene below).
"And will you be having wine with dinner?"

Everybody check your passport

(h/t John)

I should be cleaning but I think we can all agree that if anything deserves a hastily rendered data visualization, it's this. The average penis size (in inches, because, you know, "international") by country, from around the world.

Penis Size Map via Cafe Mom

I want to reassure everyone that I will make a prettier bar graph (I would like the data points at the tip of the shaft, but can't make it come up with Google Docs).

If you are unfamiliar with the vanity and etiquette involved with penis size, one typically adds 2 inches. 2 magically invisible inches.

Maybe 2.25.

But 2.5 is pushing your luck.

SPAM of the day

Subject: These women are not "sluts" or bad people
They used the appropriate conjunction, in this case or. Because not all sluts are bad people (some of us are quite nice [okay, maybe not me]), and not all bad people are sluts (I'm pretty sure George W. Bush, war criminal/criminal against peace/substance abuser/trust fund brat doesn't ever have sex, on account of the whiskey dick... and coke doesn't help either [or so I've read, in the medical journals]).

Also, in the body of the email, this warning:
-You Must Be 18 Years of Age or Older to Read this Message-
The post hoc filter. Clever.

Song of the Day: "Never Played the Bass"

The fabulous Clinton shared today's track with me on Friday and I was so instantly taken with it that I kicked a week's worth of song's aside to make room for it today.

It's by Esperanza Spalding (no it's not, but how confusing if they tour together). It's by the Na'vi people from Avatar (what a piece of shit that movie was)). OMG I think the sleeping pills are kicking in.

False alarm. I just spent 4 hours tossing and turning with the song "Betty Wang" stuck in my head. Meanwhile this is Dutch musician Nabiha and not Na'vi. I think I'm funny. I'm usually (but not always) right.

Song: "Never Played the Bass"
Artist: Nabiha

Friday, October 5, 2012

Mittens agrees with you

No matter what your views, Mittens Romney has, at some point in his career, stated a belief very similar to those views. It's a kaleidoscope of opinions but his brain is big enough for all of them, I'm sure.

Fortunately, someone has pieced these together into RoboRomney so you can confirm that Mittens got your back.

You like your immigration policy with a flaming godless liberal bent? Try this:
For me the central issue is that people who are here illegally should be able to apply for citizenship, that should not be prohibited.

Are you of the "build the galdern fence" bent? How about:
So we went to the Company, and we said look, you cant have any illegals working on our property, I'm running for office for Pete's sake, I cant have illegals. It turns out once again they had hired someone who falsified their documents, and therefore we fired them. 

Or are you some Goldilocks hybrid middle-of-the-road type?
They should instead go at the back of the line and they should not be allowed to stay in this country and be given permanent residency or citizenship merely because they have come here illegally. 
Now it's true, as far as conservative views on immigration go, "Pete's sake" is a little on the tame side. He is, after all, from Utah... that's the equivalent of kicking your grandmother for people from the south.

Song of the Day: "Magpie

OMG my head hurts.

I think this is a hangover.

I wonder if the drink with 2 different vodkas could be to blame.

Beth Orton's coming to Portland this month. I wonder if Coffey will make it this time. I'll probably pass so I can, cough, go see Frightened Rabbit in Eugene that night (DISCLAIMER: I will talk about going to that show, but chances are I will need to stay home for some "serious" reason).

Song: "Magpie"
Artist: Beth Orton

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I say it's my birthday

First y'all know Paul covered Paul, right?


Here's the awesome ecards that came in for me today.
Erin's... I'm not saying it's my favorite but look, it's on top
Sister Christian Chrissy
John reminding me I'm old
John reminding me he loves chain restaurants
John using the word "husband" (iIthink he's drunk)
My coworker Marie sent me a wonderfully succinct "Happy fucking birthday!" which I rather enjoyed. And my dad sent 3 animated ecards all with very soothing music, but they don't translate well (and none of them are particularly bitchy).

Thanks to all.

Song of the Day: "The Magic Clap"

I had some reservations about posting a song with this title, but when you listen, I'm sure you'll agree, this shit is funky.

And y'all need a little more funky in your life.

Me, I'm full up. I'm as funky as they come.

I'm sure you all agree.

(Shut up, it's my birthday, let me have my illusions...)

Song: "The Magic Clap"
Artist: The Coup

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Even a woman who opposes abortion should at least try it, just once

The Onion Voter's Guide To Barack Obama

I had forgotten about Mitt Romney's time on Roseanne

The Onion Voter's Guide To Mitt Romney

Happy Birthday Ashlee Simpson

Disposable pop stars, like junk food, sometimes I find myself craving them. In the case of Ashlee, star of the hit show Melrose Place (no, for reals), it's that song she did. I liked that song. Still do, no matter who lip syncs it.

Happy birthday dude.

Song of the Day: "I'm Writing a Novel"

I'm writing a novel, because it's never been done before
I like this song, not because it's about someone writing a novel, but because it's about someone talking about writing a novel while spun up on drugs. I've never met anyone, cough, like that.

Hey look, a tree.

This is Father John Misty from that album he did.

Song: "I'm Writing a Novel"
Artist: Father John Misty

"What I want, and what I need, it's the same thing"

Oscar and Grammy winner Ryuichi Sakamoto whose name, if that is spelled correctly, I totally, cough, spelled without help. The sad part is that if it isn't spelled correctly... never mind. It's still dark out. Gracie needed us up this morning, super early. And here we are.

OMG there's porn on the internet (sorry, that was a total aside, but the 700 Club commercial just warned me and I wanted to warn  you).

Ryuichi Sakamoto produced the magnificent Aztec Camera album Dreamland and, either before, after or at the same time, Roddy provided vocals for this track on his Sweet Revenge album.

Not all my stories are interesting.

Did you read the thing about the porn, on the internet? It's there. You've been warned.

3 weeks to my departure for Roddy. Someone remind me to check the weather BEFORE I pack.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

"You're free to push me and I'm free to fall"

It was a good idea to get a ticket early
Countdown to Roddy: 25 days (depart Portland 3 weeks from tomorrow)

Clark recommended I check the weather before I go. I nominate Clark for the September Obviousness Award (that's when he made the reco)... checking the weather before you pack to visit there on a trip. Outstanding!

I wonder if I should also take something to read on the flight.

Song of the Day: "Backup Plan"

I'll have what she's having.
I don't know that Angie Stone recorded this lovely neo-soul gem because she was inspired by the hit Jennifer Lopez movie of the same name. Nor do I know why Alex O'Loughlin's character (on the left [click to embiggen]) was unable to wear a shirt--it's possible that O'Loughlin is allergic to shirts.

I'm okay with that.

I mean, I'm happy to meet with him personally to discuss, maybe I can help with a charity event, but I'm not super motivated to find him a cure.

I will apply ointments to his torso.

At no charge to him, even.

I'm not sure of the song's lyrics. I think she's saying "no pain, no gain" but it sounds an awful lot like "no pain, Rogaine" which is a whole different thing, contextually speaking.

B-T-dubs, the jangly guitar sound is very Nile Rodgers in my never-humble opinion. I missed his birthday last week. You probably did too.

Love me some Angie Stone. You probably should too.

Song: "Backup Plan"
Artist: Angie Stone

Monday, October 1, 2012

Song of the Day: "21 Jump Street"

Channing Tatum is in this movie

Instead of attempting to describe the movie or this song, I will simply post comments from the YouseTubes
BlueWonder29: the best song every 21 jump street best movie ever...channing tatum is so freaking hot :* 
VidsGirls: yeh its such a good film :)  
BlueWonder29: finish watching the movie and its hands down AWESOME ^_^  
954nicky: Best music ever 
thatoneirishkoreaguy: Imma faggot!! I love this!!
MrRocc2420: I love it! 
MrRocc2420: Sounded like Nicky Minaj , But damn , She a hoe , Noway she'll be singing for best movie of 2012.. V for Vendetta 4life. 
xViSi0nZx: Awesome movie mannn. It was so funny, I didn't know Channing could do comedy so well. He was great!! Good movie!!!
shanzfendi: Thank God for my hearing and the internet cause I was able to Google the lyrics which led me to here. Yesss!
Is there anything I can say that says more than that?

Would it help if I said I had a Long Island Iced Tea when watching this? Is the Long Island the official drink of Channing Tatum movies?

I think it is.

Song: "21 Jump Street"
Artist: Rye Rye/Esthero

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Quote of the day

"It would take me too long to go through all the math"-Rep. Paul Ryan (R, WI) on the proposed Romney/Ryan tax plan which would grant even more tax cuts to millionaires and billionaires (details here)

Paul Ryan: "I can treat you like an adult
or I can look good, which do you want?"

Paul Ryan, whose ability to estimate time accurately is well known (here), thinks explaining how a plan that, on its surface, appears bound to force the country deeper in debt and/or significantly more cuts to spending on things like the military and medicare (which is to say medicare for fucking freeloaders and hippies).

Who am I to call Paul Ryan a dumb ass, a sham and a total fucking liar?

I am Rich Jones of Portland OR, that's who.

But my question for Paul Ryan is not about the specifics about his tax plan. It is about how long it would take to go through all the math.

Please tell me specifically how long it would take to go through all the math.

I have a degree in math and I am curious.

Also I have a lot of time.

Song of the Day: "Prairie Girl"

First, if you're not familiar with the operating definition of the word prairie, I'll let Melanie provide it (here).

Pairie, like tired, is something you know when Melanie sees it.

This is Canadian band Rah Rah (signs point to prairie). There's a fiddle (prairie)... or is it a violin (psych, NOT prairie).

And a girl singer. That could go either way, really.

Check the definition and vote in the comments. I'm undecided. They're Canadian. You know, metric stuff, socialized medicine, ducks on money. It's all too much.

Prairie or not I dig the song, if that's not clear. Some people misunderstand my ramblings and assume I'm complaining.

Those people are fucking idiots. Regardless of whether or not they are Canadian.

Song: "Prairie Girl"
Artist: Rah Rah