Sunday, June 6, 2010

This week's open letter to John Boehner

Rep. John Boehner (R, OH) had this to say on Friday, about Paul McCartney: "I hope he'll apologize to the American people for his conduct which demeaned him, the White House and President Obama."

(Previously Paul McCartney had this to say about George W. Bush: "After the last eight years, it's great to have a president who knows what a library is.")

To which I expect George W. Bush thought "hell, I KNOW what a liberry is, theys building me one right now in Dallas" (sic). And to give the full effect you have to read it with the shear smugness that a man with the audacity to cut taxes while his country was fighting TWO wars would have.

But back to John Boehner (hey JB)... why, I was wondering, is John Boehner demanding this? Then I realized, all the important Republicans (wait who are... nevermind) are at Rush's fourth wedding down in Florida. So Boehner looked up, and realized he was the only one around, so he MUST be in charge. Sometimes, late at night, Chekov is in charge in the Enterprise.

John Boehner is just a really orange Chekov minus the adorable accent.

So John, let me point out that the White House is just a building. To demean that building, you're demeaning the American people, which is redundant since you already named us. And speaking for both the American people, and our symbolic buildings (also parks, bridges, lakes and monuments), as regards Paul McCartney: we good. Honestly, the sheer joy of something as wonderfully poppy as "Silly Love Songs" totally outweighs that little dish.

And that's not even touching The Beatles--that might even cover an unjustified invasion of Iraq destroying that country and running up hundreds of billions of dollars in debt here, and McCartney NEVER did anything quite so despicable. (But if he had, he might be covered... )

So while I can't speak for President Obama, I'm pretty sure no one else is all that concerned. But you should totally use these last few minutes while you're "in charge" to do something productive for the Republican party. Maybe you can do something about the Americans Speaking Out website, which is really slow and they deleted some of my best suggestions, it's almost like you only want suggestions that fit your pre-existing narrative (but I digress).

Also, that software helped mapped the moon? Dude, someone sold you some real shitty software, and I'm pretty sure Microsoft didn't come along until well after the moon was mapped.

Where was I? Oh, right, "we good."

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