Saturday, May 22, 2010

Flashback Song: "Four Seasons in One Day"

I was out running errands for a while and the weather here this past week has been crazy. I mean seriously crazy: a little bit of everything.

Which reminds me of this 20+ year old Crowded House song.

Underappreciated: June Foray

If you don't know that I adore The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, and its various cousins (Super Chicken, George of the Jungle, Fractured Fairytales, etc.), I do.

And June is part of a lot of that. She's the voice of Rocky, of Nell, of Granny. Hell, she was the voice of Cindy Lou Who and Jokey Smurf. The Annie Awards, for animation, have an award named after her now.

At 92 years old, she's still with us, but I thought why not give her a shout out to thank her for all she's done for my personal happiness--the only happiness that matter ;-)

Here's an example of who she is:


Thanks for everything! You totally rock!

Happy Birthday Laurence Olivier

Another quick birthday to a man with 1 Oscar (11 nominations total, plus 2 honorary awards), and 5 Emmys (out of 9 nominations). It's a sad statement that I've only seen him in Othello and Clash of the Titans. I think I have Rebecca on my DVR. Oh wait, I've seen Sleuth.


Happy birthday dude! Rest in peace!

Happy Birthday Sonya & Moz

It's Sonya's birthday. It's also Morrissey's birthday. What to do? Why combine them, naturally.

One of them has been a friend for going on 25 years now. The other has been a go-to for angsty musical accompaniment for just as long.


One of them I call when I need to procrastinate something (say like vacuuming my bedroom today, it's a birthday after all). The other is always represented on my iPhone or iPod.


One of them sang "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now." The other sang "Gotta Have a Gimmick."


They're so easy to confuse. I'm not even sure which one this is:


But I'm pretty sure I recognize this guy:

The most important thing you need to know about Sonya is that she (and Barry above) introduced Rebel to her "crack" (Chew-Eez), and she introduced me to Willy and Gracie and got them out of the doggie hell that is Denver.  Unless that was Morrissey... damn, I get confused easily.

So happy birthday to you both. Enjoy your travels and I hope to see you in person soon eventually.

And rock on!

Maybe you can team-up, like Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. Oooh, that would be cool.

Song of the Day: "Pacific Coast Highway"

I'm reluctant to do anything promoting the train wreck that is often Courtney Love Michelle/Hole, but "Pacific Coast Highway" pushes the same buttons that "Celebrity Skin" pushed (less the blatant Joan Jett vocals), possibly because it's the same writers. Also I'm pretty sure no one is reading the songs of the day regularly. So there.

Here she is boys, here she is world, here's JOHN!

I forget, sometimes, that John is a local again. So when I answer my phone and am asked "what are you doing tonight" I need to have a better answer ready,

But it's not John. John is wonderful.

It's the shit John likes to do. Yawn.

I mean, sure, sitting on my couch with my dogs make seem boring to you, but as compared to awkward "showtunes" (term used loosely) sing-along withOUT liquor, Club Couch is the shit [in a good way]!

Also it's important to note that John has a lovely singing voice while I... (DOT DOT DOT!!!)

My dogs enjoy my serenades, since they know eventually I will also feed them.

But I awake a broken man. Because, you see people, I got Liza Minnelli biographical information wrong. And not just wrong, but wrong with the assertion that I knew what the fuck I was talking about (and with a "Z")... and I didn't.

So everyone believed me.

And then John burst my bubble, quietly, privately.

Bitch.

So there you go folks, I said Liza did Sally Bowles (Cabaret) on stage and she didn't. And John knew better.

SIGH.

Why, I'm so humiliated I couldn't possibly go back (oh, I like where this is going).

Friday, May 21, 2010

Get Well Soon: Adam Ant

(h\t Dlisted)

Adam Ant is off on a bipolar mental health holiday in the UK. Here's hoping he gets the attention and assistance he needs. This is better than finding out he decided to off himself or others.



Get well soon dude!

All these competitors, coming together, to give me $

Why it's practically a miracle a scam.


You won $550,000,00! Yahoo! Mail congratulates you!
Yahoo! Mail      Messenger
You won $550,000,00! 
Tuesday, May 20th 2010
Get ed traffic to your web site!
Yahoo! UK & Ireland
  
 
Dear  Lucky Winner,
 
This is to inform you that you have won a  prize money of Five Hundred and Fifty Thousand UDS($550,000) for the Prize promotion which is organized by  YAHOO AWARDS & WINDOWS LIVE. Yahoo selected all the email addresses of the people that are active online, among the millions that subscribed to Yahoo, Msn, GmailHotmail, Juno, Aol, yahoo.com,att.net,roger,mail.mn ,Comcast,sbcglogbal,earthlink,verizon,bellsouth and few from other private/companies e-mail providers. Ten (10) people are selected quartely to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners.
PAYMENT OF PRIZE / CLAIMS
 
Winners shall be paid in accordance with their Settlement Centres. Yahoo Prize Award must be claimed not later than 10 days from date of Draw Notification. Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited and returned to its source as unclaimed.
 
Stated below are your identification numbers:
BATCH NUMBER: ............MFI/06/APA-43658
REFERENCE NUMBER: ........... 2007234522
PIN: ............ 1207
You are expected to contact our co-ordinator  Dr. Bratt Richards Via E-mail:dr.richardsbratt@gala.net
and send your winning identification numbers with the following informations as to enable our co-ordinator, Dr. Bratt Richards,facilitate the release of your fund to you.
1. Full Name......................
2. Country..........................
3. Contact Address.............
4. Telephone Number.........
5. Fax Number....................
5. Marital Status..................
6. Occupation......................
7. Sex..................................
8. Date of Birth/Age ..............................
9. Identity card(carte identite) If any ......
 
Congratulations! once again.
Yours in service,
Mrs Jane Andersen
SECRETARY TO THE CO-ORDINATOR)
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING!
You must keep strict confidentiality of your Prize Award claims to yourself until your money is successfully handed over to you inother to avoid disqualification that may arise from double claims. Yahoo Awards Team shall not be held liable for any loss of funds arising from the above mentioned.

Pathetic

I posted some songs for Robin to consider for her wedding reception in October, and a spammer has commented twice on one of the posts. The best part? They make fucking custom "koozies"--insulated drink holders. But why on that one post?

Both of those link go to moc.duoltuoknird (backwards, so they don't start adding spam comments here).

Seriously, if your business model is so pathetic that MY BLOG is part of your marketing plan, you need to think about learning a skill.

Flashback Song: "There's a Ghost in My House"

There's new music from The Fall, but it probably won't make a song of the day slot any time soon. So I'll give them a shout out with this track from my first days at the radio station.

I wonder if M Pete knows M Ward

Good day,

Please excuse this humble email if it offends your sensibilities, but I have no other means to contact you. I cannot talk on the telephone, so I did a search for your email address, which I found on the International Business Directorate Email Data Search. My name is Mrs. M Pete, I'm a 52 years old woman.

I am a widow who is dying of oesophageal cancers. I was married to Donald Pete, who was an Executive of Shell Oil Company. We are both British people who worked in South Africa until he was killed. Presently, I'm in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for Cancer in South Africa.

I have with a security firm a very huge amount of money which my husband deposited before he died in a tragic automobile accident where he was killed instantly. Because my doctors informed that I have several weeks to live I must find a good God fearing person who will see that my money is used for the benefit of the less privileged like homeless orphans and motherless babies.

I have decided to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes, I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few weeks to live, It is my last wish to see this money distributed.

My research says you are just the person I seek. Because you have been found #so trustworthy, I will like you to keep 15% for yourselves and give the rest to worthy charity. Maybe you could start the Donald Pete Foundation which will keep my husband name alive.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the financial company in South Africa/ Germany and I will send authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the finance company that is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein

1. Your Full Names
2. Your contact Address
3. Your Age
4. Your Marital Status
5. Your Occupation
6. Your Mobile Numbers and
7. Your Home Phone

Feel free to call Mr. Makolo on phone no: +27 785889966 and ask any question regarding this transaction.

I am waiting for your response.please reply in my privat mail add via (madam_pete@yahoo.cn)

Be Bless as you reply positively,
Remain Blessed,
Mrs M. Pete

Oh Robert Mueller, poor Robert Mueller

Poor guy's name gets thrown into so many scam emails. But I love that it says "help stop cyber crime" at the bottom!!!!

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Attention,
Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the past you have been transacting with some imposters and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Anderson, Wallace Fred, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Smith Williams, Daniel Wilson, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Philip Morgan, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some imposters claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these imposters. As a result of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us.

We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling Two million and three hundred thousand us dollars will be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of Three thousand us dollars a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world were you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM). We have advised that this should be the only way a which you are to receive your payment because it??s more guaranteed, since over Fifteen billion us dollars was lost on fake cheque last year 2009.

We guarantee 100% receipt of your payment, because we have perfected everything in regards to the release of your Two million and three hundred thousand us dollars to be 100% risk free and free from any hitches as its our duty to protect citizens of the United States of America. (This is as a result of the mandate from US Government? to make sure all debts owed to citizens of American which includes Inheritance, Contract, Gambling/Lottery etc are been cleared for the betterment of the current economic status of the nation and its citizens as he has always believed Our Time for Change has come because Change can happen).

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from FedEx website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.
Name : Donny Peterson: FedEx Tracking Number: 870456747216
Name : Angela L.Johnson: FedEx Tracking Number: 870456750392

To redeem your fund you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you 260us dollars only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is 260us dollars

Contact Information
Name: Mr. Nicolas Franco
Email: nicolasfranc1989@yahoo.cn

Do contact Mr. Nicolas Franco of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish him with your details as listed below:
Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home/Cell Phone:
Occupation:
Age:

On contacting him with your details your files would be updated and he will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of 260us dollars via Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order. After which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any authority raising eyebrow.
Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shippment Confirmation within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Once again we are so sure of you receiving your payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors.

Thanks and hope to read from you soon.
ROBERT S. MUELLER,
DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
TELEPHONE: 206-666-5283
FAX: 206-666-5283

Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Nicolas Franco of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

If I pay $165, I will get $6,500 per day

It's a deal so incredible (yawn) that no one in his right mind could pass it up. Another great scam...

Attention Beneficiary,

The Board of federal ministry of finance Benin Republic. Are here to notify you of your payment inherited funds 
of $2.500.000.00 UNITED STATES dollar, After  the meeting held on 28-4- 2010. His  Excellence  the PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN DR YAYi  BONI.Has Instructed this Department to been paying you your inheritance funds through western union money transfer for easier receive of your inherited funds you lost by scamers, without any further delay to avoid paying money to the fraud stars that is going on through out the world now.

You are required to send your name and address were you want your fund to be sending to you every day by day through western union money transfer, the maximum amount you will be  receiving every day starting from tomorrow is the sum of $6500.00. Also your are required  to send the sum of $165.00 dollar for the  Re-newing and reconfirming your payment data file  that was deposited in our office with your name and address bellow .

Beneficiary name----------------------------
Home Address--------------------------------
Your mobile Phone------------------------------
Your age-------------------------------------
Your country name--------------------------------------------
Your occupation---------------------------------------
A copy of your id------------------------------

contact this information's below for your payment immediately:
CONTACT PERSON: Dr.Paul Bola EMAIL:(paymentofficedept1@mail.mn) Mobile Number +229.662.313.68  As soon as the required fee of $165.00 is paid today for the renewing and re-confirming your payment data file of your funds you will start receiving your funds as from tomorrow.

Amount you have to pay before will be receiving your funds of $6500.00  every day payment is-----$165.00 If your ready to send the money get back to this office to  give you receivers name and where you can send it. We await to receive the western union payment details today. Please if you are not the real  beneficiary to this E-mail address don't respond to this  mail 

Thanks Rev.Fr.Henry Robert. 

As "Jones" is a common Polish surname, no one will be suspicious

I don't know if my email provider put the word "suspect" in the email 
subject, but it's awe-sum! 


SUSPECT: Let me hear from you.


Dear friend,

My name is Mr. Anthony Amanso. I am the personal attorney to late MR. BRONISLAW GEREMEK, a Polish citizen who was a Category "A" contractor to the Nigerian Government before he died in a 
car crash on July 13, 2008.

I am contacting you because the payment of Twenty Two Million United States Dollars for the last contract he did for 
Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) in 2006. INEC is ready to pay for the contract now but there is no one to receive the payment because he has no Next-of-Kin in his file at INEC, hence I have been mandated by INEC as his attorney to provide the Next-of-Kin for the claim of the money within the next one month. On this capacity, therefore, I seek your consent to present you as (an Appointed) Next-of-Kin, so that this contract payment would be released and paid to you. Once the payment is made to you, we will share it at the rate of 50/50. That is, Eleven Million for you and eleven Million for me. I must let you know that your name and place of residence does not matter in this process. I also want you to understand that we will not do wrong to humanity by claiming the payment because if we do not claim it, the government will retain it as nobody is to receive the funds as Geremek's next-of-kin. I want to assure you that this would be done under a legitimate arrangement that would protect you from any breach of the law. All the legal documents to back up the claim would be provided by me. The most important thing I would need is your honest cooperation.

If you are interested in this offer, kindly indicate by sending the following information to me for immediate submission of claim application to the INEC in your favour. The information I want from you are: (1) your full name. (2) Your full address. (3) Your age & occupation. (4) Your private telephone and fax numbers. Let me hear from you.

Best regards,
Mr. Anthony Amanso.

Bento, bento

We (my team of awesomeness) had lunch at Dragonfish Asian Cafe the other day (hooray for free lunch). This is my bento box, the Go Ban, with caramel ginger chicken (top right), asparagus beef (bottom right), spicy tuna roll (bottom left), and salad (top left--more of a nuisance than anything).

And Kassie had the Yon Ban. But that is NOT chicken fried steak--it's katsu salmon ("katsu" is Japanese for "chicken fried" I believe). There's also a California roll, cucumber salad, and potstickers.

Anyway, yum. It's a little spendy for lunch (about $10 for each lunch above), but the food is good, and it feels elegant. I think it's the cloth napkins.

Song of the Day: "Stop for a Minute"

Keane with K'naan (the Somali-Canadian hip hop artist who is the shit these days [in a good way]--I'm not sure how to capitalize his name).

Happy Birthday Al Franken



God chose Al Franken to save America. And it's working.


I can't resist any clip with Marilyn McCoo. Could you? Probabaly not (I've seen your blog, it's all McCoo.)


Stuart Saves His Family is hysterical. I've you've been to a 12-step meeting, or know someone who won't shut up about them, you should see this movie. Possibly 5 to 8 times. I'm not sure if it's the best SNL skit turned into a movie, but it might be.


Just being one of the smartest Senators in the US Senate ought to be enough, but you know me. He has EGOT stats, and they're impressive. 5 Emmys, all for SNL, 4 as a writer and 1 as a producer. And 2 Grammys, one for Spoken Word Album (Lie and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them), and one for Spoken Comedy Album (Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot). But the ability to draw all 50 states pretty accurately is impressive. I'm actually to draw something that's like 70% correct, but it definitely looks like something that was left in the back of a hot automobile and warped (when I do it).


But his policy work as a Senator makes me happy, and it's what I'm going to leave you with.



Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

It's "Everybody Draws Mohammed Day"

Did it sneak up on you again? Don't you hate that?

Today's the day.

I can't draw freehand, but here's my minimalist interpretation. I consider this me drawing Mohammed. Let your fatwa commence. Also I have pitbulls*.

* Yes I get that I totally say "pitbulls are just dogs" but give me this one, just this time. My dogs probably won't attack you, but don't leave your shoes unattended if they think you're having a good time without them.

Confidence in government, part 8,231,106

(h\t Salon)

"But I could learn how to do it just like I've . . . I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms."- Sen. Ben Nelson (D, NE)


Sen. Nelson knows about the holograms, which is more than I can say for... um... wait, what?

What does he know about the holograms? And does he know about Jem & the Holograms?

Why did this come up? Because the Senate, crotchety old men (and a few old ladies) who are so out of touch with modern American life that they have never used an ATM, are in the process of debating regulation of ATM fees.

And it's that kind of real life experience that's so reassuring.

Did I ever tell you my idea for replacing our current elections system with something akin to jury duty. Basically our legislative body would be replaced with something like a random pull from registered voters in each district. I'm firmly convinced things wouldn't get worse.

Happy Birthday Cher

I'm going to let Mario Cantone start this one for me:


Cher has an Oscar.

Cher has an Emmy.

Cher has a Grammy.

Lookout Broadway...

EGO_ (Oh, look at that.)

You don't need me to tell you shit, she's Cher motherfucker.

There's a scene in the movie Suspect when Cher is walking out to her car, talking to, let's say Dennis Quaid (it's been a while) and someone walks by and says something that sounds incredibly like they are saying "hi Cher" and she says "hi" and keeps walking.



I once had a screenplay idea in which Cher would play a Cher impersonator (patent pending) but I'm a lazy writer.

I traveled across the continent, into another country, to see Cher in concert. While this may not be the exact gayest thing I've ever done, I think we can all agree "top 5." And it was Halloween, and disco greats Sister Sledge, and whatever leathery survivors still performed as the Village People also opened. (I'm down there, somewhere.) Check out her limited-edition Elpheba costume.


I caught Cher "bucks" (play money with Cher's face on it) falling from the ceiling (I have pretty much no eye/hand coordination or physical prowess, except when I'm sitting among older Jewish pharmaceutical executives--I was the Michael Jordan of my row). I framed it for Chris Wilson, the number 1 Cher fan I know, and I'm pretty sure he has it sitting in a place of prominence, unless he hasn't unpacked his new home yet (he probably has, he's annoying like that).

My favorite-est Cher song of ever, ever comes from 1978 or 1979, pure Casablanca records disco perfection: "Take Me Home"


I love that she covered Greg Allman's "I'm No Angel" ("come on let me show you my tattoos").


Oh wow, I've never heard her do this Jimmy Cliff classic:


Here she is rocking the national anthem before a Super Game. I'm pretty sure this is within a few days of Chris Wilson meeting her, and getting her to sign his "Hi Cher" license plate (oh yeah, "hi Cher" took on a life of its own).


In terms of her recent output, I think this is my favorite (although "Believe" is pretty fucking awesome, it suffers a little from overplay).


But I can't leave without something classic. Here's her 3rd #1 hit, from 1974. I'm a little surprised to find out this wasn't produced by Sonny. But in the song's Wikipedia entry (here), I love that while the song was unfinished, the songwriter got a note from Snuff Garrett, the song's producer to "make sure the bitch kills him."


Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Song of the Day: "Fire with Fire"

New Scissor Sisters music=hooray in my book. But here's your warning, it will sound like a plaintive power ballad for almost a minute: who needs that? (Not it!)

It kicks up considerably around 1:00 in, but ultimately I will need to give it a few more plays to decide.

Scissor Sisters - Fire With Fire

BLAIR | MySpace Video

Multilingual scam!

Hello,

Dr. John Fisher... ed. T.H.Turner (London, 1855), Coll. No. *VIII, II, 263-272. 10) - Erasmus, Ep., I, 415, I'm 51yrs Old. I'm one of those that took part in the Compensation in awards many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $18,000 while in the London, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to the Compensation and lottery company with all my compensation documents, And I was directed to meet Mr. Lambert Lee, who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD AUTHORITY and a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I'm the most happiest man on earth because I have received my compensation funds amounting to $750,000 Moreover, Mr. Lambert Lee, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email as one of the scam victims, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Mr. Lambert Lee.

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

COMPENSATION AWARD AUTHORITY Name : Mr. Lambert Lee (Barrister) lambertleeesq@hotmail.com
8613694953740

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.

The only money I paid after I met Mr. Larry Gold was just $350 USD for the paper works, take note of that.
Thank You and Be Blessed.
Dr. John Fisher... ed. T.H.Turner (London, 1855), - Erasmus
此邮件已经过Ironport反垃圾邮件网 关过滤

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

This phrase freaks Jared out

(h\t Towleroad)

My coworker Jared was really concerned when I told him we needed to talk (... about how to handle a specific client request). Apparently as a straight guy he was pretty sensitive to that particular phrase. Ooops.

But this letter to Democrats from Towleroad is fantastic (shown in its entirety here).

You were so adorable when we were courting. Sure, you never really understood me, but I liked that you seemed to try. The White House cocktail parties were totally fun, and that Easter Egg Roll is something I'll always cherish. Or remember the time you let me march in the Inaugural parade! Other than that whole Rick Warren thing, I really thought we had a connection.

I know you kept telling me that you weren't ready for marriage, but I was willing to wait since you had promised so much else in the meantime.

But now, I've kind of had it. I'm just not getting what I need out of this relationship. You rarely call me anymore, and when you do it's to ask for money. We talked about joining the military together -- but now it seems like you are flaking on that commitment. You promised to protect me from the homophobes at work, but you don't seem to be in a hurry to actually do it. And -- that Department of Justice brief thing was just cruel. I'll never understand why you did that.

It almost seems like you're embarrassed by me in public. I know not everyone in your family approves of us, but before you got your new job, it seemed like you didn't care what they thought and were always ready to fight for me. Now, it's like you're a different person.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I still think we have a future. I want us to have a future. But I need this relationship to be healthy for both of us. And I just can't get excited anymore by your empty promises and half-gestures.

I need you to take a real step. You know what I'm talking about -- the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell.

I know Robert Mueller couldn't leave me alone for long...

This evening's scam is sweet!

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
INTERNATIONAL MONETARY DIVISION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING,
WASHINGTON, DC USA


ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

This e-mail has been issued to you in order to Officially inform you that we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which was issued to you by an International Lottery Company located in Manchester, United Kingdom. With the help of our newly developed technology (International Monitoring Network System) we discovered that your e-mail address was automatically selected by a newly introduced Online Balloting System, this has legally won you the sum of $800,000.00 US Dollars.

The name of the Lottery Company in which presently owes you the sum of $800,000.00 US Dollars is- Alliance Global Lottery Company. They ran an Internet Balloting system which automatically selects e-mail addresses all over the world, this system selects alphabets and numbers automatically and once it has gathered several alphabets, it then randomly selects domains. In this case, your e-mail address was one of the lucky winners.

Alliance Global Lottery Company placed an advert on their local TV stations, Radio stations, Websites and even hand bills. Due to the advertisement, your e-mail address must have been compromised which has caused you to receive a lot of unsolicited e-mails. We have placed a law suit against the Lottery Company claiming that you were never paid the sum of $800,000.00 US Dollars, they have hereby pleaded and requested that the Federal Bureau of Investigation should contact you on their behalf to immediately proceed towards sending the winner its legal prize as stated above.

Due to the pressure from the Federal Bureau of Investigation placed upon Alliance Global Lottery, they have deposited the sum of $800,000.00 US Dollars at a bank located in United Kingdom and the name of the bank is- The Hamilton Group. The account has been setup as an International Account and presently holds the balance as stated above, therefore the funds shall be delivered to you in form of a Wire Transfer. You are hereby required to immediately contact your appointed agent with the following information requested below:

FULL NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
HOME PHONE NUMBER:
CELL / MOBILE PHONE NUMBER:
BANK NAME:

You are required to immediately contact your agent with the above requested details and send the information to the following information below:

CONTACT AGENT DETAILS BELOW:

CONTACT AGENT NAME: JAMES WELLINGTON

CONTACT AGENT E-MAIL: jawellington@gala.net

CONTACT PHONE NUMBER: +234 80 54 444 571 OR 011 234 80 54 444 571

Once you contact the agent stated above, he shall contact you back with further instructions on how to proceed with your transaction. The Federal Bureau of Investigation has authorized you to proceed as we guarantee maximum assurance that your funds will be released and transferred to you without any further delay.

Yours Sincerely,
FBI Director,
Robert S. Mueller III,
Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Please people, keep your scam emails brief

Seriously, I need a nap to get through this one. My favorite part of this whole thing is that she mentioned her phone being monitored for their TQM policy, but one of the hallmarks of TQM is to eliminate inspections, and the fact that I care enough to point this out makes me so freaking lame... but you already knew that. Here's today's epic scam email.

Good day,
I am Wi cheung ,a staff of Private Banking Services at the; Bank of China (BOC) United Kingdom. I am contacting you concerning our customer and, an investment placed under our banks management 5 years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In 2003, the subject matter Investment came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our Private Banking Services Department. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 8.35 million United States Dollars, which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.

I was the officer assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the Private Banking Services Department, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings.

The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments . Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments.

In mid 2005, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in Europe. He directed that I liquidate the funds and had it deposited with a firm. I informed him that the bank would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges.

He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us.Cash movement across borders has become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11 in the Usa. I contacted my affiliate in and had the funds available.
I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited in a security consultancy firm, the firm is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations.

In line with instructions, the money was deposited . He told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 9th October, 2005.

In January last year, we got a call from the security firm informing us that the inactivity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit , and I could not understand why he had not come forward to claim his deposit.

I made futile efforts to locate him I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of the bank of china. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently he was dead. A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Canne, South of France . We were soon enough able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed.

The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin.

In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; he died intestate.

In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem.

The investigation did not ever yield any result My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit. According to practice, the firm will by the end of this financial year broadcast a request for statements of claim to BOC, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to BOC. This will result in the money entering the BOC accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the Private Banking Services Department. This will not happen if I have my way.

What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose.

There is US$ 8,370,000.00 deposited , I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so.

I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as BOC is concerned, the transaction with our deceased customer concluded when I sent the funds to the firm, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward.
This is the situation. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end.

My proposal; I am prepared to place you in a position to give instruction for the release of the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation.Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.

I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to the customer I will then officially communicate with firm and instruct them to release the deposit to you. With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have firm direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money from the firm. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions.

I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector.

I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience,this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let's share the blessing.

If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through my Email, If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project.
I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through through this email address. (wicheng@admin.in.th ) I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.

Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, Or send me your response on Yim I.d my Email: wicheng@admin.in.th to enable us commence this line of discussion.

I await your response.
Wi cheung .

I'm sure they'll back me on sex education because of this

"If Mark Souder is capable of sexual misconduct, it could happen to anyone."--Penny Nance, Concerned Women of America (here)

"Well, he sure as fuck is capable of it, considering he was plowing his married staff member in state parks."--Me, Bitchy Bloggers of my Living Room (here

So according to the Concerned Women of America, this is everybody's fault but Souder's (it's the frat house mentality of Washington DC, despite the fact that he was fucking a woman who lived in his home district, back in his home district, and in his home district's state park).

But since Souder is on record as supporting abstinence-only sex education, I think he's guilty as fuck of being retarded. Because, um, hello, just say no. Sheesh, how hard (heh) could it be to just say no. Dumbass.

Why do I care? Because also Souder is on record as opposing benefits for partners of gays and lesbians because, you know, it's an attack on traditional marriage.

But not as much as fucking your staff member in a state park is.

I'm guessing.

I wonder what this is about

Song of the Day: "Ever Fallen in Love"

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear another cover of the Buzzcocks' classic, but I did like the Noisettes album last year. I think they did a pretty nice interpretation of it, but your mileage may vary.

Happy Birthday Dad

If you were to tell me 20+ years ago exactly how much I'd find myself acting like my dad, in little ways, I'd have cringed. But these days I just smile, because I think it's awesome. We didn't always get along great, but I am thrilled to have many of his little quirks (except the clutter--which I blame on BOTH parents, sheesh). My dad's smart, funny, snarky, and at times, a bit of a rascal. And he knows how to appreciate a good nap (see, a lot like him).

My mom reminded me of a reel-to-reel tape recording we made a billion years ago, possibly in St. Pete, FL, while listening to Hair, and during the song I said "they're talking about you daddy."


Here's some of the music I've associated with him over the years, from 8-track tape players (although I think the Fiat might have had a cassette) to CDs.




And for some reason, out of 40+ years of memories, I keep think of an old SCTV skit that we watched together nearly 30 years ago. "Functional. Functional."


Anyway, happy birthday dude dad! Rock on! And see you soon!

Happy Birthday Grace Jones

Put some Grace in your face.

Perhaps no other human embodies the phrase "hot mess" better than Grace, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. She's not for everyone, but you've got to give her credit for some over-the-top theatrical, um, shit. I bristled a little when she accused Lady Gaga of ripping her off (really Grace, like you didn't comb over old Bowie and Labelle photos?) but at least it keeps her in the news.

Grace is a year younger than my dad, and two years older than my mom. Consider that when watching her hula hoop through this song, last August. (Oh yeah, my parents are great grandparents, don't forget that part.)


Grace is absolutely a great artist for music video. Here's "La Vie En Rose":


And her cover of The Police's "Demolition Man":


I'll leave you with her 1986 collaboration with Nile Rogers--we played this at the radio station when I first started, and it was a pretty big gay club hit around the same time. Keith Harring's presence in the video brings it all together:


Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Happy Birthday Pete Townshend

It's my dad's birthday, which we'll get to shortly, but I want to get through 2 musical icons.

First up, Pete Townshend. He has a whopping 1 Grammy, and it's not as a member of The Who. I mean, fuck, Rick Springfield has a competitive Grammy and The Who do not. And yet here I am talking about it like it's actually a meaningful award. I'm just weird.

Right, anyway, Townshend has both a Grammy (Best Cast Album) and a Tony (Best Orchestration) for the musical version of The Who's Tommy. He is also an Oscar nominee for the now retired category of Best Music Scoring, Original Song Score, or Adapted Score for (duh) Tommy.

And he's in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

And he's gay.

But he's not a pedophile. At least the police said he didn't save any files.

Phew.

Anyway, here's some music.




Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

And assisting with the European lottery?

What a Tuesday night!!!

My name is Mr William Wilcox , I work with the Euro Lottery. I am soliciting your assistance for a swift transfer of 4,528,000 GBP, should you be willing to assist me in this project? you will be giving me just 40% of your winnings.Just as a brief,you just have to register online,due to my position in the company I can make it happen that you would be a winner of the above stated amount.Naturally, every body would like to play a lottery if they are assured of winning.I am assuring you today to be a winner, please do not take for granted this once in a life time opportunity as we both stand to collectively gain from this at the success of the transaction.Should you be willing to assist me in this transaction please do respond to e-mail: williambenson@admin.in.th
Identify yourself with this ReferenceNumber:UK/3027/445

Regards,
William Wilcox

Another Microsoft lottery win? I'm amazing!

This scam is brilliant. Check the warning at the bottom!!!

MICROSOFT AUSTRALIAN ONLINE LOTTERY.
The Microsoft Lottery
P O.Box 1010
Sydney, Australia
(Customer Services)

OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION.

It is obvious that this notification will come to you as a surprise but please find time to read it carefully as we congratulate you over your success in the following official publication of results of the E-mail electronic online Sweepstakes organized by Microsoft, in conjunction with the foundation for the promotion of software products, (F.P.S.) held on 18th May, 2010,in Australia, where your email address emerged as one of the online Winning emails in the 2nd category and therefore attracted a cash award of $1,000.000.00usd (One Million United States Dollars) Our winners are arranged into four categories with different winning prizes accordingly in each category. They are arranged in this format below:

CATEGORY NO.OF WINNERS WINNING PRIZES:
1st. 2 ?$500,000.00 usd each
2nd. 8 ?$1,000,000.00 usd each
3rd. 13 ?$750,000.00 usd each
4th. 27 ?$970,000.00 usd each

We write to officially notify you of this award and to advise you to contact the processing office immediately upon receipt of this message for more information concerning the verification, processing and eventual payment of the above prize to you.

It is important to note that your award information was released with the following particulars attached to it.

(1) lucky numbers:7-18-87-45-69-63
(2) ticket numbers: G276017-487
(3) Batch: 25060788143-BTA/09
(4) Ref. Number: MICROAA4/214-0
{5} Serial Numbers: 49-3-678
(6) Bonus Ball Number:21

For verification purpose be sure to include:
(1) Your contact address:..............
(2) Your Tel/Fax numbers:...........
(3) Your Nationality/Country:.........
{4} Your Full Names:....................
(5) Occupation/Age.:...........

To file for your claim, Please contact your Validating Officer for VALIDATION of your winning within Twenty-nine working days of this winning notification.

Winnings that are not validated within Twenty-nine working days of winning notification are termed void and invalid. You are required to mention the above particulars of your award in every correspondence to enable the Agent validate your winning.

CONTACT:
*******************************************************************
West African Fiduciary Agent for MICROSOFT AUSTRALIAN PROMOTIONS.
REVEREND DAVID WHINSTON
Email: revdave.whinston@gmail.com
Telephone Number: +2348060432970
*******************************************************************
The Microsoft Internet E-mail lottery Awards is sponsored by our CEO/Chairman,Bill Gates and a consortium of software promotion companies. The Intel Group,Toshiba, Dell Computers and other International Companies. The Microsoft internet E-mail draw is held periodically and is organized to encourage the use of the Internet and promote computer literacy worldwide.

Once again on behalf of all our staff,
CONGRATULATIONS!

Sincerely,
MRS. RITA DOMINICA
ZONAL COORDINATOR.

Do not reply this email. contact our claims agent via his telephone number and email address
REVEREND DAVID WHINSTON
Email: revdave.whinston@gmail.com
Telephone Number: +2348060432970

All Our winners are assured of the utmost standards of confidentiality, and press anonymity until the end of the proceedings, and beyond where they so desire. Be further advised to maintain the strictest level of confidentiality until the end of proceedings to circumvent problems associated with fraudulent claims. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program.

You may also receive similar e-mails from people portraying to be other Organizations or Microsoft Corporation. This is solely to collect your personal information from you and lay claim over your notification letter that was sent to you, Kindly forward a copy to us and delete it from your mail box and give no further correspondence to such person or body. Microsoft shall not be held responsible for any loss of fund arising from the above mentioned.

May flowers

I spent some time on Sunday as tour guide to a friend's sister who is visiting Portland for the first time. We stopped at the International Rose Test Garden up in Forest Park, as well as the larger and more convenient to my home rose garden at Peninsula Park. And the roses aren't out yet.

But they're starting to emerge. Here's one that I caught waiting for MAX.

Speaking in defense of abstinence education...

(h\t Wonkette)

...is this Republican, Mark Souder of Indiana. He's the married man who had a fucking affair with a fucking staff member (also married).

It's almost like he's a complete fucking hypocrite who can't follow his own fucking advice. But, you know, I'll let him speak for himself. Keep in mind, he's married and he fucked a staff member who is also married. And he's a mature adult, not some hormone-crazed teen.

[UPDATE: Hey, the chick is who he was fucking!!! Awesome!!!!]

Is Scalia a sex maniac?

(h\t Eric)

Michael Kinsely brilliantly addresses issues surrounding Anton Scalia's controversial lifestyle choice (here, but below in its entirety).

Sex Lives of Supreme Court Justices

Now that the sex lives of Supreme Court justices have become grist for commentators, we are finally free to discuss a question formerly only whispered about in the shadows: Why does Justice Antonin Scalia, by common consent the leading intellectual force on the Court, have nine children? Is this normal? Or should I say "normal," as some people choose to define it? Can he represent the views of ordinary Americans when he practices such a minority lifestyle? After all, having nine children is far more unusual in this country than, say, being a lesbian.

Let me be clear: the issue is not the fact that Scalia has chosen to have nine children. That is his personal business. The question is whether he is an extremist advocate of the so-called "Nine Children Agenda." Can he deal open-mindedly with children’s issues when he has so many himself? Can he persuade his children to recuse themselves when appropriate (or, in the vernacular, "Just shut up, will you? I’m trying to write an opinion here. Sweetheart, could you please come and take him…stop climbing up my leg…watch it with that glass of water, buddy…no, that’s some condemned prisoner’s brief that daddy has to reject, so don’t …would somebody please take this kid…LOOK OUT for the… Jesus H. Christ, how am I supposed to get any work done"?).

Speculation is already rampant about why Scalia chose nine children over a more conventional lifestyle. Is he a sex maniac? That suspicion naturally arises. But perhaps once he started, he just never got around to stopping. Or maybe he just likes children. In recent days, Scalia’s friends have rushed to his defense, going out of their way to portray him as a model of sexual restraint. "Every Friday a bunch of us used to go down to this bar to pick up women," one of his college roommates recalls. "We’d always ask Nino if he wanted to join us, but he always said he was too busy studying. Frankly, we thought he was gay."

Proof that God has a sense of humor, number 7,877,294

After prayer, she found my email address. Scam of the morning:

Dear Friend,

Good day and compliments of the seasons, i know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you'll make will go a long way to determine my future and continued existence. I am Mrs. Ivan Eduardo an aging widow of 61 years old suffering from long time illness.

I was recently notifed my late husband had an unclaimed deposit account worth the sum of US$6,400,000.00 which has been unclaimed for a long period of time and is presently facing danger of being declared a dormant account and returned to the government treasury. My present state of health does not permit me to take any action here and i do not wish to have the sweat of my late husband end up in the hands of undeserving government officials. I need a very honest and God fearing Christian who i can make the executor of my WILL and have this unclaimed funds in the bank released to you so you can use the funds for charity works.

MY GREATEST WISH IS TO GIVE THIS FUNDS TO YOU FOR CHARITY WORKS. I found your email address from the internet after honest prayers to the LORD to bring me a helper and i decided to contact you if you may be willing and interested to handle these trust funds in good faith before anything happens to me.

I am desperately in keen need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you for this task, you must not fail me and the millions of the poor people in our todays WORLD. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved,100% RISK FREE with full legal proof. Please if you would be able to use the funds for the Charity works please kindly let me know immediately.

Please kindly respond quickly for further details, reply quick or you will give me room to contact someone else to handle this task on my behalf. Contact me on my private email (edw_gold1976@yahoo.co.jp)

Warmest Regards,
Mrs Ivan Eduardo.

Happy Birthday Mark Mothersbaugh



I want to compare his success as a composer to Danny Elfman's, but where Elfman is the gold medal winner, Mothersbaugh is a silver or bronze. And I want to do this in as polite a way as possible so I don't have to put up with a bunch of shit from Vancouver, Washington. Although, to be perfectly honest, it's probably inevitable, so here we go... Mothersbaugh, post-DEVO, has become a go-to guy for scoring/composing for TV, movies and video games, but while Elfman has done big scale music, for Batman and The Simpsons, Mothersbaugh's biggest projects are probably The Rugrats and Clifford the Big Red Dog.

And if you don't know better, and you don't have kids, you might not realize that The Rugrats and Clifford the Big Red Dog are both huge (Clifford literally). Well, The Rugrats were huge, they may have petered out. My point is, I don't know, hooray for Mark, composer!


I can't embed the actual Clifford credits.


I just saw that he scored the brilliant and bitchy Grosse Pointe television series:


Oh yeah, he used to be in a band. Here they are 30 years ago.


Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Song of the Day: "Superhuman Touch"

The band is Athlete, and this is from last Fall. But I think it works better in the Spring. (Your mileage may vary.)

She expects a kind response... from ME?

Dear Beloved Friend,

Greetings in the name of Lord Jesus Christ, I am Mrs. Augusta Madu, a new Christian convert suffering from long time cancer of the breast and have only six months to live, presently I am in a Hospital in London taken my treatment.

I decided to divide my late husband wealth to the tune of $10 million to churches in Africa, America, Asia and Europe and for humanity in general.

So please confirm the below items if you are interested to assist me in this noble course:
1. Your full name
2. Your mailing address
3. Your telephone and fax numbers

On receipt of the confirmed items, I will forward it to my Attorney so that some necessary changes will be made on the documents to enable you have claim to this Donation, as I wait your gentle and kind response to my mail, God bless you and your family.

Mrs. Augusta Madu

The United Nations cares about me specifically!

Benin is a popular location mentioned in these scam emails. I looked it up because while I know it's in Africa (or I think I know it's in Africa ((it is))), I don't know where. There's a lot going on in Africa.

Benin: "we look like a house key."

UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION UNIT, IN AFFILIATION WITH WORLD BANK.
 
Attention:
 
How are you today? 
 
You may not understand why this mail came to you. We have been having series of meeting for the passed 7 months which ended 2 days ago with the then secretary to the UNITED NATIONS.

This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of $2.200.000.00 United States Dollars. This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this have been agreed upon and have been signed. You are advised to contact Dr Collins David. Of our paying center in Africa, as he is our representative in Cotonou -The Republic of Benin, contact him immediately for the payment of your fund through the western union special payment.

The $2.200.000.00 United States Dollars will be paid to you through the western union money transfer for security purpose. Therefore, you should send to Dr Collins David.  Your full Name, your direct telephone number and your correct mailing address. Contact Dr Collins David immediately to enable him send to you the western union money transfer control numbers (mtcn), the text question, answer and every other relevant information relating to the western union payment.

Do contact Dr Collins David. Through this e-mail address written below. Person to Contact: Dr Collins David. Email: w-union@live.fr  hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your fund.

Regards,

Mr. Gregg Isaac.
 
For the UN Secretary-General

Monday, May 17, 2010

Today's top secret code: C5

At less than a million dollars, this scam is not even worth my time...

Top secret

My name is Mrs. Cindy I am an executive chief accounting officer with a reputable financial institution here in the Philippines. I and my colleague has been monitoring one of our foreign customer escrow  bank account with the sum of US$686.361 six hundred and eighty six thousand three hundred and sixty one dollars that belong to one India national for the past 5years and the account holder has never came forward or operate his a/c for all this years .

With our investigation we just find out that this customer was deported back to India 5yrs ago and his name blacklisted by immigration department for some dubious crime which mean he will never be allow to entering the Philippines forever.

I and my colleague who is aware of this fund have decided to look for someone outside the Philippines who could help us to pull this money out of the Philippines as next of kin to the a/c holder.

We are presently looking for reliable obedient personality with good behavior to entrust this fund, a person who will not cheat us at the end of this deal.

I will submit to you the claims request and latest statement of account in due course.

Bear in mind this account has been dormant for five years and according to our internal banking laws it stipulated  that any foreigner account holder in the Philippines that fails to operate his or her account for  five years will be automatically move to a  dormant account and will be frozen and re-direct back to the central bank of Philippines but because I and my colleague has been monitoring this a/c  for a long time we put some clause to it and for that reason the a/c has no record with central bank to enable us pull out the money quickly without trace and knowledge of the central bank.

The account name will be mention later and we will also discuss about the shearing upon receiving your acknowledgement letter.

Am requesting your good effort to present yourself as the provisional next of kin and pls this has to do with top secret and it is risk free deal as the fund is under our control me and my colleague only...

If this deal interests you, pls kindly send me your complete  Name /Age/Address/Phone number and if  You think that you are not capable of handling this business and from your heart kindly delete this email as soon as you receive it.

You can call me on this number below and always mention C5 as soon as I pick my phone because this number is exclusive for this business and without mentioning this code please is sorry I will not answer you.

Urgent attention will be appreciated

Regards
Cindy

Call to my number+632-5687099 or email me cind@post.com
Security code C5