Saturday, August 25, 2012

Song of the Day: "The Descent"

Would I have liked this crunchy new Bob Mould song as much as I do (and I do) if the video hadn't been filmed here in Portland?


But I guess we'll never know now, will we?

Fucking love the song.

And bask in Portland's awesomeness. We all have woods like that in our backyards. Sometimes you have to run punk rock icons and raccoons out of your gardens in the middle of the night with a shovel.

Song: "The Descent"
Artist: Bob Mould

Friday, August 24, 2012

It goes faster on snow, but the dynamic is the same

(h/t David)
Gracie (L) and Willy (R) practice for the I-Did-A-Rod

Or, as I call it, tyranny

It's weird, it seems like fans of documentation would like all kinds of documentation

But you almost never ever see this:

I guess if you don't trust the birth certificate you really don't want your brain hurt by seeing additional tax returns.

That makes sense, math is hard.

Song of the Day: "Get Free"

If you're like me (and you're not, you only wish you were), you've been wondering who the fuck this song is. Cause it sounds so much like... someone. Can't quite, tip of the tongue, etc.

The problem, it would seem, is the hauntingly familiar singer superimposed on the hauntingly familiar music, yielding a hauntingly familiar net sum product (as one does).

It's dude from Dirty Projectors singing with the production team called Major Lazer (I can hear you all saying "duh" at once, I know, me too).

Major Lazer Frees the Universe will be out soon if it's not already. That's typically how things work  you know.

Song: "Get Free"
Artist: Major Lazer/Amber Coffman

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Don't forget, there's still a war on

(Tax cuts + 2 wars) x stupidity = mission accomplished!
American troop casualties in that place, oh, fuck, what's the name of it again. Something -stan. Whatever, damn ay-rabs.

Anyway, the troop casualties there just hit 2,000. But SHHHHHH don't say anything (follow Mittens and Obammer who will not ever say anything about them, because if they don't talk about it, the troops aren't really dead, just hiding).

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!!! by not ever acknowledging that you've sent them to a fucking no win scenario and then forgetting about them and certainly not supporting their need for healthcare and post traumatic stress (as if that's a real thing, cry babies). That seems to be the America way. Hooray.

So kudos to The Onion for "U.S. Military Sends A Few More Of Those Things Over To Afghanistan To Replace Dead Ones"
Via The Onion
WASHINGTON—In the wake of the news that 2,000 of its things have now died in Afghanistan, U.S. military officials announced Monday that it will be sending some additional things to replace the dead ones.

“A bunch of those things are dead or don’t work anymore, so we need to send over a bunch more,” said U.S. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, adding that while the military sent a bunch of new things in 2010, a good amount of them either died or were broken. “We’ve got tons of things just sitting around in Texas and Florida, so we’re going to send some of those.”

“We actually have a whole load of some used, pretty-beat-up-things that were sent back from Afghanistan a few months ago, so we’ll probably ship them over, too” Panetta continued. “They’re not in perfect condition or anything, but in a pinch they’ll do the trick.”

Go read it. The Onion has been brilliant lately.

And SHHHHH, stop talking about dead soldiers. Traitor.

Full Frontal Freedom

Full Frontal Freedom
You know what's awesome? Mixing political activism with gratuitous beefcake.

And cookies & cream milkshakes from Jack in the Box!

Full Frontal Freedom is a group that stands for... something.

Something very shiny ripped.

And in times like these, that matters.

Oh, but remember, some people STILL don't believe Obammer's birth certificate. But they don't seem to care about the tax returns.

Hey, remember also how some Birthers didn't think Obammer was eligible because his DAD wasn't American (regardless of him being born in Hawaii)? Mittens's dad was born in Mexico.

Have a great evening with all your philosophical consistency!

More excellence in marketing

You know who hates gays? Republicans.

You know who LOVES having hot furtive gay sex? REPUBLICANS!!!

Seriously, ask your parish priest or Sen. Larry Craig (R, tap tap tap).

Tampa-area businesses welcome the RNC
So naturally with the Republican WE BUILT THIS WITH 62% PUBLIC FUNDS National Convention coming to Tampa, that means vocally anti-gay Republican men hope to be cumming with various gays and then rushing off to shower themselves clean followed by a quick vote attempting to keep teh gayz down which, of course, will mean they are NOT gay.

They are NOT.

Despite how OMG hawt that sex with that dude just was. Did he take my watch? Whatever.

Oh, anyway, per Queerty, the Ybor Resort & Spa, a gay bathhouse whose name will not attract any attention on a credit card statement, is offering free admission to convention attendees. And when you go, and you will, and you run into other dudes you know from the convention, and you will, just look straight (no pun) ahead and don't talk. If you don't say anything you weren't there, they weren't there, it's all cool.

And NONE OF YOU are gay.

Especially when you make it illegal to say "gay" in public schools.

Then you're SUPER not gay!

It's like I've been saying

All those times.

Seriously, here and here and here and here and here (to point out just 4).

The LA Times (via Slate) quotes a new Pew
"The notion that we are a society with a large middle class, with lots of economic and social mobility and a belief that each generation does better than the next — these are among the core tenets of what it means to be an American. But that's not necessarily the case anymore."--Paul Taylor of the Pew Research Center (from the LA Times)

But remember the millions that Mittens Romney earns when Bain sends jobs overseas count as INVESTMENT income, and really he should pay far less in taxes than you do on your fucking 9 to 5 job (as if you even have one, lazy unemployed loser). 

Cause that's the real America, one where the wealthy make rednecks feel like racial and ethnic minorities are somehow getting one over on them. 

As Moe Syszlak once wisely said "Immigants! I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them."

And that was just as true then as it was today.

Song of the Day: "Yet Again"

New music from Grizzly Bear, coming soon to a record store near you. Or to the computer you're already sitting at, cause it's the 21st century bitches. We might not have jet packs, but at least we don't have to drive to the record store to steal music...

Song: "Yet Again"
Artist: Grizzly Bear

I think his name was "Ray" but it might have been "Jimmy" or "Dave"

UPDATE: Because the quote of humor to me gets buried with the embedding, here's the money quote that inspired the post title:

“It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.
Raw Story (

This is old but it's important as I have just seen into this man's future and this is what I've seen:

SPOILER ALERT: This man will die from a heart attack after ODing on meth during a 36 hour binge with a Tampa hustler during the Republican “WE BUILT THIS” (held at a stadium built with 62% public money, because we name shit before we think to check things out, SEE ALSO:  Operation: Infinite Justice, SEE ALSO: Sarah Palin) Convention. God’s hurricane is totes coincidental THIS TIME but other times is God’s vengeance…


    GOP lawmaker: Virtually impossible to get AIDS through heterosexual sex (via Raw Story )
       Tennessee state Sen. Stacey Campfield (R) falsely claimed on Thursday that it was nearly impossible for someone to contract AIDS through heterosexual contact. “Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community,” he told Michelangelo Signorile, who hosts a radio program on SiriusXM…

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Insert fried chicken reference here, deny racist intent tomorrow

(h/t Eric)

He's in second place, that's still a silver medal, right? I mean, it's no bronze (which is the new gold), but still, it's something shiny.

Meanwhile this lovely line graph is via the good people at I Love Charts. I don't know them personally, but they have been smart enough to include my work a few times, so obviously they are smart and handsome and perhaps rakish. Cause that's a thing.

Anyway. congratulations to President elect Mittens Romney. Ann should start picking new china. 

Yes, okay, Ryan Lochte IS dumb

What's your point? So he doesn't know what 7 x 4 equals. That's just gotcha journalism.

He's dumb like a sexy, muscled, fratty as fuck fox!!!


And he's going to be on Dancing with the Stars, assuming he can make it to the studio (hopefully they'll send a driver for him).

And, AND, he's going to be the bachelor on The Bachelor which is teh aweSUM since, frankly, it's what women who would go on The Bachelor deserve. Well, actually they doesn't really deserve the body. 

They deserve Ryan Leaf.

Ryan Leaf jokes do NOT get old, by the way.

They do not.

Oh, and you know what else? Prince Harry!

Harry and Ryan were, I don't know, naked in the pool in Vegas but reports are sketchy on account of the whole "what happens in Vegas" etc. It's entirely possible I was looking for reasons to post pics of Harry.
Which is just silly. Any time is a good time for a  shirtless picture of Harry.

Happy Birthday Valerie Harper

What happened to Golda's Balcony?! I thought for sure she'd eke an Oscar nomination out of that.

Tovah must be furious!

She has 4 Emmys and a Tony nomination. But no Oscar.... nope.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Song of the Day: "Easy"

I finally got the new Lionel Richie from the library. If that sounds like enthusiasm, check yourself. Tuskegee is an album of classic Lionel sung as duets with an array of country recording artists (as opposed to "singers" -- that implies they can sing).

I was eager to dissect the train wreck! Shania Twain sings "Endless Love" and Jimmy Buffet "All Night Long." This did not have to happen, and yet it did.

I'm playing it safe with Sir Willie Nelson. His low key approach could be a lesson for some of the others (although this once I'm not looking at Kenny Chesney). They almost make it through the entire song without blowing it. Time of death: 3:55.

Song: "Easy"
Artist: Lionel Richie/Willie Nelson

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Song of the Day: "Survivors"

Dude from Hipster Death Squad hit me up on the Twitterz box and said listen up.

And I did.

And I dig.

It's everything I love about "Natural One" with a dance beat. Funky, low fi, a pinch of ambient swells, all at reasonable levels. And all DIY.

Rock on dude(s).

Song: "Survivors"
Artist: Hipster Death Squad

Monday, August 20, 2012

R.I.P. Phyllis Diller

A comedy legend, an icon and a pioneer for women in show business.

Her career was fairly thankless in terms of awards, but her fans are many.

Husband Fang, a mainstay in her act, was fictitious, and permanent. Actual husbands were only temporary, she said.

Rest in peace dude.

Happy Birthday Phil Lynott

The leader of Thin Lizzy and I don't even remember why I posted a reminder to myself to honor him with a birthday post. Someone posed for a picture by a statue of Lynott. Someone I like.

The description of Lynott's songwriting is effusive--more Springsteen or Bob Dyland/slice of life, and more akin to Irish literary prose than to metal song convention. In his non-music life Lynott released 2 volumes of poetry.

Thin Lizzy headlined the first ever Slane Castle concert (in later years headliners would include Queen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Oasis and Madonna). Among the opening acts for that year was future headliner U2. So ultimately, a little respect for Phil and the band. Maybe someday I will stop confusing them with Bachmann Turner Overdrive.

Or Foghat.

Happy birthday dude. Rest in pace.

Song of the Day: "State Hospital"

Frightened Rabbit, dropping more than a few "fucks" into this song, reminding me why I love them, and the whole Scottish music thing generally. Right?


Song: "State Hospital"
Artist: Frightened Rabbit

Sunday, August 19, 2012

R.I.P. Tony Scott

The director of Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Crimson Tide, Beverly Hill Cop II and many other films jumped to his death in an apparent suicide in the LA area. He is survived by a wife, twin sons and a generation of gay men who are forever thankful for this scene:

Rest in peace dude.

Song of the Day: "Light Up The Fires"

Pussy Riot, the hooliganisms-causing girls who cause Valdimir Putin to shake and cry in terror from all their hooliganisms all the time, are today's song of the day.

Pussies rioting are a problem. Girls are a problem, always lying about rape and otherwise being sluts, with their demands for Gardisil and to be paid to have sex.

According to the GOP they are all bitches and sluts and liars and should just shut up about being raped. Cause they're probably lying, according to some Senate candidate who talked to a doctor one time.

And listen to this music, so scary. Such hooligans. Why can't they be nice girls like that Debbie Boone. Dressed in a pretty calico dress. She didn't sass her man, I bet.

Vaginas are scary.

Song: "Light Up the Fires"
Artist: Pussy Riot