Friday, October 9, 2009

Today is National Prolife Cupcakes Day

And those fuckers are nowhere to be found. I walked all the way over to Office Depot to get a case for my iPhone and there wasn't a damn cupcake to be found on the streets of downtown Portland OR. I guess it's okay to have abortions here, since there are no cupcakes to deter them.

So in the post just below this, I copied a Feministing article about National Prolife Cupcakes Day since the official site was down. Well now it's back up. And I am a happy man. See the ideas page here.

In their "ideas for high school kids" section they offer these great suggestions:
Bring cupcakes to your homeroom or lunch table and hand them out. (Very nice.)

Then explain that for every two people in the room there is one person who was not allowed to have a birthday. (Wait, what the fuck? First, that sounds an awful lot like math. And there's no place for math in our schools... sadly. Second, what does that really mean? Assuming 30 students in a homeroom, does that mean 15 weren't allowed to have a birthday? So 15 in total? Or am I to generalize this to the population of my school district? My state? My country? The whole world ever and always? Help.)

Hand the cupcakes out with plastic baby fetus's, they normally come at the size of a 11 week baby which is the age and size of the average abortion. (Really the plural of fetus is fetuses, not the possessive fetus's... with plastic baby fetus's what?... you know what, if you're in school, why not pay attention in class and save the activism for later. Also where am I getting the plastic baby fetus? Is there a Depot for that too?)

Hand them the cupcakes and ask people if they would like to see what an abortion looks like. (Now it's a party!)

If they say yes show them a picture of an aborted baby. These can be downloaded and printed from the internet. Just put the word Abortion into google and hit "images" and you will see abortion in full color. Burn an image onto a C.D. and then take it to staples to be printed on photo paper. (Why can't I just print on my printer? Is this thing sponsored by Staples? Could I use a flash drive? And a single photo seems like an inefficient use of a CD... nevermind.)

The site has plenty of other ideas, including ideas for elementary school kids and for youth pastors. Me, I'll be passing on inviting my youth over to my house, as that's what got Mark Foley into so much trouble.

All kidding aside, no one likes abortion. Seriously. If you want to reduce the number of abortions, work to reduce the number of unplanned pregnancies. Maybe through teaching the realities of contraception and sex education. Many unplanned pregnancies lead to unwanted children and a cycle of poverty. Other unplanned pregnancies lead to abortions. Can you fit that on a cupcake? It would be so fucking great if telling people not to have sex actually worked. Have you ever met a teenager? My sisters and I are great examples of abstinence-only sex education from Miami's finest Catholic high school. So I know of what I speak.

Now where's my fucking cupcake bitches?!

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