Saturday, November 14, 2009

Flashback song: "In the Areoplane Over the Sea"

From the Neutral Milk Hotel album of the same name, released in 1998. I picked this particular video because it has the best audio quality, not because I was moved by the Anne Frank tribute. Personally I think people can be really douchey.

Someone retreived dishes from the counter

I'm not naming any names. But this girl is a freaking gymnast.

Also to all pet owners out there, I highly recommend upholstery that matches your pet's fur. I don't adopt dogs based on my couch, but it worked out well a few times. Also it's why I didn't go with the green couch.

Not as pithy, but more accurate

From Thursday's Daily Show episode, which is the response to Sean Hannity's response to being busted earlier in the week for using footage of a September 12th rally to represent attendance at Michelle Bachmann's recent "super bowl of stupidity" (or whatever it was called). Here's the segment.
Sean Hannity Apologizes to Jon
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I am not scum!

(h/t to Kassie)

Part of a photo montage entitled What Stormtroopers do on Their Day Off (see it here).

That's my Hodgman

One of the people I follow at Twitter, John Hodgman (The Daily Show's Resident Expert, and a writer and raconteur, and he's in effective commercials), explains why I don't need to watch Jay Leno. Ever.

@hodgman: 5 min of Leno last night. He had never heard of "bromance." Then he & Terry Bradshaw laughed b/c they thought it sounded gay. Sums it up.

You can find me at Twitter as jonesrich, if you want to hear all about my morning commute and my disdain for humanity (in 140-characters outbursts).

Happy birthday Patrick Warburton

Who is cooler than James Bond and James Dean packed tightly into a tuxedo made of denim?

Who could solve a problem like Maria (but really, is it THAT much of a problem, or does she just want to bitch about it)?

Who is a role model to me, and many many others? (I'd like to think so, thus meaning I'm not really weird.)

Patrick Warburton.

Yes, he's not quite Samuel L. Jackson cool, but really, can any of us get there? No. Patrick Warburton represents attainable cool. And the right dismissive aloofness that if you don't quite attain it, really, it wasn't such a big deal to begin with. That makes sense to me now, but only one cup of coffee. I might end up editing it later.

I have no idea if he can act, but as a TV and movie star, he's fantastic. Here's a smattering, starting with the short-lived live action version of The Tick:

I haven't seen The Emperor's New Groove all the way through, but what I have seen is hysterical.

And as the voice of Superman in this AmEx commerical:

As the voice of Joe in Family Guy:

And Brock Sampson from The Venture Bros.

Here he is in a short scene from Rules of Engagement, a show that would be much better with only Warburton and Oliver Hudson. Or is that a dream I had...

Can't find any Seinfeld episodes to post, but go looking for him in them (if you lived in a cave in the 90s).

Anyway, happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Flashback song: "Hoedown"

From Aaron Copland's Rodeo. Copland was a Fulbright Scholar, an Oscar winner, and a Pulitzer Prize winning composer. He stands as a unique bridge between American folk music of the 19th century and contemporary classical music. According to Wikipedia he is the Dean of American classical music, and Ron Paul can save America.

And Copland was totally gay, or as his Wiki entry writers so discreetly say he is "documented as a homosexual man." Been there.

Say what you will about his body of work (I won't listen), we all know him best as the guy who wrote the "Beef, it's what's for dinner!" music. The music is "Hoedown" from his Rodeo Suite (which totally sounds gay now that you think about it). Today is Copland's birthday, and this goes out to all my hoes.

Song of the day: "The Spell"

By Alphabeat. I can't help but think that somehow, somewhere, my old roommate Mark is squealing "I love this song!!!" In an annoying manner.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Time to pay up

"If judges start punishing attorneys, then we end up in a totalitarian regime. This can’t go on.”--Orly Taitz, attorney/dentist/realtor, on the $20,000 fine given to her by Judge Clay Land

It's been 30 days since the fine was given.

Taitz refuses to pay.

Judge Land has instructed the US Attorney's office to collect.

Can I get this on pay-per-view?!

(h/t Salon)

Flashback song: "Home Town"

One of my "lesser favorites" is Joe Jackson. He's got an amazing catalog of music, but, like Squeeze and The Pretenders, I don't give him the reverence he deserves. I was thinking about a suitable flashback song, and this track, from his 1986 album Big World (my album of the year, that year, if I recall) jumped in my head.

But in searching for it, I came across a cover that's too good to pass on posting. It appears to be sung phonetically. Possibly by someone whose primary language is Italian? You decide.

Here's the man himself, singing a medley of "Home Town" with "Number Two."

Happy birthday Garry Marshall

I love him in front of the camera a lot more than I like him as a producer or director. Just listen to him, he's hysterical.

He played himself (more or less) on Murphy Brown. He played himself (more or less) in Soap Dish (you still haven't seen it?!).

He has the kind of career that lifetime achievement awards are created for: he's produced and directed a shitload of mediocrity. But there's something laudable about that. Happy Days? Meh. Laverne & Shirley? Meh. The Odd Couple (tv show)? Meh. Mork & Mindy? Double meh. Angie, Love American Style, Joanie Loves Chachi (and more)... taken all together it's impressive. Like walking into Walmart. Holy shit there's a lot here. And such cheap prices. No one needs to know where you got your socks. Or your salad dressing. Or your HDTV. "I've never heard of Ol' Roy TVs" you'll think to youself, "but $118 is a good price."

The man has been in tv and movies since they invented the technology. So far: 5 Emmy nominations, 0 wins. Allison Janney has 4 Emmys. Jeff Probst has 3. I'm just saying.

The downside to a career of such grand mediocrity is sometimes you're responsible for crap like Pretty Woman. Here's a "fashion doll" (not Barbie brand) re-enactment.

Since I can't find clips of Marshall the actor, in Murphy Brown or Soap Dish, I will leave you all with a little piece of Beaches. Because you people are the wind between my knees. And I want you to know that...

Happy birthday dude! Don't break a hip!

Rhode Island's Governor offers the colored water fountains!

Hooray. Earlier this week, Governor Donald Carcieri (R, RI) vetoed a law that would allow a person to make funeral arrangements for his or her lifetime partner if they happened to be gay or lesbian. Because, you know, they're not "family." Yes, that's fucking great. My 4-times divorced sister could easily make funeral arrangements for any of her ex-husbands unflinchingly, but my friends who have been together for 10+ years but are both guys? Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Which is why we all think of Rhode Island as the Alabama of New England.

Carcieri did feel some heat from the veto, and yesterday he said this:
"'Maybe [an 'everything but marriage' domestic partner law is]  something we should consider"

Because all men (and women) are created separate, but equal. Just like Brown v. Board of Education says we should be.

My next move is going to be to remove all marriage laws and replace them all with civil unions laws. Because it's the only equitable way.

That or let's go back to "women are property"--my laundry is currently done, but if I can own someone who can cook, that would be great.

Also, fuck. Grrrr.

The Earth, from up there

(h/t Towleroad)

The European Space Agency is sending the Rosetta space craft beyond Mars to meet up with a comet. To get there it's doing these orbits of Earth to get gravitational force to propel it out there, and on its 3rd orbit it took this photo.

That's the South Pole in sunlight.

If you look really really closely you'll see that bitch in the dark jacket shouting "no pictures" at the space craft. And a naked Gerard Butler. Thus taking care of 2 on-going jokes for me. You're welcome.

Happy birthday to Gerard Butler's bare torso

Am I objectifying Mr. Butler? Yes.

Does he deserve it? Yes.

Is he the official birthday of the day? Probably not.

But you have to admit. Nice ass, nice chest.

Happy birthday chest! Rock on!

Song of the day: "When We Swam"

Last year there were a couple of annoying songs I loved. Among them Jaguar Love ("Highways of Gold"), and Thao with the Get Down Stay Down ("Bag of Hammers"). Don't blame me if you listen to those songs and they burrow into your brain via your ear, just like in Wrath of Khan. Because phaser technology has not evolved enough to "fix the problem" if you know what I mean. Which is why I am known to drink. It's Jaguar Love's fault. Also my dad doesn't love me enough.

I'm kidding, of course.

I drank long before Jaguar Love.

Back to Thao with the Get Down Stay Down. They are from Virginia, but live in San Francisco now (according to Wikipedia). But I am willing to bet some non-trivial, but not large, some of money (like $18) that this video was filmed here on the Columbia River. If that's not Sauvie Island (the non-nekkid part), or Kelly Point, or Government Island, then it's another part of the Columbia that I can't name. Because, while I don't get out much, I am sure that I am sure. Which means it could easily be another river somewhere else. But Thao's record label, Kill Rock Stars, has an office here in Portland. So that helps my sense of sureness (is that a word? it's not being spell checked as wrong).

Anyway, would have been better as a Spring or Summer release, but still a fun song. And possibly my second "Portland area video" after the Flaming Lips's naked bike ride video yesterday (the non-embedded version) this week.

Happy birthday Gerard Butler's naked ass

Come by and see me some time.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Protect your chicken from Dokken

Fucking awesome! Like Awesome Straws awesome! Sometimes advertising knows how to touch my heart. Or other parts that are equally gratifying. This is one of those times.

Flashback song: "Harvest Moon"

It's also Neil Young's birthday. I was thisclose to posting his Oscar nominated song "Philadelphia" from the dreadful movie of the same name (it was just. too. much.). I tortured friend Rob for a good year, year and a half, singing "Phil-a-DEL-fee-aaaaa" in a falsetto whenever the city's name was mentioned (Rob went to Wharton and actually works there now, so it came up a lot). In doing a quick preview of it just a second ago, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Dude's got a shitload of great songs, so I am not wasting this flashback on that. So here's the title track to 1992's Harvest Moon. Apologies to Clark for the "Philadelphia" sing-along earlier. And happy birthday dude! Keep on rockin' (in the free world).

Happy birthday Wallace Shawn

There are a few characters for pop culture that I associate myself with. As much as I fancy myself Batman, I'm way more Homer Simpson. A good bit of Ed from Shaun of the Dead (see it), and then there's Vizzini from The Princess Bride. He's a total "D" in the DiSC profile sense.

Wait, what was that about land wars in Asia?

"I don't think it means what you think it means" is also a good phrase to use in business meetings. Especially after words like "paradigm" and (shudder) "synergy."

Here's Shawn with Holly Hunter looking like shit. Girl, go see Arnie!

If you haven't seen the delightful My Dinner with Andre, it's fun. I have all the action figures and the deluxe booth that converts to a robot! Thanks eBay!

He's also Rex, the dinosaur in the fantastic Toy Story movies. Which I love.

Happy birthday dude, rock on!

Dan Savage explaining why "marriage" has already been redefined

The eloquent (including his use of the word "fuck") Dan Savage explains the evolution of marriage before teh gays came looking for equality. I say we move backward, and turn women into property. Perhaps then I can get my house dusted properly... (some of you people might not understand my humor; my house is always spotless).

Song of the day: "Watching the Planet"

By The Flaming Lips. This is the live version, but it's not the version you want to see. The nekkid bike-riding hippies are below.

The full video was filmed here in Portland OR, up on Mt. Tabor, our inactive volcano. And it's filled with nekkid people. You will see penis. You will see vagina. But I can't embed it, so click here. And enjoy.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy 40th anniversary Sesame Street

I vividly remember a time when I really wanted to live on Sesame Street. Ah to be 4 again, when such things were possible!

Sesame Street came to television when I was 3, so its launch was perfectly timed for my development.

Alan Grayson, are you TRYING to be man of the year?

(h/t to Bill in Exile)

Rep. Grayson (D, FL) makes the cost of delaying on healthcare reform clear by specifically identifying how many people will die BY CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT if reform isn't acted on soon.

Flashback song: "Wood Beez (Pray Like Aretha Franklin)"

I'll use a little Scritti Politti to get the Tracy Morgan taste out of my mouth. From 1986 I think.

Fuck you Tracy Morgan

Citation to follow. [UPDATE: Details here.]

Last night in NYC Tracy said being gay is a choice.

Nigger please.

Yeah, a choice like being black or breathing air to survive. Living in the closet is the choice.

Tracy, once you pray away your black we can talk.

Happy birthday Andy Partridge

I was expecting some shit if I picked Leonard DiCaprio, despite the fact that I genuinely think he's a good actor. So I was relieved to see Andy on the list. I have 47 XTC songs in my iTunes file right now. And this will prompt me to load more into my library queue when I pick up my Pernice Bros. and Venture Bros. (totally unrelated siblings stuff).

I don't know much about Andy except that he gets really bad stage fright, and will probably confuse him with Colin Moulding at some point. Andy is the lead songwriter for XTC and I'm pretty sure he has a thing for DC Comics, so enjoy some alternative pop from the last 30 years.  In no particular order, here's "Generals and Majors" (oooh, and it's Veterans Day):

"Senses Working Overtime"

"Making Plans for Nigel"

"Sgt. Rock (Is Going to Help Me Now)" (DC Comics reference)

"Braniac's Daughter" (DC Comics reference; performing as Dukes of Stratosphear)

"1,000 Umbrellas"

"Earn Enough for Us"

And I'll close with "Mayor of Simpleton"

I grew tired of "Dear God" about 18 years ago, and am upset that it threw off the integrity of Skylarking. Sorry if I left off your favorite.

Happy birthday dude, rock on!

Song of the day: "Levi Johnston's Blues"

Ben Folds with a little writing help from Nick Hornby. They aren't all great, sorry.

More on Grammy predictions

This is what I predicted earlier:
Here's my shortlist of strong contenders for Album of the Year (that is for Grammy nominations in that category): Taylor Swift; Beyonce; Kanye West; U2; Green Day; Whitney Houston; Eminem; The Black-Eyed Peas; Bruce Springsteen; Lady Gaga; and Jay-Z.

And here's a handful of darkhorse possibilities (technically I think Springsteen belongs on this list, because he doesn't get nearly the kind of love he ought to): Wilco; Brad Paisley; Yeah Yeah Yeahs; Andrew Bird; Reba McEntire; John Legend; and Maxwell.
Here are the first 3 announced performers at the nominations concert (the Grammys have decided to make an event out of the nominations announcement, which is pretty smart since they have over 200 categories): Black-Eyed Peas (yep), Maxwell (yep), and Sugarland (d'oh). And while Sugarland's Live on the Inside is eligible for Album of the Year,  it seems unlikely to me. Although, I guess the Unplugged stuff from Eric Clapton and Tony Bennett were both live. And it was considered a shock that Love on the Inside wasn't nominated for last year's Album of the Year. So there you go.

Happy Veterans Day

I will try to keep this post clean and relatively unsnarky. Wish me luck.

Regardless of the merit of the wars we are currently in as a nation, or that we've been in this past century, the reality is that service in the military is totally honorable (which is one of the reasons Don't Ask/Don't Tell is so offensive). So thanks to those who serve.

And thanks to those who served. Like my dad. Who enlisted in the Army during the Vietnam War, in order to care for his pregnant wife the only way he could. So thanks dad. One of these days I hope to become the man you were at 18.

Both grandfathers, a couple of uncles, a couple of cousins and many other relatives from the larger Jones pool also served. They all get thanks as well.

Let's get serious

There's clearly a move to make the US a truly Christian country living as the bible would have us live. So let's begin by putting to death anyone who has cursed his or her parents. Who's first?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Happy birthday Tracy Morgan

I'm very happy he has a post-SNL career worthy of his quirky talents.

Happy birthday dude, rock on!

The comments on "I've Never Understood Libertarians" are good

Scott, at Bill in Exile (here, and be warned, this is seriously NSFW) wrote an interesting post about Libertarians.


Nor why people self-identify as such — except of course as a means of avoiding admitting to themselves that they’re actually republicans, which, if you think about it, is as good a reason as any.
But I mean really, when you get down to what it’s all about conservative republican policies are nothing more than libertarian bullshit about tax cuts plus Jesus riding a dinosaur plus the fear of Teh Gays recruiting everyone into having Teh Man-on-Man Butt Seks added to the mix.
And with a resurgent Progressive/Liberal wing of the Democratic Party actually contributing to the national discourse, combined with the fact that the republicans have reduced themselves to a party that consists of the teabag rump of craziness and the KKK racists, gun nuts, birthers and the militia movement, you would think that Libertarians would have something productive to add to the dialogue currently taking place beyond the standard republican “keep the Wetbacks out and lower my taxes.”
But they don’t because more often than not they espouse the same shit house rat crazy ideas as the teabaggers.  Which makes Libertarians about as deeply irrelevant to the political discourse in this nation as a group of people can be without actually ceasing to exist.
And if you doubt that then just ask Ron Paul, the great white libertarian savior, what he thinks.  Because last time I checked he still had an {R} after his name in the spot where it lists political affiliation.
And the comments section was too good not to share. Of course there's mine:
Yeah, and I’ve never met a single Libertarian who didn’t live some place that didn’t ALREADY have roads, schools, hospitals, utilities, etc.
When is the John Fucking Galt Great Society going to spring up with all these titans of industry showing us how a model society run by creatives going to start? Hurry! There’s a black dude in the White House!
 But that's not the good stuff. It was this series:
  • A libertarian is just a conservative with enough sense to feel shame.
  • Libertarians are just Republicans without the money.
  • Libertarians were just Anarchists who liked money, and soap. 
  • I’ve always thought of Libertarians as Republicans who want to fuck as they enjoy and smoke weed.

Quote of the day

"We are a nation of laws whose commitment to justice is so enduring that we would treat a gunman and give him due process, just as surely as we will see that he pays for his crimes."--Barack Obama at the Ft. Hood memorial

Unless, of course, we consider him a "terrorist threat" or an "enemy combatant" that we need to keep indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. In that case, fuck 'em. Due process is too good for them.

Today's contribution to the annals of awesomeness

This is every bit as awesome as Awesome Straws.

Flashback song: "For the Love of Big Brother"

Michael Radford's film version of the Orwell classic 1984 is brilliant; it captures the moodiness of the Big Brother era nicely, although what no one realized is that Big Brother would be clean and pretty and really friendly. And the state news chirping "double plus good" would actually be Fox & Friends anchors. "Hooray, we finally invaded Iraq, we're much safer."

Today's Richard Burton's birthday, and it was speculated that he would finally win an Oscar for supporting actor for 1984. He had been nominated 7 times with no wins, and the movie came out shortly after his death in 1984. Somehow Ralph Richardson ended up securing the posthumous supporting actor nomination for Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes.

1984 is a really well done movie, but so depressing that I never actually want to watch it again. I mean just dark as fuck. Still John Hurt, Richard Burton and Suzanna Hamilton are all great. I don't know why it didn't get more acclaim--even if only for its production design and its cinematography by Roger Deakins (another one of my favorites and probably one of yours considering he shot Fargo and The Shawshank Redemption and you know you think those movies are beautiful--Deakins is truly long overdue for an Oscar and when he finally wins you'll see the audience [or at least me] go nuts, mark my words...). Director Radford went on to make Il Postino about 10 years later which racked up a slew of Oscar nominations.

The main cluster fuck around the movie was when Eurythmics were asked by Virgin Films to compose an original song score that director Radford didn't want. He preferred a traditional orchestral score. The compromise pissed everybody off, which is what compromises do. Especially compromises in the creative process.

But the outcome was that the "music from and inspired by" album that Eurythmics produced has some compelling stuff, including "Sex Crime (1984)" (which was an awful title for a song released to pop radio) and this flashback song. Of all the tracks, this one fits best into the washed out future scape of the movie. Enjoy.

And happy birthday Richard Burton.

You know what, it's barely worth posting

Carrie Prejean, the fierce advocate for "opposite" marriage, and the fired formed Miss California who has fake boobs, admits she made a sex tape of herself. When she was 17 years old. Which makes her a child pornographer. So I want Carrie behind the camera tried as an adult for what she did to minor Carrie in front of the camera. It's disgusting (cough).

Let me just say if I have to hear from this bitch ever again, I'm gonna be way unhappy. Seriously, how do we flush her from public once and for all?

Song of the day: "Last Dance"

New from Ravonettes. You might remember them from a Kmart ad from like 5 years ago (Kmart tried to become hip, which didn't work too well, now they are Sears Jr.).

Don't ask, don't give

An array of progressive bloggers are starting a boycott of donations to the DNC, and as far as protests go, "don't give money" is a really easy one for me to get behind. Especially in a shitty economy.

Something tells me this might end up an easy one for a lot of people to embrace. So crossing my fingers that it's effective.

The details on this "pause" in donations can be found here.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Giving praise with our currency

This annoyed me a few months ago when I got a forwarded mass emailing that was outraged, OUTRAGED, that the new dollar coins had the phrase "In God we trust" removed, then later restored to the coin's edge. 

And I can totally understand that, because everybody knows that Jesus was all about being honored by currency. Isn't that a commandment? "Thou shalt praise me with thine money" was what, #8? (What's funny is, most people that get all hot and bothered by the absence of the Ten Commandments in places like a Courthouse can't ever tell me what they are, but every addict knows the Twelve Steps and those are much more complex... so "thine money" is probably right, as far as anyone knows.)

Which begs this question: if you are upset by the removal of "In God we trust" what do you have printed on your personal checks? That is your personal currency, and you can make it say anything you want. Does your personal currency praise Jesus? Cause there's your one chance to make it say exactly what you want to say.

Anyway, the whole reason I'm even ranting about this is Sarah Palin, who made these statements about the change:

"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It’s a disturbing trend."
It totally is. And here's the quick answer: George W. Bush and a Republican-led Congress in 2005. Including your state's own Ted Stevens and your former running-mate John McCain.

The birthday nipple decoder

Lou Ferrigno

Chris Jericho

Nick Lachey

Eric Dane

How'd you do?

My dogs are adorable

Admit it!

Happy birthday Gabrielle Miller

She's the dark haired gal at the end of the clip. Love Corner Gas. Missing it--WGN's taken it off their schedule. Sigh.

Pictures from my morning

A cool sunrise this morning (although "red sky at morning, don't piss me off").

And then this on my way for coffee:

Which I thought was cute. But the adult in the dark coat on the left shouted "no pictures" to me. So fuck her, I'm posting it. If you're that concerned about the kids, keep them at home. Sheesh.

Angela Merkel celebrates the fall of the Berlin Wall

Which is totally boring. Instead, here's George W. Bush being completely inappropriate ("but Condi loves it when I give her massages").

Two things

1. I want to see a filibuster. All this bluster about the filibuster, I want to actually see one in action.

2. I totally want to see Joe Lieberman filibuster into the Sabbath. The Constitution makes no exception for "sundown on Friday" so it'll be fun to watch. Do it do it do it!

Morrissey assault and fashion update

The shirt was blue and white check number, possibly his "return from illness" shirt. Sorry for yesterday's inaccurate "red" shirt fiasco.

And people got refunds after Moz walked off. Which is surprising. If some dick hits me with a beer at one of my (imaginary) concerts, you bet your ass I am not issuing a refund. You people can suck it (in that impossibly unlikely scenario)!

Flashback song: "Hurt So Bad"

Susan Tedeschi is a favorite of KINK-FM. They played the shit out of this song 10 years ago--like a reincarnated Janis Joplin singing a harder track from Bonnie Raitt. What's not to like? She brought a big voice and mean guitar and parlayed that into a Grammy nomination for Best New Artist against Kid Rock, Macy Gray, Britney Spears and winner Christina Aguilera. I bet this song gets played at least twice a week on KINK-FM still. It's Susan's birthday today, so rock on!

Song of the day: "Mind Eraser (No Chaser)"

Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age, Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters and my cousin, John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin have a new project together: Them Crooked Vultures. This is a big loud record. And I love the fact that the record label is "Them Crooked Vultures LLC" which means someone got smart about the record label game.

Name that birthday nipple

It's going to be an interesting morning. I can't work up enough traditional enthusiasm for many of these birthday peeps, but I have a fabulous idea for a quick trivia game. Identify the owners of each of these nipples--they all have a birthday today.

Options: Eric Dane, Lou Ferrigno, Chris Jericho, and Nick Lachey

Answers coming soon.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The 10-year rule meets Sherlock Holmes

A quick background on my 10-year rule: this applies to movies. There are plenty of people who, in real life, are in relationships with someone who is more than 10 years older or younger than them. That's great. This isn't about them.

My 10-year rule is meant to give actresses who are (gasp) more than 40 years old a fighting chance. It's to challenge the insanity of pairing Harrison Ford with Calista Flockhart (ooh, bad example). Of pairing Jack Nicholson with Helen Hunt. Except that was a plot point of the movie, so that's okay. Let's say Harrison Ford with Virginia Madsen. Or Richard Gere with Hilary Swank (especially when the real-life couple they portrayed were only 9 years apart in age).

A fighting chance against people like Rachael McAdams. McAdams, 31 years old, is paired with 44-year old Robert Downey Jr. (who, by the way, looks great for 50). Actresses who are more age appropriate for RDJr: Samantha Mathis (39); Olivia D'Abo (40); Jennifer Beals (46); Bridget Fonda (45); Marianne Jean-Baptiste (42); Elizabeth Hurley (45); Gillian Anderson (41); and Laura Dern (42).

So no Sherlock Holmes for me. At least not until HBO.

The boy with a beer on his head

(h/t Dlisted)

Pity poor Moz. Not 2 weeks after collapsing (under the weight of his own hair) he's been pelted with a beer bottle, on the second fucking song of the night. Now I know what you're thinking: he was wearing a dark suit, and possibly a red shirt.

And I don't know if he had time to play "Mexico." So somewhere out there, someone is quietly whispering "play Mexico" and rocking back and forth in a darkened bedroom. Is it you?

Hearings on the Fort Hood shootings

It's being announced that the House and the Senate might each hold hearings on the shootings at Fort Hood. Which is awesome. You know what they should totally do at the same time? Piggyback that with Don't Ask/Don't Tell. Because they will totally have the very people they need in the room.

I know you think I'm being excessively cynical and self-serving (and also handsome) but hear me out. Hassan didn't want to be deployed to Iraq. And he was straight.

Meanwhile more than 13,000 men and women who WANTED to serve their country have been kicked to the curb for being, you know, gay. Pretty much all of those 13,000 didn't shoot a single fucking one of their fellow soldiers.

Yes, it's tacky of me to say this shit so soon after the shooting, sorry. I've been holding back since last week. I'm a little disappointed to find out the police office that stopped Hassan wasn't a lesbian, but the fact that she's a girl is good. There are lots of people out there who still think girls shouldn't get to join the Army--hey, let's have hearings on that! And coloreds fighting with whites, doesn't that affect troop morale? I think it does. I want my bigotry heard!

Sigh. Sorry. Maybe I'll try to get some work done instead.

Beyonce and Taylor and Kanye, the circle will continue

After watching Taylor Swift on SNL (which I recorded, cause I am too old to stay up that late) I decided that Kanye West might have done awards show producers a huge favor with his MTV VMA outburst this past summer.

Beyonce and Taylor only compete against each other in one category of the upcoming American Music Awards (November 22nd), but the Grammy nominations that are announced in December should feature the two of them head to head in the top categories.

Swift's Fearless is the top selling "new" album of 2009 (Michael Jackson's 2003 release Number 1s sold more copies) and "Love Story" and the stalkerish "You Belong with Me" both are strong contenders for Record of the Year and Song of the Year. It's likely one of those two songs will land her in the Pop Female Vocalist category as well (I'm guessing the other track will end up in the Country category, along with Country Album, Country Song, etc.).

Beyonce's I Am... Sasha Fierce is a big hot mess, with an emphasis on big. "Single Ladies" is a pop culture phenomenon (and one of the the best videos of all-time if you don't watch a lot of videos, otherwise it's just a good fun video), and "Halo" and "If I Were a Boy" also made big splashes. Beyonce has consistently been slotted in the R&B category (9 of her 10 Grammys are from R&B, and 1 from rap/sung collaboration), but I could see the Grammy peeps deciding that "Single Ladies" is pop, with the rest of the singles and the album ending up in the R&B categories.

Now let's throw Kanye into the mix: 808s and Heartbreaks could easily end up in the Album of the Year mix--his first 3 albums all were nominated and Grammy loves to validate itself through inertia. But that inertia slot could go to U2, or Green Day, or Whitney Houston (all previous Album of the Year winners), or Eminem (longtime Album of the Year loser, Kanye inherited his slot when Em "retired").

Here's my shortlist of strong contenders for Album of the Year (that is for Grammy nominations in that category): Taylor Swift; Beyonce; Kanye West; U2; Green Day; Whitney Houston; Eminem; The Black-Eyed Peas; Bruce Springsteen; Lady Gaga; and Jay-Z.

And here's a handful of darkhorse possibilities (technically I think Springsteen belongs on this list, because he doesn't get nearly the kind of love he ought to): Wilco; Brad Paisley; Yeah Yeah Yeahs; Andrew Bird; Reba McEntire; John Legend; and Maxwell.

Unless I've missed Stevie Wonder doing a spoken word album of Joan Baez songs, or Joan Baez and Jack White, if they did something together, they're a shoe-in, this should cover the nominees. Correct me if I missed someone.

A quick addendum for Alfre Woodard's birthday

I remembered that she's in the wonderfully bad movie The Forgotten. It's too hard to explain, but Julianne Moore gives a great performance in it, and Alfre is good as well--in fact, she's a key reason I went to see it (whatever opened that weekend was sold out, so that was the Plan B movie we saw instead). There is just one scene worth showing a clip from, and thank the gods of the tubes, someone posted it to youtube! So enjoy!

Notes on current events

1. Gov. Piyush Jindal (R, LA) has declared a state of emergency in Louisiana in advance of Hurricane Ida. But if he takes FEMA assistance or money, that's socialism. And he needs to admit it. Because he didn't ask the private insurance companies of Louisiana to start their emergency private sector procedures, did he? Nope. You know what Piyush, I live in a state with volcanoes and no risk of hurricanes and I think things like hurricane monitoring are just pork. So let's just admit that you are now a big flaming pork-suckling socialist. Welcome aboard comrade!

2. Bring on the fucking filibuster. I want to watch 67-year old Joe Lieberman stand up and speak for 27 hours because he is opposed to providing healthcare to all Americans on account of the fact that his wife Hadassah (remember, it means "whore" in Yiddish, I imagine) was getting paid by a lobbying firm that represents client in the healthcare industry but don't ask questions about what specifically she was doing because we're never going to find out. Anyway, rock on Joe. Filibuster. Just like racist southern Senators did in the 1960s trying to oppose civil rights reforms. That's exactly how I want to remember you. Go Joe! Go Joe! It's your filibuster, it's your filibuster!


From last night's SNL, with host Taylor Swift. She's adorable, but I stand by earlier comments about the quality of her voice live. If she wants to try something different with her hair, I support that. But songwriting and guitar playing? Top notch. Go girl!

Happy birthday Alfre Woodard

Easily one of my favorite actresses. Easily. If not for the fact that the studio behind Passion Fish decided that she should be slotted in Supporting Actress (rather than split the vote with Mary McDonnell in Lead Actress), she'd have her Oscar by now. In fact, I don't know how it is that Marisa Tomei got a nomination ahead of Woodard, but what can I do at this point. She was nominated for an Oscar back in 1983 for Cross Creek, and has won 4 of her 15 Emmy nominations.

Here's a scene from Passion Fish--it's not her best moments, but I had so much fun watching this is isolation (Woodard's best stuff in this scene is early on) that I am including it. If you haven't seen it, do. It's great. Woodard is a woman who's overcome addiction and needs a job as a nurse to restart her life and get custody of her daughter; McDonnell is a recently paralyzed soap opera actress who's going through caretakers like "a bitch on wheels." And it's John Sayles at his best: honest, intelligent, and human.

She's recently been part of the fun on Wisteria Lane (that is a problem house, isn't it).

She's good in Spike Lee's Crooklyn, but I remember liking Delroy Lindo and the soundtrack most.

She's in the new American Violet, which I need to add to my wish list.

Here she is on Celebrity Millionaire from a few years ago. She did pretty well.

Happy birthday dude! Rock on! You'll get that Oscar soon (eventually)!

Flashback song: "Walk Away Renee"

Let's see if I can get this to work. We'll start with Rickie Lee Jones's cover, from her 1983 EP Girl At Her Volcano. I discovered this on one of my overnight shifts at the radio station and it became a regular in my bag of tricks (the long musical fade gave me flexibility when walking into news). Also it's a great cover. And today's Rickie Lee's birthday.

The other cover I'll add in here is by Vonda Shepard, from the Ally McBeal soundtrack. And who starred in Ally McBeal? Besides her. Besides her. Besides her. Besides him. That's right, Courtney Thorne-Smith, a woman who knows when to find a better gig (she left Melrose Place for Ally McBeal and left Ally McBeal for According to Jim which, while a total piece of shit of a show, at least kept her paid for 8 solid years plus here's hoping she got some $ for syndication, and I'm sure the DVD commentary [cough]). And it's Courtney's birthday. So this is a tenuous two-fer!

Happy birthday dudes! Rock on!

My reply to President Obama on last night's fund raising email

It's good that healthcare reform passed the House yesterday. And all you poor girls that get knocked up, well fuck you. Middle class and better off girls are the only ones who deserve access to safe abortion (which, by the way, I hope no one ever has to have because we get serious about sex education and contraception).

But anyway, President Obama, on behalf of the Democratic party sent me a little note asking me to donate money to help prevent a filibuster in the Senate. Which I would LOVE to see. I totally want to see these puffy middle-aged millionaires get up and bluster non-stop to prevent healthcare reform. These dudes won't know what the fuck to do. Yeah, I know they can go on, bet let's be serious, after 5 days? Bring on the filibuster! Bring on the filibuster! I will watch that shit on pay-per-view. Or figure out where C-SPAN is on my cable.

Back to the fundraiser. Yeah, this was my reply:
Sorry Mr. President. As a gay American I have got an awful lot on my plate right now, and there's just no time for me to make a donation to this particular cause right now. Maybe after DADT gets repealed.

Talk to you then?

Obama's got an awful lot on his plate too. That's why he can't possibly issue an executive order setting aside Don't Ask/Don't Tell until Congress has a chance to work up a bill. Why he couldn't possibly try to rally support for Marriage Equality in Maine (I know, we deserve separate but equal, thank you Washington, line up for the Colored fountains here).

By the way, I still don't understand how you can decide that the Justice Department (aka Department of Law to you Palin supporters) will no longer prosecute medical marijuana in states where it is legal, but is still illegal under Federal law without getting a bill on that from Congress? What the fuck? How are you able to do anything without a bill from Congress?

Anyway, you and Olympia Snowe enjoy your Sunday afternoon. I need to go figure out if there's an effective gay rights organization out there (cause HRC and BRO both=fail) to send some money to. Lot on my plate you know.

Literally a recipe for disaster

I heard that on the news this morning.

Is there an actual recipe for a disaster? I mean, technically, take 1 cold front, add to 1 warm front, combine and hope for a tornado in near occupied space?

But sending text messages while driving? Shit, I've done that LITERALLY many times and not had a resulting disaster (well, nothing worse that mediocre sex). If I had a recipe that I tried over and over and the expected result didn't show, I'd think it was a shitty recipe.

So there you go, texting while driving is LITERALLY a (shitty) recipe for disaster. And sometimes mediocre sex.

Song of the day: "La Perla"

The big winner at last week's Latin Grammys (they have their own awards AND keep their categories in the regular awards which confuses the fuck out of me) was Calle 13. I missed Calle 1 through 12, so I am already starting late. But I know who Ruben Blades is, and he gives this whole thing instant credibility. This won the Latin Grammy for short-form video, and I think you will agree with me that we needed Kanye West to interrupt that shit. This won? A video category? There's hope for me yet!