Saturday, February 13, 2010

The many faces of Midge

Free at last

Clark is out of ICU and home.

It was possibly anaphylaxis, which means his new drag name is Anna Felaxis.

So call him that, early and often.

Welcome home buddy! You can have the rest of today off.

Meteorological bon mot

Yesterday, Feb. 12, 2010, all 50 states had snow on the ground. (CUE: "Even Florida? Even Hawaii?"... All 50 states.)

Happy birthday Stockard Channing

As I type this, I wonder if Channing Tatum took his name from some late-70s movie with Stockard and Tatum O'Neal, but that's not important right now. Tony, Emmy and Daytime Emmy winning actress (and an Oscar nominee for the fantastic Six Degrees of Separation) Stockard is wonderful. I love her singing (John can't stand this clip of her doing "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" from the Tonys, but it includes Brett Michaels getting clotheslined by the set, so I LOVE it).

Here's more of her, without Brett:

Stockard is best remembered from Grease, which is fine. I think if you adjust for inflation Grease is a bigger hit than Avatar (suck it Sigourney Weaver!), so here you go.

Love her! Happy birthday dude!

Kay Jewelers ad

Have you seen this Valentine's Day-focused ad where a couple discusses their first Valentine's together, when they didn't have much money and it starts to sound like an O. Henry short story?

He gives her a beautiful little ceramic tea pot (because she loves tea and drinks it all the time).

And she can't fucking stand it. Because it's a tea pot for one.

What a bitch.

Jesus Christ dude, dump her. Nothing will ever be good enough. Seriously. "Oh, I guess you don't love me enough to buy me twenty-FIVE carat gold." Dump her.

Selfish bitch.

Song of the day: "Song Away"

Portland OR band Hockey, from Mind Chaos. I stumbled on them at KNRK, which marks the first time in a long time I've heard a Portland band initially via Portland radio. Hooray!

This sounds like somebody. If you told me the music was sampled from something from like 1982 (like Dwight Twilley or Nick Lowe) I wouldn't be surprised. Not that it can't be original, but if only I knew someone who knows music and perhaps has preserved her memory through copious application of red red wine (the healing wine)... she might chime in here via comments. [UPDATE: Or it might be Sinead O'Connor's "Mandinka"]

Friday, February 12, 2010

The machine that goes BING!

So Clark is in the hospital. He had a severe reaction (possibly allergic), broke out in hives all over his body in a matter of a few minutes and was having problems breathing.
Naturally he waited about an hour before he decided to seek medical attention (he is not one prone to drama, and I'm pretty sure the only reason he actually went is to avoid pissing me off by dying in the house and then not cleaning up the mess... he does know me pretty well).

Here are his vitals from his time in the E.R.

I listened to a variety of medical professionals ask him some questions over and over, but it seemed really weird that someone would ask him if he feels safe at home WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM. Sheesh. Also, he paused, so I will have to beat him for that.

Seriously, medical professionals, when you're asking a question like that, have all visitors out of the room. Because if someone really doesn't feel safe at home, they may not admit it in front of others. Certainly not someone like me who will mock them endlessly over it (kidding ((totally not kidding))).

He gets to have a slumber party in ICU tonight. For reactions like these, where they don't know the cause, they like to keep the patient under observation for a night in case it recurs. And apparently things were really quiet there this evening, because dude got into a bed in the ER in under 20 minutes, and they had a bed arranged for him in ICU before his first hour was up.

I'm hoping he gets well soon as he has organized my stuff and I don't know where any of it is. And the dogs like him.

They are building something really big at that hospital so if you are going to visit him, park right by the emergency entrance after 8:30 p.m. or you will have to walk way the fuck around the whole parking lot. I thought the walk would be about 1/3 of what it was (and then I had to walk all the way back inside, and then I got lost and doubled back twice, only to find him asleep), and then I got to retrace all those steps (less the double back stuff). The saddest part of all of that is, that is the most exercise I've had in months. Sigh.

Here's a picture of the big crane they are using for the new hospital extension.

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Happy birthday Costa-Gavras

I recently watched his acclaimed movie Z a few weeks ago. Through sheer force of will, I fought my ADD for like 2 hours to pay attention to a movie WITH SUBTITLES. For normal people that's like watching a turtle walk a mile. The movie is good, a classic even considering how unique it was for its time, but I feel a little detached from it, especially since I don't understand the particulars of Greek history that it satirizes. Z is the first foreign language film to be nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars (it won the Foreign Language Film category and Best Editing)--a lot of people get hit in the head with blunt objects in this movie. Enjoy!

My introduction to Costa-Gavras came with his early 80s film Missing. Starring Jack Lemmon and Sissy Spacek (both Oscar nominees for this), it's set in an unnamed country but based on post-coup Chile in the mid-70s. Both Lemmon and Spacek are fantastic, and it's an artfully told story that balances the political with the human. Costa-Gavras won the Oscar for Adapted Screenplay.

I liked Betrayed, Music Box and Mad City (although I think I enjoyed Mad City more as a "B-grade" movie), but none of them hold a candle to Missing. I will leave you with a short film he directed that depicts the Parthenon over time.

She calls me "dearest"... I think she's confused me for someone else

By the way, she lied--there was no photo attached. I do love this letter though... "mine was a bit warm here in the refugee camp"... boo-hoo bitch, I had to go back to the office to make 2 slides last night AND I forgot to record The Office (yes, I can watch it on Hulu) AND my dogs got me up at 5:30, so don't get me started on complaints...

How was your night over there in your country and the day,i believe you had a nice night and that the arthmosphere over there in your country is very nice today? Mine was a little bit warm over here in Oru Refugee Camp here in Nigeria.

My name is Cathy Walters and i am (19yrs) but age doesn't matter in a real relationship,so i am confortable with your age,I am from Rwanda in Africa,5.4ft tall, fair in complexion, single, (never married ) and presently i am residing here in Nigeria as a result of the civil war that was fought in
my country some years ago.

My late father Dr David Walters he was a british merchant that worked in the capital city of RWANDA, my country) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood. It was only me that is alive now and I was taken to the refugee camp in Nigera where i am leaving now as a refugee under a Revrend father's care and i am using his computer to send these message to you.

I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture.kindly contact me on my personal email:

Hoping to hear from you soonest
Yours forever


Song of the day: "15 to 20"

They are called The Phenomenal Handclap Band. Not The Mediocre Handclap Band. You've got to appreciate the boldness it takes to position oneself thus. No recent song has made me want to roller skate as much as this one--enjoy!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Not that you asked: the Adapted Screenplay Oscar

So I have actually seen all 5 nominees in this Oscar category and will now pontificate about who will win and who ought to win. You're welcome.

First, the nominees: District 9; An Education; In the Loop; Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire; Up in the Air.

Second, I haven't read any of the source material involved here. I doubt most Academy voters have either. They are probably voting on the screenplay itself without regard to how difficult the adaptation was, or how true they were to the spirit of the source material.

Up in the Air is the likely winner here, in part as a consolation prize for director Jason Reitman. Reitman's made 3 solid movies in a row (his first 3, by the way: Thank You For Smoking, Juno, and this). It's a smart and funny movie, and it seems to have connected surprisingly strongly with critics picking up a variety of awards from top critics' organizations. I don't see a strong swell of support for either of the potential spoilers (Precious and An Education), so I'm pretty resigned that this will win. I'm okay with it winning, but I wish more attention were being paid to the screenplays for Precious and An Education.

Precious has gotten good reviews and Mo'Nique is all but guaranteed an Oscar (Supporting Actress is another category where I'm done with all the nominees, so I will write about that soon), but Lee Daniels, the director, put together a fantastic movie and the screenplay has moments of sweetness and inspiration. But it's dark and somber at times as well. If Slumdog Millionaire hadn't pulled off the complex mix of emotions so amazingly well the year before, I think people would be reacting more favorably here.

An Education only picked up three nominations, but the more I talk about it to others, the more I realize how much I adored the movie. Its so artfully, subtly put together, and filled with top-notch acting, that it reminds me of a Merchant-Ivory film. The screenplay has less emotional oomph than Precious, but the dialog is every bit as smart as Up in the Air, and the movie's twists unfold so nicely that I was taken completely by surprise (which is all I will say there). Director Lone Scherfig is clearly a talent and has a deft hand with actors--here's hoping we see her live up to the promise of this movie in the future.

So if I were to rank them based on my assessment of the screenplays, I'd put An Education at the top, followed by Precious, Up in the Air, In the Loop (which is wickedly funny, but not much happens), and then District 9.

As a post script I will say that this is a solid slate of nominees. Even District 9 has a lot of merit. The only movie I could imagine being here in lieu of D9 or ITL is Star Trek, and that had red matter, and the whole lack of OSHA for Romulans issue (its brilliance is in the exuberance of the direction and the fantastic cast).

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I'm so vain, I even think this tweet is about me

In my defense, Matlock was over and I finished my Jesus Juice(tm). Also I woke up at 5:30 and am now facing a miserable fucking day at work.

So he needs to be careful or shit's gonna trickle down his way....

Happy birthday to a mess of people

Like Leslie Nielsen

Burt Reynolds



Tina Louise

Sheryl Crow

Kelly Slater

Jennifer Aniston

And Kelly Rowland

With a contract number like that, it MUST be legit

ATTN: Dear Contractor

Dated On : Wednesday/ February/2010


From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their payments.

I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is US$ 7 million dollars (Seven Million United States dollars).

Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what we have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings:

1) Your full name.
2) Phone, fax and mobile #.
3) Company name, position and address.
4) Profession, age and marital status.
5) Scanned copy of int'l passport.

As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you in a certified bank draft or wired to your bank account directly from Central Bank of Nigeria and a copy will be given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.

You must call me on my direct number as soon as you receive this letter for a serious discussion with me and also get back to me in this e-mail box, we work 24hours, 7days : Email:


Prof. Charles Soludu.

Executive Governor, Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN)
Direct line: 234-802-998-8917

Song of the day: "One Life Stand"

The title track to Hot Chip's fourth album--I lump them in with MGMT in this quasi-ethereal dreamy dance music. This track takes a minute to kick in, but it finishes well.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

White granulated sugar

Read from Tony

Dear Sir
I have a business proposal in the tune of USD$3.850m, (three Million eight hundred and fifty Thousand United States Dollars only) and after the successful transfer; we shall share in the ratio of 30% for you and 65% for me, while 5% will be mapped out for the settlement of any expenses we made during the course of transfer, though I don't think there will be any expenses, but just in case if any.
My name is Mr. Tony Koffi, I'm the Regional Manager of International Commercial Bank of Ghana Ltd, as the regional manager of this bank, it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra at the end of each bank business year.
During my 2007 financial report to my bank head office, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made three million eight hundred and fifty thousand united state dollars($3,850,000.00) which my head office are not aware of and will never be aware of it,and I have placed this funds on escrow call account with no beneficiary name hence I decided to contact you to stand and claim the fund as the owner who made the deposit with my branch so that the bank will order the transfer to your account.
If you are interested, get back to me so that we can commence on all arrangements and I Will give you more information on how we would handle this project.
Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the Following information below
(1) Full names:
(2) Private phone number:
(3) Current residential address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Age and Sex:
Kind Regards,
Mr. Tony Koffi

It's nice, but is it "art"?

(h\t to Gizmodo)
(Click to embiggen, it's worth it.)

That's the Orion Nebula. Usually when I see like 8 random stars I'm supposed to see a pony or a dude carrying a vase filled with water. I can't ever see shit. I also couldn't do those 3-D posters from like 1993. I suck at visualizing shit. Except I don't, but I do it begrudgingly. I will take numbers any day. Those make sense.

If this were a comic book cover, and you could see, like, Galactus in that swirl of stars, that would be bad ass.

Bad ass.

Happy birthday Roberta Flack

Only 2 artists have won Record of the Year at the Grammys in back-to-back years. One of them is U2. Can you guess the other? Really? You think it's Coldplay? God you are stupid. Actually, how weird would it be if I opened my Roberta Flack post with trivia that wasn't about her at all? Coming soon, random trivia embedded in birthday posts.

Roberta's voice is 70s soul and jazz to me, and it's easy to minimize the amount of control she has--it's not a big range, but her technique is impressive. Just try to sing along. Unfortunately, my favorite of her songs, a duet of "Where Is The Love" with the late great Donnie Hathaway, isn't on the tubes. So you'll have to settle for her with Three Dog Night:

Here's a bonus solo version that gets a little funky:

Here are her back-to-back Records of the Year. "The First Time Ever I Saw His Face" always makes me think of Emma Thompson's brilliant role on Cheers as Frasiers til-then unknown first wife, Nanny G:

And you might recognize "Killing Me Softly" as a Fugeez cover from 30 years before they existed:

Her last hit record was a duet with Maxi Priest that I'd forgotten about and can't find. But this came up when I searched for it--it's worth watching for its incredible lameness. When I think St. Patrick's day, I think fine wine.... and here's the street.

Chris Wilson and I saw her at Chastain Park in Atlanta and hoped hoped hoped that Peabo Bryson would surprise us all by showing up to duet with her. But that bitch didn't. Which is why, whenever I run into Peabo Bryson, at the club, at Kroger, whereever, I don't ever talk to him. To recreate a proper Chastain Park experience, try listening to this song while someone sits 18 feet from you talking about




Roberta has two songs with similar titles. It's nearly impossible to search for her lesser "Making Love" (from the gay gay gay movie of the same name) without getting her 70s hit "Feel Like Making Love" (which in turn gets you a Bad Company song). Here they are:

OMG, I can't even find Roberta doing her own fucking Top 10 hit. Here's some other random dude--if you see him at Kroger, go ahead and say "hi" for, you know, trying:

And finally, here she is from a couple weeks ago, performing at the Grammys with Maxwell and looking like a cross between Joan Collins and Isabel Sanford:

Happy birthday dude!

Song of the day: "Pray For Rain"

Triphop/bass & drum pioneers Massive Attack are back with Heligoland, their 5th album. This is the first single, featuring dude from TV on the Radio on vocals. This is definitely going on the library queue.

You see, I can trust THEM, just not the people in Nigeria

That's perfect!

E14 5HP LONDON UK.                                                       
Reg No: 1026167


This is to notifying you about this said fund.

After due vetting and evaluation of your file that was sent to us by the Ministry of Finance and Central Bank of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Under the direct authorization of the Government of Nigeria in Conjunction with the United Nations.

This bank has an instruction to see to the immediate release of the sum of SEVEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$7.5Million) of your claim that has been pending since its transferred into your bank Account from their Domiciliary Account with this Bank.

We were meant to understand from our findings that you have been going through hard times and passing through a lot of difficulties in seeing to the release of your fund which amounts to (SEVEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSANDUNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$7.5Million).  This has been the handwork of some dubious elements from that Country.

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Shoulda been more specific

This had me laughing my ass off, at work, so I think I may have disturbed some coworkers.

Happy birthday J-Rod

God, he probably hates that nickname. I just realized it's based on someone from a New York sports thing. D'oh. Jared remains a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, drizzled in a reduction of clean-cut cynicism. And if you want to piss him off, make assumptions about what kind of bands he listens to. Which is probably ultra-ironic coming from me... here's some music he actually likes.

Happy birthday dude!

Happy birthday Carole King

Tapestry is among my all-time favorite albums. Considering that it compiles some pretty well-established songs she wrote, that's something of a cheat, but there's no denying her contributions to pop music. I might just break down and see her in concert with James Taylor. Ugh, I hate arena shows.

Happy birthday dude.

Song of the day: "Dear God (sincerely M.O.F.)"

From the self-titled release by Monsters of Folk (M. Ward, Conor Oberst, Jim James, and Mike Mogis). The song samples the gospel song "Is There Any Love," or so Wikipedia would have me belief. It's one part Deep Forest and one part jam band harmonies.

Monday, February 8, 2010

A pretty morning commute

Just in from the Nigerian Ports Authority

(Click to embiggen)

Another look at Palin's palm

(h\t to Eric)

Happy birthday John Williams

If he'd only written the music for Jaws, he'd have a major legacy.

If he'd only written the music for Jaws AND the various Star Wars movies, he's have a major legacy and a bazillion dollars.

If he'd only written the music for Jaws, and the various Star Wars movies, and the iconic Raiders of the Lost Ark theme, he's be a fucking legend.

But no, John Williams is a fucking show-off. Seriously. 45 fucking Oscar nominations, and I'm pretty sure the dude is still working. You know he's gonna crank out at least another 5 before he dies. Wait, he's 78, another 3. He's already won 5 Oscars (which is still fewer than that hack Alan Menken [I kid, Alan, I kid]) but will he give us (or Danny Elfman) a chance? No. Because he's greedy. And a show-off.

Oh, and one of the most talented mother-fucking composers of our age. It's easy to overlook, but movie scores are the most popular vestige of classical music we have (and how would high school bands survive otherwise? by playing "El Salon Mexico"? Maybe, but we don't have to ask thanks to John!).

So put John Williams up on that pedestal with Meryl Streep, Michael Jordan, Barbra Streisand, Martina Navratilova, and Tiger Woods (no, not the "dripping with chlamydia" shelf, the living legends shelf).

I can't keep up with his music, in part because I don't care for Steven Spielberg movies (which is why I won't mention that early 80s movie about the alien), but his score for Schindler's List, like nearly every thing else in that movie, was so unexpectedly wonderful that it deserves mention. It is remarkably spare and human, contrary to Williams' typical grand style. It is his most recent Oscar win.

But I will leave you with a piece I loved so much I bought the score. 1991's JFK.

Happy birthday dude!

Song of the day: "Crying Blood"

Brit V. V. Brown's debut is finally out in the US. Somehow I heard this song months ago, but now I'm hearing it regularly, so voila, song of the day. Someone's decided to go back to the "retro girl group" sound (I'm assuming her A&R guy). Catchy song, but as Eric says, "it's less impressive when the girls who sound black are actually black."

What better way to start a week than a new inheritance scam?

Kindest Attention,

I am Alex Johnson, the Chief Auditor of C M (Financial Management) Limited, United Kingdom. In the course of my job, I discovered a floating fund in an account which was opened in 1999 belonging to a foreigner Late who died in 2002. All effort made to track any member of his family or next of kin has since failed, hence I got in contact with you to stand as his next.

He died leaving no heir or a will.

My intention is to transfer this sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($15,500,000) in the above mentioned account to a safe account overseas. I am therefore proposing that you partner with me and provide an existing account or set up a new account that will serve the purpose of receiving the above fund. For your assistance in this venture, I am ready to part with 30% of the entire funds ($4,650,000). After going through the deceased person's records and files, I discovered that:

(1) No one has operated this account since 2002
(2) He died without an heir; hence the money has been floating
(3) No other person knows about this account and there is no Next of Kin.

If I do not remit this money urgently, it would be forfeited and subsequently converted to company's funds after the Sixth year (this year); this will benefit only the directors of my firm. The funds will be approved and paid to you legally as soon as I secure all the necessary Documents and Certifications in your name. I will also guide you on how to make your applications to ensure its approval and payment.

Reply stating your direct telephone and fax numbers (I advice you buy a fax machine if you do not have one) this is to enable me send you detailed information on the modalities of this proposition. The entire process will be completed within 14 working days. I completely trust you to keep this proposition absolutely confidential and I also want you to know that this transaction is 100% risk free. I look forward to your prompt response.

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Sunday, February 7, 2010

Notes on Crazy Heart

So at this point, notes about possible Oscar nominations are a little late. Jeff Bridges has about got the Best Actor Oscar sewn up. His performance as Bad Blake resonates with critics and fellow actors, and his fifth nomination seems to be the one for which he'll win. I liked him, but I kept getting distracted by physical similarities to Kris Kristofferson. Bridges sings and plays guitar, and inhabits the role nicely. I contrast this with Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, which was a huge disappointment to me.

I think there are a few reasons to compare Crazy Heart with The Wrestler, including the fact that CH picked up Oscar nominations in the 2 categories TW did, and in the category TW would have if they hadn't fucked up the placement of Springsteen's song.

Maggie Gyllenhaal (oh my god, I spelled that right the first time) is fine here, but I've liked her sooo much more in other movies. I think she caught a lucky break to get the nomination, although I seem to be the only singing Paula Patton's praises (from Precious), and I don't think Diane Kruger deserved the spot. I'll revisit after I see A Single Man (Julianne Moore). Since Mo'Nique has dominated this category I can't see Gyllenhaal doing anything but enjoying her night and cheering on her costar and the film's third nominee.

Singer/songwriter Ryan Bingham's "The Weary Kind" appears positioned to pick up the Original Song Oscar, and I'm okay with that. I liked the Paul McCartney song from Everybody's Fine, but I only know the song independent of the movie, so I don't know how it's used in context.

A couple of additional notes. There are several really good songs in the movie, and sadly I'm having trouble tracking down the writers credits. There's also a little controversy around some of the writing credits, but I don't have time to dig into that now. It's dog feeding time and I have to check my chocolate chip cookies.

Colin Farrell is fantastic in a small role, and demonstrates a nice singing voice. And Robert Duvall is fucking adorable and made me so happy to see. And he sings too, reminding me of his Oscar win for Tender Mercies. He's a Producer here.

Here's Colin singing with Bridges:

Tee hee hee... Bangkok

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Picture of the day

Now, what was that you were saying about people who use teleprompters?

Maybe the retarded baby actually IS hers after all (it's not), cause I see a lot of similarities. Trig isn't qualified to hold public office either.

Rahm Emanuel's apology

Over-rated super powers: the ability to eat matter

Yeah, food is matter. I'm just saying.

Over-rated super powers: spider sense

Be honest, when is that last time you tried to kill a spider, but it avoided you repeatedly and got away?

A quiet morning at the dog park

Just us.

Over-rated super powers: Green Lantern power ring

Hunter's rifle: $300
Scope: $80
Ammunition: $20
Yellow spray paint: $6

Taking out one of the most powerful heroes in the DC universe: priceless (well, $406).

Happy birthday Chris Rock

Possibly the perfect combination of Richard Pryor and George Carlin, I've enjoyed Rock since I first saw him on Saturday Night Live (unbeknown to me, he was the guy who wanted a single rib in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka). He has 4 Emmys and 3 Grammys. His documentary Good Hair has a 94% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Happy birthday dude!

Over-rated super powers: the ability to see in the dark

I own a flashlight.

Oh snap!

Joan Walsh is the editor of Salon. She took the time to watch Sarah Palin at the Tea Party Convention last night (see review here).
I know journalists aren't supposed to use words like mean and dumb, but I can't help it. Palin is one of the meanest people on the public stage today. She wallows in it. She loves it! Also? Possibly one of the dumbest. But mean works, and so does dumb. And so do lies, and there were many mean, dumb lies in her speech.

Song of the day: "Need You Now"

I got a free download of Lady Antebellum via iTunes at some point, but couldn't tell you if I heard it and/or liked it. So I knew the name when they performed on last week's Grammys, but I didn't expect to like them as much as I did. The only reason this is "country" is the affected southern accents and the painfully affected name (something tells me they had a whole non-country plan that involved sounding a lot like Buckingham/Nicks era Fleetwood Mac, but country was just too lucrative, so now they're country... I wanted to run radio stations and now I make pie-charts, so I don't judge). And I like the music, kinda.

Over-rated super powers: super strength for 60 minutes

This was the super power of the Golden Age character Hour Man. He popped a Miraclo pill and was imbued with super strength for exactly one hour.

Downside: most villains' super powers lasted at least 61 minutes.

Over-rated super powers: the ability to talk to fish

Have you spent any time talking to seniors who live in a retirement community? They are way more interesting than talking to fish.

Talking to fish is like talking to a NASCAR fan who only remembers the last lap and the last commercial he saw.

Here's an example:

Me: "Hey dude, what's going on?"

Fish: "There was this pretty orange fish that swam by a little bit ago--it was really fast and orange."

Me: "That's cool. What else is going on?"

Fish: "I almost got trapped in some seaweed."

Me: "Oh, lucky you didn't. What else is up?"

Fish: "There was this pretty orange fish that swam by a little big a go--it was really fast and orange."

Me: "You told me that."

Fish: "What's up with you?"

Me: "Um... not much. Are you watching Archer on FX?"

Fish: "I have no idea what those words mean."

See? Over-rated.