Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Happy Birthday Derek Jeter

Note: I started this on Tuesday, Jeter's actual birthday, but had to stop to meet someone before I could finish then SQUIRREL!

Does it just confuse the fuck out of you when I write about sports?
*Possible* Future Hall of Famer
How about now?

It'll actually get better.

But first a word about living legends. About 10 or 12 years ago a friend of a friend talked about going to see the Chicago Bulls play the Portland Trailmix so he could see Jordan play in person. Even an older Jordan, he said, deserved a little reverence.

 I hadn't ever considered Jordan, or even more generally the notion of the legendary actually being alive and working today. I'm not talking the iconic (a Cher or Liza) or super talented (your Stevie Nicks), but the Meryl Streeps and Martina Navritalovae and John Williamses and David Bowies of the world (David Bowie, born David Jones, also a cousin).

Back to Jeter: is Derek Jeter a living legend?

Oh, a quick side note: fuck the mother fucking New York Yankees who can all line up and suck my fucking dick one after another. I felt like I needed to get that out of the way. I am not a Yankees fan even though I don't actually care. Weird, right?

So, living legend, or merely super talented? Is Derek Jeter just a Liza Minella? Liza with a bat.

Actually I wouldn't be surprised to find out Jeter had a Grammy.

He doesn't. Then again, neither does Liza.

Jeter's stats in his actual profession, the bases ball, are amazing. I didn't even know Roberto Clemente gave an award. Many major league players don't get to play for 2 decades, let alone win 5 World Series (world=San Diego to Boston, Seattle to Miami, and 2 cities in Canada) rings or play in 12 All-Star games.

And you know he totally fucked Mariah Carey.

And Jessica Biel.

Who the fuck is Minka Kelly? Cause her too.

Actually his bedpost notches may be as impressive as his MLB stats.
And, AND, he's part of the inspiration for the Tony winning play Take Me Out.

The other inspiration was racist, homophobic hillbilly John Rocker.

Read an awesome story about him here (it's where I got the pic of Rocker, thus allowing me to objectify a dude who can't stand teh gayz [possibly a little too much can't standing, if you understand the implication, which means that he probably is secretly, totally, gay himself]).
John Rocker, gay?
Probably a little
Anyway, as a patron of the arts, I made a point of seeing the future Tony winner Take Me Out along with the future Tony winner Avenue Q (at its last off-Broadway performance before moving to Broadway, and Lisa was there, and Kelly of the prior post was there) on a trip to NYC about 9 years ago. 

Avenue Q features puppet nudity. Take Me Out features serious male nudity. Steve from Sex and the City: I've seen his penis. Dude looks good naked. Actually the whole cast was pretty impressive. That was probably a fun casting session.

Daniel Sunjata, nice penis
Anyway, the gist of Take Me Out is that this amazing, popular, mixed race (which I guess Jeter is) baseball player decides to comes out (as gay) while still playing baseball. But I only went because it won the Pulitzer Prize and not because all but 2 or 3 cast members were naked in multiple scenes. And the entire cast was men. Cause, you know, girls, ick.

While its only tangentially related to Jeter, it did allow me to post additional beefcake, imply John Rocker might be gay, and state, for the record, that Daniel Sunjata has a remarkable penis.

This sentence from Jeter's Wikipedia entry (here) is the best:
Sportswriters anticipate that Jeter will be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame following his playing career.
Na wah! They really think he might make it to the Hall of Fame? Cause I think it's iffy.

Belated happy birthday dude! Rock on! And ROCKER on! (OMG I'm hysterical)

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