Saturday, June 2, 2012

Song of the Day: "1904"

L: Franklin Wadlow, 5' 11.5"
R; Robert Pershing Wadlow, 8' 11.1"
When I heard this track earlier in the week it struck a perfect chord at the time: a little wistful, maudlin (let's assume I was at work). When I made a note of it I put 3 exclamation points next to it. Readers of my other very insightful blog will know that 3 exclamation points means business. That is the punctuation with credibility.

The song that earned an !!! (not to be confused with !!!) fits perfectly with today: overcast and helpless. I got to take Clark to the emergency room last night -- the parallels with Midge's trip to the emergency room a month earlier make me suspect they have a Thelma & Louise-type pact between them (and seriously, if I could get a bundle from the mobile vet, I'm pretty sure that would be Clark's birthday present [his birthday is June 10th, size 12 shoes]). He's in ICU today and likely through Monday, intentionally sedated (which, if you've spent much time with him, you would totally understand). I don't know if the fact that my dog food was just recalled due to possible Salmonella is responsible for Clark's hospitalization, but if you are an attorney, call me.

Actually the irony that someone whose life has been filled with many an "after school special" type of behavior (allegedly; if called to testify I have no specific recollection) being felled by dog food in his role as dog nanny is just too grand. 

And when I got home at 3:30 this morning I was greeted with what seemed like 18 pounds of dog poop in the living room. "I missed you too."

The Tallest Man on Earth is Swedish folkie Kristian Matsson; There's No Leaving Now, out this month, is his third LP. And please don't mention Bob Dylan around him -- he's sensitive about that. Just let that one go.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't even think he's all that tall.

I have no sense for what the song is actually about. My first guess, H.G. Wells's The War of the Worlds, doesn't work (published years before, the famous radio adaptation decades later). 1904 is the year Cy Young pitched the first perfect game in major league baseball, Joseph Smith changed his mind communicated God's new wishes on polygamy and the SS Norge ran aground. Got a better idea, leave it in comments.

Song: "1904"
Artist: The Tallest Man on Earth

If karma were instant (or at least reasonably prompt)

Mad magazine
War criminal/criminal against peace/3-time+ felon (but somehow not beholden to various "3 strikes" laws, I guess cause he's white)/alcoholic/snobby dick George W. Bush attended the unveiling of his official portrait at the White House earlier this week. When does he get remanded to the Hague?

Friday, June 1, 2012

Nice try DC Comics, but no

As all of you know (every last being on the face of the earth capable of reading these words, I'm sure) DC Comics recently announced a plan to out an existing character as gay. It was all anyone talked about for weeks--even during the Indianapolis 500 the sports talking dudes were all distracted by it "would they be so audacious as to officially make Batman gay" (cause, obviously, he is).

I was rooting for The Joker because, ha ha ha, I thought it would be awesome if something so obviously a publicity stunt ended up falling flat. Every person who tweeted the news that DC was doing this would have instantly been disgusted. I'm sure Joe Solomonese would have demanded something, but then that's probably how he orders lunch: "I demand a Cobb salad!"

And here's who DC Comics has decided is now gay: Alan Scott. I know right?! (Okay, maybe not everybody knows Alan Scott is the secret identity of the original Green Lantern, later Sentinel, back to Green Lantern [but not like Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern... duh] --  I guess your high school didn't offer World Literature -- anyway, that's who that is.)
Doesn't even have a speedo in his costume.
This is not the costume of a gay man. Except for like 12 to 18 months in the early part of the 90s, there is no way a gay man would dress so vividly. He's supposed to be gay, not a Jugalo, right?.

I'm sure editors at DC thought "he has jewelry" but the jewelry in question allows him to create anything he can imagine and have you ever seen the original Green Lantern fighting with an army of green Ryan Goslings? Me neither. Not gay.

Since DC decided to pick a character from Earth 2, let's consider some alternatives: did they go with the guy who never wears a shirt and who travels with a fag hag partner dressed in the same theme? They did not.

Did they pick the guy who has a big pink partner? They did not.

Did they pick the dude who takes a pill to give him special powers for a while? No. Also, seriously, why isn't Hour Man the one dressed like he's going to a rave?

I guess they looked at the 2 worst dressed--Green Lantern (front left) and Starman (front right)--and, thinking the gravity rod looked too much like a sex toy, opted for the guy with the jewelry. Never mind that he was married and had 2 kids that also became super heroes (that happens, by the way, people get married, have kids and, oh by the way, I'm gay... and now you're a super hero!).


Here's who they should have picked: Wildcat.

The unemployed guy in the big city, gets help from an older man ("Socker" Smith--seriously, not "Sucker" Smith?) who takes an interest in developing the young man's body, er, skills. The guy who then spends all his free time at the gym.  The guy dressed in slimming dark solids. That's the guy who would be gay.

"But he's a macho dick," people who remember things before 1985 might say. And "shouldn't you be getting ready to go to work" they might also say.

Yes, the most macho are also always the most gay.

As are the most homophobic/anti-gay.

But not the guy dressed in all primary and secondary colors. He's just going through a mid-life crisis of some kind.

OMG, DC Comics, hire me to write Midlife Crisis on Infinite Earths!!!

UPDATE: And if you think my rationale for why Alan Scott isn't gay undermines my selection of The Joker based on, you know, fashion sense, here's the thing: if you've ever met a gay dude who gets into the leather scene and doesn't seem to have an off button, The Joker is that, only manifested in purple and green crushed velvet.

Song of the Day: "Where Have You Gone"

Haunted carousel of Jantzen Beach
I really like how this song blends lush Brit pop with a dance-floor-friendly-yet-not-overly-dance-y beat, like Pale Saints meets All Saints or, quite possibly, not.

It's entirely possible others will call this obviously-dance-y--those people should get themselves a blog and write about it there.

The band is Carousel and they are doing an excellent job of laying low, avoiding my early morning attempts to use the google on them. They aren't The Carousel or even "Carousel the band" (as in, but they are here (Carousel music page) and you can download this track and one more free (at least I think it's free, I don't think I gave them a credit card or anything).

Now here's the real reason I love this song: because the 9-year old in me (no NAMBLA jokes, please) can't help be hear "I know you farted" when they sing something that probably isn't that.

And now, hopefully, you will too. You're welcome.

Song: "Where Have You Gone"
Artist: Carousel

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Song of the Day: "Open Your Heart"

Yesterday at work wasn't the best, so there was something really rewarding about the crunchy Ramones-ish-ness of this track from The Men when I heard it yesterday. This is the title track to their album.

They may or may not include dudes from Le Tigre. They may or may not be a band from 20 years ago. That's what one gets with a difficult to search on band name.

Song: "Open Your Heart"
Artist: The Men

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

And most of that went for shoes and purses, I'm sure

(h/t Eric)

If I've said it once, I've said it a bajillion times: girls, whatever you do, don't turn 40.

I've recommended this to actresses, although really turning 30 is as likely a career-ending choice. Not so much career ending as, well, hello prosecuting attorney on procedural drama roles. A less exhausted blogger might be inclined to show this point of demarcation in the careers of well regarded actresses like Debra Winger and Michelle Pfeiffer, but Helen Fucking Mirren and Susan Sarandon are valid cases to the contrary. So I won't.

Also it's easier not to do it.

Anyway, the company PayScale did an analysis on salaries of college graduates broken out by gender and it appears that the girls don't do so well after they hit 40. They assert the point of divergence, around age 30, is associated with the average age when girls can finally do what they are meant to do: have babies!!! As long as they have a husband, which they should if they're having babies, on account of biology and the rules of society, it shouldn't be problem. Leave the hard work and the math to the men.

NY Times "Mapping the Glass Ceiling"
Who doesn't love a line graph? Touch it, it gets bigger.

My only complaint is that PayScale could probably have plotted the pay for girls who had children vs. lesbians/the frigid/bitches who don't have children (yes, okay, some lesbians also have kids, whatev, I stand by my gross characterizations) to test the assertion. The company is probably run by girls who don't understand math. They should offer me a job, they would love working with me. Everybody does.

Song of the Day: "Baby Come Home"

The boss brought in some new stuff yesterday including new John Mayer.

I just can't deal with John Mayer. Every song is just so much the same and while he's absolutely worthy of a lifelong career in music, nothing requires that life to intersect with mine any more than it already has. I loved the VH1 show when he was dressed as a bear heckling his own fans as they tailgated one of his shows. Dude's got a sense of humor, and possibly a large penis (he may well be  Exhibit E in my treatise on Big Dick Narcissism™), and no musical curiosity whatsoever, it seems.
Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters
Instead here's something from Magic Hour, the latest from Scissor Sisters.

UPDATE: I decided to give a fuller appreciation for the band's music by post more pics. You're welcome. Touch it, it gets bigger.
Jake Shears, still of Scissor Sisters
Song: "Baby Come Home"
Artist: Scissor Sisters

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Song of the Day: "Demons"

Demon (singular)
I wouldn't go so far as saying that I *like* Sleigh Bells. It took a good 20 times hearing "Tell 'Em" for me to start embracing it as a single. Well, not so much "embrace" as "not actively change the music."

I'm sure they feel the exact same way about my blog.

But they're in "good" company: Pixies and Sonic Youth are also bands I'm not a fan of, but who have songs that are a good accent piece in a set of songs.  In normal person terms it's like I just bought them a house. 

This is crunchier than the songs of theirs that I dig, but on a day when girl soldiers are trying to get into combat missions (and real combat, not girl combat like dress sales, amiright?), despite the fact that they have the menses, which is infection-central  (Newt Gingrich), and also the emotions, all the emotions (Rick Santorum). We knew this was going to happen once teh gayz got to serve, then it would be the girls, and what's next? Coloreds?! Jews?!! CATHOLICS!!!! Frightening. This is what happens when you let girls have Gardisil.

Where was I? Oh, girls, rock music, here you go.

Song: "Demons"
Artist: Sleigh Bells

Monday, May 28, 2012

Song of the Day: "North Star"

I've been hearing The Rural Alberta Advantage for a few years now via Philly radio but I hadn't heard this song until I got it through a sampler from their record label as a free download from Amazon (nothing is ever simple). So while the song is a year old, it feels new to me as I'm sure it does to you.

That sampler, which is free (or was through my checking just now), has some pretty good stuff on it, so it's worth every penny of free. Download it here.

It's nothing more than a coincidence that one of the first openly gay super heroes is named North Star (well, Northstar), and he is getting gay married (well, married), as is the tradition in Canadia, or did this past week. It's a coincidence and not the evil machinations of Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, manipulating the time space continuum the way he certainly must have to have placed birth announcements in 2 Hawaii papers when he was born in Kenya, as he certainly was. I'm sure Bryan Adams and Corey Hart attended.

And The Rural Alberta Advantage aren't from Alberta or Brooklyn. The answer we're looking for is "Toronto."

Song: "North Star"
Artist: The Rural Alberta Advantage

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Song of the Day: "Sixteen Saltines"

The first few times I heard this I thought it was Electric 6, but it's not. It's Jack White failing to heed my repeated requests that he taking a fucking week off. I guess he felt like making an Electric 6-influenced album was too important, so here we are.

The hardest button to button is the one that gets you to take a fucking week off, it would seem. Now back to my report wherein I shall increase the font yet gray out certain sections of certain pages.

...In my underwear, which is what the holiday is about, really.

Song: "Sixteen Saltines"
Artist: Jack White