Saturday, April 24, 2010


He was a bit aloof tonight, but I'm sure he would have come around soon.

Another day, another dead tycoon with no heirs

P.O.BOX 30226
TELEPONE NUMBER- +234-8023932234


Dear Friend ,

Following my previous research, I am very happy to inform you that I have a good news for you as per regards to the current development of my deceased client who bears the name of Mr.Mark Burnett, a native of your country who was my trusted, wealthy client whom died in the January 27th Bomb blast here in my country.

In respect to introduction my name is Barrister Philip Williams a legal attorney with great vision as I am the private and most trusted attorney to the deceased.

However my client was a very wealthy business tycoon formerly working with the Nigeria airways for over 20 years till this date before his sudden  death in the January 27th 2002 Bomb blast that rocked his residence in Steven Toba street, G.R.A Ikeja, here in my country, view of this please kindly view the BBC web page below to know the reality of this urgent matter that I have contacted you for.

On Sunday, 27th of January 2002, my client, his wife {Lady Anna and their three children {Elizbeth, Dexter and James} were involved in terrible bomb blast that took live of innocent souls and unfortunately over 1000, people lost their lives and my client and his family were part of this people that lost their lives. In view of this please view the web page below

Frankly and authoritatively speaking I am very happy to let you understand that my client left over Twenty Eight Million Five hundred thousand {USD 28.5M} United States of America Dollars here in the Access bank of Nigeria Plc which is the main point to drive home that made me to contact you as I believe that we both can act like two matured adult in coming to the actualization of this Transaction for the betterment of us and family.

Be rest assured that as you comply to my directing this transaction will be executed in a legitimate arrangement that will prevent you from any breach of law in your country as it would be back with official documentation endorsed by the supreme court of Nigeria to legalize the claim of this transaction.

I have made all attempts to locate any of my client?s relative but all attempts have proved unsuccessful that?s why I am counting you and I need you to give me a good courage and faith that we can work as two partners in progress in coming to the realization of this transaction for the betterment of us and family.

Finally, all I need from you is your honest cooperation as this transaction is not related to Imagination or Internet Scam but pure and for real. I crave your indulgence to present you as the surviving next of kin to the deceased so that we can reap from the fruit of this old man labor before some group of bad and corrupt leaders in my country get rid of this money and share it for their own selfish interest instead of the both of us sharing it for the betterment of us and family.

I am awaiting your expedient response with some good news!!!!! That you are ready to work hand to hand with me.

2) AGE

After your response  I will brief you more about the transaction.

Thanks and God bless you,
Barrister Philip Williams

Sounds like... Everlast

This has been bothering me for a few weeks, until I realized, Broken Bells (James Mercer from The Shins with Danger Mouse)

Sounds just like this 10 year old song
You're welcome.

Song of the Day: "Why Does the Wind"

The second track from Tracey Thorn's Love & The Opposite, due out in May.

Happy Birthday Shirley MacLaine

I wonder if Debbie Reynolds gave notes when MacLaine played a fictionalized version of Reynolds in Postcards from the Edge. Here she is doing "I'm Still Here" (in D flat).

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Friday, April 23, 2010

The chicken payment calculator for your healthcare needs

(h\t Eric)

Sue Lowden (R, NV) is running for the Senate. She wants to replace Harry Reid, even after he got $500 billion dollars in pork for a magic levitation train that goes door to door from Disneyland to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch (or so a bunch of talking points would lead me to believe).

Here she is talking about the complex problem of healthcare reform.

This is fantastic. To make things easy, someone has created a simple calculator so you know exactly how many chickens to bring with you to the doctor's office, because "breast cancer" and "flu shot" aren't really the same, you know. Go here to see the calculator.

Bartering works. It does. But you can't always get what you need via a direct trade--I mean, how many chickens is enough? Paint my house again? So I'm introducing an intermediary bartering system that will set a common, current value for items, to make bartering faster and easier. It's called the dollar (patent pending). You're welcome.

Spoiler alert: it was only Santa

(from Yahoo! news)

NEW YORK – Producers of "South Park" said Thursday that Comedy Central removed a speech about intimidation and fear from their show after a radical Muslim group warned that they could be killed for insulting the Prophet Muhammad.

It came during about 35 seconds of dialogue between the cartoon characters of Kyle, Jesus Christ and Santa Claus that was bleeped out.

"It wasn't some meta-joke on our part," producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone said. Comedy Central declined to comment.

Earlier this week, the radical group Revolution Muslim said on its website that "South Park" had insulted their prophet during last week's episode by depicting him in a bear costume.

Jon Stewart touched on the controversy last night, with the Daily Show Tabernacle Choir.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
South Park Death Threats
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

Song of the Day: "This Ain't a Love Song"

Brit pop band Scouting for Girls.

Happy Birthday Jan Hooks

I was giddy to see Jan Hooks in 30 Rock a few months ago--she'd all but disappeared in the last 6 or 7 years, it seems. Which sucks because she is funny and talented as hell. ("As hell" is a good thing, by the way.)

Seriously, WTF? At (shudder) 53 she is 3 years YOUNGER than Jim Belushi, which is why super hot Courtney Thorne-Smith played his wife (13 years younger than Belushi) for the 28 years his stupid show was on TV (or it just felt like 28 years). I don't begrudge CT-S any success, except when someone like Hooks doesn't have an outlet for her complete awesomeness.

Chris Wilson and I had a chance to meet Hooks backstage at a k.d. lang show in Atlanta and it rocked our worlds! She had just started on Saturday Night Live but we were already long-time fans based on her two years on Tush. When you're 14, 2 years seems like a lot. Tush clips are finally making it to youtube so you can see what we saw, back in the day.

One Emmy nomination, as Guest Actress on 3rd Rock From the Sun (a show co-created by Tush costars Bonnie and Terry Turner). I'm hoping she can add a nomination for 30 Rock to the 3rd Rock one (see the continuation there?)...

She is probably most famous as Tina, the Alamo tour guide, in Tim Burton's classic Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Yes, I called it a classic.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on! And Courtney Thorne-Smith, girl you better sit the next one out...

Evil genius strikes again

(h\t Mary Elizabeth Williams at Salon)

I recorded, but have not yet watched, Wednesday night's South Park episode that may (but probably will not) tell us who Cartman's "father" is. The previous week featured a variety of returning "celebrities" (including Tom Cruise packing fudge and living in a house seemingly filled with closets, and a more mecha Mecha Streisand), and the Prophet Muhammed hidden in a U-Haul trailer, then in a bear mascot outfit.

But years ago (the show has been going for 13 years now, rock on dudes!) Muhammed appeared as a member of the Super Best Friends.

If you missed that episode (twaaa), the Super Best Friends are comprised of major religious figures. And Sea Man. But don't call him "semen" cause he gets kind of upset.
  • Jesus Christ - Extremely fast construction, carpentry skills, expert hand-to-hand combatant, resurrection
  • Krishna - Animal Morphing
  • Joseph Smith - Ice breath
  • Lao Tse - Psychic powers
  • Muhammad - Pyrokinesis, flight
  • Buddha - Invisibility (never shown using said power)
  • Seaman and Swallow - Underwater breathing and communication with sea-life
  • Moses - Supercomputer (who looks like the MCP from Tron)
Anyway, with their 200th episode (and 201) they decided to skewer everyone they've ever skewered all at once. Which is a lot. But apparently Comedy Central pussied out on episode 201 and censored not only the image of Muhammed OBSCURED IN A BEAR OUTFIT, but also the name Muhammed (the most common name in the world, by the way, or so the Venture Bros. leads me to believe). Which is finally bringing others around to something I've known for years: Matt Stone and Trey Parker are evil geniuses. And I know this because Becky made me start watching when she came up to Oregon for her first visit in like 1997 or 98. Or 99.
Assuming they don't get martyred in the process, Parker and Stone's greatest triumph is that they actually have a chance to wrest the notion of patriotism from the kooks spitting outside the White House and remind us all what it really means. These are two guys quite literally now putting their lives on the line for the ideal that this country was founded on: the right to say whatever the fuck you want without fear of retribution -- but with the acceptance of responsibility for your words and ideas. Patriotism, like comedy, isn't supposed to make anybody comfortable. It doesn't promise not to offend. It's dangerous and scary and it makes people mad because it questions authority. It's powerful stuff. One might even call it revolutionary.--Williams in her Salon article

America, fuck yeah!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

They used a computerized selection machine!!!

Suzuki Motor Corporation
300 Takatsuka
Hamamatsu, Shizuoka 432 8611

2010 First Quarter Prize Award Notification.

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded 2010 first quarter draws held by Suzuki Motor Corporation (Japan) in conjunction with the Japan International Lottery Worldwide Promotion, your email address was among the 10 Lucky winners who won $500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) each on the Suzuki Motor Corporation (Japan) Promotion dated as stated above.

This is from the total price of Five Million United States Dollars shared among the 10 lucky winners. You are therefore approved for a lump payment of $500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

However the results were released and your email attached to ticket number (896-781-6767) and ballot/serial number (374-18). The online draws was conducted by a random selection of email addresses from an exclusive list of 41,281 E-mail addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet. However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy.

The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection machine (CESM) from a database of over 1520,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world. This Lottery is approved by the Japan Gaming Board and also Licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR).

This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public. As indicated by the computerized selection machine, your lucky winning number falls within our China booklet representative office as showed in the coupon. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claim is processed and your entitlement released to you. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of the program.

In other to claim your $500,000.00 prize winning which is already with the accredited bank for the Lottery program, you will have to fill the form below and send it to the Asia Pacific Representative of Suzuki Motor Corporation in China for verification after which you will be directed to the bank where your $500, 000.00 is already deposited in your favor.

Please you are advised to complete the form and send it immediately to the corporation's Asia Pacific Representative in China through the designated email for prompt collection of your winning prize.

(Asia Pacific Representative: Mr. Kuan Zhang)
Tel: +8613267146332

Reconfirm Email:..........................................
Reconfirm the amount won............................

You're to keep all the Lotto information away from the general public especially your ticket number and ballot/serial numbers. (this is important as a case of double claiming will not be entertained)

*Staffs of Suzuki Motor Corporation Japan and Japan International Lottery Company are not allowed to partake in this Lottery program*.

On behalf of the corporation, accept my hearty congratulations once again!

Yours faithfully,

Kim Chang (Mrs.)
(Promotion officer)

Grande Award Notizia

Attn: Sir/Madam.

We are pleased to notify you the "Winner" of our last Secured Mega Jackpot Online Sweepstakes result. This is a reward program for the patronage of internet services and all email addresses entered for this promotional draws were randomly selected from an internet resource database of registered software and domain users.
Reference Number: EU19969/RM/IT
E-ticket number: ITEU11010 /2010-15
Category: A

Amount: Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars
You may wish to establish contact with your claims agent via e-mail: with the particulars presented below:
Name: Michel Galazo
Phone:0039 3803703764

In line with the governing rules of claim, you are requested to furnish Mr. Michel Galazo With the following information:
1. Full name...
2. Address...
3. Occupation.
4. Tel/Fax....
6.Winning Ref Number...........

Yours Truly,
Dredward osagie
Event Manager

Courtney Love is now Courtney Michelle

(h\t Broadsheet at Salon)

By changing her name (not legally, I don't think), she has solved all her problems. Congratulations to her!

What's the difference between email and a pager?

(h\t Wonkette)

That very question was asked yesterday, by Chief Justice John Roberts, in the Supreme Court trial City of Ontario v. Quon (by the way "Quon" totally sounds like a Kryptonian villain from Superman 2). I was a little concerned when I read that because Roberts isn't really the dumbest one, so yikes.

But it was just a matter of awkward wording. The case involves personal text messages sent/received by a police officer using his SWAT pager (seriously, the word "pager" is being used), and it seems like Roberts was trying to understand the difference between a message sent via email and a message sent via SMS (there might be a different messaging standard in place for their SWAT pagers, so apologies if I'm using a specific reference where a more general one is appropriate).

I'm actually surprised the case has gone this far, since the City of Ontario had an explicit non-privacy policy in place for these devices. Quon loved his pager, and used it so much that he incurred overage charges every month, which he was happily paying. But someone in the police department got tired of collecting money from him, so reported him to city auditors. So let me just say 1) I am "shocked" that a cop (the lazy one, who got tired of collecting money) did something so dickish, and B) HA HA that a cop got narc-ed on. Also part of the problem for Quon is that when the city auditors got the transcripts of his texts, many of them were sexy, and not all of them were to his wife. But, you know, he's not gay, so it's okay for him to trivialize marriage... as the bible intended (seriously, find me a reference to "one man, one woman").

Song of the Day: "I Just Wanna See Your Face"

The band is Sarena-Maneesh and they sound a little like Sonic Youth crossed with The Bangles (the best idea of The Bangles, not "Walk Like an Egyptian" or even "the Susanna Hoffs show" that their label tried to push them into after "Eternal Flame" became that year's big prom song). They are Norwegian (in case you wanted to put a pin in the map or something).

Happy Birthday Jack Nicholson

The most nominated male actor in Oscar history (12), his 3 wins ties him with Walter Brennan as the most honored male (Katherine Hepburn has 4, and Meryl Streep only has 2 and hasn't won in almost 30 years). I don't think he's the best actor working, but there's no denying that he's a solid actor. But there are haters who say it's the same character in every movie, and I think that's just his voice; he doesn't try to sound different in any of his roles... you actually have to pay attention to understand that he's actually acting differently each time.

I saw About Schmidt on TNT a few years ago--many years after its theatrical release--and loved it. Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor (the team behind Election and Sideways) put together a darkly funny and charming movie that I highly recommend (isn't it weird when someone's really late to something like this and then recommends it like "oh I'm sure you didn't see it either"?)...

But the clip is from As Good As It Gets, a movie that I think sits on the cusp between "good" and "great" (I saw it at a special preview/double feature with Starship Troopers--god I miss those preview/double features). It's probably a 4-1/2 hour movie that James Brooks had to cut back to a mere 2+ hours, so that probably explains some of its disjointed-ness; there's also Greg Kinnear's over-rated performance (I like him a lot, I just didn't see much in that role). But there's no denying that its filled with great scenes, and Nicholson and Helen Hunt put in some great work. It's a movie that I will finish if I run across it on cable. The clip cuts off some of the significance of this scene, but "good times, noodle salad" has become a status message on my IM at work, so here it is:

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Happy Birthday John Cameron Mitchell

Normally I'd call it quits on birthdays, but JCM is a co-creator of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and there's just something so fucking brilliant about that whole show that merits a quick post.

The stage version of Hedwig is a rock concert narrated by a bitter transsexual (hey, that word has two S in it) and is the perfect "musical" for all my peeps who hate musicals. It's easily the best musical about a botched sex change operation, the Berlin Wall, and Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You" you can see. And it's heading to Broadway (with Mitchell again donning the wig), but not in time for the upcoming Tony season--check back with me next year around this time.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Happy Birthday Elaine May

By name, she might be best known as one-time comedy partner of Mike Nichols--together they won the Grammy for Comedy Recording back in 1961. But without realizing it you know her from one of her biggest projects as a writer/director: Ishtar.

What's funny is that I had completely forgotten she made Ishtar until I was writing this (I was trying to figure out if her Oscar nomination for Primary Colors made it "bigger" than her adapting the screenplay for The Birdcage). I forgot about this:

Which is a shame, because 1) there's some funny shit in Ishtar, and B) the scene where Dustin Hoffman pretends to speak a variety of dialects at the weapons sale is the basis for the whole Rebel language (if you've ever heard me talk to her, you'd know what that means). I think if Ishtar hadn't gone so far over budgets for cost and time, it would be relegated to whatever the equivalent of a B- is in the movie world. But thanks to those 2 factors, it's considered among the worst movies of the 80s, and it pushed Coca-Cola to reconsider a move into movie production financing.

Ishtar's Wikipedia entry (here) tells me I'm not alone in my faint praises for the movie. Gary Larson, of The Far Side fame, said he hadn't actually seen the movie when he wrote the "Hell's Video Store" cartoon (guess the only movie that's ever in stock): "Years later, I saw it on an airplane, and was stunned at what was happening to me: I was actually being entertained. Sure, maybe it's not the greatest film ever made, but my cartoon was way off the mark. There are so many cartoons for which I should probably write an apology, but this is the only one which compels me to do so." Also Quentin Tarantino likes the movie, but I'm not sure if he means that ironically or what--he gets super-enthusiastic about everything it seems.

She is revered as a writer, and while I don't understand how she is routinely "credited" with uncredited work, it sounds like she really helped make Tootsie and Reds into film classics. I don't mean this about her specifically, but it's like putting the C.I.A. on your resume--you can't really check.

Aside from her Grammy, she's picked up 2 Oscar nominations, and that's it. I mean, she's way ahead of me and all, but Mike Nichols completed his EGOT/Grand Slam back in 2001 (and if he'd just done a TV movie sooner he probably could have been done by 1970). Not that EGOT is the be all/end all of life success, but it does seem to have taken on a strange sense of importance when I do birthday posts.

And finally, she has a daughter. And that daughter is an actress. And that actress got an Oscar nomination (Best Supporting Actress for The Heartbreak Kid [the original, duh] in 1972). And one night, at a very A-list Hollywood party (that I totally weaseled my way into), I explained who all the celebrities were to her (I can understand not recognizing Gina Torres, but seriously, how did she not know who Melissa Etheridge or Tracey Ullman were?) and I held her purse when she went to the bathroom (also what woman trusts her purse to a stranger when going to the bathroom?... weird). But I will point out that "holding the purse of an Oscar nominee" is, thus far, as close as I've come to any EGOT credentials (which isn't entirely true, as I've also watched the Grammys with a future Grammy winner).

May is hysterical, so here's a peak at that coming directly from her, at an AFI tribute to Warren Beatty.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

This sounds like something I would have done a few years ago

The guy who does the voice over work for the Geico television ads... well, he essentially used the word "fuck" when complaining about a defective Dilbert calendar, only his thing wasn't provoked. The voice mail he left for Freedom Works, the "astroturf" (faux grassroots) behind the Tea Party isn't even that funny. But the point is legitimate.

Here's the message:

Happy Birthday Iggy Pop

Unlike Robert Smith, Iggy Pop is in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, but just like Smith he has no Grammys (or any other of the EGOT awards).

But he's a fucking icon of punk rock. So it's not like he'll be forgotten any time soon. But aside from The Stooges, and his work with Bowie, Pop gets a shout out from me for appearing in Nickelodeon's The Adventures of Pete & Pete as the father of a rival of one of the Pete's (others who had roles: Michael Stipe, Marshall Crenshaw, Syd Straw, Debbie Harry and Kate Pierson--actually the list of cameos is pretty fucking cool [here]).

Trainspotting and Nissan and a cruise line gave "Lust for Life" the success it deserved, so I'm going with his only top 40 hit for his birthday song, "Candy" featuring Kate Pierson.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Happy Birthday Patti Lupone

She originated the role of Eva Peron in Evita on Broadway in 1979, for which she won her first Tony. It would be nearly 30 years before she'd win her second, in a revival of Gypsy. The non-homosexuals reading this might know her from TV's Life Goes On (the show with Corky).

She also has 2 Grammys, an Emmy nomination and a Daytime Emmy nomination (which may or may not count as an Emmy). I saw her as Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd and she was phenomenal. John has seen her many times and even got her to autograph something kinda rare (crap, my memory, was it rare? or was it just tacky of you to ask?)--I'm pretty sure it was a cast album of Sunset Boulevard, but then she was replaced with Glenn Close when the show transferred from London to Broadway.

One of John's all-time favorite productions is the revival of Cole Porter's Anything Goes she starred in, so in deference to him, here she is.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Happy Birthday Robert Smith

It's a busy day for birthdays today.

The Cure have been together since 1976. A few years ago I read that the band was going to self-distribute its own records because they were tired of 28-year olds trying to tell them how to make a record.

They have no Grammys (although a few nominations), and are unlikely to get into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Which kinda sucks, since Matchbox 20 will probably get in their first year of eligibility.

Robert Smith can also transform into a mothra-type being when needed to fight Mecha Streisand (who is back, by the way).

There are dozens of great songs, but I'm just going to post something from Disintegration, one of their best albums, and their best selling album. This song would make a great country song, by the way Tim McGraw (you're welcome).

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Song of the Day: "Gone Gone Gone"

Another track from the Crazy Heart soundtrack, this one sung by Colin Farrell.

Hey look, someone else died with no heirs for their money

I'm starting to get bored with the 419 scams. Sigh.

Gracious Greetings

Am William Mark , Business Relations Manager for the Royal bank Of Scotland(RBS) in Glasgow, Scotland. I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate of a deceased client with similar last name and an investment placed under our banks management.

I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication. In 2000, the subject matter, an American investor came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a
financial portfolio of $8.35 million United States dollars, which he wished to have us invest on his behalf.

Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars. In mid 2002, he instructed that the principal sum (8.35M) be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in London. We got in touch with a specialist bank in United Kingdom,Natwest Bank Plc (NWB)London,United Kingdom who agreed to receive this money for a fee and make cash available . However Natwest Bank Plc got in touch with us last year that this money has not been claimed. On further enquiries we found out that the American investor was involved in an accident in Mainland Scoltland, which means he died intestate. He has no next of kin and the reason I am writing you is because you share the same last name.

What I propose is that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. Natwest Bank Plc will contact you informing you that money has been willed to you. On verification, which will be the details I make available to Royal Bank Of Scotland(RBS) and Natwest Bank Plc (NWB) will be instructed to make payments to you after all the necessary verification and application is done. You do not have to have known the American investor. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in half. In the banking circle this happens every time. The other option is that the money will revert back to the state.(Treasury)
This is a lifetime opportunity for us. I hold the KEY to these funds, and as a British National we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily. I would want us to keep communication for now strictly by the email below.

I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches
never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my
private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we
should act swiftly on this. Please get back to me immediately via the email below.

I await your response.
William Mark

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Direct from Ban Ki Moon

Kewl. Based on how he signs the letter, I can't help but think the Secretary General of the UN is singing me a Journey song.


Millbank Tower, 21st Floor. 21-24 Millbank.
London SW1P 4QH. United Kingdom

Attention: Beneficiary,


This is to bring to your notice that I the representative of UK to the United Nations has been appointed by United Nation/International Financial & Economic Crime Unit to the UK in association with Fleming Private Bank to pay 150 scammed victim's the sum of USD $860,000 (Eight Hundred and Sixty Thousand Dollars) each. You have been listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount after the apprehension of a wanted fraudsters in the UK Recently and his cohort whom confessed that they defrauded you of over $50,000 USD.

According to the accused persons, Most of there victims are from the United States while the rest are European's and Asia 's, we have so far been able to track down 36 victims and we are hopeful that we will be able to get enough information from this fraudsters on how to reach the other victims of there illicit business.

You are advised to contact MR MARTIN PALMER of Fleming Private Bank, email: or you can call him directly on: +44 70457 17419 as he has been authorized to effect the payment of your compensation.

Please be informed that you will not be required to pay any money upfront for the transfer/ delivery of your compensation as this will be done once you receive your compensation.

Do reconfirm your full names, phone number and your current contact address.

Make sure you contact Mr. Martin Palmer today so that he can process the payment of your compensation.

Yours faithfully,
Secretary General UN

Hey, maybe my dad can pick this up

We have the same name, so they won't know it's not me...

Florida Lottery Headquarters
250 Marriott Drive
Tallahassee, FL 32399

This is to inform you that your Email ID has won you $850,000.00 USD at the
On-going Florida Lottery.

To view past winners,and there prizes won,Please log on to our Lottery website

Do send us promptly by email the following personal details:

* Your full names:
* Full Contact address:
* Country
* Age:
* Gender
* Mobile Number:

For urgent attention, please carefully send your response only To this E-mail:

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please note that phone call is not allowed by the winner because this is an on-line draw your correspondences with our designated agent for your claim will be through E-mail Until your Prize has been notarized.


Yours Sincerely,
Charlene Walker
Customer Service Supervisor

Song of the Day: "Let's Go Surfing"

Indie surf pop from Brooklyn band The Drums. They are *not* singing "Obama, I wanna go surfing" but you could have fooled me. If you need a song to ease you into a workout (perhaps a jog or a long bike ride), give this one a try.

Ill-mannered individuals

Oh please, ill-mannered individuals are my only friends...

Dr.Abdullahi M. Suleman
Secretary Niger State May 29, 1997 and May 29, 2008 Contract Award
Judicial Commission of Inquiry
Minna ,Niger State
P.O Box [390]
Tel:+ 2347093435587

19th April, 2010

Attn: Honorable Contract Award Fund Payment Beneficiary


This is to formally bring to your notice that the contract file in which your name appeared as its payment beneficiary has been verified, therefore, reconfirm the following information for formal approval of the payment of the contract sum [$25Million] by the executive governor of Niger State in your favour.[a] First name and Second name, State of origin and address, Occupation and Sex / Telephone #.

Given to the ugly trend in West Africa, the contract of which your name appeared as its payment beneficiary as ascertained by this Commission was not awarded by Federal Government of Nigeria, therefore, Federal Government of Nigeria is not responsible for the approval of the payment of the contract sum in your favor, in view of this, you are advised to be wary of those who parade themselves as Central Bank governors of Nigeria / officials of Nigeria government claiming to be responsible for the release of non-existing funds to unsuspecting individuals with the sole intent of defrauding them.

If, you fail to be wary of the activities of these ill-mannered individuals who hide under the umbrella of Federal Government of Nigeria to devour innocent citizens of the World in your quest to get the payment of the contract sum as stated above approved and subsequently release to you, Niger State Government and this Commission will not be held responsible.

This Commission was given a time frame to submit your payment file for approval by the executive governor of Niger State, hence, if the time frame elapses, the Commission will have no option than to record the $25Million being the contract sum as a forfeited / unclaimed fund as enshrined in its Act if you fail to reconfirm the information required herein within the reasonable frame of time.

Finally, this letter is not a fraudulent letter given to the channel it came to you as it emanates from the desk of Dr. Suleman M. Abdullahi the Secretary of Niger State Fund Award Judicial Commission of Inquiry sitting in Minna Niger State and your information as requested herein will not be used for a purpose different from what it is requested for.

Thanking you for your understanding / anticipated cooperation

In anticipation
Dr. Abdullahi M. Suleman
Secretary Niger State May 29, 1997 and May 29, 2008
Contract Award Judicial Commission of Inquiry
For inquiry call + 2347093435587
For correspondence ;

Now maybe you'll believe me when I praise Wang Chung

Matt Zoller Seitz, who wrote film reviews for the Dallas New Times during my mid-90s tenure there (and was a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize in Criticism one of those years), has a piece on editor Dede Allen (I wrote about her here on Sunday) including analysis of some of the work she did on The Breakfast Club (which was how I know who she is in the first place).

His piece "Dede Allen: The woman who turned film violence into poetry" is at Salon (here):
"Breakfast Club" writer-director John Hughes said he hired Allen based on "Dog Day," a suspenseful film that's almost all talk. Consider the above-linked scene from Hughes' teen flick and you can see the logic in his decision. Its spine is the animosity between the blustering principal and chief troublemaker John Bender, a wiseass who removed a screw from the library's front door. But rather than fixate on this conflict and push the other characters to the margins, the scene keeps cutting to the other teens' reactions as they take stock of themselves (and their detention-mates) and briefly decide to set aside social differences and join forces against The Man.

Zoller Seitz links to several clips on youtube, but they don't appear to be formatted properly, so give this one a try (here).

I'm elated that someone totally separate from me (unless he's secretly me, since you never see us in the same room at the same time) is noting her work on what is sometimes trivialized as a teen comedy.

Next I'll be looking for someone to help me make the case that the music Wang Chung did for To Live and Die in L.A. is actually great.

After that, it's the cinematography in White Squall (yes, it helps that it's an Abercrombie & Fitch ad on a giant screen, but it's directed by Ridley Scott--at least 3 movies he directed have been Oscar nominees in cinematography).

And then, who knows... Tori Spelling actress? (Cough, too soon.)

Utmost confidentiality is my middle name

No wait, it's Andrew.

But everybody wants utmost confidentiality. What's up with that?

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Tel: + 44-7947231709.

Monday, April 19, 2010

They molest more often, so what is the problem?

(h\t to the brilliant, but porn-laden Bill in Exile)

If this is for reals, the Catholic Church has put out a video that clarifies the whole "child molestation" thing by pointing out that, "hey, when you look at the number of molestations by teachers, it's really not all that different."

Scott, the owner/writer of Bill in Exile, says it perfectly (with a little help from Dan Savage):
"Now given that there are about 6.9 million teachers in the US and only about 41,000 priests that comes out to about 5 rapes per thousand priests versus 4 rapes per thousand teachers."


As Dan Savage says,

We expect God’s representatives on earth—men who claim for themselves the power to absolve other people of their sins and who believe they have a divine right to place limits on other people’s sexual and reproductive freedoms—to hold themselves to a slightly higher standard when it comes to CHILD RAPE than, say, school teachers who make no such claims.

Hysterical, but sadly not true

'Iron Man 2' Buzz Heats Up After Rumors Gwenyth Paltrow Gets Punched In Face

Pfff who needs volcano monitoring

(h\t Towleroad)
Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, since I haven't said it in a while, shut the fuck up. Idiot. He thought he was being clever, calling out volcano monitoring as pork. Partisan fucking hack.

Here's a picture of the un-pronounce-able volcano in Iceland doing its thing. (Click to embiggen.)

A friend at work has to deal with a spouse stranded in Italy for what could be another week because of this volcano. Ouch.

By the way, this is surely God's anger over: healthcare reform, gay marriage, people upset with the Pope over sex abuse of children (but not at sex abuse of children--God's mad at the people who are mad at the Pope), or possibly Haiti's deal with the devil. Clearly.

I'm surprised she didn't just use craigslist

From: Mrs. Marcia Wong

I am Mrs. Marcia Wong. I was married to Late Dr. Edward Paul Wong who was based in Malaysia. My Husband died on February 2nd 2008 after a brief illness. I am presently diagnosed of Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) and recently, my Doctor told me that I may not last for the next Three Months.

Having known my condition, I have decided to entrust my entire estate to an honest individual who will utilize this money in the manner at which the funds are meant for. Beloved, I choose this means [NOTE: RANDOM EMAIL?] to locate you because I am sure that I will be lead to the kind of person that will be totally honest with me.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly to make use of the estate for humanitarian purposes. Reply soon.

In His Arms.
Mrs. Marcia Wong

Today in history, part 2

People had every right to be upset with how Federal Agents handled shit in Waco. But no one had the right to do this.

I lived 3 hours south of Oklahoma City (still in Dallas) when this happened in 1995. Local radio reported on state troopers looking for Arabs a few hours later.

168 people died and hundreds more were injured. And the President wasn't even a negro non-American Socialist.

It will be easy to blame an inevitable act of domestic terrorism on demagogues like Glenn Beck. So I plan to.

Today in history, part 1

In 1993, a 51-day siege in Waco TX came to an end. I was living in Dallas about an hour north and local news was covering this live; I watched in the breakroom of my office.

There's a lot that's bad about this situation. The FBI raid that ended the stand-off killed 76 people including 20 children. The stand-off began with a botched ATF raid on February 28, with warrants obtained using fabricated information (yes, folks, the government lied, but they wanted to protect the children... children dead before the raid: 0, children dead as a result of the raid: 20; I'm not defending Koresh but let me say that clearly this wasn't the best day for the Feds).

Many innocent lives were lost on each side, and that's a shame.

There are probably several lessons here: about religious isolationism; or government infringement on basic constitutional rights; or don't listen to anyone who says he is, or speaks for, God (I include the Pope in that). The biggest lesson is two wrongs don't make a right (see next post).

The Oscar-nominated documentary Waco: The Rules of Engagement is a good place to start, if you are interested.

Happy Birthday Tim Curry

He has a couple of Tony nominations, and a couple of Emmy nominations if you count Daytime Emmys as Emmys (it's open to discussion), but this is really about the under-appreciated genius of the movie Clue. Gunther and I saw all 3 endings, in what I think was the best possible sequence to see them. Go get it from your library before they remake it with Kim Cattrall, Matthew Broderick and Tim Allen (these are just guesses, but you've got to admit they sound realistic).

Happy birthday dude! Try to get a guest spot on Law & Order: SVU or 30 Rock, it's your best shot at a Guest Actor Emmy.

Happy Birthday Kate Hudson

I have a love/hate relationship with Cameron Crowe. Despite the fact that I think Jerry Maguire is a horrible movie, there's no denying it has impossibly good dialog; stuff that will go down in movie history (I'm serious, ugh). He won an Oscar for the screenplay of Almost Famous, which lacks the extremes of JM, but features Oscar nominated performances by Frances McDormand and Kate Hudson, in her break-through role. He also knows how to use music in his movies.

His dialog (and frankly there's not much), his sense for music, and Kate Hudson all combine in this, one of my favorite movie scenes from the last decade.

Kate hasn't made the best movie choices in the last 10 years or so, but the Kate that made it into an otherwise dull Nine is one I want to see again. Soon.

Happy birthday dude! Hope to see you soon.

Happy Birthday Dudley Moore

He passed away 8 years ago, but leave behind a legacy of comedy gems including Arthur (his only Oscar nomination) and 10 (a movie that was over-shadowed by Bo Derek's quick rise to fame, but is filled with great Blake Edwards slapstick). He was also an accomplished musician, playing classical and jazz piano, and composing scores for several movies.

I think his best work was with the late great Peter Cook (sometimes performing as Peter and Dud--their friendship was the subject of a play and TV movie in the UK following Cook's death in 1995). If you haven't seen them together in Stanley Donen's Bedazzled (a fantastic adaptation of Goethe's Faust), put it on your list. Here they are on some TV talk show.

Happy birthday dude.

Song of the Day: "Calypso Gold"

The band is Princeton (from So Cal), and they are scheduled to open for Camera Obscura next Sunday at Berbati's Pan here in Portland (and a few other dates as well). Last night was the first time I'd heard them, but based on just this cursory exposure I'll say it seems like a good fit. I'll report more next week.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Flashback Song: "Must I Paint You a Picture"

Billy Bragg's been on my mind lately, in part because Rosanne Cash mentioned working with him in some of her "tweets." It was 21 years ago, possibly this month, then-roommate Becky and I spent pretty much the whole fucking night hanging out with him and his band after his show with Michelle Shocked at... (fuck, who knows?), back in Atlanta, ending the evening back at his room back at Colony Square. I think I got less than 2 hours of sleep before heading in to my day job as an Actuarial Assistant working on early retirement lump sum benefit pay-outs (back when people had pensions, quaint).

He was touring in support of Worker's Playtime, an album that seemed to convey the softer side of Billy (he's not soft, he's human and well-rounded and awesome and all that, but I got the sense that the production on the album was a little too elaborate and "pretty" for his taste). Worker's Playtime is filled with some fantastic writing, but thematically it tilts toward love songs. Or love-gone-wrong songs. I'm not sure if this is the best song on the album, but there's no denying the brilliance of "little black cloud in a dress" (see full lyrics below).

It's bad timing and me
We find a lot of things out this way
And there's you
A little black cloud in a dress
The temptation
To take the precious things we have apart
To see how they work
Must be resisted for they never fit together again
If this is rain let it fall on me and drown me
If these are tears let them fall
Must I paint you a picture
About the way that I feel
You know my love for you is strong, girl
You know my love for you is real
It took a short walk and a talk
To change the rules of engagement
While you searched frantically for reverse and them claiming
That virtue never tested is no virtue at all
And so I lost my ignorance
And now the bells across the river chime out your name
I look across to them again
All your friends said come down
It will never fly
And on that imperfect day
We threw it all away
Crisis after crisis, with such intensity
This would never happen if we lived by the sea
Most important decisions in life
Are made between two people in bed
I found that out at my expense
And when I see you
You just turn around and walk away like we never met
Oh we used to be so brave
I dreamt the world stopped turning as we climbed the hill
I dreamt impossible dreams that we were lovers still

Happy Birthday Conan O'Brien

He opened his "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on TV" tour in Eugene, Oregon recently. Here he is performing the disco classic "I Will Survive" (oh yeah, 2 Emmy wins, one for writing SNL, one for writing Late Night; another 15-ish nominations).

Happy birthday dude! Not sure I'll actually watch you on TBS (I certainly didn't watch the Tonight Show and seldom caught Late Night), but here's hoping you thrive.

R.I.P. Dede Allen

It's interesting to be able to pinpoint people whose work directly influences your appreciation for a specific craft. I took a film class in college, and part of the grade was a paper, either a researched paper or a movie review, and I wrote a review of The Breakfast Club (in large part because I'd seen it 3 times and it has a good mixture of great qualities and flaws, so there was a lot to work with). One of the things I thought through, in a really conscious manner, was the movie's editing. There is a crispness to it, but not excessive (think Flashdance for excess). Actually, I'm at a loss to recall much about it except that I liked it, and that the editor was a woman named Dede Allen (duh).

While it's likely you've never heard of Allen, she is considered one of the first "auteur" film editors, and with fellow ("fellow") editors like Thelma Schoonmaker and Anne Coates, she helped break through a glass ceiling for women in Hollywood. She spent much of the 90s as a studio executive but edited Curtis Hanson's Wonder Boys in 2000 (for which she received her third Oscar nomination).

From her LA Times obituary (here):
Allen was the first film editor -- male or female -- to receive sole credit on a movie for her work. The honor came with "Bonnie and Clyde," a film in which Allen raised the level of her craft to an art form that was as seriously discussed as cinematography or even directing.

I also liked this sentiment from her obituary at The Auteurs (here):
The Hustler and Bonnie and Clyde deviated enough from the norm to be originally perceived as 'badly edited,' a perception fully inverted today
Her most notable films include The Hustler, Bonnie and Clyde, Dog Day Afternoon, and Reds. Oh, and The Breakfast Club.

Rest in peace dude.

The continuing adventures of Sarah Palin, lying quitter

(h\t Roger Ebert via Twitter)

Or is she a quitting liar. Today, more lies.

Greg Sargent at The Plum Line (here) breaks it down:
In a new Facebook missive, Palin butchered Obama’s quotes at the nuke summit in a strikingly dishonest (even for her) way, tearing them out of context to suggest he’s uncomfortable wielding American power and is hostile towards American exceptionalism:

Mr. President, is a strong America a problem?

Asked this week about his faltering efforts to advance the Middle East peace process, President Obama did something remarkable. In front of some 47 foreign leaders and hundreds of reporters from all over the world, President Obama said that “whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower.”

Whether we like it or not? Most Americans do like it.

Here’s what the President actually said:

But what we can make sure of is, is that we are constantly present, constantly engaged, and setting out very clearly to both sides our belief that not only is it in the interests of each party to resolve these conflicts but it’s also in the interest of the United States. It is a vital national security interest of the United States to reduce these conflicts because whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, one way or another we get pulled into them. And that ends up costing us significantly in terms of both blood and treasure.

As you can see, Palin and her team of ghostwriters plucked Obama’s remark out of context to quote him saying “whether we like it or not,” we are a superpower. In reality, he was saying that “whether we like it or not,” we get pulled into international conflicts that cost us American lives — so it’s in our security interests to resolve them.

PS, the Associated Press is reporting on Palin's criticism (because, you know, she's such a thought leader) without acknowledging that she's making shit up. Which she does. Cause she's a freak. Someone was telling me about borderline personality disorder yesterday, and while I'm not officially a therapist, "petulant borderline" seems like a nice diagnosis for her.

Happy Birthday Alia Shawkat

Any reason to show a clip from Arrested Development.

Happy birthday dude! Make the movie already.

Happy Birthday James Woods

Not for nothing, his appearances on Family Guy have been funny as shit.

Also 2 Emmy wins, 2 Oscar nominations, but really "piece of candy" is all I wanted to post.

Happy birthday dude!

And you know how bitchy they'll be 20 years after their collapse

Congressman Todd Akin (R, MO) issued a press release that was angry at Obama for [insert anything Obama did here] (click image to embiggen)... so now we have to build a time machine? Crap.

Quote of the day

"Mike Huckabee says gays should not be allowed to adopt, because children are not like puppies, which just goes to show that Mike Huckabee has no idea how awesomely gay dudes treat their puppies."--Seth Meyers, SNL

Song of the Day: "No Tears To Cry"

The modfather (Paul Weller) is back--Wake Up the Nation will be his 10th solo album (to put things into perspective, there were only 6 each for The Jam and The Style Council [yes, there are more than twice as many "greatest hits" collections as there are Jam albums]), and it sounds like he's going for a wall of sound thing here, but I can't find details on who produced the record (if anyone besides him did). The album also marks his first collaborations with Bruce Foxton since the break-up of The Jam in 1982. I don't know what is says that BBC's mostly glowing review of the album (here) notes that it would be a great gift for father's day.

Eric Cantor, whiny and wrong

"The Democrats control every level of power in Washington, and they never met a tax they didn't like, or a dollar they didn't spend."--Eric Cantor (R, VA, also a total fucking cry-baby, remember how mean old Nancy Pelosi hurt his feelings by following rules and being procedural... boo hoo Eric) in the Republican rebuttal to President Obama's weekly address

I call bullshit on this. First, it's well known that Democrats hate it when you tax lattes, arugula, and, I don't know, what's the opposite of ammunition?

But when it comes to spending money, especially money that the country doesn't actually have, nobody is more egregious than Republicans. Granted, through the end of Jimmy Carter's first (so far) term, the country was fairly fiscally conservative with regard to debt--both in terms of government and in terms of individuals. But anyone who lived through the 80s knows that "Ronald Reagan" and "easy credit" go together like, um, lattes and arugula? It's early.

Ronald Reagan introduced the first trillion dollar deficit, and except for a save from the best President of all time (Bill Clinton, duh), it's been non-stop deficit spending by Republicans ever since. Look at the steepness of the line in the top chart (from Wikipedia, here)--if you're not a one who thinks well in curves, that's a bad.
US deficit in dollars (top) and as percent of gross domestic product (bottom), shown by presidential party affiliation.

By the way, is anyone else amused at the variety of attributes folks like Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity impart on Reagan? It's almost like they lived through a different 8 years. He even used teleprompters.

Back to whiny Eric Cantor (hey, did you know his wife is an executive in the banking world? the very banking world Cantor helped rush to bail out in 2008, but won't help regulate in 2010?), here's a reminder for Eric on how he and other "fiscal conservatives" have behaved recently. They love PAYGO (mandatory spending reductions that are triggered when projected deficits increase), but amazingly it wasn't in place for a good 7 or 8 years, and guess what kinds of shit happened.

Wars financed on credit by Democrats: 0
Wars financed on credit by Republicans: 2

Surplus amount given away: $236 billion
Jobs created: 0 (that's right, a big fucking 0% increase in jobs since 2000 despite a gazillion tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, you know, the real solution for growth since they will create jobs and give everyone healthcare, out of the goodness of their hearts)

I expect your public apology on Monday, Eric.

Oh noes, I'm breaking the law...

See the notice at the bottom of the scam email. Also "if you are not the recipient" is great since it's not addressed to anyone.

Federal Reserve Bank of America
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