Saturday, March 27, 2010

Two new movies whose titles will get me in to the theater

1. Hot Tub Time Machine... genius

2. Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives (they even included the hyphen!)

R.I.P. Dick Giordano

A comic book artist, inker and editor for decades, I'm sure he was more influential as an editor, but my best sense of him is as an inker, working on covers for pretty much every DC comic that came out in the late 70s and early 80s. Someone called his covers with Ross Andru the DC "house style."

Thanks for years of comics enjoyment. Rest in peace dude!

Happy Birthday Quentin Tarantino

The most successful audacious film-maker. Or the most audacious successful film-maker. Ever? (So far?) In addition to his Oscar (plus 3 other nominations), he's been nominated for a Grammy and an Emmy.

It's hard to put a label on him when he's just so clearly Quentin Tarantino, film enthusiast. He loves everything about movies, and he packs that love into the movies he makes. And while I don't love everything about the movies he makes, I always love lots of things in every one of the movies he makes.

I'm just going to list a few songs that he's managed to give life to, years after their popularity faded, through his movies.

Steeler's Wheel "Stuck in the Middle With You"

Dusty Springfield "Son of a Preacher Man"

The Delfonics "Didn't I (Blow Your Mind This Time)"

David Bowie "Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline"

I know folks who can't stomach his movies because of their violence, but I think of the violence as slapstick--no one faults Itchy & Scratchy for its violence (well, Marge Simpson did, but that was like 20 years ago).

I'll let Quentin wrap this with his scene-stealing cameo in Sleep With Me, a movie that was heavily improvised by the cast (only the 3 leads worked from an existing script) and is kinda worth seeing, but don't kill yourself. I'm told by friends that one of the cameos (not Q) is me, so there's your scavenger hunt should you decide to find it.

Happy Birthday Gloria Swanson

This post is more about Norma Desmond than it is about Swanson. I don't know that I've seen Swanson in anything but Sunset Boulevard (most of her films were during the silent movie era) and I'm not sure I need to--she turned down most of the roles offered to her after Sunset Boulevard calling them pale imitations of Norma. That same year All About Eve pitted Bette Davis and Anne Baxter against Swanson for Best Actress, but all 3 lost to Judy Holliday for Born Yesterday.

And while nothing holds a candle to Eve, you have got to admit that Sunset Boulevard is a true classic.

I couldn't let this post end without Carol Burnett's take on Norma.

Happy birthday Gloria (and Norma).

Song of the Day: "Nothing"

I think Janet Jackson is reading this blog, because not too long ago 1) she was featured as song of the day (which is how I got her attention), and then 2) I lamented (bitched, really) about the lack of a sappy song from The Blindside (which totally would have gotten an Oscar nomination, especially if written by Diane Warren). I even suggested some duet options, including Chris Isaak and Janet. Well, she wasn't able to hook up with Chris, but she did come through for me with a new (some might say "sappy") song for her upcoming movie Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married, Too?.

Janet was nominated for an Oscar for "Again" from Poetic Justice (although I contend that the song [which is beautiful] had nothing to do with the movie aside from Janet's presence--it was used in the film's end credits and is not included on the soundtrack, but whatever, she has an Oscar nomination which is something Michael tried hard to do, but couldn't [why do you think they kept calling "Thriller" a "short film" instead of a video when it first came out?--also that shitty "Childhood" song from Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home)... anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, Janet, possible second Oscar nomination, here's where things will get dicey: the Academy has imposed an arbitrary limit to 3 nominees for a song, and this song has 4 credited writers. Janet's the HBIC, so you know her name's gonna be on the ballot, and Jermaine Dupri must be doing something right since she keeps him around so I'm pretty sure his name will be on the ballot as well. So in about 10 months when we're talking nominations, let's see which of Johnta Austin and Bryan-Michael Cox picks up that last spot (or maybe the Academy will relax that rule--they did the year every member of Counting Crows was listed as a nominee for that Shrek 2 song).

This song has been playing while I've been typing and I can't tell you much about it except that there's a radio station tag dropped into the middle of the song (thanks V103). Otherwise it's fairly nondescript--it sounds similar to a couple of album tracks from her recent releases (which I don't know well), but she definitely sounds a lot like Michael after about 40 seconds.

I Am I Said

This brief introductory letter may come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners.

I am MR SAID NAGUIB currently Head of Corporate affairs with a reputable bank here in Burkina Faso, West Africa. And would like to enter into a confidential business deal with you upon your acceptance to co-operate with me I will let you know the details.

Thanking you in advance and waiting for your urgent reply.

Please contact me through my private email


NOTE: If they are looking for a silent partner, they are pretty much shopping at the wrong store...

Subject: Response will be appreciated
From: Mr. E. M Zuma
Direct Tel No.: +870-762-535915
Direct Fax No.:+870-762-535916
Corporate Tel.: +27-115075075

I know that this will come to you as a surprise since we don't know each other before.  For the purpose of introduction, I am The Former Presidency Director-General, in South Africa. After due deliberation, I decided to contact you for your assistance in standing as benefactor to the sum of US$18.500, Million (Eighteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) equivalent because, I and two other colleagues are currently in need of a silent foreign partner whose identity we can use to transfer the said sum. This fund accrued legitimately to us as commission from foreign contracts with Department of Mining & Energy through our private connections.

The fund is presently waiting to be remitted from London in The United Kingdom to any overseas beneficiary confirmed by me as associate/receiver. By virtue of my political/religious position in my country, I cannot acquire this money with my name. For this reason I took it upon myself to look for an overseas silent partner who could work with me to facilitate transfer of this fund for our mutual benefit, hence the reason for this email. What I am requesting from you is:
(1) to be my silent partner and receive the funds as the sole benefactor to the contract amount which I shall secure all legal documentation to authenticate my claim London.
(2) Provide a private telephone & fax number for easy communication under your control.
(3) Receive the funds as the beneficiary,  take out your commission after tax and keep the rest of the money until I arrive there to meet you after the transfer is completed.

My proposal is that after you receive the funds, it would be shared as follows: (1) 20% to you as commission for your co-operation and assistance in facilitating the transfer from The united kingdom to any of your nominated account, while the remaining 80% belongs to me . You will be free to take out your commission immediately after the money hits your country. Since my objective is to invest the money in a foreign country, it would be appreciated if you could also help me with advices and direction on investing into profitable/lucrative ventures in your country for an additional 5%. However, this is optional, and if it is not convenient for you to further assist us with investing the money, we can end our cooperation after you make available to us our part of the money.

The transaction, although discrete, is legitimate and the money will be transferred successfully with all necessary back-up official documents showing legitimate source/origin of fund. The transfer will be affected within a period not longer than two weeks as soon as we reach an agreement and you furnish me with a suitable response indicating your interest for processing the transfer. I plead with you on one issue, whether you are interested or not, kindly do not expose this information to any one else. I confirm that the transaction is legitimate and without any risks either to us or yourself. Please, give me your response immediately by return mail through my alternate email:

Yours Truly,
Mr. E. M Zuma

Friday, March 26, 2010

Happy Birthday Ladies

Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female to serve on the US Supreme Court, she has no Emmys/Tonys/Oscars/Grammys, but she does have the Presidential Medal of Freedom and is in the National Cowgirl Hall of Fame. And her voting record seems thoughtful. (Except for Bush v. Gore. You should be ashamed over Bush v. Gore.)

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), the first woman to serve as Speaker of the House, second in line to assume the Presidency; she is the highest ranking female in the US Federal Government (so far). I have been frustrated by her unwillingness to subpoena Karl Rove and Harriet Miers (remember her? she was gonna replace the lady at the top--because, you know, negroes follow negroes, and ovaries follow ovaries when appointing SCOTUS, but W. let Miers handle the search and she just looked in the mirror) over the politicization of the Department of Justice (Miers and Rove ultimately testified, but after lengthy delays), and a general lack of any kind of seeming progress on healthcare reform. But I guess she got it done.

12-time Grammy and 1-time Tony winner Diane ("Diana") Ross (also an Oscar nominee--she and Cicely Tyson, nominated the same year, were the second and third black women nominated for Best Actress) has sold more than 100 million records, but her voice isn't really that remarkable. I'm not saying she wasn't the best singer on Motown, I'm saying she wasn't even the best singer in her own band (that was Florence Ballard, the basis of the Jennifer Hudson character in the movie Dreamgirls). What she had was a sound and a look that was more acceptable for mainstream (white) radio and record buyers. And she's managed to put out so really great stuff, so while this may seem bitchy and negative, it really isn't meant that way (it's been a long week). I think I've played "Swept Away" enough here., so here she is performing "Home" from The Wiz, a song we performed in marching band one year (right Gunther?).

And finally Emmy winner Vicki Lawrence. She's not exactly a ground-breaker, but she's a talented entertainer with a classic 70s story song/#1 hit to her name. So I will leave y'all with "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia." Enjoy.

Happy birthday dudes! (It's not gender specific!)

Another unrelated robbery

From Portland's morning news. The suspect had a gun, demanded money, and then "took off." Aside from the name of the store, that's all they reported in that story.

I'm assuming police are on the lookout for someone who recently "took off." Keep your eyes peeled.

But now they're no longer "hand-to-find"

(h\t Chris Wilson)

I know what you are thinking: "how can I spend an insane amount of money on some really kitschy piece of crap?"
Ladies and gentlemen, I present Wright-Ex (here). Their "about us" page says they are looking for luxurious, special and hard-to-find products for their customers. In fact, pretty much every page uses "luxurious" and "hard-to-find" but by making the "Baby Jesus" sculpture (above left and below) available with one easy click (for a mere $1700) it's no longer hard-to-find.
I can't imagine a more authentic representation of Jesus than a sculpture of the Coppertone baby dressed as the Pope.

This possibly-ceramic elephant is under $200. And it's a great gift for Republicans (if you can find someone willing to identify as such).
If you are  easily distracted by these truly luxurious (but no-longer hard-to-find) items, you will miss out on some truly fantastic ad copy, including a description of a custom motorcycle that "will make every second of your life absolutely wonderful and truly extraordinary" which sounds like a real bargain considering the low end model is only $59,500.

But the best is the hypothetical scenario they paint for their Nokia Surveillance Phones:
Our special NOKIA E & N Series Surveillance phones will enable you to get very valuable and otherwise un-accessible information about a person of your interest very easily.
The example of use: You will give this NOKIA N-series surveillance (target) phone to your girlfriend
In case your girlfriend will be using this mobile phone, you will be provided by following unique functions:
In case your girlfriend will make an outgoing call or in case her (target) phone will receive an incoming call, you will get on your personal standard mobile phone an immediate SMS message about her call. This will give you a chance to listen to such call immediately on your standard mobile phone.
In case your girlfriend will send an outgoing SMS message from her (target) mobile phone or she will receive a SMS message then you will receive a copy of this message on your mobile phone immediately.
This target phone will give you a chance to listen to all sounds in its surrounding environment even in case the phone is switched off. Therefore you can hear very clearly every spoken word around the phone.
You will get a chance to find at any time the precise location of your girlfriend by GPS satellites.
All these functions may be activated / deactivated via simple SMS commands.
A target mobile phone will show no signs of use of these functions.
As a consequence of this your girlfriend can by no means find out that she is under your control.
In case your girlfriend will change her SIM card in her (target) phone for a new one, then after switch on of her (target) phone, your (source) phone will receive a SMS message about the change of the SIM card in her (target) phone and its new phone number.
These unique surveillance functions of our NOKIA N-Series Surveilance phones may be used to obtain very valuable and by no other means accessible information also from other subjects of your interest {managers, key employees, business partners etc, too.
(All of that SIC, by the way.)

For as little as $1,100 you can gather as much information as you could get by grabbing her cell phone when she's in the shower and scrolling through her text messages and call log!

Of course, I'd love to watch folks try to force a swap of phones on their possibly-cheating spouses "honey, where's my phone?" "Oh, surprise, I got you this new one." "Um, what? Where's my phone, it's got all my numbers in it." Seriously, do you know any adults who would let someone else pick a cell phone for them with no input on their own? Okay, aside from senior citizens who are having a phone forced on them to carry for emergencies.

Anyway, enjoy shopping at Wright-Ex, and if you find yourself in Denver, they are 1560 Broadway (maybe leave the pits at home and just pop in, say hi... just a thought).

Song of the Day: "Humdrum Town"

I don't know anything about Theophilus London, except that his blog's name is This Charming Blog (which is awesome), and he just performed at SXSW with about 18 million other bands (I don't have a beef with the success of SXSW, actually I find its sustained growth and expansion into movies and new media/inter-tubey stuff rather cool, it's just reached "March Madness" size it seems).

You can download this track free here if you like--apparently Pepsi has created a record label (under the Mountain Dew brand) which is a brilliant idea (Red Bull and Starbucks both do music as well). Pretty smart way to minimize the music licensing costs in your ads.

I promise I won't say anything

Thu, March 25, 2010 11:35:55 AM
From: Mike McMullen
Add to Contacts
Dear Sir/Madam

I am Mr Mike McMullen I need your services in a confidential matter regarding money transfer.

This requires a private arrangement though the details of the transaction will be furnish to you if you indicate your interest in this proposal.

We have all the legal documents to back up the transaction, besides we have worked out the modalities to ensure smooth and risky free transfer.

I am willing to offer you 40% of the money, the fund in question is quite large. All correspondences will be via email and telephone for now.

I am expecting to hear from you, if you are willing to do the business with us,your private phone number is needed.

Please let me hear from you immediately only in my private emailbox:
Waiting to hear from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr Mike Mcmullen

Three ninjas!

I am watching the early morning local news, and a jewelry store manager was attacked in his home and forced to open up his jewelry store for his attackers. His attackers were dressed as ninjas, but as I'm working on my first cup of coffee, I thought they said his attackers were dressed "as midgets."

Enter the Midget

Midget Warrior

Super Midget

(these are all based on ninja movie titles)

[UPDATE: I love the total lame-ness of television reporting, because where else would I find out that 1) they think this crime (a home invasion, turned kidnapping, turned jewelry store robbery) was planned (as opposed to random, I guess); 2) they are looking for 3 men "dressed as ninjas" (as though they are STILL dressed as ninjas).]

Short and sweet (and a little confusing)

My first question: why does Mrs. Paulson's email address say "M Hovius"?

My name is Mrs .Maria Paulson.I am a dying woman and I have decided to will my
fortune ($3,500,000.00) to you for your personal and charitable goals.I am 59
years old and was diagnosed of cancer about 2 years ago, Kindly Contact my
lawyer through this email address ( )
if you areinterested in carrying out this task. My lawyer's name is Barrister Edmund Hudgins.
I know I have never met you but instincts tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely.

Maria Paulson.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Well, there went $10

Syracuse lost to Butler. Ah well...

Happy Birthday Aretha Franklin

I'm sure you'll agree Aretha warrants a second birthday post for today. In her 68 years she has seen and done and been a lot. But first and foremost, she's the Queen of Soul. Her voice is a force of nature, but you already knew that.

She is the first female inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Her 18 Grammys puts her among the most-honored performers there (although she trails a few, including Alison Krauss and Quincy Jones). Rolling Stone named her the best singer of all time (up until then, presumably).

When she stepped in for Pavarotti and performed "Nessun Dorma" at the Grammys in 1998, I was blown away. I don't know opera well enough to know if this is technically a good performance in those terms, but I think she sounds fantastic. I'm sure she knew the song, I can't imagine all of this came from 22 minutes of preparation (that's how long she had before going on stage). But even still... wow.

Happy birthday dude!

Happy Birthday Elton John

He has an Oscar (for The Lion King). He has a Tony (for Aida, his least successful Broadway musical). He has five Grammys (a surprisingly small number--it's weird that he never won before "That's What Friends Are For" considering how much great shit he recorded before that). That leaves an Emmy to complete his Grand Slam/EGOT.

This should be fairly easy (although by eliminating the Individual Performance in a Variety or Musical Special category last year, he's missing what would have been a slam-dunk for him if he did an HBO concert special). There is an Original Song category. Justin Timberlake and Sarah Silverman have both won said Emmy.

So El (you don't mind if I call you El, do you?), just write a bunch of songs and give them to anyone you know who has a TV show. For CSI, here's a power ballad when one of the investigators is in the ER because he/she was shot and his/her life is on the line. For the Tonys, an original song celebrating, I don't know, awards shows. A haunting song about the problem of stalkers for a Lifetime original movie? Just crank them out and get them eligible (oh yeah, you have to do the paperwork early, so pay attention). You're welcome.

And now, randomly, here's a song of yours I love.

Happy birthday dude! Go get that Emmy!

Song of the Day: "Heartaches by the Numbers"

Rosanne Cash and Elvis Costello take a shot at the Harlan Howard classic (Guy Mitchell had the biggest hit with it, back in 1959, but Harlan wrote it) from her album The List.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I can't keep up with all my funds

Dr. Okogu Bright
Director of Operation, Federal Ministry of Finance Nigeria
Foreign Operation Department
6 Asokoro Abuja adjacent to British High Commission office
P.O Box [109]
Tel: 234-1-821-7278.


Following the out come of investigation of five [5] men committee set up by authorities of Federal Ministry of Finance Nigeria to investigate as to ascertain the forces that marred the release of your contract benefit of $5,3Million which was approved for payment since last year, it was discovered through the committee report that a highly placed Government official in this Ministry of Finance in the person of Mr. Tony Igbo is responsible for the none- release of the above mentioned amount to you which was approved for payment at the second quarter of last year by President Umar Musa Yaradua.

Mr. Charles Soludo, some Central Bank and officials of the Federal Ministry of Finance in Nigeria presented one Mr. Bill Carlton of Canada to claim your fund under false pretence as Mr. Carlton appeared as your business associate with the right to claim your fund in the file submitted to this Ministry of Finance which was discovered in Mr. Igbo's office with letters exchanged by these two persons discussing how to execute this criminal plan at your detriment with some Central Bank of Nigeria and Federal Ministry of Finance officials.

Following this discovery, Mr. Charles Soludo, has being relieved of his post in this Ministry for abuse of office alongside with the Central Bank officials of Nigeria who are partners in this attempt to perpetrate Scam/Fraud. The five men committee set up to ascertain the forces that marred the release of the $5.3Million to you recommended in their report that to forestall this ugly trend that the approved $5.3Million to you should be released to you through ATM SMART CARD and after the review of the report it was unanimously agreed and endorsed by principal officers of this Ministry that the above stated amount be released to you through an account with the Federal Ministry of Finance Bank [Eco Bank Plc] by issuing an ATM Smart card linked to the account to you to access the $5.3Million bond in the account with the ATM SMART CARD while in your country.

As regards to this, a letter was sent to Eco Bank Management yesterday to issue an ATM Smart card and link it to the account where the $5.3Million bond is deposited for you to withdraw the $5.3 Million as its beneficiary with the Smart card as this electronic payment method through ATM SMART CARD will make you to be fully in control of your Funds/Payment to avoid manipulation and reoccurrence of what marred the release of this fund to you since last year. This afternoon, the authorities of this Ministry of Finance received a letter from Eco Bank Management that the ATM SMART CARD has been issued and linked to the account the Ministry of Finance has opened on your Name and directed that it should be linked to and therefore, requested that the cost of activating the ATM SMART CARD to the account it is linked to be made available to the Bank for the immediate activation of it before releasing it to this Ministry for the subsequent delivery/ mailing of it to you.

In the light of this, you are hereby, required to make available the cost of activating the ATM SMART CARD immediately with the Delivery address were you would like it to be mailed/delivered to you with a valid Means of Identification in case you cannot come in person and pick it up in this Ministry Of Finance Office here in Nigeria.

As we are waiting to receive the activation cost of the card as demanded by Eco Bank Management and the information through which it will be mailed to you, you are hereby, advised not to give out your information to any body who claimed to be Central Bank Staff or Federal Ministry of Finance Staff nor Mr. Tony Igbo demanding for it for the release of this fund to you as if you do so, you are engaging yourself into fraudulent activity which this Ministry nor the Nigeria Government will not be held responsible for.

Thanking you for your understanding and anticipated co-operation in anticipation and also remember that the Federal Ministry of Finance has paid for the delivery of your Card to the Address you will have to Re-confirm to us.

Dr.Bright Okogu [MON]
Director of Operation, Federal Ministry of Finance Nigeria
Foreign Operation Department

Gazette to be released... what?

Sorry about the caps lock thing--just pretend Kanye West wrote this.

TELE NUMBER : +2348062763444





ACCOUNT NUMBER: 6503809428






John Boehner, All Class

"Hello no you can't!!!!" (Ooops, looks like they just did. Sorry dude. Good luck this fall.)

Hello Kitti

Bangkok Thailand 10240

My Regards to you and Family,

This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it be treated as such. I must solicit your confidentiality and assure you that I am contacting you in good faith and this proposal will be of mutual benefit to both of us. I am Dr. Kitti Nava Anurak, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney/sole executor to late Mr. Oliver Greene, hereinafter referred to as 'my client' who worked as an oil merchant/contractor here in Thailand, On the 21st of April 2003, My client, his wife and their three children died in a car crash in east Thailand.

My late client had Assets here in Thailand and had left behind a deposit of US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only) with a finance company here in Bangkok Thailand. After the death of my client, the finance company contacted me, as his attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his fortune; this according to them is their policy in sure circumstances.

Since the death of my client, I have written several letters to the Embassy with intent to locate any of his extended relatives whom shall be claimants/beneficiaries of his abandoned personal estate and all such efforts have been to no avail. I had to inform the finance company about my fruitless effort in locating my late client close relative or his next of kin. The board of directors of the company just adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within the next 10 official working days or forfeit the money as an abandoned funds.

The company had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of the company to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me; also I have received official letters in the last two days suggesting a likely proceeding for confiscation of his abandoned personal assets in line with existing laws of the institution.

Well I have reasoned very professionally and I can use a legal means to present a next of kin of my deceased client. This is legally possible and would be done in accordance with the laws of the land. I do sincerely sympathize the death of my client but I think it is unprofitable for his funds to be submitted to the government of Thailand or some financial institution, My aim is to retrieve this funds and let it be claimed by the deceased family, etc. for this I seek your assistance since I have been unable to locate the relatives for the past 5 years now.

I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you and then both of us can share the money, 50% to me and 50% to you. Can I trust you on this? I shall assemble all the necessary documents that will be used to back up your claim.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this proposal is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any fears as the required arrangements have been made for the completion of this transfer.

Like I said, I require only a solemn confidentiality on this. Please get in touch with me by my Email :{ } for better confidentiality and send to me your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further on this transaction. If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, Thanks for your understanding.

Many thanks.
Yours Sincerely.
Attorney at Law

Greatest Pop Song Ever?

Maybe. It's Nick Lowe's birthday AND it's a beautiful Spring day here. What more could you ask for?

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Wow, such stupid businessmen

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Mr. Archie Kane Executive Director of LloydsTSB Bank, I am in search of an agent to assist us in the transfer of Ј20,000,000.00 GBP (Twenty Million British pounds), and subsequent investment in properties in your country.

You will be required to:-

(1) Assist in the transfer of the said sum

(2) Advise on lucrative areas for investment

(3) Assist us in purchase of properties.

If you are willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 50% of the Ј20,000,000.00 GBP, and 50% for us. I will be pleased as soon as you indicate your interest by including your confidential phone and fax numbers in your positive response, this will enable us furnish you with further information on the procedures and modalities on how funds will be transferred or made available to you.

I await your immediate response.

My Regards,

Archie Kane
Executive Director
Lloyds TSB Group PLC
25 Gresham Street, London EC2

A variety of funny shit

(h\t Towleroad for 3 amusing items)

  1. "Glenn Beck is a fucking asshole. I've met him. He called me the anti-Christ and not about 'Avatar.' He hadn't even seen 'Avatar' yet. I don't know if he has seen it...I think, you know what, he may or may not be an asshole, but he certainly is dangerous, and I'd love to have a dialogue with him...He's dangerous because his ideas are poisonous."--James Cameron (I love how the possibility that Beck finally saw Avatar might influence whether Cameron considers Beck an asshole)
  2. Tim Tebow is at the Scouting Combine (aka the NFL's underwear beauty pageant), and before taking the Wonderlic exam (an exam my professional services company uses for non-football purposes) asked the other guys to join him in a prayer. He was told to "shut the fuck up." I have no problem with anyone praying whenever, but it's the need to make everyone pray your way that I do have a problem with. Unless you're cool with praying to Allah this once. Or Hecate. Or Krishna. Or Rhea.
  3. Watch George W. Bush act like a 12-year old and wipe his hand on Bill Clinton's shirt. They're in Haiti together and you just KNOW Bush can't stand having to fix his legacy instead of just milking the riches he made for all his oil business buddies. "They've got me shaking hands with negroes!" you can almost hear him think. Except it's not "negroes" he's thinking.

Today in hypocrisy

(h\t to Eric and DailyKos)

Everyone in the Republican party is outraged, OUTRAGED, by the unconstitutionality of mandating individuals to buy insurance. OUTRAGE! Pure socialism! The Miami Herald clarifies (here).

"The truth is this is a Republican idea," said Linda Quick, president of the South Florida Hospital and Healthcare Association. She said she first heard the concept of the "individual mandate" in a Miami speech in the early 1990s by Sen. John McCain, a conservative Republican from Arizona, to counter the "Hillarycare" the Clintons were proposing.

"Hey look, we liked the wars when we started them, but now they're just Obama's big fuck up..." Republicans everywhere seem to think. Why should anyone expect them to ever hold anyone to standards that were or are fine for them?

Fuck, the would-be underwear bomber is the perfect example. Everything the Obama administration did was similar to, but faster than, how the Bush administration handled the shoe bomber, but noooooo, that way was suddenly wrong.

Cunty first, continued

Cranky old Senator John McCain (R, AZ) is a bitter, bitter, petty, crotchety old man. And he's really pissy these days.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Song Of The Day: "Nothing Like You"

Apparently I have a thing for Scottish musicians. From Aztec Camera and The Blue Nile to Franz Ferdinand and Camera Obscura, I'm in love before I know they're Scottish. This is Frightened Rabbit, and I just thought they sounded tight and he sounds a little XTC-ish (a good -ish to be, in my opinion), but apparently they, too, are Scots. Enjoy.

Dr. Sanusi Sanusi I presume


From the Desk Of:
Dr. Sanusi Lamido Sanusi
Executive Governor
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN)


On behalf of the entire Staff of the Central Bank of Nigeria and the Federal Government of Nigeria in collaboration with IMF and World Bank. We apologize for the delay of your Contract Payment and all the Inconveniences you encountered while pursuing this payment. However, from the Records of outstanding payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your Name was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding persons who have not yet received their payments.

I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square hole and your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the record in my file, your outstanding Payment is US$16,000,000.00 (Sixteen Million United States Dollars).
Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:

Your Full Name:____________________________

Your Complete Address :----------------------------------------

Name of City of Residence:_____________________


Direct Telephone Number:_____________________

Mobile Number:_____________________________

Nearest airport:_____________________________



As soon as the above mentioned details are received, your file will be processed and payment will be made to you via diplomatic courier delivery in accordance to World Bank and IMF recommendations.

A diplomat with international travel immunity will be contracted to deliver the funds at your doorstep or if you wish to receive your payment through ATM.

Yours Sincerely,

Do Get back to me immediately.

**This communication (including any attachments) is intended for the use of the intended recipient(s) only and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or legally protected. Any unauthorized use or dissemination of this communication or in part is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please immediately notify the Central Bank of Nigeria by return e-mail message and delete all copies of the original communication. Thank you for your cooperation.*** © 2010. Central Bank Of Nigeria (Nigeria Apex Bank).

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Quote of the day

(h\t The Advocate)

"Disgraceful and unbecoming a military man. I do not intend to waste any more words on this."--Dutch Minister of Defense Eimert van Middelkoop

This is a response to the claim by former NATO Commander General John Sheehan that allowing gays to serve openly in the military rendered Dutch forces weak and incapable of protecting the people of Srebrenica in 1995.

The response from the Dutch is basically "liar liar pants on fire."

And by the way, all fucking evidence to the contrary: countries allowing gays in the military include some of our most important NATO allies, countries that we fucking rely on. Countries like the United Kingdom, Germany, and Canada. Even Isreal. Fucking Isreal. You want to tell me they've got a problem with their military's effectiveness?

Gen. Sheehan, stop lying. Just admit that you're a fucking bigot.

OMG! It's 3 a.m., stop that knocking!

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Joe Biden will NOT get a replacement Dilbert calendar

Not with language like this. "This is a big fucking deal..." Outrage!

PS to the folks at Andrews McMeel Publishing and to Scott Adams, thanks for fucking nothing. My fucked up Dilbert calendar is now back to normal, but I'm still pissy. So, you know, don't expect me to buy any more of your shit.

A New Joy:

(h\t David Mixner)

Check out the Top 10 Anti-Gay Politicians Caught Being Gay. Larry Craig didn't even make the top 5!

Happy Birthday Chaka Khan

(nee Yvette Marie Stevens) I once made the point that Valentine's Day meant as little to me as Chaka Khan's birthday, but really it means less. Chaka at least provides some sweet R&B music. Here she is with the band Rufus.

Happy birthday dude!

Cosmo Sex Secrets Revealed

(h\t Broadsheet)
Marty Beckerman and his unseen girlfriend try out the sex advice from an issue of Cosmopolitan... nothing too naughty but still NSFW.

Song Of The Day: "Answer To Yourself"

A little jangly garage rock for your Tuesday morning, courtesy of The Soft Pack, from San Diego.

Eruke, I Am (Not) Your Father

I hope this mail will reach you in the best of health and business conditions and receive the most desired attention from you even as we have not had any previous correspondence before.
I am constrained by insufficient information about you to express in full the main objectives of this proposal. However, kindly get back to me immediately for details should be given you if you agree to its content.
My name is Mr. Ateke Eruke, I am an activist from the oil rich states of Nigeria (Niger Delta Region), although the Government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria decided to brand us MILITANTS, we are fighting for our people who are dying every day as a result of oil pollution, gas flaring, injustice and marginalization.
It is no strange news any more that we are fighting with the Military of Nigeria, since the soldiers started attacking our villages in the name of trying to flush out Militants, we have lost many of our comrades and others are running for their lives now, although the Government is offering amnesty but no one believes in it because that might be a way to get hold of us. You can read more about us and the government through these links if you are not conversant with Nigerian news:
Since the government has started this endless offensive attack on us, I have no other option than to run away most of my friends who has relatives outside the country have all left to meet their relatives for shelter, I have a sister that was killed by the soldiers after severely rapping her, I do not want to be killed, as we took up this struggle in other not to Become slaves in our own country because of so called government interest on crude oil and other mineral resources in our Region.
I will be glad if you can help me to come over to your country for shelter, I have with me well over Twenty Five Million United States Dollars (USD 25 M only) the Money belongs to my Commandant that was killed by the Army. Although I have managed to move the money through help of a top politician here who sponsors us and the money is safe now and was deposited outside my country.
I hereby solicit your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the deceased. So please reply urgently so that I will inform you on the next step. I need your full co-operation to make this transaction work perfectly. I need your strong assurance that you will never let me down immediately we start with the process.
There is no risk whatsoever associated with this transaction. I guarantee you that this will be executed under the most legitimate way. 5% of the total money will be used to offset any expenses incurred as regards this transaction. 30% goes to you and while the remaining 65% is for me.
The problem I have now is to leave this country because our sponsors are all denying us and cannot come out in full because the present government will see them as saboteurs so they have told us in secret to find a way out to leave the country, I am trying to leave but where do I go if I leave here who do I go to that is why I want your help, if you can accept to help me, I will be glad, I am still here in the creek of Niger Delta and I can only plan on how to leave if you are willing to help me, I am ready and willing to share the Money into two with you once I come over to your country.
As soon as you indicate interest, I will direct you to where the money is and we will talk about how I can leave here to meet you, please we cannot talk on phone now because the military special task force are monitory my line though I have another virgin cell phone that we will use for our conversation if you accept to help me, please this is about my life and I would be glad if you keep it secret. Please reply with your full information.
OFFICE PHONE----------

I await your urgent response.
Thanks and God bless.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Map Coolness

(h\t I See What You Mean)

Cameron Booth, a graphic designer coincidentally located in Portland OR (I don't think I know him, but it's possible I've already offended him somehow) created a map/diagram (he points out the liberties taken with geography make it a diagram) of the US interstate system, using the style of subway maps.

Click on image to embiggen, it's totally worth it.

Happy Birthday Stephen Sondheim

It's amusing that Sondheim and Andrew Lloyd Weber (he knows what he did) have the same birthday. Today we celebrate a genuinely talented composer, and his name is Sondheim. He's the Payton Manning/Jeff Gordon/Albert Pujols (look at me, relating to the sports) of musical theater--in addition to an array of Tonys and Grammys, he has an Oscar, a Pulitzer Prize and a Kennedy Center Honor.

As I went to look up a clip for his Oscar-winning "Sooner or Later (I Always Get My Man)" I realized that both Sondheim and Lloyd Weber earned Oscars on songs performed by Madonna. This song is great, despite what Madonna does to it (let's be honest, the woman is a remarkable talent, but her voice isn't her best feature--so one might advise her to avoid songs like this, where people can actually hear her), and I wonder how it came to be that Sondheim wrote 5 original songs for Dick Tracy (which won 3 Oscars of its 7 nominations).

His "Send in the Clowns" from A Little Night Music (based on Ingmar Bergman's Smiles on a Summer Night) was the Song of the Year winner at the Grammys back in 1975 based on what I'm guessing is the Judy Collins version (Sinatra also covered it early on). I was going to skip this, I've always thought this song was something of a mess, because I only know it without any of the context of the musical. But the Wikipedia entry for the song (here) helps ("clowns" aren't clowns, they're fools--"don't bother they're here" means "oh look, we're fools") and the mention of the song's complex triple meter convinced me to include it. And then I found a clip of Dame Judi Dench performing. So here you go.

I saw Sweeney Todd on Broadway about 5 years ago with Patti Lupone (who was wickedly funny and vocally stunning as Mrs. Lovett). That version, directed by John Doyle, was remarkable in that its cast of 10 was also its orchestra (even Patti Lupone played tuba and triangle)--and all of the actors became members of the musicians' union. All 10 remain on stage the entire show, but as characters die, they get red scarves around their necks (about the only color on the set)--it's clear that Tim Burton's movie adaptation was inspired, at least in part, by that production). In looking for a clip from that, I found a duet from a concert performance, with Neil Patrick Harris which I'm using instead... (you kinda had to be there).

His first big hit was West Side Story. Never ever forget, George Chakiris has an Oscar.

Sondheim draws on a variety of source material--some less orthodox than others (a painting, for example). Assassins, a series of song pieces based on the men and women who have, or have tried, to kill the Presidents of the USA (not the band), is less orthodox. This song is by John Hinkley and "Squeaky" Fromme (performed by John Barrowman and Ruthie Henshall), "Unworthy of Your Love."

Okay, no better way to finish than with Ethel Merman. She's the big pink bow on this very gay post. (Oh, and a special thanks to John, who helped me appreciate this song several years ago, and also who helps fuel my enthusiasm for musical theater.)

Happy birthday dude!

Thought of the Day

Song Of The Day: "Please Don't"

David Byrne, Fatboy Slim (Norman Cook), and Santigold (she was Santogold for a while, but apparently there's a product called Santo Gold and her real first name is "Santi" so she decided to avoid legal action and made the change but let me say to Santo Gold, you people are dumb). This is a collaboration between Cook and Byrne, Here Lies Love, about the life of Imelda Marcos--in addition to Santigold, vocals are provided by Tori Amos, Kate Pierson, Cyndi Lauper, Steve Earle, Martha Wainwright (her collaboration on Cook's BPA album last year was really great, btw), and Natalie Merchant (cause I'm sure you would have gotten the album otherwise, Becky) among others.

It was originally conceived as a musical theatre piece about the jet-setting wife of the Philippines strong-man. While Byrne continues to work on financing, he's released the soundtrack to help move things forward (I think this is what happened with Chess, and we all know how well that turned out).

Healthcare Reform Passes

It's good, but it's by no means great. It absolutely underscores the need for campaign finance reform (essentially the US needs publicly funded campaigns--not only will the months leading up to your state's primary be less laden with negative campaign ads, but your Congresspeeps will be able to focus on you and your needs, instead of those of Citi, Pfizer, United Health Care, AIG, etc.).

I don't think there's anything in this legislation that precludes a further push for a public option (opening up Medicare to people 50 and up would be a great simple start), and I'm hoping Alan Grayson, Dennis Kucinich and others keep that fight going (I'll write to Earl Bluemenauer and give him my support). The current bill won't help my mom, who won't be eligible for Medicare for 5 years, and that's my big concern.

As for America's descent into Socialism, I'm afraid public schools, libraries, and the interstate highway system beats our limiting the ways private medical insurance companies can fuck their customers to that by decades. And you can still buy the Freedom Tray, so go protest Obama some other way (oooh, I hear he's elitist).

Alas Badgers

Wisconsin lost to Cornell. And since I had them going to the Final Four (don't ask me to justify this), so d'oh!