Saturday, October 24, 2009

Investment Capital and Cooperation

Dear Sir,

Re: Investment Capital and Cooperation.

Allow me introduce our company to you, we are a modest republic of Benin (west Africa) based business and finance consultancy, offering service to midline businesses and individuals in the middle east and Africa who desire to expand into other countries or business activities.

We are presently confronted with a request to invest funds in your country, the funds belong legitimately to a former minister in Kenya and the funds are deposited with a prime finance and security firm in Cotonou, Repulic of Benin.

Against this background we are seeking your indulgence to respond to us indicating if you are capable and wiling to partner with us in the Investment of twenty five million us dollars, in a covert expedient and confidential manner.

The investor in this case is interested in industry and Establishing of a five star hotel/Resort, and your advice will be much valuable and highly regarded in this matter. Your swift response will be appreciated, and we will like you to include a brief profile of yourself family or business, along with your complete contact information in your response.

Thank you so much and we look forward to doing business with you
Henry E. Freeman

I am not ready to lose Moz

Just saying. He's in stable condition now after collapsing on stage. Details here and here.
Morrissey, wearing a fark open-necked shirt, had appeared on stage at around 9pm looking drawn. He said to the 1,000-strong audience: 'Good evening... probably,' before launching into The Smiths' 1983 hit This Charming Man. He appeared to be straining to perform the song, wincing as he did so.
What is a "fark" open-necked shirt?

Ad copy of the day

From Deal News (they post breaking sales, a few of them are good, many are crap). The copy starts to repeat itself, but this stood out:

It's the lowest total price we've seen for a fruit-inspired Bluetooth device.

Exactly how many fruit-inspired Bluetooth devices do you think they have seen? Ad here.

Happy birthday Kevin Kline

Kline is a little daunting for me to rhapsodize over, since a big part of his claim to fame is his stage work, which I haven't actually seen. He's picked up 2 Tonys and a 3rd nomination. But really, we all know him from The Big Chill:

Instead of telling you all about Kevin based on shit I'm reading on Wikipedia on another browser window (did you know he married Phoebe Cates?), I'll just do the stuff of his that I flat out love. But first, there's a mention in his Wiki listing that says his reluctance to take roles in big budget movies, and to select much smaller movies like Life as a House, has earned him the nickname "Kevin Decline."

His Oscar-winning role in A Fish Called Wanda (his win was a pleasant surprise for me that night, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get points for picking him):

Here he is in the smart, sweet Dave:

I like Grand Canyon a lot, but I'm more effusive about Mary McDonnell, Danny Glover and Alfre Woodard than I am about Kline in it. Still he's good. Steve Martin's good. Mary Louise Parker's good. It's a good movie.

I'm including De-Lovely because my mom loves it. I don't remember too much about it, but I don't think I disliked it.

There are a few other movies that I could feature (In & Out; Silverado; and the hot mess that is Consenting Adults come to mind). I've never actually seen Sophie's Choice. But Soapdish is how I leave you, one of my all-time favorites, it seems. Someone needs to adapt this as a musical (I'm looking at you, Marc Shaiman!).

Happy birthday dude! Rock one!

Song of the day: "The Nerve"

By Mutemath.

Happy birthday Dwight Yoakam

Work kicked my ass yesterday. I had every intention of making it official, and posting Dwight's birthday shout out during the day, but ended up deep in data. Not even data, the structure of data. I'm organizing and recoding things so I can actually analyze later. Possibly today. It's been that kind of day. I woke up around 3:30 in the morning yesterday and barely slept last night, and since about 7 a.m. yesterday I've had "A Thousand Miles From Nowhere" running through my head.

I associate Dwight, along with Randy Travis and Steve Earle, with a new traditionalist movement in country from the mid-1980s. I honestly think I read about him first in the Village Voice. Is that pretentious? I didn't embrace Steve back then, but Randy and Dwight feel like yin and yang to me. Randy has a big voice, but Dwight writes some bad ass songs and plays the shit out of his guitar. Randy likes to strum. And I think Randy used (and may still) a lot of the Nashville staff songwriters when he first started (nothing wrong with that, just giving Dwight props for some great lyrics and riffs). Here he is doing a medley of his hits at the Grand Ol' Opry:

I think I first saw Dwight in concert in 1988 or 89, touring with Buck Owens. It was an interesting pairing, and I vividly recall wondering how they were going to work that: was Buck Owens the opening act? There were like 12 of us at the Spaghetti Warehouse (or Factory) and we all had theories. But it was a good 10 minute discussion that I remember 20 years later. And I can't remember how to check the voice mail messages on my home phone.

Dwight gave Buck a place of honor, bringing him out during his set, performing some songs with him, and letting him do a set on his own, before returning. It's like if Taylor Swift brought Deborah Gibson with her on tour and gave her a mid-concert feature all her own. Here they are doing "The Streets of Bakersfield" (Dwight and Buck, not Taylor and Debbie):

I think his 1990 album If There Was A Way was on the top of my albums list that year, but it might have ended up 2nd or 3rd. It was out around the time of Carlene Carter's I Fell in Love and like a true Libra, I love the balance that those 2 records provide, when taken together. I wanted to post "You're the One" from that, and I can't embed the live version of Dwight's (here) so here is a random cover from the joy that is Youtube:

Among Dwight's other tricks is acting.  I mentioned Panic Room yesterday, but it's his performance in Sling Blade that rocked my world. Dude deserved an Oscar nomination that year (Cuba Gooding Jr. won that year, so clearly there was room for a genuinely good performance, I think you will agree). Watch Siskel & Ebert enthusing over Yoakam here. Here's a scene:

Dwight and Sheryl Crow did a fantastic cover of the Sonny & Cher tune "Baby Don't Go" (written by the under-estimated Sonny Bono):

I feel like I need to mention that he works with producer Pete Anderson (or he did when I was current on Dwight's releases--I'm probably 3 or 4 albums out of touch, sigh). My memory is challenged at times, but I think Pete worked with Michelle Shocked on the stuff of hers that I love as well. So here's to you, Mr. Anderson.

I will leave y'all with the song I got stuck in my head after yesterday's post, from 1993's This Time, "A Thousand Miles From Nowhere":

Happy belated birthday dude! Rock on!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Glenn Greenwald on bills of attainder

I'm not going to pretend I knew what they were, or whether they were constitutional before I watched the video of Rep. Alan Grayson (D, FL; also AWESOME!)--watch here if you haven't seen it. My future boyfriend Glenn Greenwald (dude is geeky hawt and smart and makes me feel really insecure, so it won't last, but still, it will happen, don't resist Glenn).

Anyway, Greenwald elaborates on bills of attainder (here) and gives some effective examples, including:
Only registered Democrats, but not registered Republicans, shall be eligible for unemployment benefits.

Any individual belonging or contributing to the NRA shall be permanently barred from government employment.

Any person or company providing services, or entering into contracts with, Fox News shall be barred from receiving government contracts.
I'm still tracking the comments because there is some question as to whether A.C.O.R.N. as an organization deserves the same considerations as an individual, which are the examples he provides (and the case law he cites seems to cover). He's very good about updating articles for clarifications, so perhaps he will get to that this morning.

And Glenn, call me!

Today's birthday quandry

I'm pretty sure I know who I will elect as today's birthday, but it's a tough one. The candidates all have their merits. Namely:
Johnny Carson, comic icon

Ang Lee, diretor of movies I adore like Eat Drink Man Woman, The Wedding Banquet and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Dwight Yoakam, country music genius and pretty good actor (one should scream "panic room!" when discussing the movie of the same name)

Augusten Burroughs, I love Dry and Running with Scissors

Philip Kaufman, The Right Stuff is one of my all-time favorite movies

Sam Raimi, while I love A Simple Plan, my love for him pales to that of most of his adoring fans

Ryan Reynolds, who offers an opportunity for ample gratuitously shirtless photos

Whatever shall I do? Stay tuned. And happy birthday to all these guys.

Flashback song: "My Finest Hour"

The Sundays, from 1989's Reading, Writing and Arithmetic.

Song of the day: "Angela"

It's difficult to keep up through the year. Sometimes I struggle to come up with even 4 good songs in a week, sometimes I have like 10 or 11. I've started a system, so I've got a good cache going, but I want to knock out a few from earlier this year, to remain relatively current. This is Jarvis Cocker from back in the Summer. I'm not crazy about it, but it's definitely gotten into my head. It's currently dueling with "Games for Days" as the song that will be stuck in my head today--I'll let you know who wins.

RIP Soupy Sales

I wanted to include a scene of Sales as Moses in the mockumentary The Making of ...And God Spoke, but alas, no soup for me (so to speak). Here's a clip of Sales on The Carol Burnett Show, in "Mildred Fierce" (now there's a drag name!).

I wasn't a fan, per se, but you have got to admire a man who can make a pretty good career out of cheesy humor. A really good career. Rest in peace dude!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Portland OR loves its doggies

This is a custom cake for dogs at a special event for Guide Dogs for the Blind at Portland's Hotel Monaco. My coworker's first trainee dog, Lopez, who got "career changed" before he could play for the majors, walked the red carpet with Portland's own Darcelle (if you don't know, you should go).

Hotel Monaco wants to be Portland's premier pet-friendly hotel, and has brought a recent career-changed dog from the Guide Dogs program to be their Chief Pet Ambassador (or some similarly elaborate title).

This is Lopez, with feather boa, exhausted from all the attention. You might say he's dog tired (cough). Sorry.

Leftover from Spiderman vs. Dr. Octopus

It got messy here for a while.

Levar Burton tweets a lot of smack

I follow Levar on Twitter because "Shit My Dad Says" is only following Levar, and I'm trying to figure out why. What's the Levar appeal. Why not Kirstie Alley or Carson Daly or Anderson Cooper?

"Shit My Dad Says" is the funniest thing going on Twitter these days. Check his posts here.

The wind beneath MY wings

Rep. Alan Grayson (D, FL) is rocking it in Congress. Here he is challenging a Congressman over A.C.O.R.N.

Rock on dude, rock on!

It makes me all warm inside

This headline: South Carolina embarrassed by politicians behaving badly

The article is here.

"To get on the stage because your congressman shouted at the president, or your governor is running around with an Argentine mistress, isn't what you want your state to be about."

It doesn't help that the state treasurer was sentenced to prison last year for cocaine possession.

Or that the state agriculture commissioner went to jail for ties to a cockfighting ring.

Or that the head of the state board of education resigned amid allegations she used a pseudonym to post erotic fiction on the Internet.

They forgot to mention the (possibly) gay Lt. Governor and US Senator.

Cunt is a four-letter word

I am reluctant to use the word "cunt" because it carries with it an aura of misogyny. It is used to express hatred for women with no male equivalent. Many of my female friends are dicks. I'm a dick. No one winces at "dick" the way they wince at "cunt."

There's a movement by some women to reclaim "cunt" as theirs, to own it the way some gays try to own "queer" and "fag" and "fairy." I had a painful client 3 years ago that I wanted to call a cunt. She qualified. But I couldn't let myself because I needed to apply a non-gender specific derision to describe the mega-asshole she was (and probably still is, since I could never quite figure out how to kill her without getting caught--although chances are someone else loves her as much as I do).

So it is with this stated reluctance (and I am fully aware that my lily-white use of "nigga please" is also laden with its own issues--we will get to my issues, volume by volume, eventually) that I introduce the latest piece from Rude Pundit: "Why Ann Coulter Is a Cunt, Part 45,307"
You know how you know you've become completely and utterly irrelevant as a writer? When you're still arguing a twenty year-old point. For in her latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "a neo-Norma Desmond's diary of utter madness"), Ann Coulter re-re-re-re-argues the Willie Horton ad from the Bush the Less Stupid vs. Dukakis campaign of 1988. Why? Because Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews said it first. No, seriously, Coulter, who is at this point just a twig-shaped dildo specially designed to fit Sean Hannity's ass, spends half her weekly column on her spin on the "facts" of the Horton case only because Olbermann and Matthews mentioned it in passing while discussing Fox "news" and its anti-Obama bias.

If he keeps this up, I am going to start stalking him until he gay marries me. Unless he gets cunty about it.

Can we make Lo-Jack mandatory for Florida children?

I am getting tired of hearing about missing Florida children. Can we implant them with something to make finding them easier? It will save us all a lot of time and angst.

You're welcome.

Happy birthday Marc Shaiman

There were several good birthdays today, including Spike Jonze and Jeff Goldblum. But Marc Shaiman makes me happy, and will probably make a lot of you at least a little happy. And make you same people roll your eyes a little. Part of the genius of Marc Shaiman is he's part treacly traditionalist, and part brilliant snarky bitch.

Exhibit A. Marc arranged many of Bette Midler's songs, including her version of Julie Gold's "From a Distance" which went on to win Record of the Year.

Exhibit B. Marc shared an Oscar nomination for the fantastic "Blame Canada" from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. There are many great songs from this movie, and it kills me that they lost to Phil Collins from, what, Disney's Tarzan? Gah.

Marc is part of the fun behind Prop 8: The Musical.

My first sighting of Marc Shaiman, although I only know this in retrospect, is in Broadcast News. He is the one of the two guys showing the new news theme in the production room ("big fin-ish da duh duh duh!"). He's moved effortlessly between scoring, songwriting and arranging for TV, stage and films, and has worked on some of the more popular awards shows (the Oscars people liked, like Billy Crystal's early years, Neil Patrick Harris's closing number at this year's Tony's). I think he also writes dialog and jokes, but this is the shit people rave about:

I'm pretty sure he gets credit for the "Rockers to Help Explain Whitewater" song about the Clinton Whitewater scandal from SNL. He was a writer for SNL around that time, but I can't confirm it, or find the video, but here is the transcript of the song lyrics.

He wrote "Everyone has AIDS" from Team America: World Police:

He continues to work with the A-List types:

He is working on the musical based on Catch Me if You Can, which is moving to Broadway soon. But I will conclude with his biggest, gayest, best song ever (no, not "Uncle Fucker"), from the Tony awards-winning musical adaptation of Hairspray, it's the song that wraps it all up, "You Can't Stop the Beat":

Happy birthday dude! Rock on!

Song of the day: "Take It Upon Yourself"

Brand new music from Sloan. I really dig this and I think some of you (Bek, Lee) might, too. Rock on!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My overdue inheritance claim

Note: I love shit that is hitch-free!


I am Mr.Lee Cheong and i work with Allied Irish Bank GB.I feel quite safe dealing with you in this business proposition although,this medium(Internet)has been greatly abused,I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest,surest and most secured medium of communication.However,this Correspondence is unofficial and private, and it should be treated as such.I wish to inform you that this letter is not a hoax or Scam mail and I urge you to treat it with the seriousness it deserves.I also guarantee you that this deal is hitch free from all what you may think of.I am Mr.Lee Cheong(Leicester Office).My office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and financial institutions here in United Kingdom concerned with foreign claim payments.My office has the final signatory to any transfer or remittance of huge funds moving within banks both on the local and international levels in line with foreign claim settlement.

I have before me list of funds, which could not be transferred to some nominated accounts as these accounts have been identified either as ghost accounts, unclaimed deposits and over-invoiced sum etc. As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of these surplus funds to the British Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits,I have the opportunity to write you based on the instructions received two days ago from the Foreign Debts Reconciliation Dept to submit the List of payment reports/ expenditures and audited reports of revenues.Among several others, I have decided to present you as the Next of Kin/Will Beneficiary to an overdue inheritance sum of Ј9.7M belonging to our Late Client an America who unfortunately lost her life and family in a plane crash.

Following my idea that we can have a deal/agreement and I am going to do this legally with your name as the bonafide beneficiary of the amount in question by employing the service of a uk accredited attorney, who will handle all the legal documentations and lay claims through his legal authority on your behalf.Listen 50% of this money will be for you,in respect to the provision of a foreign account and 50% would be for me as have planned to come to your Country as soon as the transfer is completed.

My Conditions:

1) The sum of Ј9.7M only will be transfer into your account after the processing of all relevant legal documents with your name as the bonfide beneficary,the transfer will be made by telegraphic Transfer(T/T),conformable in 7 working days.

2)This deal must be kept secret forever,and all correspondence will be strictly by email/telephone, for security purposes.

3)There should be no third parties as most problem associated with your fund release are caused by your agents or representative. If you Agree with my conditions,i will advise you on what to do immediately and the transfer will commence without delay as I will proceed to fix your name on the Payment schedule instantly to meet the 7 working days mandate.

I hope you don't reject this offer and have this fund transferred.

Waiting for your reply soon.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr.Lee Cheong.

Bonus Carrie Fisher birthday stuff!

Big thanks to John for telling me about Carrie's guest appearance on Laverne & Shirley, auditioning for a job as a Playboy bunny.

Damn right!

Don't know who this is, but he or she clearly has some good taste! Rock on dude! (BTW, "dude" is non-gender specific when I use it.)

Word of the day: antiquary

An aficionado of antiquities or things of the past; also antiquarian.

Never heard this word before, but in searching info on Julian Cope, whose birthday is also today, Wikipedia describing Julian as an antiquary (as well as rock musician, author, musicologist and poet). He actually wrote a book called The Modern Antiquarian which was published in 1998, so he's keeping busy.

Now put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth.

Rude Pundit, you complete me

Or at least you complete my sentences. On "Grumpy Racist Uncle Pat" Buchanan:
Why does a sad, racist, self-aggrandizing abettor of criminals get to spout off constantly and then get treated like some beloved elder statesman or a charming curmudgeon with candy in his pockets?
Pat Buchanan loves a bunch of armed crazy people fellating their guns and hoping for go time. How much less credible could this jowly fucker get?

Read him here.

You can keep me company

As long as you don't care (lyrics from Garbage's "Only Happy When It Rains")

Portland's rainy season appears to be here about 3 weeks early. I love Fall here, but I realize how much I like the rainy season here. It's like my expectations of myself are lower. They are much easier to meet, and when I don't, I can blame the weather. Yes, technically my gym is indoors but still, getting there means getting wet. Can't have that.

So here comes the rain again. Falling on my head like a new emotion. (Eurythmics)

I think I know this song!

(h/t to Kassie for passing this along)

Leland's video

Pop art maven Leland brings us a new piece today, "Organic Roomba" which you can (and should) view here.

I might be inspired to try to make a similar video soon. I don't think the results will be nearly as, um, polite.

Music: Pernice Brothers "Water Ban"

I am reading a book

An old school book with pages and a cover (not a graphic novel, and not some iPhone app or similar electronic book thing). It's very 19th century of me. I even checked it out of the library (I am a socialist). It's Sarah Vowell's The Wordy Shipmates and I'm loving it.

I don't care for history (which is, apparently, part of why I am doomed to repeat it), but her books make it interesting. I loved Assassination Vacation, so if you ever wanted to know more about various Presidential assassins, check it out. Literally, check it out from your public library for free. You'll be glad you did.

Anyway, quick quote and I'll let you get back to your lives:
Talking about Winthrop's "A Model of Christian Charity" without discussing Ronald Reagan would be like mentioning Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You" and pretending Whitney Houston doesn't exist. Whitney and Reagan's covers were way more famous than the original versions ever were.

Fun with numbers: H1N1 vaccine edition

A woman in Oregon suffered an adverse reaction to the H1N1 flu vaccine! It's like a pit bull attack of the immune system! Interrupt regular programming now!

A reaction like this should only happen for 2 in every 1,000,000 vaccinations.

And if 500,000 vaccinations are given in Oregon it is expected that 1 person will have this kind of reaction. (This is an estimate based on available numbers from this morning pre-caffeine Google search.)

Which is what happened. The probabilities held up as expected. She's the 1.

Everyone else in Oregon should feel pretty good about getting the shot. Unless they are a Glenn Beckkk fan, in which case, they should totally feel confused and suspicious, like the government is using the shot, in tandem with black helicopters, and the internet, to track and surveil them in Comrade Obama's Faci-Socio-Commu-Nazi-Healthcare takeover to redistribute wealth and have government run Medicare and Social Security. You people need to go buy duct tape and write in Dick Cheney's name in the next election.

And avoid Fred Meyer when I'm there shopping. "Stupid" is not on my list today.

Happy birthday Carrie Fisher

It is a funny coincidence that the charity event referenced in yesterday's birthday post for Tom Petty, also included Carrie Fisher. There are some details that I will keep to myself (statute of limitations and investigations unrelated to me, but let's just say I'd rather not stir up shit in Beverly Hills if someone is being scrutinized over Rx stuff, since I may or may not have given ain-killers-pay to rincess-Leia-pay to get her to act as auctioneer at the charity event... you won't hear any of that shit from me). But I will say that I did go to Carrie's hotel room, I did leave with a very spangle-y dress once worn by one Debbie Reynolds, and there's no telling what I may have left in the room.

I was then cajoled into buying said dress at said auction.

Along with a couture gown donated by Oscar winner Jennifer Jones. The silent auction was going to close with these items having no bids, so I put in the minimum bid for each.

As a middle-aged man with not one, but two dresses, let me tell you these can require explanation. Often.

And that is how my friend Kelly came to own dresses formerly owned by Debbie Reynolds and Oscar winner Jennifer Jones. It was just easier.

But back to Carrie. Carrie is the world's most famous admitted addict, I believe. I think she said something like "quitting drugs is easy, I've done it hundreds of times." If not, I said something like that about someone else and cigarettes. Either way, it's hysterical.

She has carved out a fabulous life for herself as a post modern raconteur/celebrity. She acts in smallish roles (she received an Emmy nomination for a guest role on 30 Rock) for TV and movies, gets a lot of money as a script doctor, and writes hysterically funny books (I highly recommend Wishful Drinking, although clearly she padded the shit out of it
with BIG FONTS and
really liberal spacing and
use of margin). But it's good.

She has taken her one-woman show of Wishful Drinking to Broadway to much acclaim. It's probably bad for her that the Tony category that used to include one-woman shows (like Liza's) has gone away, but she is eligible to compete in the general play categories. So she might get a nomination for playing Carrie Fisher. But given the potential competition, she'd probably lose. So expect her to make a point about not playing herself well enough to win an award. You read it here first. (Although given the various Emmy nominations that actors picked up as "themselves" on shows like Extras and The Larry Sanders Show, I'm sure I'm not the first.) And if she wins, hooray for her! Here she is discussing the project:

Carrie's first screen work was in Shampoo back in 1975.

Here is her alleged audition for a movie called Star Wars. I think she got the part, although based on this not sure why.

The film adaptation of her first novel, Postcards from the Edge, is fucking brilliant. The screenplay itself is a loose adaptation, but still, it deserved an Oscar nomination. As did Shirley Maclaine in a role nothing-at-all (cough) like Debbie Reynolds. Streep picked up an Oscar nomination as a Carrie Fisher-type actress struggling to get back to work after an accidental overdose on recreational pharmaceuticals. If you haven't seen it, do that now. Well, soon. Very soon. Hysterical.

Her's Carrie roasting Meryl at an AFI event.

She's in the very funny Soapdish with Robery Downey Jr., Whoopi Goldberg, Sally Field and Cathy Moriarty, but what's interesting is that she doesn't interact with any of them. I think she might have doctored the script (it's funny as shit, that's the first indication), and they let her film her scenes back in L.A. while they did the movie in NYC. Her scenes are always in her office, and with only one other actor in each scene. Still, funny as shit, worth renting.

I'll leave you with her roasting George Lucas. Also funny as shit.

Happy birthday dude!

Song of the day: "One Love"

Another charity single, by an organization called Playing for Change, a truly international collection of World Music types, covering the Bob Marley classic.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "One Love" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

Want to know which survey membership is best?

Today's scam email:
Many sites offer Paid Survey Membership's... We have put them all to the test!

Hi, I'm James Davison, Vice President of Operations at Our goal is help you to decide which survey membership is the best so you can forget the rest.

Remember, not all paid survey memberships are equal!
My recommendations are based on the quality and popularity of each paid survey company and the customer support of each company. 18 paid survey memberships were purchased and evaluated. Only the top 3 remain, I've listed them here for you:

Kind Regards,
James Davison

Let me say this clearly: no legitimate survey organization will ask YOU for money to participate. None. Dude says "18 were purchased..." No. This is fucked.

Lots and lots of panels will let you join for free, and earn points or entries into drawings, and some will even pay you cash per survey. None of them charge you. Go with God.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Thoughtful leadership in action

Today's Republican reminder is George W. Bush's nomination to replace Tom Ridge as Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Bernard Kerik. Granted, he was probably more qualified for this post than Michael "Heckuvajob Brownie" Brown was to head F.E.M.A. (I, also, am more qualified to be Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security than Brownie was to head F.E.M.A., based on some serious "hands on" experience with a first responder, but I will leave that for a different blog...)

Back to Kerik... he withdrew his name from consideration with the explanation that he had employed an illegal alien as a nanny (two quick points: 1. why does it seem like Republicans don't mind employing illegals for themselves, they just want to rant about them generally, as a talking point?; 2. Homeland Security includes INS and Customs, so clearly this is a huge fucking issue). After he pulled out, a number of allegations came out that suggested confirmation hearing would have gotten ugly for him.

Later he was found guilty of multiple ethics violations and ordered to pay more than $200,000 in fines.

Currently BK is facing multiple charges of fraud and conspiracy, and today he had his $500,000 bail revoked because he wasn't following the judge's orders regarding confidentiality. Or, as the judge said:
[Kerik has a] "toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance, and I fear that combination leads him to believe his ends justify his means."

Oh snap.

The full details are here. They aren't pretty. Neither is Kerik. Still, he's more qualified than Brownie, or Harriet Miers. God she was a piece of work. Hey, why isn't she being held for contempt of Congress? Grrr.

Here's a word cloud of that article

You should try making these yourself at paste in text (try song lyrics) and play with the formatting.

Today's excellence in journalism entry

I followed a link to an article about Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC, you know, the lying cheating adulterer whose dereliction of duties and moral failings ought to have shamed him into resigning his position, much like he has called on others to do in the past... but hasn't) and unemployment in South Carolina (my favorite place for crazy!).

The article's headline: SC Governor Sanford Host Unemployment Round Table

The article is here.

This is what it says:
Columbia, SC—Governor Mark Sanford says it will take comprehensive change to improve the state’s unemployment rate.

The Governor hosted an unemployment roundtable with state lawmakers Tuesday morning.

They looked at some of the numbers behind the unemployment rate and found that 23 percent of the people out of work were let go for misconduct.

The governor says the South Carolina Employment Security Commission needs major changes to do a better job of linking people with jobs.
That is ALL it says. Seriously, that's it. That is the entire article.

Now remember, Gov. Sanford rejected stimulus money. Money that extends unemployment benefits. Money that goes to infrastructure projects (as in construction jobs, road crew jobs, teachers). Money that can ease the pain of this seriously shitty economy for a lot of people. Yeah, he didn't want any of that.

"Hey look, 23% of these people were let go for misconduct," it implies that he said.

Misconduct like disappearing from your job to go fuck your Argentinian mistress? Misconduct like using government aircraft to fly home for a dentist appointment? Outrageous.

But Mark kept his job, so he's not unemployed. Also his wife is rich as shit. (Jenny, if it doesn't work out, I'm here for you. Big hugs!) So it's not like he's suffering in this shitty shitty economy (fuck you George W. Bush). But look, clearly he thinks 23% of you unemployed are to blame for your fate.

Sadly he doesn't address that other 77%.

Just to recap: it's gonna take a lot to change the state's unemployment, 23% of you fucks are to blame for your current condition, and the state employment division needs to change to help people. Good meeting everyone!

Sigh. Good luck to South Carolina. I mean, the non-elected officials in the state.

3 pictures from my afternoon commute

During the train ride home the light and mist over the river beyond the train yards and in front of the West Hills was beautiful, but I had to rush to get my phone to camera mode. I like the composition I ended up with, in part because you get an idea of the different layers I was seeing (you just don't get the river layer).

I walked over to the "overlook" part of Overlook Park and got this picture of the Fremont Bridge (it's the second longest tied arch bridge in the world, go Portland!). The park is lovely, by the way. I park at the park, usually, and take the train from there. They do farmers markets on Weds. in the summers, and kids' kick ball on Thursday afternoons.

This is accidental, but I like it. Accidental is good, some times.

How poor enunciation can influence your marketing efforts

On the way home I heard an ad for a product called Bake-N-Serv.

But the radio announcer said "bacon serve."

"Yum," I thought. Something with bacon.

But no, something with NOT bacon.

So please, can we all say "Bake" (PAUSE) "N Serve" from now on? Otherwise I fear you'll piss more and more bacon-loving peeps (and I work with several) off.


Okay lighten up people

This shit is funny. And I'm totally in favor of immigration reform.

It's funny.

Details and indignation here.

7 costumes to avoid for Halloween

Gawker gives you the details here. Sarah Palin is on the list.

My costume (shared with cool co-worker Erin [she has "Bela Lugosi's Dead" on her phone]) is not on the list, so we are good to go!

The all-singing, all-dancing crap of the universe to produce the Oscars

That's a reference from Fight Club (the book or the movie, take your pick, I like them both). We'll get there in a second.

AMPAS, the Oscars peeps, have selected Bill Mechanic and Adam Shankman to produce the 2010 Oscar telecast (I know, how'd they get names that big?!).

Shankman is a director of such quality fare as Hairspray, The Wedding Planner, and does it matter after I said The Wedding Planner? I mean, I can forgive him a little for Hairspray, I think it's difficult to translate musicals to screen because there's some dynamic that happens with the audience. It's like seeing a band live--the energy is communal, not just you and the performers, but you and the rest of the audience and the performers.

But clearly Shankman means they are thinking big musical production numbers!
"The last time I was on the show was as a dancer, and to come back as a producer is such an unbelievable honor" said Shankman in a press release.

Sigh. Please don't call Rob Lowe.

Bill Mechanic produced this year's Coraline (created by Portland OR's own LAIKA studios [nee Will Vinton Studios]). Previously he was head of Fox Studios where he got fired because Fight Club didn't make enough money. I told you we'd get there.

Here is my plea: don't load the show down with 8-minute song and dance numbers celebrating editing or the evolution of visual effects, and then ask the sound guys to limit their speeches to 15 seconds. I would much rather hear the geeky sound dudes thank their kids than watch a Debbie Allen extravaganza. But I am also happy to watch a Debbie Allen extravaganza. Just plan to make the show 4 hours long and we will all be fine. Start that shit at 7:00 p.m. Eastern time and I will be there at 3:00 local time, with popcorn and cocktails at the ready.

Happy birthday Tom Petty

"Oy, he's one of my patients!"--Arnie K., Beverly Hills

I don't have a helper on this one, but I'm going to be brief. This is more about bumping the Jerry Orbach post off my main page because it's got a video that auto launches, and it's annoying me. "Allentown." Shut up.

Anyway. Love Tom. Love that he's still rocking the shit, the same as he ever was. He did a charity event a few years ago. Big ticket private concert. It was a Tom Petty show. He was not going to soften it for the blue bloods in the audience. And it was great.

Here he is doing "Needles and Pins" with Stevie Nicks, a song written by the late great Sonny Bono.

My blog doppelgänger

I've been enjoying the rants of The Rude Pundit lately. He might be ruder than me. He might not. We might just be differently rude about different things.

It's not a contest.

Even if I would probably win inadvertently, since I seem to offend more people unintentionally than intentionally, I am lucky that way. It's my talent. I walk out and start talking to the judges and boom, just some random comment will bring out layers of issues they have with how the Grammys are judged, why farmers markets are actually evil, or how watching Family Guy repeats killed their younger brother. Some people play piano, or sing.

Back the RP. Today he touched on the Hammond LA Justice of the Peace who refused to marry an inter-racial couple (discussed here). My general point was basically that discrimination is happening with gay marriage, and no one thinks twice about it. Inter-racial marriages have only been legal, as a result of a Federal Court order, for a little over 40 years. The same arguments against gay marriage today were used against inter-racial marriage before.

But Rude Pundit tackles a little on the racism, a little on the stupid, and a little on the city of Hammond LA. Where I have friends. And a friend whose mom is one of the best damn cooks in the whole world (hey Peg!). And she works at the University there. Which I'm told is not just a decent state college, but a damn fine university. Take that, other state universities in Louisiana (I'm looking at you, Shreveport... mostly because I can't spell Natchitoches(?)). [Bitches I got that without help!]

But I hadn't considered the "freedom of conscience" exemption that states have been granting to pharmacists.
But, shit, isn't Bardwell just doing what pharmacists and others have been allowed to do? State legislatures have legalized "freedom of conscience" for some medical professionals. If your man behind the counter at your town's only Walgreen's can say he won't fill your birth control prescription because if Jesus wants a whore to get pregnant, that fuckin' whore is gettin' pregnant, then Bardwell ought to be able to keep his job. Oh, right. Because that's what his fucking job is. Just like any medical professionals who want the right to refuse to treat someone or fill a prescription that they don't like, if you signed up to do a job, you do the job. If you don't like it, go into another career.
Full post here.

Anyway, what he said... (and it really isn't me).

Happy birthday Dannii Minogue

The third of our birthdays today is Dannii Minogue. And as an introduction, I will give you a little back story. Picture it, Portland OR, July 2006. I was searching Craigslist postings for, let's say a bookcase... yes, a bookcase. Anyway, I completely randomly ran across this in an ad:
I'm looking for some connection with guys in town who had this great feeling about Kylie Minogue.
I'm kind of disappointed about the club scene, they barely play Kylie Minogue. I'm a big fan and I thought Kylie is the best and sexiest, also girlish pop diva in the world.
I just got five dvds of Kylie Minogue, and love to share with real big fans. They're On a night like this tour dvd, fever tour dvd, showgirl tour dvd, Ultimate Kylie dvd and Early hits dvd.
I hope there's other guys are fans, real fans, not just saying I like her in mouth, should at least have all the cds or dvds.(You don't have to have all the dvds since I will share the dvds with you;-)
If you are a real fan, email me, we can watch dvds togother and dance to those songs.
(Note: I've redacted identifying information but left in the delightful spelling and grammar.)

But actually, I don't know that I saw that post. What I actually saw was this post, which had that post embedded in it:
Beware of this guy, he's a fraud. He lures you to his house then he only wants to watch shitty Dannii Minogue videos. Like the "top" who just wants to get fucked when you meet him, it's another case of bait and switch.

A fraud! Scandal!

I forwarded the postings to fellow Craigslist "shopper" Leland. His reply:
Who the fuck is Dannii Minogue and who the fuck wants to get together to "watch dvds togother and dance to those songs"?

And this was my reply to him:
I was going to say, she's Kylie's "Jimmie Osmond" but that really is selling her short. She's Kylie's "Ashley Simpson"?
Here are the things that amuse me about this thing:
1. someone thinks this ad will be appealing to someone
2. it obviously was
3. the original poster is, what, closeted about his love for Dannii so he's using Kylie to lure in unsuspecting men (like a lecherous gay man using straight porn that transitions to bi- porn... or so I've heard)
4. the second poster was SO OFFENDED that he's taken to warning people off him like he's a sexual predator
5. i guess i should be cruising "tops" now, too (since they apparently want to get fucked)

And that, my friends, is how I first learned about Ms. Dannii Minogue. Unbeknownst to me, the fabulous Clinton was (and is) a mega-fan. I'm pretty sure he didn't post the CL ad, but maybe he did... if so he wisely used stats that wouldn't be linked to him directly (very clever Clinton), but let's assume not. Anyway, the fabulous Clinton is my third assistant for today's birthdays.

The enthusiasm in his response was charming, but if this is true "I consider this the greatest honor anyone has ever bestowed upon me..." he might need to get out more. Take it away Clinton!

First up: "Baby Love"--A worthy cover of the Regina classic! Not to mention this was produced by one of the legendary children of house music, Steve "Silk" Hurley. It was a moderate success in the UK, charting at #14 in 1991.

Second: "Put the Needle on It"--This was Dannii's comeback single in 2002. Riding high on the success of the vocal she contributed to the massive Riva single "Who Do You Love Now" (UK #3) in 2001, London Records (Warner Bros.) decided to give Danni a four album deal. This first single from "Neon Nights" was a dirty electro number produced by Roger Sanchez. This single charted at #7 in the fall of 2002.

Fun fact, if you watch the video for Cheryl Cole's new single, you see some stylistic similarities to "Put the Needle on It" (at 0:46).

And last, but in no way least: "I Begin to Wonder"--My absolute favorite Dannii track, not to mention her most successful single to date. I especially love the performance she turned out on TOTP back in 2003 (has it been six years).

By the way, Clinton railed off producers, chart positions and dates from memory, so I'm going to dub him Danniipedia from now on. Thanks for your help, C! And happy birthday Dannii!

Happy birthday Kara

The second of my assistants for today's birthdays is Eric. My friend Kara happens to be his wife (good luck with that, Kara), so I asked E to come up with 3 things Kara likes for a post.

Kara, you'll have to grade him in the comments section below.

First up, Collin Raye. I vaguely remember Collin from my life in Dallas TX back in the 90s. Possibly as part of the whole "young country" scene. It was part achy-breaky, part friends in low places, part Mary Chapin Carpenter. Well before Carrie Underwood or Gretchen Wilson. It seems a little odd, at first, but then Kara grew up in the Houston area and attended UT (hook 'em horns!) so maybe... maybe. Eric didn't specify a song, so he should get full credit if Collin is right but you hate this particular song.

I asked about Sex and the City, which Eric agreed with. I'm a Miranda... which one are you?

And finally, the movie that brought us Shannen Doherty and the classic line "I love my dead gay son," Heathers. The song "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It)" was performed by Don Dixon, Mitch Easter and Marti Jones, and the high school is named after Paul Westerburg of the Replacements. Also the movie Mean Girls totally rips it off, and is directed by the brother of the director of Heathers. Small world, no?

So happy birthday dude! We'll see a movie when you're back from Mexico, all tanned and rested (or at least ready to get away from your parents... or maybe that's just me thinking about spending 10 days with my family).

It's always time for "Beny Lava"

(h/t to Becky who showed me this years ago; I get lots of mileage out of it, but credit goes to her)

It's so big!

That is what Republicans are saying, complaining really, about the healthcare reform bill Sen. Max Baucus (D, MT; also whore for the insurance industry) produced from the Senate Finance Committee.

It's more than 1,500 pages.


Bigger than all 3 Lord of the Rings novels.

To which I say "shut the fuck up and start reading." It won't get any smaller if you whine. Assholes.

PS: what is an average bill size?

Today's amazing internet offer

Comes via email with the subject: CONTACT MY SECRETARY IN BEIJING CHINA TODAY

Aloha Dearest,

My name is Dr. Kelsey L. Mcintyre From china, i know you may have forgotten about me but your good deeds as brought back favour to you. I am contacting you based on your past efforts towards helping me in clearing those funds from my bank, but due to financial status you were unable to help me conclued the transaction.

I want to inform you dear that i got another person who helped financially to secure the funds out of my bank and now we have invested the funds in an oil project which on a daily basics would be bring daily profit.

But in other for me not to forget your efforts plus little funds you have spent in the due processing of helping me get the funds out of my bank, i deposited (USD$ 1.5,000.000.00) with Bank Of Beijing in my country china before i travelled down here in Switzerland to meet my partner, and i instructed the banker of my bank that i would contact the beneficiary of the funds and ask the beneficiary to contact my secretary in which she can go to the bank to do the quick processing and release of the funds to you immediately.

The funds was deposited into an ATM ACCOUNT and the ATM CARD is under my name as Dr. Kelsey L. Mcintyre i told my bank to release the funds to you through this same ATM CARD which is under my name so that they do not charge you for Funds Transfer Charges.

Please do contact my secretary in china via her below details:

+86-301-654-2413 (AND SUDDENLY THIS! WTF? IS JESUS RUNNING IN 2020?)

And give her this confirmation details for her to know i have been in contact with you already:

Your Full Name:
Your Home Address: (this would be where the ATM card would be sent)
Your Occupation:
Your Age & Home Phone:
Cellphone & Fax:

ATM CARD LAST 4 DIGITS: ************2568

Once you provide the below details to her she will contact the Bank Of Beijing on your behave immediately to start the processing of releasing your funds to you.

Please now i would be very busy at the site and might not be able to take your call, so please do contact me back through the email address and i shall get back to you with a response once am back from site where we are undergoing our new investment project.

View the attachment to confirm my Picture ID. (SADLY NO ATTACHMENT, NOT THAT I WOULD HAVE OPENED)

Thanks and God bless you and your's.
Dr. Kelsey L. Mcintyre

Happy birthday Jerry Orbach

Today's a big day for birthdays, so I am asking for assistance in birthday posts. Our first assistant is the lovely and talented John. And the first birthday is Jerry Orbach. You know and love him from Law and Order. But John says you bitches have seen plenty of him and you already know that shit.

Here's what you don't know about Jerry Orbach. He's one of Broadway's song and dance gems! Seriously.

No seriously.

Quit laughing.

John picked 3 songs for me. The first, from 42nd Street:

John initially picked "Try to Remember" from The Fantasticks (which, if you aren't gay enough to have sufficient Theatre class credits to qualify for a minor in Theatre and don't already know, was the longest running musical in theatre history... yes, technically my minor was Biology, but I do have enough credits). But when I started to play the video, John walked back from the kitchen and changed his mind. Orbach originated the role of Billy Flynn in Chicago (in a role that Richard Gere didn't fuck up), so here he is performing on the Mike Douglas Show.

But his biggest role, bigger even than Law & Order I think, might not be his best known. He is Lumiere, the candlestick, in Disney's Beauty & the Beast.

A big thanks to John for his contributions.

Orbach did an amazing array of musicals, movies and television, including Dirty Dancing. I couldn't close without adding one of my all-time favorite movies, Woody Allen's Crimes and Misdemeanors from 1989. Orbach, along with Martin Landau, Anjelica Houston and Sam Waterston are the dark half of this incredible movie (Allen, Mia Farrow and Alan Alda are the light half). Here's the trailer:

He didn't receive much in the way of awards (a Tony and a Screen Actors Guild award), but he was named a living landmark in 2002, and part of 53rd Street in Manhattan has been renamed Jerry Orbach Way. So people can now say "I got rear-ended on Jerry Orbach at 8th"--suck on that, Emmys.

Here's his tribute from the Today show, after his death in 2004.

Happy birthday dude! Miss ya!

Song of the day: "Wet Hair"

By Japandroid. It took me a while to figure out what this song was. It's fuzzy and fun in a way the best Sonic Youth is, without being laden with the pretentiousness of actually BEING a Sonic Youth song (I don't know how much of that is their fault, but I'm pretty sure "Kool Thing" isn't the seminal song of the 90s).

Part of the magic of the inter-webby-tubes is that you can use the Google to figure out a song by typing exact lyrics in " " then "+ lyrics"--so to find this song title, I searched:
"we can french kiss some french girls" + lyrics
And this is what I found. Enjoy.

Flashback song: "Bela Lugosi's Dead"

So this is a compound post: part flashback to Bauhaus's iconic 1979 goth song, part shout out to the genius of Tony Scott's The Hunger, part shout out to the genius of Tim Burton's Ed Wood/Martin Landau's performance therein (hey, all of these things remind me of Kim, hey Kim!) and a quick happy birthday to Bela Lugosi. He's not birthday of the day, but here's a little something something for him. (That doesn't look right when you type it like that... "somethin' somethin'" seems weird too.) But look at all them dead birds I killed with a single post!

Monday, October 19, 2009

I am afraid I need to correct his math.

(h/t to Leland)

Someone named Samuel John Klein (if that is his real name) posted the "new" design for the artist formerly known as the Made in Oregon sign (nee White Stag Sugar sign). Story here. In the article he says Portland + Unicorns = Awesome.

But everyone knows Portland = Awesome.

So Portland + Unicorns = Awesome + Unicorns OR Wicked Awesome!!! Duh.

Eminem songs, as rapped in Klingon

(a massive h/t to Kassie)

Every day, in every way, I find myself more and more in love with the insanity that is the inter-webs. Someone has undertaken the ambitious project of translating the songs of Eminem into Klingon. And performing them as Klenginem. And I have a video to share with you.

The Klenginem site is here. The site looks like it's been ignored for a couple of years, which is a crime because I wants me a hoodie!

Flashback song: "Tell That Girl to Shut Up"

Something inspired me to go listen to Wendy James doing "London's Brilliant" (a song written by Elvis Costello, but I don't know that EC ever recorded it himself), which led me to Wendy's old band Transvision Vamp, at which point I discovered that their 1988 hit was actually a remake of Holly and the Italians from 1980. Who knew. Others did, but not I. Here's the original.

And the Transvision Vamp version from 1988.

Oh South Carolina crazy, how I've missed you

"There is a saying that the Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of the pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves. By not using earmarks to fund projects for South Carolina and instead using actual bills, DeMint is watching our nation's pennies and trying to preserve our country's wealth and our economy's viability to give all an opportunity to succeed."--Bamberg County (SC) GOP Chairman Edwin Merwin and Orangeburg County (SC) GOP Chairman James Ulmer in a joint letter published by The Times and Democrat newspaper.
Let the non-pology begin in 3, 2, 1... "We're sorry anyone was offended" will be how they lead off.

Details here.

My wonderful Representative

The New York Times has an article and video article on Earl Blumenauer (whose name I am sure I have misspelled again) that are worth checking out. I am proud of my progressive representative in Congress, despite the bow-ties and the bicycle broaches.

There's no way to embed the video, but click here to watch.

The article is here.

From where I sit, it's pretty accurate:
Back home, Mr. Blumenauer said his constituents had shown patience with the pace of things, partly, he suggested, because they were so disenchanted with the Bush administration.

Activists and pollsters in Oregon said that they agreed but that the patience of Mr. Blumenauer’s liberal base was not unlimited.

Song of the day: "Hell"

Something new from Tegan and Sara. I need to get their catalog from the library. Stay tuned.

Happy birthday John Lithgow

Trey Parker (one of the South Park evil geniuses) and Jon Favreau (who directed the brilliant Iron Man and is working on the sequel) both have birthdays today, and are also worthy of birthday shout-outs, but I've decided to focus exclusively on John Lithgow. Not because he's a particular favorite (although I like him), but because he's clearly a talent that ought to be appreciated. He's won 4 Emmys and 2 Tonys, and been nominated for 2 Oscars. I checked the Grammy winners database, and he hasn't won there (yet) although he has recorded before and is totally the kind that ends up winning in the Spoken Word Recording for Children category.

I'm going to start with the role that was his breakthrough--it secured him his first Oscar nomination for 1981's The World According to Garp--as a transexual. I ran across this commentary by a real trans- person, and found it intriguing. Portland OR seems to be a city much more accepting of trans- people so I have found myself working around them, shopping around them, and in the food court with them; not just in the gay bars with them. And it makes me really happy to see them, because I know it took a lot of courage to take that step. Even though Portland is filled with what I call the "frumpy trans-" (and while this sounds derogatory, I mean it with a genuine affection); this comes from only being exposed to D*R*A*G in Atlanta and Dallas, where everything is over-the-top with spangles and make-up. Here's hoping that Atlanta and Dallas have "frumpy trans-" too, cause the courage to take that step is work enough, they should get to take it in sensible shoes.

I don't think much of his other Oscar nomination, for Terms of Endearment, mostly because he isn't given nearly as much to do as co-stars Jack Nicholson (who won), or Jeff Daniels. At some point I should re-watch it with an adult's eye, but for now, here's a scene from the far more enjoyable Harry and the Hendersons:

Lithgow won 2 Tonys (nominated for 3 others as well), his second in the debut run of the musical adaptation of The Sweet Smell of Success.

He also won 4 Emmys, 3 of which were for Third Rock from the Sun, a show we've previously discussed as it was co-created by the brilliant Bonnie and Terry Turner.

William Shatner guest starred on Third Rock as the "big giant head" and when, deplaning from a flight, he remarked that he kept seeing something on the wing, to which Lithgow replied "the same thing happened to me!"--an homage to their playing the same part in retellings of the "Terror at 20,000 Feet" story. Here's a mash-up with music by Pop Will Eat Itself.

And finally, here is Lithgow totally ripping off one of my songs from about 4 years ago (back when I had 2 dogs). If he records something called "I've Got 3 Dogs" I am totally going to sue his ass.

Happy birthday dude!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

We like the dog park!

This is Willy in a post-dog park moment of joy.

And Midge as well. Note the foam around her mouth. That is a sign of joy for Midge.

And unrelated (but seen on the way to the park) is the giant spider in a web on my front porch. It's nature's Halloween decoration!

Quote of the day

"I'm the cow on the tracks."--RNC chairman Michael Steele, on the health care reform train having "left the station"

Mr. Steele:

meet the cow catcher:

But thanks for your honesty. We all know the contributions that cows made to the railroad industry. We will remember you like that. So how does everyone like their steak?

Song of the day: "Ashtray Heart"

Another track from Placebo.
If Weekends were still open, and I lived in the city with Weekends, and I were young enough to actually go to Weekends, I would totally dance to this at 4:30 in the morning. And so would you. Probably.