Saturday, May 1, 2010

Happy Birthday Marilyn Milian

It's been a while since I was a regular watcher of The People's Court (and I'm referring specifically to her run on the show--I didn't watch Wapner, Ed Koch or Jerry Sheindlin). Leland got me hooked and during a bout of unemployment work as a contractor it was on twice a day: when he came home for lunch and again after work (his work). If you don't know the premise of the show, small claims court cases are adjudicated on the show, through binding arbitration--but all participants are paid a (don't call it an "appearance fee") fee for, um, appearing participating. The award is deducted from the loser's fee.

Since I haven't watched her in 3 years or so, I'll say that it's possible the show has changed. But when I watched, the show was about the cases, with colorful participants, and some "wise Latina" flavor from her. I contrast the show with Judge Judy, Texas Justice, Judge Joe Brown, etc., shows where the judge's personality is a good 50% of the show. But her job was (is, but I'm writing in past tense since I don't watch any more) to explain the legal thinking and why something is or isn't right based on the evidence she's given. And that always came through, no matter how colorful or odious a participant was. Of course, this illustration actually undermines my contention, but it's amusing and I remember when it aired.


I actually see her as bigger than The People's Court--I think any news organization would be well served by engaging her as a consumer affairs expert as an her entry into anchoring a news/talk show (I'm looking at you Good Morning America).

I only know about her actual background from reading her Wikipedia entry to write this: summa cum laude from University of Miami and Georgetown for law. She worked in courts in Miami-Dade county (seriously, it used to be Dade county, and they renamed it in 1997 because, um, Miami is known worldwide... I don't know either), and ultimately was a Florida state circuit judge. If I were to guess, I'd say it was a pretty reasonable career for a judge, but someone saw something in her personality and the rest is history.

CBS's The Early Show, you could do a lot worse.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Financial geniuses but whoops, no beneficiary

Gracious Greetings

Am William Mark , Business Relations Manager for the Royal bank Of Scotland(RBS) in Glasgow, Scotland . I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate of a deceased client with similar last name and an investment placed under our banks management.

I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication. In 2000, the subject matter, an American investor came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a
financial portfolio of $8.35 million United States dollars, which he wished to have us invest on his behalf.

Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars. In mid 2002, he instructed that the principal sum (8.35M) be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in London. We got in touch with a specialist bank in United Kingdom, Natwest Bank Plc (NWB) London, United Kingdom who agreed to receive this money for a fee and make cash available . However Natwest Bank Plc got in touch with us last year that this money has not been claimed. On further enquiries we found out that the
American investor was involved in an accident in Mainland Scoltland, which means he died intestate. He has no next of kin and the reason I am writing you is because you share the same last name.

What I propose is that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. Natwest Bank Plc will contact you informing you that money has been willed to you. On verification, which will be the details I make available to Royal Bank Of Scotland(RBS) and Natwest Bank Plc (NWB) will be instructed to make payments to you after all the necessary verification and application is done. You do not have to have known the American investor. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in
half. In the banking circle this happens every time. The other option is that the money will revert back to the state.(Treasury) This is a lifetime opportunity for us. I hold the KEY to these funds, and as a British National we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily. I would want us to keep
communication for now strictly by the email below.

I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should act swiftly on this. Please get back to me immediately via the email below.

I await your response.
William Mark
willimarkmark@wduty.com

Song of the Day: "Thieves in the Night"

Another new track from Hot Chip.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Sad really

It's sad that, not only does this woman not have any heirs or friends, but also no neighbors, no nurses that were kind to her, no amicably friendly bag boys at her market? She has to email a total stranger on the other side of the world. Wow.

Hello Dear,

My warm greetings to you. Do take this email as real and contribution to humanity development. This is not an easy task due to my health condition and  that is the main reason why I contacted you after viewing your profile from the international directory. Not actually that you are the best with my intellectual grading but I was driven to contact you from the innermost being. And that was my main reason for getting to you. Please do not be offended and I will understand completely if you
cannot be of assistance to me.

My name is Mrs.Margriet Bernhard; I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to you for humanity services. I am 58 years old (Netherlands Citizen) and I was diagnosed for cancer for about 1 years ago immediately after the death of my husband who has left me everything he worked for and because the doctors told me I will not live longer than some weeks because of my health.

I decided to WILL/donate the sum of $5,500 000 (Five million, five hundred thousand dollars) to you for the good work of humanity and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows.I wish you all the best and may the good Lord bless you abundantly and please use the funds well and always extend the good work to others.

Here is the Contact information of my Attorney below:
Asesoria Cortijo
Notario & Tribunal
Mr.Martinez Pedro
Phone:+34-687-665-538
Email:deabogado@aim.com

and tell him that I have WILLED $5,500 000 (Five million, five hundred thousand dollars) to you and I have also notified him. I know I don't know you but I have been directed to do this.

NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished as i don't want anything that will jeopardize my wishes.
From Mrs.Margriet Bernhard

Song of the Day: "Skinny Genes"

Her name is Eliza Doolittle, but it could easily be Lily Winehouse. Still, fun pop song for a Spring day...

Another funds transfer opportunity... yawn

I know these scam posts get boring, but I actually got a lot of visitors who search on something from these emails (I can see what search strings brought people to the blog--spooky; and the 419 scams usually get the most comments), and if I can help some one avoid a scam, that's gotta help balance some of my bitchiness, right?

HSBC, LONDON, ENGLAND.
HSBC Holdings plc
8 Canada Square
London E14 5HQ

TELEGRAM: HSBC FOREX

Dear:Sir/Madam,

I am Harrison Clarke, Director Allocation Department of the (HongKong And Shanghai Banking Corporation) H.S.B.C. My office monitors and controls the affairs of the bank and approving of all foreign payments before the final release by the FUNDS TRANSFER Department. I am the final signatory to any transfer or remittance of huge funds moving within banks both on the local and international levels in line with foreign claim settlement.

I have before me list of funds, which could not be transferred to some nominated accounts as these accounts have been identified either "ghost accounts", "unclaimed deposits and over-invoiced" sum etc.

0n this note, I wish to have a deal with you as regards to an unpaid fund. I have a file before me and the data are correct and un-tampered. As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of these surplus funds to the England Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits. I have the opportunity to write you based on the instructions I received few days ago from the Foreign Debts reconciliation dept to submit the List of payment reports/expenditures and audited reports of revenues.

In this light,I am soliciting for your confidentiality and consent to apportion this unclaim sum in your name as the bonafide Beneficiary and it will be transferred to you after necessary and due legalization and notarization of claim. Every process of this transaction shall have the legal backup of the Court of law here in England

My conditions:

1. The sum of £10.5 Million GBP only will be transfer into your account after the proccessing of all relevant legal documents with your name as the bonfide beneficary,the transfer will be made by Draft or telegraphic Transfer (T/T) confirmable in 5 business days.

2. This deal must be kept secret forever, and all correspondence will be strictly by email/telephone, for security purposes.

3. There should be no third parties as most problem associated with your fund release are caused by your agents or representative.

If you AGREE with my conditions, l advise you to get back to me

Thanks for your understanding.
Harrison Clarke

Happy Birthday Willie Nelson

I might give Cloris Leachman some attention later today, but for this morning I'm going will Sir Willie Nelson (well, he'd be a "Sir" if we gave honorifics like that here in the U.S.). He's won 7 Grammys over the last 35 years, been an Oscar nominee, and written some truly classic country songs including "Crazy," "Hello Walls," and "Funny How Time Slips Away." I'm always surprised when people don't know about his early years as a writer (his voice didn't impress the record labels back then).

Songwriter, singer, actor, Farm Aid, IRS, pot smoker, Highwaymen, scoundrel, the best concert my mom's ever seen, ironic pop culture persona, icon. That was quick... I'd rather post some songs. In no particular order, here he is with Lee Ann Womack:


With Waylon Jennings:


With Waylon, Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson:


Solo, in a song I'm disappointed to discover he didn't write himself:


Another song he didn't write himself, but is fun:


And I was ambivalent about including this duet with Toby Keith, but 1) I fucking love the song, and B) I'd never seen this video--dude, it's CSI: Old West (anyone recognize the 3rd guy?)!!!


And there you have it. I've left out a shitload of stuff you might really like, but that's the miracle of the series of tubes.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Burn baby burn

No, this isn't a lyric from The Trammps (well, it's not just a lyric from The Trammps), it's an homage to 2/3 Governor Sarah Palin's ($, wherev) proclamation that America should "drill baby drill." Palin, as we were told by Sen. John McCain (R, AZ, but why do you care, you meddling kids), has a special expertise in domestic energy production. She, in fact, was appointed to the Oil and Gas Conservation Committee (for which she had little actual experience, but whatev), and she managed to put in 10 months in that post before resigning.

Given that the commission focused on oil field safety, and that she's a huge proponent for increasing the amount of drilling we do domestically, I am eager to hear her thoughts, given the facts of the Deepwater Horizon spill in the Gulf of Mexico (article here):
  • Traditional containment and clean-up approaches aren't working. "The scale of the surface response is truly unprecedented, both for BP and for the oil industry."
  • Capping the well will take 4 weeks. Drilling a relief well is also an option, but that will take 3 months (but I love that it's an option--how long will it take one guy with a canoe to clean it up alone?).
  • There is reference to the oil rig lacking a remote control shut-off switch, which isn't required by the US and which BP has been lobbying heavily against the US requiring. Pity this might fuck with that (but probably won't).
  • There is a rumor that the state of Louisiana will sue BP for damages (really, Piyush Jindal, first you ask for SOCIALIST HELP from the Federal government, now you're engaging in frivolous lawsuits that will surely drive up the cost of gasoline, you're practically a Democrat!).
So I will keep checking Palin's Facebook page (to which I will not link), because I just know she's got something insightful to share. After all, she put in 10 months on the committee. Well, except I know shit shuts down in the Summer, because you've got to enjoy the good weather when you've got in there, so maybe 6 months.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Giving home wreckers a bad name

I am home sick today. I've had an upper respiratory infection this week, and in between hacking up phlegm and sleeping off NyQuil hits, I caught Rielle Hunter (born: Lisa Jo Druck) on Oprah.

Rielle/Lisa Jo is the fierce titan of new age honesty that had an affair with John ("Johnny") Edwards while his wife had/has cancer. And she got pregnant and had his bastard child (baby girls can be bastards, right?)--it's not like he didn't know that she wasn't using birth control. And she knew she wasn't using birth control. So, you know, quelle surprise!

But here's the thing, I'm not judging her for being a home wrecker awakening John's new romantic life. I'm not judging her for her clearly sociopathic tendencies. I'm not even judging that fact that she is playing coy about whether or not she is still with Johnny (it was an hour-long interview of her explaining that, really, she's a private person, and that question is rude)--by the way, clearly she is still with Johnny, because when he drops her, she'll go all Beau Breedlove on him and try to get him recalled or overthrown or something. The ditched Rielle Hunter is going to be fun, invite me over for that Oprah (or whoever's taken her place).

No, here's why I am judging Rielle/Lisa Jo (and I will preface this with "girl you done good with the hair" so it's not all mean):
  • You dressed to go on Oprah like you were going to Safeway. Since I'm not a regular Oprah viewer, I don't know if Oprah always looks like she doesn't have a stylist, or if she saw what you were wearing and took pity, and frumped it up ("hey, intern, loan me your cardigan, I don't care what size it is!"). There was a weird white splotch on Hunter's right thigh. I thought it might be dried semen, but remembered that dries clear, like Krispy Kreme icing (or, you know, so I've heard), so maybe it was a bleach stain? Did she not know Oprah was coming that day?
  • At 42 or 43 years old (my age presently), she made meaningful eye contact (in gay language, she "cruised" him) and went up to his dinner companion and said he (Edwards) was "so hot." Yes, he's handsome with good hair, a large penis (or so I've been told), and a lot of money, but girl you are in your 40s and you're not trolling around the RVs at a NASCAR infield. Get a better come on line. Try "did we meet on the Hamptons last Summer" if you don't have anything else. (Although as I type this, I will acknowledge that it was successful for her, so maybe I need to reconsider...)
  • And finally, she didn't recognize him. She didn't recognize him. She had "a lot going on in 2004," and didn't know the man who was THISCLOSE to being elected VP. I just can't abide a whore who doesn't keep up with current events.

A partnership invitation

Partnership Invitation

FROM
MR. EMEKA AMADI
ZENITH BANK PLC –LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Friend,

With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose I decide to contact you as I believe you will be of great assistance to me. Meanwhile, it's just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I am a banker by profession from Nigeria in West Africa and currently holding the post of Director Auditing and Accounting unit of the bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($15.5million) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family on 31 July 2000 in a plane crash. You can confirm the geniuses of the deceased death by clicking on this web site.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Hence, I am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60/40. If you agree to my business proposal, further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as i receive your return mail.

Have a great day.

Yours.
Mr. Emeka Amadi
Director Auditing
and Accounting
Zenith Bank Plc
Plot 84, Ajose Adeogun
Street, Victoria Island
Lagos, Nigeria

Reply to my new email address.

Email: emekaamadi2008@gmail.com

Happy Birthday Michelle Pfeiffer

I'll just start with this.


She is the voice of Mindy, from Season 5 of The Simpsons (aka "the golden years").


True, she was also in the epic fail that is Grease 2, but as an up and coming actress can you blame her? I'm sure Adrian Zmed and Lorna Luft envy her career, at least a little.


She's actually really good in Scarface (except her dancing, WTF is that about?), but this montage cuts away too often--you can't soak in her reactions.


Of her 3 Oscar nominations, the one for Best Actress in The Fabulous Baker Boys was her most deserved. I thought Jessica Lange was great in Music Box the same year, and either would have been a better win than Jessica Tandy in Driving Miss Daisy. Beau Bridges deserved at least a nomination for his performance, especially considering Dan Akroyd was nominated for Supporting Actor for Driving Miss Daisy (seriously). And yes, that's Jennifer Tilly at the beginning (as if there is another with that voice).


But her best performance, hands down, is in Batman Returns. It was the same year as Love Field, for which she picked up an Oscar nomination, and I can't help be feel like that came, in part, from Catwoman.


Turns out I haven't seen many of her movies from the last 18 years or so (not I Am Sam, not Wolf, not The Story of Us, not White Oleander). I saw What Lies Beneath but I seem to be blocking out those memories. And Hairspray... well, nevermind.

Anyway, happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Flashback Song: "Bells of Madness/Fantasy is Reality"

Bass player Rob Wasserman followed up his 1988 Duets album (on which his bass and a vocalist were the duet), with Trios in 1994. As you might expect, Trios combined his bass with either 2 vocalists, or a vocalist and another instrumentalist (or possibly 2 other instrumentalists, it's early).

I recall liking a couple of the tracks, but the real gem was a collaboration with Carnie Wilson and her father. It was a striking improvement from the crap that Wilson Phillips had done, and possibly the first time she'd recorded with her dad (along with sister Wendy, the 3 released an album as The Wilsons a few years later).

The song is elegant in its simplicity, with piano and bass accompanying her until Brian joins. I'm not sure if this is a glimpse of what she's capable of, or if this is the best she'll ever sound, but it's Carnie's birthday and this is the best song she's ever recorded (so far).


Happy birthday dude!

Song of the Day: "You Must be Out of Your Mind"

Newish music from The Magnetic Fields, off Realism. This is only the second track I've heard from this disk, and there's definitely a different feel (it's the sobering yang to the raging yin of Distortion, apparently).

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The secret shopper is now the mystery shopper

But a scam is still a scam. And this is a scam. So if you found this blog checking the authenticity of this offer, it's a scam. The "cheques" they send will be forgeries, and after you've finished wiring them money (because Western Union or Moneygram will be the first company you need to evaluate) your bank will hold you accountable for the missing money, and law enforcement might want to talk to you also.

MYSTERY SHOPPER WANTED
EARN NO LESS THAN
$ 300.00
Need extra INCOME!
Become our [ MYSTERY SHOPPER]:
Earn [ NO LESS THAN $300.00 ] Per Venture:
It is Very Easy and Very Simple:
No Application fees:

Here's your chance to get paid for shopping and dinning out.

Your job will be to evaluate and comment on customer service in a wide Variety of shops,Stores, restaurant and services in your area.

Mystery shoppers are Needed Throughout America .Canada and The Uk

You'll be paid to shop and dine out-plus,you can also get free meals, Free merchandise, Free services, free Entertainment, Free travel and more.

Great Pay. Fun Work. Flexible Schedules.No experience required. If you can shop-you are qualified!

Let me explain to you what it entails

What is a mystery shopper?

A mystery shopper is like being 007 at the mall. Mystery shoppers must complete their assignments and go un-detected. Mystery Shoppers receive assignments consisting of a variety of business types such as: restaurants, food chains, automobile dealerships, retail stores, and more.

Businesses benefit from the services of a mystery shopper because they report their unbiased review from a customer standpoint. This enables the business to identify problems that could result in a unhappy customer and loss of sales. As you can see, mystery shoppers have a great responsibility and are paid accordingly.

As a Mystery Shopper you can:
earn up to $300 per assignment
have a flexible schedule and hours
pick and choose what assignments you want
bring your kids with you on assignments.
work part time or full time.
get free merchandise
get paid for dining out
stay at hotels for free
get paid for going to the movies
and much more...

We will be sending you cheques for any of your assignments which you will cash at your financial institution and you use the money to carry out the assignment . You do not have to use any money from your pockets. So We will provide you the money for all your assignments.

What you need to do is to contact the email below jobvacancy2010@i12.com

The following information below will be needed :
Full Name:
Address (no Po Box):
City:
State:
Zip code:
Phone Number(s):
Email Address:
Age:
Occupation:

We look forward to working with you
Agent Smith

Six months to live is a recurring motif

Dear Beloved Friend,

Greetings in the name of Lord Jesus Christ, I am Mrs. Joanna Lawson, a new Christian convert suffering from long time cancer of the breast and have only six months to live, presently I am in a Hospital in London taken my treatment.

I decided to divide my late husband wealth to the tune of $10 million tochurches in Africa, America, Asia and Europe and for humanity in general.

So please confirm the below items if you are interested to assist me in this noble course:
1, your full name
2, your mailing address
3, your telephone and fax numbers

On receipt of the confirmed items, I will forward it to my Attorney sothat some necessary changes will be made on the documents to enable youhave claim to this Donation, as I wait your gentle and kind response to my mail: joannalawson@f-mail.net

God bless you and your family.
Mrs. Joanna Lawson

Happy Birthday Harper Lee

This is about the book. Her only book. To Kill a Mockingbird is an American classic, winning the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 1961 and named Best Novel of the Century by Library Journal (presumably voted on by librarians).

There is a scene, near the end of the book, where Scout summons the courage to walk with Boo Radley to his front door, and from his porch she can see her neighborhood from literally and figuratively a new angle. The prose is charming. I well up when I read it. And I re-read it. I haven't in a while, but there's a copy somewhere around here. Sadly, not close enough for me to find to put the paragraph in here. But it's good.

Oooh, oh, I found some of it. I searched on "Boo Radley's porch" and found a blog with some of the quote. By the way, search that string and you'll see it's not just me.

Atticus was right. One time he said you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them. Just standing on the Radley porch was enough.--Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
Now for the bitchy part. There is speculation that Lee didn't write the book, that it was written by Truman Capote (her childhood friend) and a gift to her. She has published 3 essays for magazines and nothing else since, she does not grant interviews, and she rarely makes public appearances. Which sounds no different than J.D. Salinger, and no one accuses him of anything, so maybe we can let this one go. It's absolutely likely that Capote lent his talents to her work, but since Mockingbird is bigger than Lee or Capote or any of his works, I can't imagine him being so gracious without a little bitchiness about it here or there.

Horton Foote adapted the novel for the screen, winning the first of his 2 Oscars. Gregory Peck won Best Actor. Here's a clip.

Song of the Day: "My Time"

As a man with the sophisticated wit of a 14-year old, I love the band name Minus the Bear. They are inspired by the TV series BJ and the Bear (I know, right). They're the first band I've heard where the label "math rock" made sense (on earlier records it did, at least--look for "Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse" if you're curious).

This may be the most straight-forwardly pop I've heard them sound and even as I type those words I'm thinking that someone will consider that an insult. But it isn't. Though if you want to fight about it, let me finish my coffee and we can go...

What's up with this year's Tony Awards?

I'm glad you asked.

They just updated their website (here), and OMG OMG OMG Glee's Lea Michele will announce the nominees (along with Jeff Daniels, yawn--why not Finn?!) on May 4th. You might have missed it! Better write it down.

Defective fucking Dilbert calendar saga continued

Below is a scan of the letterhead, and is NOT meant to convey any relationship with the prudish, censoring, judgmental people of Andrews McMeel Publishing LLC. (That's my disclaimer in case they send a lawyer after me for using their logo.)

Key words: fucking Andrew McMeel Publishing won't fucking replace the defective fucking Dilbert page-a-day calendar because I had the fucking audacity to use the word fuck in my email

If you aren't up to speed on my defective page-a-day calendar melodrama, start here.

I asked Becky to write them POLITELY to ask for a replacement calendar. I actually asked (told, whatev) her to write and say that she noticed her boss's calendar was messed up and he never even noticed. And she called me SEXIST, which is probably right, but how stupid would it be to write about your lackey's calendar? (Sheesh, girls...)

But she did.

And she got a replacement calendar. Sorry, a non-fucking-defective replacement fucking calendar. And, AND, an apology.

Bitches.

Since my calendar is now back to normal, I don't even need the replacement, but at least they had to go through the effort to replace one, even if it will live at Becky's, a tangible reminder of the importance of not saying fuck... until after you get what you want. Here's the letter she got (I've removed her home address for your protection--she and her husband are WELL armed, and I would not even joke about fucking with them, yes I'm talking to you Lyn, and your cookbook publishing goons--click the image to embiggen):

Songs I insist Robin consider for her wedding reception (part 5)

Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam


Luther


Shannon


Debarge


The Jets

Christ is looking out for me

Christ Obi, that is, from Nigeria

ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT
OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATION
INTERNATIONAL CREDIT SETTLEMENT,
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA ,

 

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract/ inheritance file and found that why you have not relieved your payment is because you have not fulfilled the obligation given to you in respect of your contract/Inheritance payment. Secondly we have been informed that you are still dealing with none Officials in the Bank your entire attempt to secure the release of the fund to you. We wish to advise you that such an illegal acts like this has to stop if you wish to receive your payment since we have decided to bring a solution to your problems. Right now we have arranged your payment through our swift card payment center Asia Pacific, that is the latest instruction from Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar' Adua [GCFR}

Federal Republic of Nigeria and Federal Ministry of Finance. This Card Center will send you an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw your money in any TAM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is one thousand five hundred dollars per day, so if you like to receive your fund this way please let us know by contacting the CARD PAYMENT CENTER an also send the following information to him in order for him to proceed immediately:

1. Full Name:
2. Phone and Fax Number:
3. Address where you want them to send the ATM CARD to {p.o box not accepted}
4. Your age and current occupation:
5. A copy of your identification:
 
However, kindly find the contact Person:
Dr. Dennis Mather
Director, ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT.

The ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER has been mandated to issue out USD$6,200,000.00 as part payment for this fiscal year 2009/2010. Also for your information you have to stop any further communication with any other person {s} or Office {s} to avoid hitches in receiving your ATM payment if at all you are dealing with any person. Email me back as soon as you receive this important message for further direction and also update me on any development from the above-mentioned office.

Note that because of impostures, we hereby issued you our code of conduct, which is {ATM-811} so you have to indicate this code when contacting the CARD CENTER by using it as your subject.

Best Regards
Mr. Christ Obi.
Auditor General, Federal Republic of Nigeria

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Songs I insist Robin consider for her wedding reception (part 4)

Cameo


Kylie Minogue


Chic


Maxine Nightengale


Earth, Wind and Fire

Songs I insist Robin consider for her wedding reception (part 3)

New Order


C+C Music Factory


Janet


Uptown


Slam Slam (what?)

Now I'm just confused

My Dear

This is to inform you that arrangements have been concluded as regards to the shipment of your consignment of funds to your country. I choose to conclude it and make sure it is off already before contacting you. I found out that this consignment has been lying here because of non-payment of shipment fees.

This is why I decided to use my connections as the Shipment officer in charge of the National Security warehouse. (This is where all the abandoned consignments in Nigeria are kept at the orders of the Government of Nigeria.)

The consignment left Lagos Nigeria yesterday night en-route country via Germany/Spain. It is metal box, silver in color with a weight of about 150kg, the box is declared as containing diplomatic /inheritance documents only.

The name of the Courier Company based in Spain is Air Courier International LtdCall me immediately so that I can give you the phone numbers of the courier company in Spain so that you confirm when the consignment will arrive your country.

All I need from you now is your full details. (!) Your full names (2) Your postal address (3) Your private cell phone and fax number. (4) Your international passport or Drivers lances if you have any.

I choose to do this for you because I studied your file and discovered that you have paid a lot of money before abandoning this consignment and I believe you will compensated me well when you receive the consignment.

Note: I know the content of the Box because I could see the amount you are being owned by the Federal Government. This is why I decided to get involved.You must also know that this arrangement do not concern all the people you were dealing with in Nigeria before today as this consignment/Payment has been surrendered to the Government.

Hence my involvement.

Waiting for your call and your mails

E-mail id    dr.usmanshamsudeen023@live.com

call phone +234  802 241 2267

Best Regards,

DOCTOR USMAN SHAMSUDEEN

Song of the Day: "Dance Floor"

New music from Apples in Stereo, featuring little Elijah Wood prominently in the video. The song is fun and silly and perfect for Spring. You can download it free here.

Happy Birthday Kate Pierson

[UPDATE: Holy shit, I was wrong about the R&R H of F... d'oh! Thanks anonymous commenter.]

As a member of The B-52s, she's New Wave royalty, and an inductee in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. She's also Georgia music royalty (which is where I grew up and went to college). And a camp icon.

And, AND, now she's a lesbian. Sheesh, talk about gilding the lily. (Kate, we love you already, you can take a break.)

The band's been nominated for a few Grammys here and there, but no wins. The band appears briefly in One Trick Pony, a favorite movie of mine. And she's Mrs. Vandervere in Nickelodeon's The Adventures of Pete & Pete.


I featured her duet with Iggy Pop last week on his birthday, and if I put "Shiny Happy People" on here I am going to get an angry email from an old (*old*) friend. So I'm going with a song that features her harmonies with Cindy Wilson, "Summer of Love."


Happy birthday dude! Rock on! And see you in August at the Oregon Zoo!

I love Scottish music

Or so I drunkenly proclaimed Sunday night, at Camera Obscura: them, Aztec Camera, The Blue Nile, Teenage Fanclub, Belle and Sebastian, Jesus and Mary Chain, Garbage, and Annie FUCKING Lennox... need I go on? Good.

Except that I foolishly included Sheena Easton's name (like I said, drunk) and BAM, today's her birthday. And she has 2 Grammys (Best New Artist and, love this, Best Mexican-American Performance with Luis Miguel ((um, hello, it's Mexican-American, not Mexican-Scottish, what gives))).

Since Sugar Walls is Chris Wilson's drag name, I'm going with that. Also, it's such a poorly written song (it's Prince, on auto-pilot, but Easton was smart enough to understand that he could revitalize her career for a bit) that I love the awkward innuendo.


Happy birthday dude! I will see you in Glasgow, if you're still working at the Olive Garden there...

I like that they spell it Micro-Soft

 It's misspelled at the bottom.

YAHOO AWARDS CENTER.
BRITISH MICROSOFT E-MAIL SELECT AWARD FROM HEAD OFFICES LONDON
ON,APRIL, 2010.
British Microsoft Award
Headquarters: Customer service
68 Newman Street. City,
London. Country,
United Kingdom. Postal/Zip Code,
W1T 3EF



Attn: WINNER,

Your email addresses have just won a YAHOO & WINDOWS LIVE prize money of £1,500,000.00 GBP

BRITISH POUNDS STERLING) (£1,500,000.00 GBP )APRIL, 2010

Award winners emerge through random selection of all active email subscribers online. Six are selected monthly to benefit from this promotion.

Payment Of Prize And Claim

Winners are to be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center. This Prize Award must be claimed in not later than one month from date of draw notification after which unclaimed prizes are cancelled.

WINNER NO: 4

these are your identification numbers:

Batch Number: YPB/08/APA-43658
Reference Number: YPN560992008
Award File Security code: UK/+ QU34005
These numbers fall within the United Kingdom file. Thus, you are requested to contact our fiduciary agent in United Kingdom and send your winning identification numbers to him:

CONTACT INFORMATION OF OUR AGENT IN UNITED KINGDOM:
NAME MR. James  West
E-mail: micirosoft22@hotmail.com
Kindly send the following information to your claim agent to facilitate the release of your fund.

1. Full name...............................................

2. Country..........................................................

3. Telephone

4. Fax Number...........................................................

5. Sex........................................................................

6. Date of birth............................................................

7. Marital Status...........................................................

8. E-Mail Address:

9. Occupation.................................................................

10. Contact Address.........................................................

11. Copy of your International passport or Drivers license......

Once your agent acknowledges receipt of this required detail, transfer would commence.

Congratulations!! Once Again.

Yours in service,
[Prof John Martins] [Mrs. Mary E. Chris]
[British Microsoft Award Manager] [British Microsoft Award Secretary]
NOTE
You are hereby advised not to disclose the content of this Prize Award until your money have been remitted to you to avoid disqualification that will arise from dual claim.

[Signed By: Dr. A. W. George]
Lottery Board Director
Head Office U.K

BELOW IS OUR RECENT SELECTED AWARD WINNER OF MICRO-SOFT EMAIL WHO HAS ALL CLAIMED THEIR WINNING PRICE FROM OUR HEAD OFFICE IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.

Sgt. Lee Eric = scam

Actually, there might be a perfectly legitimate Sgt. Lee F. Eric who serves (or served), but this email purportedly from "him" (I guess, technically Lee could be a female) is clearly another scam.

My name is Sgt. Lee F Eric . I need your help in keeping & Investing the money that  we moved from Ba'qubah in Iraq  safe in your country.

As you know i am not a businessman and need help in Investing this funds in any good  business idea & venture that you have, due to the financial credit crisis i know my funds will be safer in  your hands. As you are very much aware most troops will be leaving Iraq this year A milestone in the completion of the British & American mission in Iraq is achieved. We have already left the major cities. Iraq will now take  greater control of its own security.

We moved this funds and kept it safe in Kuwait untill it was time to move it. The time is now, Now that we are handing over Security of the Green Zone to the Iraqis. We need to move the funds  now. You know the funds are legal and we got it from selling crude oil at the black market. we want to move the funds from Iraq now to a secure place or location. Can you provide that for us?

What do you have in Mind? I am still in iraq and i will be discharged soon, so we need to move as quickly as possible. I dont want to take any chances of losing the funds. That is why we must act now.

We are sharing everything 50/50. This is a legitimate transaction. If you are interested, i will provide you  further details and instructions. Please keep this Private & confidential. Can i trust you and will you help? I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Sgt. Lee. F Eric.

Songs I insist Robin consider for her wedding reception (part 2)

Deborah Cox


Deee-lite


Bananarama (but anything produced by Stock, Aiken, Waterman)


Alexander O'Neal (okay, look, I get that maybe a bride doesn't want a song about a girl who's "fake" at her wedding reception... not my problem)


Pebbles

Monday, April 26, 2010

Songs I insist Robin consider for her wedding reception (part 1)

D-Mob featuring Cathy Dennis


Bell Biv Devoe


The Time


Jody Watley


Black Box

Ian Knapper = scam

If you get this via email, here's the scam: their "payments" are forged checks and money orders. You cash them, per your instruction, hold back 10%, then wire the balance to them. And then 3-5 days later, you're on the hook for the total balance with your bank, and possibly guilty of forgery. So don't do it.

But if you WANT to fuck with them, sign up, and let them mail you a bunch of shit, and tell them you didn't get anything. They'll be on the hook for postage. Just don't ever present the checks or money orders at a bank. You can frame them if you like. [UPDATE: There's a real Ian Knapper Designs, and I'm sure they're just fine, but I doubt very seriously this scam email has anything to do with them.]


ATTN: PART-TIME JOB SEEKERS

Thanks for downloading.

We wanted to notify you immediately about a new job posting  that may fit your interest and skill set. Please review the information below.

My name is Ian Knapper, and I am the Director of IAN KNAPPER DESIGNS, We are currently looking for a book-keeper and work in a home-based.  If Would you like to work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weekly? We are glad to offer you for a part-time  job position at our company, as a book-keeper. We need someone to work for the company as a Representative/Bookkeeper in the USA. This is in view of our Company not having an office presently in the USA. You don't need to have an Office and this certainly won't disturb any form of work you have  at the moment. And this offer is strictly for USA Resident Only.

Title: 2010 Job Opportunities As a Payment
Representative
Opportunity: 22418872
Location: USA
Categories: Account Officer
Description: Below

The company may request to have your history and education verified. If you are interested in applying, give us your full name, full address and contact phone number cell and home

I'm looking forward to speaking with you more about our positions
Your Tasks Are
1. Receive payment from Customers via UPS or FedEx and you will be provided with tracking number to check the status of the payment.
2. Cash Payment at your Bank ( Payment Would come in your Full Name to enable you cash at your bank )
3. Deduct 10 percent which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed for a start
4. Forward balance after deduction of your percentage/pay to any of the Offices you will be contacted to send payment to. ( Payment is to be Forwarded by Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram ). Local Money transfer take barely hours, so it will give us a possibility to get customer's payment almost immediately.
5. Transfer Charges are to be deducted from our funds and not from your 10 Percent

IMPORTANT  NOTE:
Please note that this service is based on part time and will not disturb nor affect your present job. No Start up payment, No Tax or IRS involved. Strictly legal deal. If you are interested in transacting business with Us, we will be very glad. Please, forward to us the  above information's:

1. Full Name  
2. Full Standard Address ( Street Name and #, City, State and Zip Code )
3. Cell Phone and Home Phone 
4. Age  
5. Sex:  
6. Current Job

Your timely responses will be highly appreciated. If you are interested in our offer do get back to us with the requested information below. No Subscription Fee is required.

Thanks You!
IAN KNAPPER

Song of the Day: "Universal Child"

Annie Lennox has become a leading celebrity in the fight against AIDS and poverty in the third world. She appeared on last week's American Idol "Idol Gives Back" which I didn't watch, but I have her clip for you here (you're welcome). I've set this up to skip a long introduction (the whole clip is 8+ minutes, so if you are interested in the back story of a poor little girl with a dead mom, by all means, enjoy); it's not that I'm heartless, it's just that I only have so much time this morning.

Happy Birthday Giorgio Moroder

When I am finally allowed to redo all the Oscars for the past 40 years, many winners (like 3 time Oscar and 3 time Grammy winner Giorgio Moroder) will remain winners but will find a different movie etched into their statue. In Moroder's case, the very shitty song from Top Gun (I should be more specific--the very shitty Oscar-WINNING song, "Take My Breath Away"; I didn't mean to confuse Kenny Loggins who had a very shitty Oscar-nominated song from Top Gun) would be replaced with this:


I don't know yet (but certainly would ultimately have an opinion, as you might guess) as to whether he keeps the Original Score Oscar for Midnight Express, but I'm pretty sure the other, his collaboration with Irene Cara (the first African American female to win a non-acting Oscar) from Flashdance for the song "Flashdance... What a Feeling"--which I like to pronounce "Flashdance DOT DOT DOT What a Feeling" to make sure everyone knows the ellipses are there--would go away.

As much as I love his collaboration with Human League's Philip Oakey, I don't know that I'd award this an Oscar.


Okay, so you've made it this far, I can let you in on a little secret: Giorgio Moroder is one of the driving forces behind the disco era of the 70s (and for that, we are grateful, right?). I know you think it was all Bee Gees, but their line of attack was from Australia while Moroder, with help from Donna Summer, launched "Love to Love You Baby" from Germany back in 1975. I don't care for "Love to Love You Baby" but if there were a Nobel Prize for Disco, this collaboration between Moroder and Summer would surely be deserving. And credit where credit's due, classic American songwriter Jimmy Webb is responsible for the unintentionally campy lyrics ("someone left me cake out in the rain").


So there you have it, a little revisionist awarding this Monday morning.

Happy birthday dude! Rock (and disco skate) on!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Happy Birthday Ella Fitzgerald

(h\t to Eric for the reminder)

Friends in Atlanta named their daughter Ella, but she's more than just a namesake. She is a legend in American music, and earned the nickname the "first lady of song"--it speaks to a less genre-specific respect (Billie Holiday might be a better jazz vocalist; Bessie Smith a better blues singer) but she is clearly among the greats.

As an African-American, her movie options were limited, but she got a few minutes in this Abbott & Costello movie Ride 'Em Cowboy, singing one of her signature songs.


14 Grammys and several Presidential awards for arts-type stuff is a pretty significant legacy. But it's good to know her extensive cook book collection was donated to Harvard. Her Wikipedia entry says she appeared in The White Shadow, but I can't find any independent confirmation of that, so I'll assume that's not true.

Song of the Day: "Hurricane J"

New music from the Hold Steady's Heaven is Whenever album. I'm eager to hear the whole thing, but I'm not crazy about this first single. I might need to start working backward from Stay Positive just to get a fuller picture.

Happy Birthday Al Pacino and Talia Shire

This is about The Godfather: Part III, so some of you may want to jump ahead to song of the day.


I have a quirky fondness for G3, and to help explain that, I need to give you a little context. First, it was the first of the Godfather movies that I actually saw. I saw it during its theatrical release in 1990 and thought it was a solid movie. I had a sense from film class and from seeing The Cotton Club, that Francis Ford Coppola is so proud of the finale of the first Godfather that he has no problem going back to that same well repeatedly--this is hyper-violence overlaid with elegance (a wedding, the opera) in a series of intense quick cuts (in case you haven't seen any of these movies).

Oh, and in case you haven't seen any of the Godfather movies, a good friend who loves the movies once told me, as I was about to go see the first one in its anniversary theatrical re-release sometime in the late 90s, that the most interesting aspect of The Godfather was watching as Michael (Al Pacino) assumes the role of Godfather. "Cool," I thought to myself, "I will watch for that and see if I pick up on it."

Turns out that is like saying "the most interesting thing about The Wizard of Oz is watching as Dorothy tries to get home" or "if you're seeing Star Wars, look for this thing called 'the force.'" Some might even call this the plot. Not the sub-plot, just the plot.

Regardless, I loved The Godfather, and I'm sure it's among the best movies I've ever seen. I'm not as big a fan of The Godfather: Part II, which is also the only of the 3 I didn't see on the big screen (so it might benefit from a proper viewing).

But this is about The Godfather: Part III. Good, not great, and Sofia Coppola isn't nearly as bad as your think. But her (spoiler alert) death scene is a little much. A lot much. Pretty bad. (She's more than redeemed herself with Lost in Translation, when she became the third female nominated for an Oscar for Best Director and won Original Screenplay).

Oh oh, and Coppola family, a little nepotism goes a l-o-n-g way. Seriously, is it possible for someone in your lineage to take up work as a doctor or lawyer or locksmith or airline pilot? I'm not saying that Coppola's sister Talia Shire didn't hold her own in the 3 movies, but between her, son Jason Schwartzman, nephew Nic Cage, daughter Sofia, father Carmine (I'm sure there are more) it just seems like, yeah, sigh.

Anyway, G3. Solid movie, if not suffering a bit from what feels like Coppola needing to keep G3 within the same structure as the first 2 movies, the story itself is great. Michael's attempts to take the family business to legitimacy.

Oh, another aside--I'm working with my current employer for the 3rd time, and initially I was freaked out that we were being acquired by those folks, and on the first official day of the take over I received a mug with the most famous quote from G3 emblazoned on it: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." The quote is great, but the fact that it's from the 3rd of the movies makes it perfect.

Pacino is typically Pacino in this movie (fundamentally solid, but over the top in one too many scenes to make you question your love for him); he ought to have picked up an Oscar nomination, and kinda shoulda won Best Actor for this. He lost out on a nomination to Richard Harris for The Field (cue: crickets) and the Oscar went to Jeremy Irons for Reversal of Fortune (I'm pretty sure as a make-up for an earlier performance, but maybe not Dead Ringers as I'd like to think). And I'll add that if Pacino had won for G3, he would not have won for Scent of a Woman.

Talia Shire also deserved an Oscar nomination. I think at the time I would have argued that she deserved to win Best Actress (over Kathy Bates in Misery--I have a hard time believing I'd feel that strongly now, but Shire is great in this movie). Shire was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for G2, but watching her character based on the sequence of 3-1-2, I recall her not getting anything to do but get smacked except for G3.  Of course, 20 years later, I can't quite recall if she's trying to betray Michael, or plot revenge on someone else, or what. Spoiler alert: I think she kills the Pope.

Al Pacino has won the "triple crown of acting" (an Oscar, an Emmy and a Tony [he has 2])--he needs to get in the Spoken Word game for the Grammys to complete the EGOT. Talia has been nominated for 2 Oscars, and needs to see about a guest role on Law and Order: SVU to pick up an Emmy.

Happy birthday dudes! Rock on!