Sunday, July 17, 2011

An open letter to the woman SCREECHING in my ear at the Avett Bros. concert in Salem

"I'm a sloppy drunk who got ejected.... woooo!"
1. Yes, we all know it's the Avett Brothers. In fact, it says so right on the tickets! That, plus the fact that they never once did a Doobie Brothers song (or Allman Brothers or Osmond Brothers) means even the slowest among us might not have been helped by your banshee-like delivery of that information into my ear.

2. Fun fact: we actually were there to HEAR the Avett Brothers. I mean, the dudes are fun to watch on stage, because the boys get rowdy, but it really is the music first. So for everyone but you, your screeches distracted from their music. Tacky.

3. "Come to Portland" and "this is Salem"--wait what? A geography lesson? Come to Portland RIGHT THAT MINUTE... honey, they were doing a show. Did you want them to stop and pack up and go, where? "Portland!!!! Wooooooo!!!!!"

4. When your friends tell you they don't know why you're still single, they're lying.

5. The rest of the show was SUPER AWESOME for me, not that you asked.

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