Saturday, August 29, 2009

New funny

From Indexed (this one here, the whole site here).

A nice way to end August--by winning the Euro-PW lottery!

POSTBUS 636-5930 AM







WINNING NUMBER: EPWL/11/17/18/25/08





TEL/FAX: +31 (0) 84 740 8620


Ted Kennedy's eulogy

Happy birthday William Friedkin

One of these days, we'll talk about the soundtrack for To Live and Die in LA

Then later we can discuss this

Happy birthday Michael Jackson

Happy birthday Joel Schumacher

First, he apologized for Batman and Robin

Second, he made some pretty good movies

Third, he made some REALLY good movies

And finally, he made St. Elmo's Fire... if only I could show Mare Winningham's PB&J speech

Happy birthday Me'Shell Ndgéocello

Big black nemesis

Rufus has joined the pack for a week. Which is fine, except Willy occasionally has issues. He's used to being the only 4-legged penis owner in the house (doesn't matter, Gracie is the queen bee).

Which made me think of the Shriekback song "Nemesis."

Priests and cannibals, prehistoric animals
Everybody happy as the dead come home
Big black nemesis, parthenogenesis
No-one move a muscle as the dead come home

I'm not on vacation... yet

You'll know when it happens. In the meantime, have some Loverboy.

Okay... so what's sex?

(h/t Broadsheet)

Apparently any idiot can be a parent.

Why is age-appropriate sex education so difficult for Americans? It seems to be as difficult to discuss as end-of-life (i.e., "death") stuff.

I think we need to create 2 new books: Everybody Fucks; and Everybody Dies. And everyone can read them.

Cause (nearly) everybody fucks.

And everybody dies... even more than fuck.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Right back atcha Pastor

“No where in the sermon did I advocate vigilantism. It’s a spiritual battle. I’d rather have him die of natural causes anyway, that way he’s not some martyr. I’m praying for him to die just so he gets what he deserves.”--Pastor Steven Anderson

This is Hatey McChrist on how, while he's advocating the death of Obama, it really shouldn't be construed as bad. He's hating in the way Christ wants!

Flashback: 46 years ago

(copied shamelessly from Bill in Exile)

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we’ve come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: “For Whites Only.” We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until “justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”¹

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest — quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”2

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

David is correct

Everyone WILL die someday. Just listen to the Flaming Lips, and you'll know it's true. Anyway, enjoy his letter:

Dear Friend.
As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.My name is David Benning, a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in carrying for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone not even myself but my business. Though I am a wealthy man, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focus on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.Now that God ! has called me, I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members and as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give arms to charity organizations and give succour and comfort
to the less priviledged in our societies, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization and to the less priviledged in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of($16,000,000.00)Sixteen million US dollars that I have with a Security Company in Europe for safe keeping. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and disburse it to some charity organizations and to the less priviledged. Please send me a mail to indicate if you will assist me in this disbursement. You will take 20% of the Sixteen million dollars for your time and assistance in realising this transaction. While I await to hear from you, may God be with you and your entire family.
Remain blessed.
David Benning

The office of adminissions thinks my name is Ronald

In demand job for Ronald: Medical Billing...
Office of Adminissions

I heart stupid

"I’ll be danged if I am going to give up my Social Security because of socialism,"--LeRoy Schaffer, a St. Francis MN city council member, at a Michelle Bachmann townhall

Dear Mr. Schaffer, your Social Security IS socialism. Now what? What will you do with it now that you know?!

Enjoy, comrade!

Kos on Baucus

Or "I like anyone who uses the word fuck in their columns"--here's the link, but I'm copying the whole thing below:

Do something about it, Max
by kos
Fri Aug 28, 2009 at 08:20:03 AM PDT

I get email spam from Max Baucus:

Dear Friends,

Yesterday was a sad day for our nation. We lost the greatest legislator in modern American history. Ted Kennedy epitomized everything that it meant to be a public servant as he truly served the public.

No matter your income, your race, your ethnicity, your religion, your location, or your occupation, you had a champion in Ted Kennedy. Whether it was fighting for civil rights, workers rights, education for our children, or health care for every American, Ted would put everything he had into making people's lives better.

I had the pleasure of working with Ted for 30 years, and during that time I was continually amazed at his passion, his zeal, and his determination to do what is right. He was an inspiration to us all.

While he may no longer be with us, his spirit will live on as we advance the issues and causes that were so dear and important to him.

I know that you will all join me in keeping Senator Kennedy's family in our thoughts and prayers.

All the best,

Max Baucus

Who the fuck is "we"? What a fucking asshole. Baucus has spent the past several months working with Republicans to water down or even destroy the kind of health care reform that Kennedy spent his entire life trying to enact. Everything Max says about Kennedy is true, but he is nothing like Kennedy ever was. While Kennedy had his constituents and the American people's best interests in mind, Baucus is far more interested in keeping his lobbyist pals happy.

If Baucus actually gave a shit about the causes that were so dear and important to Kennedy, he would quit his sham and opaque bad-faith "negotiations" with Republicans on his committee, and sign on to a robust public plan.

Feed me those modalities!



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Quote of the day

"Hall & Oates owns the 80's."--Nick K, age 26

Flashback song: "Harden My Heart"

We've been talking about "first concerts" this week, as a coworker who is a little older than me (so, middle aged + 3 years) has never been. Trying to figure out the best way to ease him in (vs. taking him to Pearl Jam and just immersing him out-right).

Quarterflash was my first concert. 26 years ago or so. Crap.

Song of the day: "Honey in the Sun"

More new excellence from Camera Obscura. A little something for a late Summer sunny afternoon.

Forget torture, here's real news: haunted broom in Alabama!

"I don't have a camera. For what?"

Rachel Maddow on the F.A.C.E.S. of coal

You need to start about 1:10 into the clip (well, not really--everyone OUGHT to watch the intro that talks about how the US tortures when we really really shouldn't, because to ignore the problem makes things worse) to see Rachel's review of the brand new totally-grass roots organization that is supposed to help educate politicians about coal.

Totally grass roots.


Today's blogging sponsored by Valtrex

Happy birthday Jennifer Coolidge

I love that there's a clip listed at youtube of "the funny clip from Joey"--you know, the one funny clip.

Happy birthday LeAnn Rimes

You traded up girl!

Happy birthday Shania Twain

I came thisclose to posting a clip of Faith Hill. But it's not YOUR fault she copies everything you do. Just got divorced? Expect Faith to leave Tim any day now.

In a world where record sales get adjusted up or down based on my assessment of your talent and value to humanity, you'd still be a Platinum artist. So you get a holler on your birthday! Go girl!

Happy birthday Jack Black

You've given me hope that I, too, can become a romantic leading man. Thanks!

Happy birthday David Fincher

Sure, I could have used a cool clip from Fight Club or Seven or even Benji Buttons. This is Paula Abdul. He directed this too. Enjoy.

Happy birthday von Goethe

From Faust (one of my favorites, although I haven't read it in 25+ years and I seem to remember being surprised that when he visits the kid's grave, so clearly I missed something in it) to the inspiration for this brilliance from the 1960s: Bedazzled written by and starring Peter Cook, directed by Stanley Donen, starring Dudley Moore, and featuring Rachel Welch.

"In the words of Marcel Proust - and this applies to any woman in the world: If you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they're coming out with, 'til ten minutes past four in the morning... you're in."

If you haven't seen this original version, put it on your library list, or your Netflix queue. Don't bother with the (cough) remake.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What he said...

"I would submit that if indeed today's security lines move more swiftly than in the past, this is not a justification of TSA's silly rituals. Rather, we've simply gotten better at the routine. We have grown so accustomed to having our patience tested and our dignity eviscerated that we're quicker at assuming the position. I'm sorry, but this isn't a sign of progress, it's a sign of cowardice and capitulation."--Patrick Smith, author of Ask the Pilot

This week's column (here) asks the question "are passengers safe from terrorists" and looks at the Transportation Safety Administration. You know, the mouth breathers who make us remove our shoes in airports, to keep the world safe from, um.... what was it again?

Underappreciated: Toni Tennille

Yes, bitches, Toni Tennille.

I'm not planning to make a week-long celebration, but I am here to celebrate nonetheless.

Captain & Tennille came up at work. We've been sharing youtube clips and laughing at the 70s outfits. But you know what, listen to that voice. She's got some pipes.

And look at the biography, and you might be impressed too. She sang on Pink Floyd's The Wall. She sang on several of Elton John's late 70s albums (including "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me"). Read the bio here.

The girl can sing.

And she rocks the keyboards. Dunno what the Captain is bringing to the table the way she plays (or she fakes it nicely).

Now I can totally allow derision for her writing "Muskrat Love" but otherwise, here's to you Toni! A few interesting videos below, including a duet with Teddy Pendergrass and clips from her run in Victor/Victoria!

And if you find yourself in Prescott AZ this very weekend, you can see her live. Her only appearance this year! Go! Report!

Glenn Beck=Obi Wan?!

"I will find another way to get this message out, on a platform that will be a thousand times more powerful."--Glenn Beck

"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."--Obi Wan Kenobi

Pretty picture, no bitching

A 360-degree view from the top of Mt. Whitney in California. The stone structure at the peak—the highest point in the coterminous U.S. (the correct way of referring to the lower 48)—was built a hundred years ago today. (h/t Gawker)

God's law includes stoning women and slavery... when does that start?

"I believe that every homosexual in the world is a deviant, is evil, and is a predator that is out to recruit others through molestation, through rape. It's in the news...I would keep my kids away from them. They're deviants. They're not normal. I am saying that [Barney Frank]'s perverted, and he's sick, and I would put him in the category of other homosexuals. Do I think that homosexuality should be against the law? Well, it's against God's law."--Pastor Stephen Anderson

We featured some fire and brimstone from Hatey McChristian 2 days ago (here). He prays for Obama to die and go to Hell. Which is awesome!

Here is a reminder of other things that are against God's law: shell fish; wearing 2 different fabrics; women in positions of authority over men; children cursing their parents (they are to be killed); and of course, mixing dairy with meat.

He's all about Leviticus in his condemnation of the gays. So I'll give you the quick and dirty recap of Lv, per the wonderful Skeptics Annotated Bible (here):

Leviticus for Skeptics

I wouldn't read Leviticus if I were you. No one else does.

Instead, I'll summarize it for you: Get an animal, kill it, sprinkle the blood around, cut the dead animal into pieces, and burn it for a "sweet savor unto the Lord."

Here are the gory details:

* Moses puts blood on Aaron's right ear, thumb, and big toe. 8:23-24

* God kills Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire before the Lord." 10:1-2

* Hares are unclean since they chew the cud. 11:6

* Bats are just unclean birds. 11:13,19

* Four-legged birds are an abomination to God. 11:20

* Insects have four legs. 11:21, 23

* Baby girls are twice as dirty as baby boys. 12:1-8

* God's cure for leprosy. 14:2-32

* What to do if "he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean." 15:8

* What to do "if any man's seed of copulation go out from him." 15:16-18

* Menstruating women are unclean to God. 15:19-30

* God's law for wet dreams. 15:16-17, 32

* Uncovering the nakedness of your mother, father, aunts, uncles, etc. 18:8-18

* Don't look at any naked menstruating women. 18:19

* Homosexuality is an abomination to God. 18:22

* Don't have sex with animals. 18:23

* Don't mix seeds when sowing a field or wear a garment with mixed fibers. 19:19

* If you have sex with a slave woman, you must then scourge her. 19:20

* Don't round the corners of your head or mar the corners of your beard. 19:27

* Children who curse their parents, adulterers, and homosexuals must be killed. 20:9-12

* Woman with "familiar spirits" must be stoned to death. 20:27

* The unchaste daughters of priests must be burnt to death. 21:9

* Handicapped people must not approach the altar. 21:16-23

* Cursers and blasphemers must be stoned to death. 24:16, 24

* God's instructions for buying slaves. 25:45-46

* "Ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it." 26:16

* God will "send wild beasts among you, which shall rob your of your children." 26:22

* "And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." 26:29

* God places a dollar value on human life; with women worth less than men. 27:3-7

Are you following all that?

Fuck I am in trouble.

Anyway, go with God's hate, and kill kill kill. And don't forget the blood.

Put your money where your mouth is

"We don't have to have a rule for everybody to do the right thing. We ought to just do the right thing because it's the right thing to do and we don't have to have a law that punishes us if we don't."--Gov. Gary Herbert, Utah, explaining why gays don't need not stinking protections in Utah

So let's put that to the test, and stop protections for religious discrimination so we can start firing Mormons. Seriously, we don't need a law for that, right?

We'll just do that "right thing" thing.

I was going to make a joke about murder and tell him I'm on my way, but something tells me my jokes invoking violence via satire are pushing it too much.

It's all peaceful until someone gets arrested for kissing someone of the same sex on Mormon property.

Or gets killed for being gay or trans.

Or gets their face bashed in for being gay (or perceived as gay).

Or gets a concussion when the police raid your gay bar because people might be drinking.

Wait, where was I? Weren't things getting better?

The infomercial stopper!

Pure silly fun, starring friend of a friend Matt McCarthy, from FIOS and OfficeMax ads.

I can quickly solve the adoption dispute in Florida

An attorney for the state of Florida defended the strict ban on adoption by gays in appeals court on Wednesday by arguing that gay people in general exhibit higher rates of domestic violence, psychiatric disorders, and breakups, reports the Daily Business Review (here).

Okay, so the state of Florida should only let single people adopt kids.

No domestic violence.

No breakups.

And probably a lower level of psychiatric disorders, because most of the folks I know in "relationships" are fucking crazy. But the singles who are happy being single... we're all sane.

You're welcome Florida!

Big hugs to CiCi Bloom (Charlie Crist's drag name).

Luckily I don't care about WSJ

But if you do, this Gawker article (here) is worth reading.

The Wall Street Journal is "pretty sure" that Mark Penn's PR firm will stop using its CEO's purportedly unbiased column as a business recruitment tool! Why are they "pretty sure?" Because Mark Penn said so! Fuck that published email evidence, anyhow! It was on a "blog," and "blogging" hasn't been a Microtrend for like two years.

Here's what this means for you, the reader of the WSJ: You should assume, when you read a Mark Penn column, that Burson-Marsteller will run to the leading companies in any industry mentioned in that column and set up meetings for them with Mark Penn, who will try to use that column as a tool to recruit them as PR clients. If you really want to be safe, intellectually, it only makes sense to also assume that Mark Penn may decide what to write his columns about based on the business needs of Burson-Marsteller—which are, after all, his primary responsibility.

Sarah Palin wants you to watch

"FOX News' Glenn Beck is doing an extraordinary job this week walking America behind the scenes of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and outlining who is actually running the White House.

Monday night he asked us to invite one friend to watch; tonight I invite all my friends to watch."--Sarah Palin (on her Facebook page)

I will make a few simple requests:

1. If you are a fan of Glenn or a fan or Sarah, please please please start or keep watching. And get him some new advertisers. Not like those pussy companies that pulled out.

2. If you are a fan of Glenn or Sarah, please please please stop watching, listening to, or (tee hee) reading any OTHER resource for news. You don't need it. Even Hannity is too liberal. Glenn 24/7 for your news and information. He's 100% accurate.

3. If Glenn cries for 3 days straight, demand from your state's governor that your state secede from the USA. Demand it! Take a gun with you (as is your right) to help underscore your point. Take 2 in fact. You won't look crazy, you'll look sane in a crazy world!

4. Know that, deep down, Glenn knows what's going on in the White House in the same way I know what's going on in the University of Tennessee football team's locker room: magic insight! So when I give you SEC football predictions, listen. Just, you know, leave your guns at home.

On Tom Ridge coming clean about terror alerts

Interesting column (here):

"Under oath to a Senate committee, Condi Rice told a barefaced whopper about the Aug. 6, 2001, CIA terrorism briefing that Bush blew off. Media insiders pretended not to notice. Bush made a slapstick skit of searching under his Oval Office desk for Iraqi WMDs. The press laughed on cue. He claimed that Saddam Hussein forced him to invade Iraq by expelling U.N. arms inspectors. (In reality, Bush made them leave.) Pundits praised his charm."--Gene Lyons

Song of the day: "Going Through Changes"

A little R&B from Ledisi.

Quote of the day

“We know the future will outlast all of us, but I believe that all of us will live on in the future we make.... I have lived a blessed time."--Ted Kennedy

Flashback song: "When U Were Mine"

The primary version (because FUCK PRINCE) by Cyndi Lauper, released back in 1983 (but here's a live version from last year because the 26 year old version was shitty, sorry):

And a recent cover by Tegan and Sara (try to get through the talky talky shit):

Extract (the movie) hit with the 10-year difference rule?


Jason Bateman is 40, Mila Kunis is 26.

However, Bateman is married (in the movie) to Kristen Wiig, who is 36. So if Bateman just lusts after Kunis, we're good.
Which is my hope. Not that he lusts after Kunis, but that my principle won't prevent me from seeing a Mike Judge movie.

Cause I like his shit.

Metaphorical shit. Not actual shit.

Of which I have no actual experience.

You know what, let me wrap on this one.

Happy birthday Lyndon Johnson

Happy birthday Peter Stormare

Happy birthday Tuesday Weld

Happy birthday Sarah Chalke

Happy birthday Tom Ford

Happy birthday Pee Wee Herman/Paul Reubens

Happy birthday The Captain/Daryl Dragon

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

How many Czars?

Lots of angst about Czars in the Obama Administration today. Angst angst ANGST! Glenn Beck is going fucking crazy about it.

Well, Glenn Beck is fucking crazy. And today he's talking about Czars. Tomorrow: the Applebee's menu has too much chicken and not enough shrimp.

Anyway, I thought it was worth seeing just how many Czars we had in the 8 fabulous years of the Bush Administration. Since I don't recall Beck, or Hannity, or Rush complaining.

Care to take a guess?

6? 7? 8?


9 or 10?


The dirty dozen. This is the list of Czars during the Bush Administration:

Drug Czar
Cybersecurity Czar
Regulatory Czar
Faith-based Czar
Manufacturing Czar
Katrina Czar
Bird Flu Czar
Intelligence Czar
Copyright Czar
War Czar

So if you see Glenn Beck, and he's on the edge of tears, please take him to Applebee's. I'm hoping that pushes him over the edge.

Mo Rocca's letter to Kim Jong-il

Mo takes Kim to task for skipping his effeminate son when naming his successor. Taken from Out magazine (here), so read the whole thing:

And give me a break: It’s a dynasty. The very idea of a dynasty is super gay. And, may I ask, which of your three sons was interested enough in Alexis and Crystal to watch Dynasty on pirated cable? Does he get nothing for this?

Things change, kids grow

On the left, Gracie as a tiny dot compared to Willy. On the right, Gracie crushing Willy.

Kids: turn around and they get big.

More from the Terminator

More on Kathyn, or as I lovingly call her, the REAL Terminator... impossible to kill! And she's sooo freaking up-beat. Sheesh.

AIDS Walk Portland (AWP) relies on the dedication of volunteers and supporters to ensure our continued success. Meet one of our most dedicated advocates Kathyn Vaughan. As the top individual fundraiser last year, Kathyn agreed to share her story as well as tips on how she effectively raises money.

Kathyn Vaughan, originally from Coos Bay, Oregon, has lived in Portland on and off for the last twenty-five years. With a consistently upbeat and positive attitude, you would never know the struggles she has faced. In 1987, Kathyn was diagnosed as HIV-positive. However, she found support in her network of friends, family and employer Azumano Travel. “My friends are key to my success and my boss (Sho Dozono, who is also on CAP's Advisory Board) has been like my cheerleader.” In addition to being HIV-positive, Kathyn has battled cancer. Despite her medical conditions, Kathyn maintains her cheerful demeanor. “You take the bitter with the sweet… you can’t live life dwelling in the negative.”

Kaythn says that she has had success with raising money for AIDS Walk Portland because she shares her personal story along with pictures and an update on how she’s doing every year. “I used to send letters, but now I send emails to everyone I know and try to expand my network each year.” She suggests that others should also use emails to reach as many people as possible.

On September 27th, Kathyn will celebrate her 50th birthday in New York City, a long anticipated trip and her prize for being the top fundraiser last year. She raised $6,000! Kathyn summed up her reason for being such an avid fundraiser by saying, “I support Cascade AIDS Project because they help people who don’t have the support system like I do.”

She's raising money for AIDS Walk in October. Every little bit helps. Just click this link, and give a few bucks.

The babies in a logo!

Willy (2nd on bottom row) and Gracie (4th on bottom row).

Let the lucrative modeling contracts commence!

Also if you live in the Denver area and need your dogs lovingly attended, call Lisa.

Dumbass quote of the day

"I've never seen any facts."--Utah State Senator Chris Buttars

According to Chris, no gay person has ever been discriminated against based on sexual orientation. Certainly not in fucking-retard filled Utah. Ever.



You go Chris! You can be Michelle Bachmann's running mate!


Song of the day: "Cannibal Resource"

By Dirty Projectors. Does anyone else hear a little Paul McCartney in there?

Happy birthday Barbet Schroeder

Happy birthday Shirley Manson

(Note to Butch, Steve and Duke--get her ass back to the studio please. I don't care about her solo or her acting.)

Happy birthday Valerie Simpson

It kills me that peeps don't know the legacy of Ashford & Simpson. Go educate here. The next time they are nominated for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, the appropriate response is "damn right!" not "who?"

Happy birthday Christopher Isherwood

His writings about Berlin "between the wars" are the foundation for Cabaret... now you know.

Happy birthday Chris Pine

RIP Ted Kennedy

Happy birthday Mother Teresa

It is sad that I'll probably spend equal amounts of time honoring Mother T and Chris Pine. And Ted Kennedy. Sigh.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The rest of you bitches just quit trying

Billboard has named Beyonce its woman of the year for 2009.

I know, there's a good 4+ months left. Tough shit, Whitney. Kelly. Taylor. Chaka. Patti. Jennifer.

Beyonce will be on hand to accept her award at the Oct. 2 event in New York City. It's been yet another big year for the entertainer. She had the smash hit "Single Ladies," sang at President Obama's inauguration, had a No. 1 movie with "Obsessed" and embarked on an arena tour.

It's so nice that people are starting to notice Beyonce. I was starting to worry.

5 myths about health care around the world

(h/t Bill in Exile)

I'm just reprinting the whole thing from the Washington Post (here):

5 Myths About Health Care Around the World

By T.R. Reid
Sunday, August 23, 2009

As Americans search for the cure to what ails our health-care system, we've overlooked an invaluable source of ideas and solutions: the rest of the world. All the other industrialized democracies have faced problems like ours, yet they've found ways to cover everybody -- and still spend far less than we do.

I've traveled the world from Oslo to Osaka to see how other developed democracies provide health care. Instead of dismissing these models as "socialist," we could adapt their solutions to fix our problems. To do that, we first have to dispel a few myths about health care abroad:

1. It's all socialized medicine out there.

Not so. Some countries, such as Britain, New Zealand and Cuba, do provide health care in government hospitals, with the government paying the bills. Others -- for instance, Canada and Taiwan -- rely on private-sector providers, paid for by government-run insurance. But many wealthy countries -- including Germany, the Netherlands, Japan and Switzerland -- provide universal coverage using private doctors, private hospitals and private insurance plans.

In some ways, health care is less "socialized" overseas than in the United States. Almost all Americans sign up for government insurance (Medicare) at age 65. In Germany, Switzerland and the Netherlands, seniors stick with private insurance plans for life. Meanwhile, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs is one of the planet's purest examples of government-run health care.

2. Overseas, care is rationed through limited choices or long lines.

Generally, no. Germans can sign up for any of the nation's 200 private health insurance plans -- a broader choice than any American has. If a German doesn't like her insurance company, she can switch to another, with no increase in premium. The Swiss, too, can choose any insurance plan in the country.

In France and Japan, you don't get a choice of insurance provider; you have to use the one designated for your company or your industry. But patients can go to any doctor, any hospital, any traditional healer. There are no U.S.-style limits such as "in-network" lists of doctors or "pre-authorization" for surgery. You pick any doctor, you get treatment -- and insurance has to pay.

Canadians have their choice of providers. In Austria and Germany, if a doctor diagnoses a person as "stressed," medical insurance pays for weekends at a health spa.

As for those notorious waiting lists, some countries are indeed plagued by them. Canada makes patients wait weeks or months for nonemergency care, as a way to keep costs down. But studies by the Commonwealth Fund and others report that many nations -- Germany, Britain, Austria -- outperform the United States on measures such as waiting times for appointments and for elective surgeries.

In Japan, waiting times are so short that most patients don't bother to make an appointment. One Thursday morning in Tokyo, I called the prestigious orthopedic clinic at Keio University Hospital to schedule a consultation about my aching shoulder. "Why don't you just drop by?" the receptionist said. That same afternoon, I was in the surgeon's office. Dr. Nakamichi recommended an operation. "When could we do it?" I asked. The doctor checked his computer and said, "Tomorrow would be pretty difficult. Perhaps some day next week?"

3. Foreign health-care systems are inefficient, bloated bureaucracies.

Much less so than here. It may seem to Americans that U.S.-style free enterprise -- private-sector, for-profit health insurance -- is naturally the most cost-effective way to pay for health care. But in fact, all the other payment systems are more efficient than ours.

U.S. health insurance companies have the highest administrative costs in the world; they spend roughly 20 cents of every dollar for nonmedical costs, such as paperwork, reviewing claims and marketing. France's health insurance industry, in contrast, covers everybody and spends about 4 percent on administration. Canada's universal insurance system, run by government bureaucrats, spends 6 percent on administration. In Taiwan, a leaner version of the Canadian model has administrative costs of 1.5 percent; one year, this figure ballooned to 2 percent, and the opposition parties savaged the government for wasting money.

The world champion at controlling medical costs is Japan, even though its aging population is a profligate consumer of medical care. On average, the Japanese go to the doctor 15 times a year, three times the U.S. rate. They have twice as many MRI scans and X-rays. Quality is high; life expectancy and recovery rates for major diseases are better than in the United States. And yet Japan spends about $3,400 per person annually on health care; the United States spends more than $7,000.

4. Cost controls stifle innovation.

False. The United States is home to groundbreaking medical research, but so are other countries with much lower cost structures. Any American who's had a hip or knee replacement is standing on French innovation. Deep-brain stimulation to treat depression is a Canadian breakthrough. Many of the wonder drugs promoted endlessly on American television, including Viagra, come from British, Swiss or Japanese labs.

Overseas, strict cost controls actually drive innovation. In the United States, an MRI scan of the neck region costs about $1,500. In Japan, the identical scan costs $98. Under the pressure of cost controls, Japanese researchers found ways to perform the same diagnostic technique for one-fifteenth the American price. (And Japanese labs still make a profit.)

5. Health insurance has to be cruel.

Not really. American health insurance companies routinely reject applicants with a "preexisting condition" -- precisely the people most likely to need the insurers' service. They employ armies of adjusters to deny claims. If a customer is hit by a truck and faces big medical bills, the insurer's "rescission department" digs through the records looking for grounds to cancel the policy, often while the victim is still in the hospital. The companies say they have to do this stuff to survive in a tough business.

Foreign health insurance companies, in contrast, must accept all applicants, and they can't cancel as long as you pay your premiums. The plans are required to pay any claim submitted by a doctor or hospital (or health spa), usually within tight time limits. The big Swiss insurer Groupe Mutuel promises to pay all claims within five days. "Our customers love it," the group's chief executive told me. The corollary is that everyone is mandated to buy insurance, to give the plans an adequate pool of rate-payers.

The key difference is that foreign health insurance plans exist only to pay people's medical bills, not to make a profit. The United States is the only developed country that lets insurance companies profit from basic health coverage.

In many ways, foreign health-care models are not really "foreign" to America, because our crazy-quilt health-care system uses elements of all of them. For Native Americans or veterans, we're Britain: The government provides health care, funding it through general taxes, and patients get no bills. For people who get insurance through their jobs, we're Germany: Premiums are split between workers and employers, and private insurance plans pay private doctors and hospitals. For people over 65, we're Canada: Everyone pays premiums for an insurance plan run by the government, and the public plan pays private doctors and hospitals according to a set fee schedule. And for the tens of millions without insurance coverage, we're Burundi or Burma: In the world's poor nations, sick people pay out of pocket for medical care; those who can't pay stay sick or die.

This fragmentation is another reason that we spend more than anybody else and still leave millions without coverage. All the other developed countries have settled on one model for health-care delivery and finance; we've blended them all into a costly, confusing bureaucratic mess.

Which, in turn, punctures the most persistent myth of all: that America has "the finest health care" in the world. We don't. In terms of results, almost all advanced countries have better national health statistics than the United States does. In terms of finance, we force 700,000 Americans into bankruptcy each year because of medical bills. In France, the number of medical bankruptcies is zero. Britain: zero. Japan: zero. Germany: zero.

Given our remarkable medical assets -- the best-educated doctors and nurses, the most advanced hospitals, world-class research -- the United States could be, and should be, the best in the world. To get there, though, we have to be willing to learn some lessons about health-care administration from the other industrialized democracies.

T.R. Reid, a former Washington Post reporter, is the author of "The Healing of America: A Global Quest for Better, Cheaper, and Fairer Health Care," to be published Monday.

Yeah, this totally makes sense

Robotic Immediate Calculation Humanoid

Get Your Cyborg Name


VH1 cancels reality shows with dead murder suspect

How will we ever find out if Megan gets a millionaire?! We know she wants one, but... help!

And if you cancel I Love Money 3, will the next one be I Love Money 4? 3.5? I'm so confused.

Damn VH1, you are fucking teases!

This makes me all tingly! has a headline "Impeachment for Mark Sanford?" (here).

It could be better, since it could read "Impeacment for Mark Sanford!"

Or "Mark Sanford Disappears Again to Buenos Aires, Saying 'Fuck Y'all'".

But I'll take what I can get.

I almost bought this on a t-shirt

But I realized it's free for me to post it here.

"I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and The Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help The Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children."--Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Upton

In response to "Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Who did Jesus teach YOU to hate?

Pastor Stephen Anderson is not praying for the country to be saved; he's praying for Obama to die and go to hell.

Now THAT'S Christ's love if ever I've heard it.

So as you can clearly see, Obama wants to kill my Nana

I'm just not sure which step it is...

Flashback song: "If I Didn't Love You"

Squeeze, 1980. Pure pop genius.

Song of the day: "Bull Black Nova"

New from Wilco.

The view from my morning commute (August rain)

Gray and rainy, predicted high of 72.

In August.


The 10-year difference rule meets the new Fall schedule

Take 1: The Good Wife

Chris Noth, 11/13/54
Julianna Margulies, 6/8/66

Putting aside the whole "I'm soooo glad Julianna got out of series TV" cynicism (she turned down a record salary to continue on e.r. several seasons ago, because feature films were beckoning, and if you can name one aside from the ghost ship movie, I will give you a cookie at some point)--this is her 3rd or 4th come-back attempt. I'm just going to use their 12-year difference in age to suggest some alternatives. Since I'm not sure which is the bigger draw, I'll offer replacements for both.

For him (actresses who are a little older):
Amanda Bearse, 8/9/58
Kirstie Alley, 1/12/51
Maureen McCormick (Marsha Brady bitches), 8/5/56
Jennifer Beals, 12/19/63
Diana Canova, 6/1/53
Dinah Manoff, 1/25/58--THAT'S the show I want to see!
Park Overall, 3/15/57

For her (actors who are a little younger):
Matthew Modine, 3/22/59
Eric Stoltz, 9/30/61
Eric McCormack, 4/18/63
Gil Bellows, 6/28/67
James LeGros, 4/27/62
John Cusack, 6/28/66 (let's get serious about the quality of his acting--it's time for TV)
Emilio Estevez, 5/12/62 (let's get him away from directing)

Okay, comment away...

I didn't even know I knew someone in Paraguay

Turns out, I do. And I'll let HIM tell the story...

Dear Friend,

I'm sure that this is letter that's bound to take surprise,first of all,i wish to thank God who has greated us this opportunity to getting those funds transferred under the co-operation of a new partner from paraguay.

Presently i'm in Paraguay for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. meanwhile,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.

Now contact my secretary,his name is MR.ATANDA WILLIAMS on EMAIL ADRESS( and ask him to send you the total of $1.800,000.00 efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter.

I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get in touched with my secretary and instruct him where to send the amount to you.

Please do let me know immediately you receive it,finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the secretary on your behalf to receive that money,so get in touch with MR.ATANDA WILLIAMS, he will send the amount to you without any delay.

Barr.Daniel Walker.

Happy birthday Tim Burton

Happy birthday Tom Skerritt

Happy birthday Elvis Costello

Or should I say Declan MacManus, international art thief...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Great moments in print journalism

(h/t to Eric)

From the LA Times (here):

For the record

August 21, 2009
TV listings: The Prime-Time TV grid in Thursday's Calendar section mistakenly listed MTV's "Jackass" show on the MSNBC cable schedule at 7 and 10 p.m. where instead MSNBC's "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" should have been listed.

Why women need healthcare reform

If you're a woman, or if you care about someone who is, this article is worth a quick read.

When you consider the actual geography

This doesn't seem quite so ominous.

"Data from the Justice Department and the DEA data suggest the method could only be in its early stages, and 'shake-and-bake' labs have recently been discovered as far north as Indiana and as far east as West Virginia."--AP article on methamphetamine production

Indiana to West Virginia isn't that big an area. Basically the article (here) says the problem runs across Kentucky. Okay.

Someone's getting a bath

First Willy.

Then me.

Then the bathroom floor.

There goes your morning/afternoon/evening/sleep

Many of you are comfortable with balls flying at you, so this should be easy. It's the highly addictive Must Pop Words. Play it here.

This is what an actual Terminator would look like

This is Kathyn.

She's about to turn 50.

She's been HIV+ since 1987 (seriously, 22 fucking years).

She's just beaten Hodgkin's lymphoma.

And you know what, she is NOT a drama queen. Me, I'd be all "woe is me" and "someone bring me more ice cream, I'm tired."

Not her. She's raising money for AIDS Walk in October. And you, you're gonna donate. Every little bit helps. Just click this link, and give a few bucks.

That will keep this Terminator from destroying you when SkyNet takes over. You'll be glad you did.

An open letter to Max Baucus

Dear Max,

How much $ would your constituents have to give you to get you to vote in their best interests, and not in the interests of your health care company big money donors?

We know what you are, we just need to understand the price.

Big hugs,
Bitchy Rich

Quote of the day

I love the inter-web. So much snark. And not all of it mine.

"...Palin is to politics what Dr. Nick Riviera is to medicine, the cheerful lack of self-awareness is hardly surprising."--Lawyers, Guns & Money

Full article here.

Fuck off Shelly Ryan

And take your "turbo cash generator" with you.

This bitch has followed me on Twitter 3 times now. It's like she's stalking me.

Great new Young Fresh Fellows track, free at Amazon

Download it here.

No one has it on youtube, so I can't make it a song of the day yet. But it's free. Download it. You can afford free.

And it's great!

I am confused

(h/t to Kassie for this, um, clip)

For no reason at all, clips from Battlefield Earth

You're welcome.

A question about the show Bridezillas

Do women go on the show, willingly, knowing the show is called Bridezillas?

Or is it like Cops, and they're just caught in the act of being a Bridezilla?

Impressive "un-paving" story

A fantastic story of one family's transformation of a 4-car driveway into an urban garden (here).

Something to think about as I go into a 2-week vacation with no particular plans.

Sad and vague and sad

These forms are used to evaluate dogs by the city of Denver.

If a dog is deemed a Pitbull, it's put on death row until its owners can bail it out on the condition that it is removed from the city.

Or until it's killed.

The forms are pathetically vague (I'd get my ass kicked by my "quality assurance" person for "short," "medium" and "long" without some actual inches for reference--maybe my medium is your long). And one wonders what the "other" responses have been.

The good news (cough) is that the forms are really irrelevant. During testimony, animal control officers admitted they have no idea what combination of answers are supposed to qualify as a Pitbull. If they decide your dog is a Pitbull, it is.

And that's how I ended up saving 2 dogs from Denver. Forms below.

Song of the day: "One Month Off"

My vacation is within reach. Hooray.

Bloc Party from late last year.

Happy birthday Steven Guttenberg

Who made you a star?

Happy birthday Dave Chappelle

Happy birthday David Koechner

Happy birthday Anne Archer

Happy birthday Stephen Fry

Shut up, Arlen Specter

Nothing else.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dinner with friends

Went to Geoff and Carrie's new place for dinner. Beautiful house, in a wooded part of Portland, near Tryon Creek State Park. Check out the critter in the back yard (just to the left of center).

Took Erin's watermelon/mint/feta thing that is impossibly easy and impresses. Hooray for easy. Lime juice is the only thing that's not clearly part of the name. So now you know.