Oh, yeah, the euphoria of George W. Bush (war criminal/criminal against peace/multiple felon/drunk/entitled cry baby asshole/son of John F. Kennedy's assassin) leaving office is a kind of high.
I know all this and still I was sooo disappointed that Obammer didn't come through. Not on Guantanamo (but I'm sure Mittens will come through on DOUBLE Guantanamo), not on transparency, not on health care reform (okay, kind-of a little, but not much). Eric assumed my disappointment was rooted in my not getting gay married instantly the day after the inauguration, but it was mostly the health care thing. I'm worried about my mother who still isn't covered by Medicare, which is weird since she's a great grandmother (weirder still since I'm only 27).
It's great that his totally-not-opportunistic change on teh gayz marrying happened. It's not a bit craven and totally heartfelt, as is the NAACP's similar change of position. Hooray!!! With friends like these...
Anyway, as you know Obammer has, by himself, put more blacks on food stamps than ever before and also single-handedly bailed out the banks, did TARP, allowed Bin Laden to attack on 9/11 and then had the audacity to NOT go all ADD on tracking down Bin Laden so he could do an end zone dance (they have dances in the end zone? like disco music? I should watch more American footballs), and sent more jobs overseas than any other black President ever has.
By the way, people call him black which I think is unfair. He's half black. And even that is pessimistic. I like to think of him as half white.
Because I am an optimist.
A very racist optimist.
But if you want to know who the real racist is, it's Obammer. Everything he does, really, is racist. Actually according Rush Limbaugh, Obammer is racist with a drug problem and bad grades who also hates women. That Rush, he really does have
Of course, Obammer wasn't born in Hawaii and thus is ineligible to even be President. All the documentation that says otherwise is part of an elaborate hoax or an easily gotten souvenir Hawaii birth certificate that I hear is super easy to get (just ask for one, they will send it free) although no one I've ever asked to show me an example of that has ever returned my emails. Rude.
Here's what I'll say about that: if you are clever enough to work a scam this elaborate for over 40 years, you're probably every bit as qualified as the drunk who never had to earn a fucking thing in his life. Possibly more.
Obamacare, which is so unlike Romneycare as to force me to pause for a laugh...
...is a tax. And socialisms. And it is the biggest tax increase the world has ever seen. And also it's tyranny. The government is MAKING us eat broccoli. It's like that time they made us wear seat belts except that happened when Reagan and Bush 1 were in office, so that's nothing like tyranny and everything like smart policy. It's, um, limited liberty! Yes, thank you Ronald Reagan, for limited liberty! In the interest of full disclosure, the seat belts laws are state laws and not a Federal over reach the likes of which have never been seen before, like Medicare. That was a really bad socialisms. I bet the anti-colonial Kenyan conspirators started that too.
Oh, and, AND, Obammer's an elitist. He is. Karl Rove pointed out that Obammer is like one of those guys at the country club, with a beautiful date, holding a martini and smoking a cigarette and making snide comments. Which is AWE-sum. Because when you think of a country club, you think of a black man at a party.
Sarah Palin says he's an elitist too. I don't remember why and her palm is all smudgy, but I know it's accurate cause everything she says is right on
Of course, I had to let my country club membership lapse when I realized I could no longer afford it (I made a few bad Fabergé egg purchases and the people at Goldline stopped answering my calls) and also I couldn't find one to accept me as a member in the first place.
And it turns out the money I put into Goldline's collectible gold coins didn't quite hold their value relative to the US economy which I was assured was both tanking and suffering from crippling inflation. It's as if putting my money in regular savings account, or even a sock drawer, would have been a smarter investment but I'm sure Glenn Beck feels really bad about that.
But Obammer didn't wear a flag pin on his lapel that time, which makes him a traitor (although if he's not from here he is not actually a traitor).
Also he voted against military funding which is treason/causes chills in Cindy Lou
So what if flag pins, and American flags, and the US Olympic team's Opening Ceremony outfits were made in China. At least union fat cats weren't getting rich off someone not working in a sweat shop and possibly earning a living wage. If you want to earn a living wage then work real hard to be born into a wealthy family and live off investment income, dumbass. It really is your own fault you're not wealthy. Unless you're a Palestinian, in which case providence is pissed at you, I think.
And now Obammer's taking the jobs of executing Americans without due process away from American people and giving it to drones.
But I'm sure the drones are built here.
By non-union robots.
OMG remember when he told us to check our tire pressure? Our tire pressure!!! That's tyranny, right there. Even if NASCAR (recipient of over $30 million from the Federal Government, via military recruiting ads on cars and during races [that's not pork, that's smart business]) does it, if you do it you're succumbing to tyranny. Or socialisms. I forget.
Anyway, Gardisil and broccoli for all! Next year, when he and Michelle ("kill whitey!") are enjoying your new jobs hosting various shows on OWN (she'll host a lifestyle show about cooking/gardening and a talk show that will rival Oprah's in popularity while he'll anchor their new newscast for 18 months before they just pull the plug [later Sasha and Malia will give him an Affirmative Action-like position as in-house council for their fashion lines, making them the real black Olsen twins, sorry Tia and Tamara]), and President Mittens has fixed the economy with his Jobs-Creating Machine(tm) (and Double Guantanamo and his single-handedly built natural gas pipeline) we can look back and laugh.
And eat more broccoli.
UPDATE: Barack Obama has 2 Grammys and a Daytime Emmy.