Friday, September 4, 2009

Song of the day: "Something is Squeezing My Skull"

Morrissey, with a back-up band dressed straight out of an Old Navy store.

Great moments in reporting

For-real AP article here

Headline: Guest: Many wept during Jackson's Calif. funeral

1. Jackson only had 1 funeral (and also 1 memorial service)... they were both in California. Since there were no non-California services, that modifier isn't helpful.

2. No shit? People cried at a funeral? Un-fucking-heard of.

Other great items in the article.
- It was sultry (as in hot & humid, not in the torrid Tennessee Williams sense)... a summer afternoon in Glendale was sultry
- The deceased's daughter cried
- The deceased's senior citizen mom struggled to walk
- There were flowers
- There was a bejeweled crown (this comes in the third sentence, and is the first non-traditional funeral item, I believe)
- A hymn was sung
- The pastor Twittered updates (in real time, really Al Sharpton... sheesh)
- The casket was carried by the deceased's 5 brothers; it had flowers and a crown on it; they wore crystal-ed gloves in honor of something the deceased did 25 years ago (but also kinda unique to this service)
- It started late--something in LA, involving "celebrities" started late (I am glad I am sitting)

Maybe I don't understand "vacation" if I'm QA-ing a celebrity funeral article. I will go get more rum.

Happy birthday Mark Ronson/Flashback song "Valerie"

So to make a point of what Mark brings to the table, this is the version of "Valerie" he conceived for Amy Winehouse.

It's based on this original version back in 2006 (barely old enough to qualify as a flashback, but thrilled with killing 2 birds with 1 post).

Happy birthday Mike Piazza

This is really an excuse to play a Belle & Sebastian song (actually, a cover).

Happy birthday Kim Thayil

Happy birthday Mitzi Gaynor

Happy birthday Damon Wayans

Happy birthday Dr. Drew

Not really highlighting him, but his clips are all long...

Happy birthday Beyonce

She isn't even 30 yet. Not for 2 years. I am going back to bed.

Happy birthday Judith Ivey

Happy birthday Khandi Alexander

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I have 2 questions

1. What are these?

2. Why are there so many of them at my local Fred Meyer?

Based on the number of items, I infer that these are popular.

What fad am I missing out on? (Is this Twilight-related? Cause I still haven't seen it.)

I have to sit quietly for a few minutes

Countdown (I know I shouldn't watch, what with the corporate overlords controlling what Keith is able to report, but I do) showed clips of Glenn Beckkk's recent paranoid rant about art as propaganda. I was going to post a clip, but you know what, I think I'll let you go find it.

The gist, as best I can follow his tortured logic--AND DON'T LET ME FORGET TO SAY THAT HE DROPS OFF AND STARTS A NEW TOPIC--it's like how penguins can't really fly.

Wait, what?

Like that.

Watching Glenn Beckkk requires some serious flow charting.

Anyway, it has to do with New Deal art that's part of Rockefeller Center. And I ran across an interesting review of Beckkk's allegations by someone who understands art and its history. God bless liberal arts majors who blog.

It is well worth reading (here) in its entirety. But here's a quick example:

"Who is this? Who is this?" Beck asked, his voice rising to a yell. "This is the strong leader taking that, using that industry and those machines to lead us into the, uh, bright future, led by our children. Gee, who's having indoctrination next week? Oh yeah, that's right, our president. Completely unrelated. This represents, at the time this was made, Mussolini. This represents Mussolini."

I've done a quick survey of the literature on Youth and actually no, the figure at the right doesn't represent Mussolini. It's just a generic, heroic male figure representing industry. There is no evidence to indicate that Piccirilli was a fascist-sympathizer. At the time of the commissions discussed here, he'd lived in New York for four decades. He received these commissions only after a much-publicized dustup about Rockfeller Center pursuing Europeans such as Matisse and Picasso to create the art for Rockefeller Center.) Youth Leading Industry survived World War II intact and unobstructed and has remained on view ever since.

All of which reminds me of this fantastic moment in Annie Hall.

And FOX News is headquartered in Rockefeller Center, comrades.

Sara Rue, you rock

UPDATE: SaraRueFan asked me to add this S.R. site to this post, and I'm happy to comply. Thanks again dude!

So cleaning off the DVR and watched a Will & Grace with Sara Rue as guest star, and then a Big Bang Theory with Sara Rue as guest star. And I like Sara Rue! There, I said it.

I mean, I don't like like Sara Rue. But I like watching her act.

And then I decided SHE should have been in All About Steve with Bradley Cooper. She's about the same age (4-years difference... if you could have gone to high school with someone for at least 1 year, you are the same age) and, well, I like her. Of course, she probably doesn't want that on her resume.

Which brings us back to Bradley Cooper should have made the gay porn version of All About Eve adapted as a movie instead.

Back to Sara Rue. Here are some clips:

And hat tip to SaraRueFan at youtube, who uploaded all the clips I'm embedding. Thanks person (no tip as to gender in the profile).

Gay ex machina

(h/t to Towleroad)

Current, the home for my beloved Sarah Haskins of Target: Women, is growing another recurring segment called That's Gay. And of course we have butt cream for your eyes.

All About Steve meets the 10-year different rule

A quick preface: I saw a play, adapting the classic All About Eve into the world of gay porn, several years ago in LA. Its name: All About Steve. Steve Herrington, Marco Channing, the character of Addison DeWitt was a drag queen... hysterical. So imagine my disappointment to find out that Bradley Cooper was in a movie called All About Steve that was not an film adaptation of that play. Boo.

All that pettiness aside, we're back to my recurring 10-year age different rule. Sandra Bullock is 45; Cooper is 34. But, they're not actually a couple. It's a quasi-stalker story that's full of "wrong" so the age difference is just the sprinkles on this cupcake.

So I won't be avoiding it based on the 10-year rule. I'll be not seeing it based on the really poor reviews it got. 0% at Rotten Tomatoes (thus far).

Happy birthday Alan Ladd

Not a big fan of Westerns, but I feel like Shane is a movie I need to make an effort to see. Ladd plays Shane, the gunfighter riding off in this clip.

I've been know to use the line "Pa's got things for you to do and Mother wants you" and "Shane come back" before, but generally in a very different context.

Again with the state aircraft?

First Marky Mark Sanford (here) and now this.

Piyush Jindal (some call him "Bobby" but after enduring 2 years of "Barack Hussein Obama" I feel like we should use full names), the governor of Louisiana (where it's both the heat AND the humidity... that's why they drink) is being accused of impropriety with regard to his use of state aircraft. Quelle surprise.

After all, this man fights pork. Volcano monitoring? Pssh. Just because there are active volcanoes in five states, he doesn't think we need it.

But a quasi-campaign stop at churches around the state? Start the chopper. Over the Spring and Summer, Jindal spent many Sundays flying to churches around the state. And need I add "Christian" churches--because while houses of worship might be a good way to talk to (Christian values) voters, synagogues, mosques, covens and fucking community colleges are not.

Rev. C. Welton Gaddy, pastor of Northminster Baptist Church in Monroe, La ., and president of Interfaith Alliance--a national interfaith group "dedicated to protecting the boundaries between religion and government for the good of both institutions"-- released an open letter to Jindal that says, in part:

"If you were traveling to these churches to worship with the various congregations, you should have paid your own expenses to get there as did the other worshipers. If you were traveling to these churches for the purpose of sharing your personal faith and encouraging faith in others, state funds absolutely should not have been used to pay your expenses.... If you were traveling to these churches for political purposes, you should not have been there in the first place, regardless of who funded the travel."

Since Jindal was visiting churches in parishes (they don't have counties in Louisiana, they have parishes--today's lesson in USA's variations on district-ing) where he is generally weaker, it is possible that this is a crass campaign move. It is also possible that the sun also rises.

I will acknowledge that the parishes in question, in northern Louisiana, are the ones where having a helicopter really helps. Cause have you driven across central Louisiana? Gross. I mean, eek--and he's the governor. It's like when you have company over and there's that room that is just all fucking clutter and chaos and you don't even open the door on the tour and we all just tacitly acknowledge that it's the "storage" room. That's central LA--we just skip that part of the tour. Have you seen the stuff Brad Pitt built in NOLA? That's the interesting stuff!

More on the fun here.

Happy birthday Charlie Sheen

It took a while for me to watch Two and a Half Men. The first episode I saw was horrifyingly bad, and I avoided it for for years. But it snuck onto my TV in syndication and now I'm a fan. I feel like I have to justify its inclusion in my weekly roster. Dumb show with lots of funny shit going on.

Bonus is that Martin Mull is hysterical in this scene.

Happy birthday Costas Mandylor

Again with the limitations of youtube--here I wanted the hysterical (and inspiring, cough) scene from Soapdish where Costas is auditioning for a part on the soap and Carrie Fisher asks him to try the scene once more, this time with his shirt off. The line: "and will you be having wine with dinner?" (Buried in a scene much later is Costas, delivering that very line--watch Soapdish if you've never seen it... watch it again if you have.)

Most of the clips on youtube are Saw-related. So instead here's a clip from something I know nothing about, but isn't related to Saw.

Happy birthday Eileen Brennan

I wanted to post her brief scene in White Palace, where she "reads" James Spader (as in psychically, not as in "bitch please") but it's not on youtube. Billions of clips but never the one I need... anyway, love her. Here she is in the underappreciated Clue.

Way to engage guys!

I thought we'd been discussing healthcare reform/accusing Obama of a variety of insane intentions (killing my Grandma, enslaving the white man, reparations... insurance for everyone!) for a while now, but apparently conservatives haven't been participating.

No shit.

But now, well, now they would like a serious debate (details here). Which is... what's the opposite if "timely"?

So here's my plan: tit for tat (1. yes I said "tit" and 2. I'm just that juvenile). My response to all proposals they bring forward will be met with:
- No!
- Where's the birth certificate!
- No!
- The tree of liberty has too many fruits and needs a pruning.
- Play Mexico! (It works at Morrissey concerts as well.)
- No!
I'm still working on something about Chuck Norris, and something about cold dead hands.

I was trying to figure out the best way to explain this, and I think I've stumbled on it with our public school system. Imagine a scenario in which we, as a nation (sorry to all my non-American readers, not trying to be xenophobic, I just don't think you exist) decided we didn't want to provide a universal basic education to everyone, regardless of income. Why, it's socialism I say. If people want education, they should buy into a private education fund, and hope they can get into a school that's convenient and not overcrowded (look, I know that describes a lot of public schools, but give me some latitude with my analogy) and then, hope that you don't hit a bad grade or something and have the private education fund dump your ass. You see, private education funds make a profit when they can keep your money and not pay for your education.

The CEO of UnitedHealth Group has made more than $750 million dollars in salary and benefits in the past 10 years. I don't think he did it by making sure every claim got approved. Or by keeping the premiums charged to his customers in line with the rate of inflation. And he's not the only one in the industry who makes a handsome salary. Which is why they are so resistant to significant reform.

So if you want to debate healthcare reform, let's remove profit motives--anyone who is resisting because they might have to live off the nearly billion dollars they've earned, can shut the fuck up. If you resist it based on a philosophical objection to socialism, look at the public school system: do you think it has served a greater good by existing? How many working class kids do you think would have gotten that step up? And the existence of a public school system doesn't mean private schools don't exist any more (in fact, the crappiness of many public schools is often the best marketing for private schools). And you can still home school/pray your sick away.

Anyway, my point (cause my vacation really needs me back, but somehow I can't stop opining) is this: stop biting people's fingers off!

Song of the day: "Right Round" (and flashback song)

Some was telling me about this "new song" that samples Dead or Alive. It was a while ago. At this point in my life, that might have actually been 2007 (time flies), but I heard it the other day and thought it would qualify as a combo song of the day/flashback song.

So here's Dead or Alive from, I'm thinking 1985.

And Flo Rida, who really butches the song up.

This is what happens when you put a wise Latina on SCOTUS

White men will never get a break any more.

Today's evidence: Charles ("In what respect, Charlie") Gibson is retiring from ABC News--or is he being forced out? Maybe he's pregnant like former anchor Elizabeth (now you see her, now you don't) Vargas. Maybe it's his choice. Whatev.

His replacement will be Diane Sawyer.

A woman.

I know.

Which means that 2 of 3 lead anchors on the major network news broadcasts will be women. And only 1 of them will be a white man. And so it begins. (Hey, at least we're continuing to keep the racial and ethnic minorities down, so "yay us!")

Just because, technically, there are more women than men in the US, and just because women watch more TV than men, and just because women watch broadcast news more than men, I don't get why they should be appropriately represented in the anchor chairs. I mean, no woman signed the Declaration of Independence (hat tip to Pat Buchanan for that brilliant and irrefutable argument).

And much like Sonia Sotomayor, is this Sawyer person even qualified? Isn't everybody in the Television Academy Hall of Fame? To get you to buy a copy of the book, right? Emmys, Peabodys, DuPonts (what the hell is that? if I don't know an award, it's obscure... trust me)... you know what she doesn't have? World's Best Dad. Only men get that. It should be a requirement.

Actually, I'm appreciative of the way ABC handled all of this--very matter of fact, and no extended, eye-rolling speculations that we endured pre-Katie Couric. Now if we can get through this without seeing the cliche "cat fight" (between Sawyer and Couric) we as a society might be making a little progress. I don't have a lot of hope. If you see it, leave me a comment.

A quick note on dog pack management

Over the past ten years I've had various configurations of dogs: 1 dog, 2 dogs, back to 1 dog, and now 3 dogs. With the temporary addition of Rufus it's 4 dogs. I have the benefit of someone around the house most of the day when I'm at work, so that's helpful, and every bit as much fun as it is work.

But here's the thing.

After 2 dogs, there's a "degree of difficulty" thing that starts to apply.

3 dogs feel like 4 dogs. I didn't realize that when I adopted a 2-fer. It worked out, but without a "dog nanny" (slash personal assistant/property manager/landscaper) I probably would have a lot less stuff (my blood pressure monitor thing got eaten on Monday... I was gone less than an hour).

And 4 dogs feel like 8. It might be the case that were Rufus a regular in the pack, it would only feel like 6. I'm using my squirt gun quite a bit this week.

I got the dog car back from the shop yesterday, so we can hit the park today. Hooray! (They LOVE the ride, the park is okay.)

And yes, my dogs have a nanny (aka my friend who lives in my basement for free in exchange for taking care of stuff around the house, including [especially] the dogs) and a car (a 13 year old SUV that's not worth much to sell, but runs just fine and can hold a pack). Lest you go thinking I'm some latte sipping, endive eating fancy pants. I slurp my lattes... when I get them.

WTF of the day: finger-biting edition

Picture it: Thousand Oaks, CA; a pro-healthcare reform rally, sponsored by (you know, the love child of A.C.O.R.N. and the Socialist-Facist-Kenyan-Reparations movement).

According to KTLA, a man trying to get to the rally, through a crowd of counter-protesters, was hit in the face. So he bit off the pinky of the man who hit him.

He bit it OFF.



Details here.

So it's time for everyone to take a big fucking time out. Like you give 7-year olds. Everybody go sit in a corner and think about what the fuck you are doing.

We do not hit people in the face at rallies or at counter-protests. As much as I'd like the right, it's not actually "free speech."

And if you are hit in the face, call the fucking police. Do not hit back. Do not shoot. And do not bite a finger off.

Now, if you are being attacked (that is, it's not just one hit), do what you gotta do--bite, stab, shoot, pull the pin on a hand grenade.

But for the first hit, just call the fucking police.

THEY will do the shooting for you.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I won the UK LOTTO 2009

Hello Lucky Winner,

I am Catherine John Financial Director UK lottery Inc.
Your Prize of 500,000.00 GBP was registered with FAST TRACK DELIVERY COMPANY IN UK.
Contact them now and send your house address for the delivery. See contact person below.

Name: Brain Hoockery
Tracking Number: FST-1414M
Email Address:

Note that the FAST TRACK DELIVERY COMPANY does not know the content of the BOXES for security purposes.
Don't disclose any information to them if they ask, FOR SECURITY REASONS.

Thank You.
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Fall down go boom

For no clear reason, an extremely large branch from my neighbor's walnut tree came down this morning. And I was there. Which is to say here, in my computer chair, but I heard it and went to check it out.

It's not particularly news-worthy, but I got a pic since they weren't home to know about it. So I'm sharing. Happy vacation!

My winning number

G8 SUMMIT LOTTERY PROMOTION Winning Numbers For Lotto 6/49 We are pleased to inform you of the result of the fortnight draw of the G20 SUMMIT LOTTERY PROMOTION held in London. The online cyber annual draws was conducted from a list of 25,000,000 e-mail addresses of individuals and corporate institutions, picked by an advanced automated random computer. No tickets were sold. Your e-mail address emerged as one of the winners on the 10th July, 2009 category with the following Qualification Information attached: BONUS 43 WINNING NUMBERS: 7- 15 -23- 25- 27- 40 TICKT NUMBERS: QML9564 75604545 06 FILE REF.NO:SACA/851O836I/ 09 SERIAL: NUMBERS :201082013 You are therefore to receive a jackpot cash prize of {US$1.5M} (ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) from our total lottery payout. To file for your claim, do contact the CLAIM AGENT with following information: Your Name Address Phone Number Claim Agent William Brown Email: Congratulations once again from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our Promotional Program. SIGNED: Yours faithfully, Samantha J. Pricely

Song of the day: "Tonight's Today"

Jack Penate... coming soon to the Doug Fir.

Happy birthday Christa McAuliffe


Survey says: An American in Paris

Alan Jay Lerner's birthday was Monday (here) and as a follow up I checked with my musicals peeps. I thought My Fair Lady would be considered his greatest work, but instead a lot of love for An American in Paris.

I've never seen it, so I reserve my judgment and will reserve a copy on DVD from the library. I'll let you know how it goes...

(hmm, looks like he wrote the screenplay, but not the music since it's based on the music of George and Ira Gershwin... ah; details here)

Happy birthday Vance Degeneres

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Moment of Zen - Vance DeGeneres Lap Dance
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealthcare Protests

Happy birthday Keanu Reeves

There's no shame in shifting to television. Let Winona Ryder know, would you...

Happy birthday Mark Harmon

Happy birthday Salma Hayek

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

OMG this is what pay-per-view is for!

Michele Bachmann Offers To Slit Her Wrists

(h/t to Daily Kos here)

What she actually said:
“This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass.”

Not quite as I had hoped but still, another rung up the crazy ladder... more details here.

I believe that ball is back in your court Glenn Beckkk.

Summer dogs

To cleanse the palate of my bad mid-day out, here are some pics of the kids.

Willy and guest dog Rufus (subbing for Midge).

And Queen Gracie basking in the sun.

Out of coffee=fail

I was a little grumpy going in, but then I felt like an idiot at the Little Red Bike Cafe on Lombard in NoPo. Couldn't order cause dude was talking to the lady. Don't mind me, just a schmuck holding some menus.

Get to order, and get some empty coffee cups. Where's the coffee? Where's the cream and sugar?

So the food is good, solid B/B+ stuff, but a little spendy for a breakfast sandwich and a cup of coffee. A single cup of coffee because they ran out.

She said she guessed she would make some more, but almost as though it were an imposition. On their blog (or Twitter feed) she takes pride in running out of coffee saying it's a good problem to have. Then she complains about running out of register tape... why not also a good problem to have?

I went to Starby's and got my IVL (iced venti quad espresso, named after Leland who got me hooked)... Starby's had plenty of coffee. And their breakfast sandwiches are as good as the Little Red Thingy Thing. And cheaper. So, sorry, no more LRBC for me.

Then I grabbed Crystal Gayle and TV on the Radio from the library. And now it's time for my nappy nap. Vacation day 2!

Western Union uses "Simpsons" cartoon font

Which won't come through in the post, so I'm including a snapshot of the email (click to embiggen). This very official and not-at-all fake email is clearly from Western Union.

Full text below.

Fund Transfer Notification.

Attn; Receipient,

Please be informed that the funds are coming directly from the International Monetary Funds headquarters and we are only to pay beneficiaries once they meet their financial obligations. Also note that Western Union is not allowed to make all payment at once via western union money transfer due to the way the fund came to our headquarters and for security reasons, upon receipt of your fees and your International Remittance File purchased, you are receiving a first pay-out of $10,000 which is made into two halves which will enable you walk into any Western Union office of your choice and pick up your funds.

Note that the remaining fund/payment will be made install mentally in the following order:

1. $10,000 made payable to you from the Western Union
2. $740,000 made payable to you via bank wire
transfer from our designated paying bank.

Upon receipt of the fee for the purchasing of your international remittance file, you are receiving your first pay-out of $10,000.According to the Section 636(1) of the LPN CAF of the 1999 constitution regarding a contract like you will have to make the payment of the $65.00usd so as to enable the purchasing of your inheritance file to prevent illegal transfer of your funds or any form of hindrance.
Here are details of your money transfer of $10,000 made on your behalf but it has no receiver's name yet until you remit the $165.00 to us before we can purchase the inheritance file with your name and put your name as the receiver below is the information you will use to send us the fee $165.00 Via western union.


Then after you send the money you can send the payment information to our email below. Mr.Steve Williams

Direct line: +229 9666 7515.

As soon as we receive the payment of the $165.00 from you then we pick it up we well put your name as the receive and you will go to western union and pick the money.


Amount: $5,000 USD
Amount:$5,000 USD

Sender`s first name and Sender's last name will be given to you once you send the fee to enable you go and pick your transfer at your end. but needed the above stated fee to redirect the transfer to you for your easy pick up. Note that within 72hrs if you do not re mit the required $165.00 which has already been made ($10,000)It will be withdrawn back and remember that the money details given to you does not bear your name as the receiver until you make the payment of the $165.00.

Get back to us via our E-Mail:( with the payment information once you made the payment and you can call on my direct line if you have any question OK. Call for confirmation of receipt of this message on
: +229 9666 7515.

Have a good day.
Mr.Jim Paul
Western Union Payments

My public library doesn't respect Toni

I'm looking for some Toni Tennille or Capt. & Tennille disks to check out. When searching for "Tennille" I got this:
Did you mean penile?

And, surprisingly, this time I did not.

If you are going to go and insert logic into the debate...

Then I don't know what the fuck I'll do.

Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-WA) makes some simple points, elegantly:
(1) Health care costs must be brought under control or they will overrun the federal budget;
(2) The public option is a critical tool for keeping health care costs down;
(3) The public option will work because it (a) inserts more competition into the system and (b) delivers health care for the cost of health care.

She doesn't tell us what Obama plans to DO with my grandmother after she's dead. I want to know that. Soylent Green? Soylent Pink? Soy Milk? How do you even milk a soy?

And why am I out of rum already? Damn dogs...

Not new news, but gloat-worthy

What if you could add $2.6 billion annually to your local economy? That's what Portland has effectively done by getting its citizens to drive just 4 fewer miles a day, according to a briefing paper by our colleague Joe Cortright called Portland's Green Dividend. What Joe found has big implications for urban leaders across the country. As a result of enacting a growth boundary, increased density, mixed land uses, and investments in public transportation, walking and biking, Portlanders are saving time and money on transportation that gets funneled back into the local economy. Critics have long characterized Portlanders as "depriving themselves in the name of saving the environment." Some have argued that "planning, policies and regulations that restrict use or access to resources impede growth and lower household income." But the new study found that assumption is simply not true. There is, in fact, a Green Dividend that accrues to cities willing to make certain choices about urban form and transportation.

The whole report is here.

Disney buying Marvel

Me: Seven Dwarves now a rag-tag band of mutants, cyborgs and aliens. 1 is narcoleptic.

Eric: Escape From Scarlet Witch Mountain

And a funny list of 10 here, including:
Secret Eeyorigins — Everyone’s favorite depressive donkey narrates the origin stories of Marvel’s hottest heroes! First Issue: The Silver Surfer! (”Wasn’t much of a power cosmic anyway…”)

Disney Princesses in the Savage Land — A lame excuse for undersexed Imagineers to draw Snow White in a leopard-print thong, nimbly escaping pterodactyls. Also, Baloo shows up for no reason.

Song of the day: "Crying Lightning"

New music by Arctic Monkeys.

19? Really?

Somebody more fertile than my older sister is having her 19th baby. Or trying to.

I wonder if children #6 through 14 feel in the least bit special or loved...

(h/t dlisted here)

Happy birthday/Underappreciated: Barry Gibb

It is, possibly, time to talk to your stylist about a more mature look. Possibly.

I don't mean to diminish your contributions to music with this.

Because you've made several decades worth of music that I like. Un-ironically even.

Happy birthday Lily Tomlin

Happy birthday Gloria Estefan

Watch the volume on this guy...

Like the golden rule, but with hate

"Anderson actually told me that, though he wouldn't encourage it, he would not condemn any person who killed President Obama or call that person a murderer. He does not believe that the man who allegedly killed Dr. George Tiller, the Kansas doctor who performed late-term abortions, a murderer. And he said he would not call someone who shot a group of gays and lesbians with a machine gun a murderer."--Michelangelo Signorile, on interviewing Jesus's favorite hating Pastor Steven Anderson of AZ

And he would be wrong. Plain and simple.

Unless, possibly, the group of gays and lesbians were zombies, in which case, clearly, it's self-defense and not murder.

But if you have to call out the sexuality of the zombies who are attacking you, something is seriously fucking wrong with you.

And I think something is seriously fucking wrong with Steven Anderson of AZ. He seems like someone who is trapped in the Old Testament, and never got the good news about Christ.

Or he's privy to some super secret Klan-like testaments regarding Jesus and his hate for all. Well, for minorities. Jesus must have HATED the minorities. Awkward since he was a Jew (and possibly black?)... awkward.

Listen to it here.
(h/t Towleroad)

Monday, August 31, 2009

I have no idea what this headline means...

Audrina puts down Heidi's singing career

And I think I don't need to know.

Maybe he's just a really effeminate Southern man... who's still single

Governor Mark Sanford, R-SC (who is WELL on his way to being named hypocrite of the year) has a possibly gay Lt. Governor. And someone's about to make him very unhappy.

"He's gay," the source told me.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Because I've had sex with him on two separate occasions."

Okay, just cause a guy has sex with other guys doesn't make him gay (cough). If I had a nickel for every married guy I fucked I'd have big pile of nickels. (And a quick "hello" to my Dad in Florida who might be reading this... sorry.) And they're all really, really (cough) straight.

Anyway, this guy (here) is going to start his outing process on Andre Bauer this week. And since it's all reruns on TV, why not follow along at home.

I'm going to take a drink when I read variations of on the word "confirm." Luckily I'm on vacation this week and don't need to stay upright very long.

My beverage of the afternoon

I created a drink called the Calm Blue Ocean (patent pending):
1 part coconut rum
1 part blue curacao
1 part lemon-lime soda (I used a Pepsi product, but they aren't subsidizing this, so until they do, pick any brand that's cheap)

Serve over ice, on a deck, back patio, front porch, or in a lawn chair. Or at least serve over ice.

My last pre-nap post for today...

Puppies dressed as cats.

You're welcome.

Vacation isn't supposed to mean salads

But it does. Antipasto is chilling for tonight:

And corn, avocado and tomato thingy from last night (and lunch today):

Today in Jesus's love/Jesus's hate

As part of the on-going "I heart Portland so very very much" series, is this heart-warming story (h/t Towleroad, here): a Methodist minister at a church here in Portland, a man who has been in the clergy for nearly 30 years, came out as transgender to his congregation. When he finished his sermon he was met with "thunderous applause." It's like a way-less-violent Crying Game, with a happy ending (so far).

But I don't expect him to get off quite so easily in the coming weeks. Because bi-polar Jesus also lives to hate! Check this out:

So let me just say someone needs to tell his property (aka this bitch who is talking about a man--the only kind of human that counts) to shut the fuck up, or else she's going to get stoned (with rocks, not the fun kind), as is God's will.

Happy birthday Alan Jay Lerner

The lyricist responsible for some of the 20th century's greatest Broadway and film musicals also has a birthday today. Camelot, My Fair Lady, Brigadoon, Gigi, An American in Paris, and Paint Your Wagon.

I have a strange fondness for Camelot, but expect that My Fair Lady is considered his greatest work (if I had thought this through, I would have checked with my mother who has some strong and thoughtful opinions on such things... I'll try to remember to ask and report back). Here are clips from those 2, including ancient stuff with the iconic Julie Andrews and Richard Burton!

And a clip featuring Julie Andrews (since she can actually sing, and that Audrey chick couldn't).

Happy birthday Deborah Gibson

Here she is on Broadway in Cabaret, with Neil Patrick Harris as the Emcee. And I was in the audience!

(Disclaimer, not necessarily this performance... but I did see these 2 in their respective roles... also Tom Bosley and Mariette Hartley... FUN!)

Happy birthday Gina Schock

Let's let this signify the beginning of my vacation (okay, maybe the Long Island did yesterday... whatev). Since I was awakened by dogs at 3:30 and again at 6:45 this morning, I think my first official act on vacation will be a nap! Huzzah!

Happy birthday Van Morrison

Happy birthday Chris Tucker

I wish I had a good reason for liking him as much as I do... I think I'm confusing him with Eddie Griffin. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE...)

Happy birthday Richard Gere

So, yeah, my cynicism about him being cast as Hilary Swank's husband in the upcoming Amelia may make it seem like I don't like him. But I do. He's a great movie star (as opposed to actor).

Paul Schrader's American Gigolo is a classic 70s "anti-hero" film. In it, he's the epitome of sophisticated cool.

He's good in Chicago, and possibly another movie or two in between.

Song of the day: "Same Old Story"

This is about a year old, but I picked up the disk from my library yesterday and wanted to get it on here. It's Cyndi Lauper, 25 years after she hit big.

Seriously, 25 years.

This girl rocks my world. Always has.

Except for the wrestling shit. Great voice, great songwriter, GREAT attitude.

Same old fucking story, one for me, two for you...

Andrew Sullivan, for the win

"When future historians ask how the United States came not only to practice torture but to celebrate it and treat torturers as heroes, a special place in hell among the journalists who embraced and justified it should be reserved for Chris Wallace."

Sullivan watched Chris Wallace interview Dick Cheney (henceforth known as Dick! Cheney) so you don't have to. Read about it here. The article is called Chris Wallace, A Teenage Girl Interviewing The Jonas Brothers so chances are, you'll enjoy it like I did.

(h/t to Glenn Greenwald and Sam Seder via Twitter, follow them lefties!)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Notes on Humpday

So I got to a movie this afternoon, and it's at a great downtown Portland place called The Living Room Theaters. And it serves cocktails. So my movie enjoyment was boosted by a Long Island Iced Tea (no Xanax chaser, so not a Calm Blue Ocean).

Anyway, a fun little indie, nicely acted and put together. The movie, about 2 life-long friends who end up basically daring each other to co-star together in a home-made porn movie. With each other. Only each other.

The humor is driven largely by the awkwardness of the situation, which feels pretty genuine. Credit to all 3 leads: Mark Duplass, Joshua Leonard, and Alycia Delmore; all performances were solid. This isn't a movie with gripping "for your consideration" monologues; its strength is in the occasional arched brow or cocked head.

I joked about the inevitable remake starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. But it could happen.

Awards prospects? Probably none, save Independent Spirit Awards.

Unrelated to the movie, but specific to the venue, is the sink from the men's room. Which is this weird trough. That I initially thought was a urinal. But I figured it out before anything embarrassing happened.

But check this shit out:

My pop culture icon of the week (of the day)

I am watching Brian Boitano on Food Channel now. He uses the South Park song as his theme. Rock on!

Set your TiVos or cheap-ass ghetto non-TiVo DVRs (guilty) bitches!

How. Dare. She.

Dress like a person who is on vacation... WHILE SHE'S ON VACATION?! The outrage.

No really, outrage, read it here.

If she has bathed in the past 48 hours and her shirt was not, at some point, possibly licked clean by a dog or 2, she might be ahead of my game. So fashion police, stay clear of Piedmont.

Brian Boitano has a new show

On Food Network: What Would Brian Boitano Make?

Watch a clip here (no "embed" link option, thanks a lot Food Network).

So hooray for this, in part because you know the title comes from this South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut song. And anyone willing to embrace that, is pretty fucking cool. And he's obsessed with bacon.

Happy birthday Peggy Lipton

Happy birthday Andy Roddick

Happy birthday Paul Oakenfold

Apologies if this track selection causes eye-rolls among the true Oakenfold fans.

Happy birthday Cameron Diaz

Happy birthday Elizabeth Ashley

Happy birthday Kitty Wells

Still kicking at 90!

Accurancy in the medeea

"O-L-I-G-A-R-H. One letter is missing...The one that's missing is Y. I don't know if we're turning into an oligarchy or what we're turning into. But unless you ask 'Why?' we're going to transform into something."--Glenn Beckkk

Dude is totally onto something.

Please pass the bong.

(PS, the letter "c" is also missing, but those are the kinds of details that don't actually helpp Glenn makee a pointt.)

Song of the day: "First Train Home"

Something new from Imogen Heap. I like the song, but the video... well, it's like 1986 with a neutral color palette.

More evidence that being "happily single" works

Police in Detroit have confirmed that a man on a first date did not pay the restaurant bill and stole his date's 2000 Chevrolet Impala and sped away.

And then sold the contents of the car. (I don't actually know what this entails, but I'm curious.)

He claimed to have left his wallet in her car. She gave him the keys.

The keys were attached to her wallet.

Happy birthday Mary Shelley

She wrote Frankenstein: Modern Prometheus nearly 200 years ago. And she was a girl. Like 20 years old!

Ken Russell's brilliant Gothic is a post modern tale of how she came to write it, and stars the wonderful Natasha Richardson (who was 22 when she made the movie) as Shelley. I highly recommend the movie, although it is trippy. But then it's Ken Russell, so enjoy!

A friend told me he was writing a paper on Frankenstein, with the monster, Dr. Frankenstein, and the sea captain (the book's narrator) representing the id, the ego and the super-ego, which sounded like a cool paper for college. But then I haven't read the book OR taken psych 101... but still, sounded cool.

Happy birthday Fred MacMurray

I know what you're thinking: he's posting birthday stuff to his blog at 7 a.m. on a Sunday... this guy KNOWS how to enjoy a vacation. Rock on!