Saturday, August 1, 2009

I don't think I'm obsessed with Sarah Palin's faux pregnancy

Or, as she call it, her "pregnancy" with Trig. But others may see if differently. (They can be wrong. They usually are.)

But I did enjoy this flow chart (found here).

The crazy lady demanding Obama's birth certificate is a liar

She claims to have a birth certificate "from the United States of America."

But she doesn't.

The United States of America doesn't issue birth certificates. Seriously, try to get one.

They will direct you to the state in which you were born.

And with at least 2 dozen different states (I've lost count--how many Virginias again?), that means many different looking birth certificates (they're like drivers licenses, or snow flakes). So just cause hers doesn't look like his, doesn't make his not real.

Watch her false claim here.

The Palins are, or are not, divorcing at this time

I do so love the circus. Many articles explicitly confirming/denying are here.

Quote of the day

"If Sarah Palin looked like Golda Meir, would we even be talking about her today?"--GOP strategist Mike Murphy

2 thoughts on the phrase "banana eating jungle monkey"

Officer Justin Barret of the Boston Police Department used the phrase "banana eating jungle monkey" to describe Prof. Louis Henry Gates in a mass email he sent. He claims it wasn't meant in a racist way, which begs the question "how in the fuck else could you have meant it?"

So my 2 thoughts:

1. I believe all monkeys come from the jungle and all monkeys eat bananas. So really, your insult is doubly redundant (and as my friend Lisa would add "and repetitive"). Please work on that.

2. It wasn't meant in a racist manner. Nigger please, take that shit somewhere else.

Song of the day: "Lessons Learned"

By Matt and Kim.

Happy birthday Sam Mendes

Congratulation (sic)

Blessing To You And Your Family.

We the management and staff of Chevron(Overseas) Oil Company have your
email address as a winner in our celebration email ballotting promotion
and have deposited a certified Bank draft of $1.5 united state Dollars,
with the DHL Courier Company for collection,
Contact Person: Mr. billy brown
Email Address
Telephone: +2348074119754
You are to fill this form so that there will be no mistake in dispacth period
1.Full Names:..................
3.Date of Birth:...............
4.Marital status:..............

Note:you will be responsible for the payment of delivery charges of$160usd.

Yours Faithfully
Mr.billy brown

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Money from Benin!

Dear Friend;

indicating this code (011887) to western union money transfer,The Board of Federal Ministry of Finance Benin Republic are here to notify youof your payment inherited funds of (US$2.5 Million USD After the meeting held on 29th of July 2009. His Excellence the PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN Has instructed this Department to send your funds to you through western union money transfer for easier receive of your inherited funds without any further delay.

You are required to send your name and address to our Payment Officer where you want your fund to be send through Western Union. The maximum amount you will be receiving per a day is ($6,500),as soon as they confirmed your information as listed bellow, you be advise to contact our payment officer with your full information listed bellow

Receiver name-----------------
Test question--------------------

Mr. Ben Patrick Johnson
Tel :+229- 93457162

Mr. Festus William

Flashback song: "The Good Life"

It's been one of those weeks. Super busy at work, high temperatures in the 100's (in fucking Portland, OR--we had 10+ days of snow last Winter, so can you cut me a break on one end of the extremes?), and just regular grumpy.

So when I heard this Weezer song, and I found myself, briefly, happy, I thought I'd post it. It's from 1996.

Local news story of the day (non-weather related)

It starts with this:

"A 24-year-old woman called police Saturday, to say she was being harassed by her neighbors for having sex with a 13-year-old boy she met in downtown Albany, detectives said."

It's all here.

Look at me, I've got a sign

So here's the thing: it's hot, I'm grumpy, and for fuck sake, can you not see the 18,000 OTHER people with signs who want my money? Why don't you ask them for money instead of me. You'll probably get the same response.

What's difference between Obama's birth certificate and God?

A lot.

But it seems like if you refuse to believe in one until you've seen it, you might want to reconsider your belief in the other. Especially since Obama's birth certificate has a lot of corroborating evidence.

While God has spokesmen like Fred Phelps and Ted Haggard.


One of the many funny ecards at someecards.

And stay off my lawn!

From a new Pew Research report (details here):

"...yesterday's long-haired slackers causing social unrest -- are today the most likely of any age group to describe today's youth as spoiled, materialistic and driven by instant gratification."

(Note to Pew: those weren't "slackers"--that's MY generation, the group that came after... they were the yuppies, and they worked hard for their cocaine and BMWs, and they're mad at their kids, the Courtneys and Brandons they had in their late 30s and overcompensated their choice to focus on career by buying them as much shit as they could that made the kids materialistic... or I could be wrong and it's the Internet's fault.)

Oooh, I like the potential here

Diane Keaton + Marti Noxon (a writer/producer for Buffy the Vampire Slayer) + HBO

(yes, I read it) reports:

Diane Keaton is venturing into series television with a half-hour comedy at HBO.

Written by Marti Noxon, the untitled project stars the Oscar winner as a feminist icon who attempts to reignite the movement by starting a sexually explicit magazine for women.

HBO develops really fantastic shows, so here's hoping it lives up to its potential. Which reminds me I need to catch up on Nurse Jackie (which is Showtime, I know, but it's great).

Eric Cantor's whine du jour

Today's complaint from little Eric (R-VA) is that Barry (notborninamericasecretlymuslim) Obama is amassing too much power in the White House. From a philosophical integrity perspective it should be noted that Eric Cantor was also upset when George W. Bush did this.

No wait, no he wasn't.

He helped.

Someone wrote an Op-Ed piece for him to take credit for, that appears in today's Washington Post here. I think they left off the beginning which is something like "Dear Hello Kitty Diary, I am soooo mad!..."

So You Think You Can Douche

From the Daily Show:
So You Think You Can Douche
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJoke of the Day

Song of the day: "The Sun"

Portugal. The Man.

(Originally from Wasilla, AK, now from Portland, OR... damn Alaskans always moving here, taking my parking spaces.)

Happy birthday Arnold Schwarzenegger

Governor of California... good for you.

Happy birthday Hillery Swank

Two best actress Oscars and not even 40... good for you.

Happy birthday Christopher Nolan

Happy birthday Lisa Kudrow

Happy birthday Laurence Fishburne

Happy birthday Delta Burke

Happy birthday Kate Bush

Happy birthday Paul Anka

Pay no attention to the ickiness of the fact that he's singing a love song with his daughter.

How to look more authentic in your eBay scam email

These are annoying, but I have to admit they're clever. But they could be MORE clever. How?

I like that they give themselves, not 100% positive feedback, but 99.8% positive feedback. It's sooo difficult to get 100% positive feedback on eBay, and avoiding that is a great start. But the number in parentheses after the fake user name (the "(8)") is the number of ratings they have. And every rating carries the same weight. Which means this person could only have 9 different % positive feedback: 0%, 12.5% 25%, 37.5%, 50%, 67.5%, 75%, 87.5%, or 100%. It's basic math, dumbass.

Second, do I ship to Texas? Everyone knows eBay is illegal in Texas under the Laws of Texas Secession and Emperor Rick Perry will have you killed if you try to use it. Grow a brain moran.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

They report, we decide

I guess that means the country of Iraq has changed its name to Egypt. That's gonna be confusing...

Another visit to Virginia Foxx's Planet Crazy!

When last we saw Rep. Foxx, she was telling us that all American's have access to healthcare.

Now she's telling us that the Democrats' plan for healthcare reform includes putting seniors to death. No really:

"[The Republican plan] will make sure we bring down the cost of healthcare for all Americans and that ensures affordable access for all Americans and is pro-life because it will not put seniors in a position of being put to death by their government."--Rep. Viginia Foxx (R-NC)

I think I saw this in a movie once. Logan's Run? Soylent Green? The Remains of the Day? (Wait, no, that's definitely not it.)

Flashback song: "Steady as the Rain"

Dolly Parton wrote this song for her sister Stella, who had a top 40 country hit with it back in 1979:

Dolly did a bluegrass version of it for her 37th studio album, 1999's The Grass is Blue (which I've been pushing on coworkers this week).

The Senate Finance Committee regulates lead paint

Reposted in its entirety from DailyKos here.

The Senate Finance Committee Regulates Lead Paint
by Hunter
Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 08:00:04 AM PDT

The time: somewhere in the past. The place: a stuffy office inside the Hill. The lead paint industry is in hot water because of all the problems associated with lead paint; there has been a huge public uproar. There's going to be legislation. Luckily, the lead paint industry has great lobbyists.

Senator: "Golly, Mr. Lobbyist, people are really pissed off with your lead-based paint. We're thinking we're going to have to regulate it to remove the lead, or at least reduce the amount of lead in it or something."

Lobbyist: "Well, you could do that... but that would interfere with the free market."

Senator: "Good point. Well, we're all about being fair to the marketplace here. What do you propose we do instead?"

Lobbyist: "Well, hmm. For starters, I think it should be a law that everyone must buy lead paint every year."

Senator: "Why, that's brilliant! Let's f---ing do it! Problem f---ing solved!"

Lobbyist: "And there's rumor that the government is going to start making paint without lead so people won't get poisoned so often. We don't think we could compete against that without it cutting into our profits, since everyone would want non-leaded paint instead, so you should ban it."

Senator: "Fantastic!"

Lobbyist: "Oh, and my friends in the paintbrush industry are alarmed that people might be getting their paintbrushes for half the usual price in other countries, so you should ban importing paintbrushes so that Americans have to pay the American price."

Senator: "Of course, consider it done! What a spectacular reform effort this will be, the public will love it! Anything else?"

Lobbyist: "Oh, I guess that does it for now. At least this way if we're going to have lead paint reform, it'll be done in a bipartisan way. If you need me, I'll be out back killing a hooker."

and... SCENE.


Song of the day: "Nobody"

From South Korean band Wonder Girls, a long distance dedication to Mark Bailey (not this particular song, btw, just the fact that I'm playing a band from South Korea). The song's in English, so there are probably points off for that. Sorry.

Happy birthday Martina McBride

Happy birthday Tim Gunn

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Flashback song: "Century Plant"

Part of the insane genius that went into the movie Camp, the 2003 movie about a summer theater camp for teens, was the ability to see a show tune in this Americana narrative song by Victoria Williams (no relation to Lucinda, yesterday's flashback).

In the context of the movie, kids at the camp find unpublished songs written by the washed up drunk playwright in charge at the camp. Played by Don Dixon. Don fucking Dixon. In a movie.

They should have let him sing.

Ah well.

So this version, Victoria's live version, will give you an idea of the original (followed by "Crazy Mary"):

And here's the version re-invented for Camp:

Shatner reads Palin

Song of the day: "Kalypso"

The last on the Mercury Prize short list is Sweet Billy Pilgrim. A 3-piece band from London, they record their music in a tool shed and mix it on a Mac laptop (I am not sure of which model). There's a lot going on musically--very layered. This is from Twice Born Men, their second full-length release.

The on-going quest for philosophical integrity

"Isn't it time to dismantle the metal detectors, send the guards at the doors away and allow Americans to exercise their Second Amendment rights by being free to carry their firearms into the nation's Capitol building?"-- EJ Dione

His editorial is here.

Colbert on Palin's departure

Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorMark Sanford

Worth watching.

Sarah Palin's final speech as Governor of Alaska

Here it is as a word cloud from

Okay, so she thinks that folks who oppose hunting wolves from airplanes oppose the 2nd Amendment. Which is like saying that Mothers Against Drunk Driving want to take your cars away.

She blames the media for making things up, but the list of flat out lies or half-truths from her is insanely long. How about this Sarah, YOU quit making shit up first. Let's try that. Oh, and where's YOUR "son's" birth certificate?! (I'm a big fan of )


Monday, July 27, 2009

Flashback song: "Perfect Day"

Here's the Lou Reed original from 1972:

And a sweet cover by the late great Kirsty MacCool, with help from Evan Dando, from 1995:

Quote of the day

"There are no Americans who don't have healthcare. Everybody in this country has access to healthcare."--Rep. Virginia Foxx (R, NC)

Now, I'm not a third-term Congressperson, but when I type the phrase "percent of Americans without health insurance" in a search engine (I use Google, but any one will work) my first hit includes a cite from the Census Bureau (2007) that says nearly 46 million (that's 46,000,000) Americans under the age of 65 (and presumably not covered by Medicaid) do not have health insurance.

This is the same woman who said that the idea that Matthew Shepard's murder was a hate crime was "a hoax." Foxx later offered what I call a non-pology to Shepard's mother.

A non-pology is when you say you're sorry if something you say or do offends someone... you're not sorry you did or said something, just if it was badly received.

Foxx sits on the House Committee on House Rules. And a sub-committee regarding the Organization of the House. That's it. Or no one likes her enough to update her Wikipedia entry (and if that's the case, she ought to mention the new committee assignments on her official web page). Her legislative record includes:

- introducing a bill to praise the American Christmas tree industry
- voting against the extension of the Voting Rights Act

She is proud that the National Journal rates her as the most conservative member of the North Carolina delegation. I have no idea what that really means, but she seems to think it's worth noting. Sounds to me like "craziest person in the facility" which I might be inclined to keep to myself.

Song of the day: "Squirrel Carnage"

You read that right. This is the next on the Mercury Prize short list--experimental jazz combo Led Bib. And mercifully, it's short. Like 90 seconds. With its "degree of difficulty" that puts it on par with The Invisible.

Happy birthday Norman Lear

Probably an insult to use this instead of a montage of your credits. But if people don't know, then my little blog isn't gonna solve the problem.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Too soon?

Flashback song: "Passionate Kisses"

Here's Lucinda Williams's original version:

And the cover by Mary Chapin Carpenter that won Lucinda a Grammy (for Country Song):

Song of the day: "The Underground MC"

The Invisible are the next band on the Mercury Prize short list. Don't know much about this except that it's not available in the US (except as an import).

It's not wowing me on first listen.

Happy birthday Helen Fucking MIrren

Happy birthday Blake Edwards

Happy birthday Kevin Spacey

Happy birthday Sandra Bullock

Happy birthday Mick Jagger